Ever have this experience? It's summertime. You've just turned out the lights, put your head on the pillow & just as you're dozing off into a blissful sleep, you hear it. Bzzz, bzzzz...you swat...bzzz...bzzz..You get out of bed, turn the light on, and search desperately to get rid of the nuisance you believe to be a fly or mosquito. It's quiet..you can't find it. No more buzzing. So you go back to bed.
That's what happened to me last night while on stage in Chicago, IL. It wasn't a mosquito, but nonetheless, I just wanted to swat the guy, lol... Congress Theater, Chicago, IL...thousands of people, all who came to see a great freestyle concert. I'm offstage, waiting to go on. Enter the mosquito. I'll call him Mosquo since he never gave me his name.
Mosquo: "She's known as the Queen of Freestyle...the queen of Freestyle..."
One minute passes...
"Judytorres.com...give it up..say, Judy (Judy, crowd echoes), Judy., etc."
2 minutes pass.
I actually sat down on a chair. My God, when is this man gonna let me on stage. Screw it, I thought, and just walked on.
Now I'm singing my first song, No Reason to Cry, and I can see something jumping beside me out of the corner of my eye. It's the mosquito. I ignore him and assume he'll eventually tire and walk off. But he didn't.
As I'm trying to talk, Mosquo is pumping his arms up and down like a cheerleader on crack. Telling people, "give it up, people, that's Judy f**ng Torres!" Damn, take it easy, papi, I think to myself.
Second song...he's gone. I look around. Nothing. Good, I think, now I can relax and enjoy.
Third song...nope, Mosquo's back! Because the theater is so old, I guess the stage has not been maintained. It was an accident waiting to happen. I look down. Holes everywhere, uneven floor and right in the middle a wooden plank there. When I stepped on it. The floor spoke to me. "Giiirrrrlll, I'm only here because there used to be a hole here...I'm just covering for it." That was it. I had enough. I gave my road manager the code for "help"...lol. He took my slippers out for me.
I explained to the audience that I just did't feel safe and asked if they would they permit me to take off my heels. We were having fun. I showed the crowd my $1 slippers and everyone laughed. But then Mosquo came back. "Yo, Yo! You just witnessed Judy Torres just put on her chancletas (slippers)!" I'm sorry, did I become Cinderella? OH...MY..GOD...I'm going to kill this guy. I finally turn to him. "Okay - okay - thank you. Please let me do my show." He kept talking back to me. I yell back in jest: "It's MY show!!!" The audience cheered for me. Even THEY were aggravated. He debated with me. "Yo, ma, I'm just helping you out." Note: I hate being called "ma" unless I'm your momma, which I'm not, or I'm your girlfriend of a year or more.
He starts talking to the crowd as if it was his show, and I stood there with my arms crossed. Finally I said, "Dude I'm trying to do this thing called a show. I have one song left, please stop." He continued to talk. That's when the crowd noticed he was a mosquito and began to chant, "Judy, Judy." I turn to my manager, and mouth the words, "Get him OFF the stage NOW!" My road manager sort of had his hands tied. Why? Our little mosquito was one of the promoters, you know, the person who was responsible for bringing me there in the first place. This is a very delicate situation. If I yell at him, justified or not, I look like a bitch. He may never bring me back again...so how I approach it is very risky.
He finally left me alone and I completed my show. I thanked the crowd for their prayers for my brother, and as I walked away the mosquito said, "Judy - you have to back on stage and tell people to stop throwing up gang signs." Huh?! Oh, I don't think so! I apologized, "I'm sorry, I give no attention to ANY gang affiliation." He said, "You have to." You may think me wrong but I firmly believe that if I even mention anything of the sort, it only gives life to what we are trying to avoid in the first place. I walked away before I said something inappropriae. He had the nerve to be mad at me!!
Next time, I bring the fly swatter!!