Woke up deciding that it was going to be a great day. Yesterday was done...today is a new day to decide to be happy; to decide to have no drama; and to decide that I'm good enough to have this video release party no matter what my weight happens to be. I do admit, once in a while, I could hear in my head..."when they see the video, all they're going to see is your weight." But each time it buzzed into my head, I swatted the crap out of it! Dead-blood & guts all over the place!!
The entire day as about tying loose ends: Packing to stay over my friend's house, deciding which shoes to wear, washing the car, making a last minute stop at the mall, stopping at Pearl Lounge to be sure the tv moinitors were set up, the dvd's were working & to ensure the temperature was good. It was a bit warm, but a staff member had just opened the place & promised that by the evening the place would be an ice box. For the first time I ate at Chipotle...yum, lol. It was 4:50pm by the time I was driving to my friend's house. Wait. What am I going to say tonight? Okay-I had to write a small speech. By the time I arrived to David Miskin's house and wrote the speech, it was time to dress. I took a shower, changed, hair, make-up, nerves kicking in. I was shaking inside a little bit, but I LOVED my dress! LOL. It was a deep -jeweled, teal colored Calvin Klein dress. I love it because although it's simple, it flatters. I have NEVER bought myself a designer dress, lol...I know you don't believe me, but it's true.
It was 7:48pm when we jumped in a cab to the city. On our way over, I asked David, "Do you think we'll have a full house? Do you think people from the industry will really come? Do you think my mom will like the video? Do you think people will react to the video when we show it?" Of course he responded with a yes on all counts. And that's when I realized...shoot, I'm nervous. We arrived almost at 8:30pm, and immediately the music director of KTU, Bartel was outside, along with Cary Vance from Promo Only and John Parker of Parker Recordings - three very instrumental people in the music industry. I looked to my right and my younger sister was there. I was elated. Wait. Then my manager was walking in behind me. I knew in a second I wasn't upset with him anymore. Hm, I thought, I look good, and don't even try to change my mind about it! LOL.
It was a FULL house. The music was going! the place was packed with people buzzing, laughing, chatting, drinking and eating. It was also very, very HOT! Oh, my God, did we melt the ice caps of the north pole? It was almost like stepping onto the surface of the sun. But there was not much we could do. We were told the air conditioning was turned up to the maximum. I looked around, and immediately I had to work the room and thank every single person for coming...My friends, the production crew & their friends, people from the industry - it was a great turn out! Even Kayel, Los and Thirteen from TKA/K7 & Swing Kids and CNR from Trilogy showed up. They made me feel incredibly special by being there. The only thing I felt bad about was that I was unable to sit and speak with anyone for more than 20 seconds. No one really had quality time with me. We were going to begin screening around 9:15pm or so, but it was SO hot, I didn't think people would be patient enough.
So at 9:00 Luis Loca, the coordinator of the evening, introduced me. The crowd cheered and I thanked everyone! You should know that most of the time, one's record label would finance your video, but that's only if they are sure it's a HIT or if it is in the budget...lol..you guessed it. Nope, not in the budget. That wasn't my story, so we all decided to work on it on our own, and my manager wanted it done. So I explained that it was done with an incredibly small budget and financed by someone who didn't even really know me well, but believed in me wholeheartedly: the producer, Terence Osborne. I also explained, and you should know this too, that the majority of our production crew was made up of college students. You HAVE to allow younger people with no experience the opportunity to gain experience!! As a matter of fact, the director of photography, Erik Spink was only 20 years old..and he did a magnificent job!
"...And so...without further adieu, here it is: the video of Stay. Roll it." We first showed the behind the scenes documentary and it was SO MUCH FUN! The production crew had their friends there and it was wonderful hearing each and every person receive applause and acknowledgement for their work. After that, we showed the video...and
MY HEART WAS POUNDING IN MY THROAT!!!
Would people like it? Would my manager be right that all people would notice is my weight gain? What about the bedroom scene..would people take me seriously or would they tell me I had no business being in bed with anyone on camera? Would they appreciate my acting? We only had 2 vases for the take where I break the vase in a fit of anger, and have a breakdown on screen...could I cry on cue? All these questions were stabbing my stomach. And for each section of the video, I heard people clapping, laughing, oohing and aahing...and I knew it was a good thing. Whew...it was done & I could breathe again. I gave out crystal awards to Erik Spink, director of photography; Terence Osborne, producer; Gio Alonso, stylist, Javier Rosa, make-up & hair and David Miskin, director. And of course, when I gave David's award I cried. And, David offered me not a tissue but an entire roll of paper towels. (It's an ongoing private joke that I cry so much sometimes I need the whole roll.) David, from day one, has believed that I'm a star, like a serious future grammy award-winning, broadway starring star! He has been a life line to me. Whenever I've wanted to give up on myself, he wouldn't let me! It was his idea to do this video and without his determination that we would do it, and do it right, I wouldn't be writing about it now. I'm really proud of our work, and I'm really happy that with almost nothing, we created something...and it is magical...and it was God looking out for all of us.
I ended the evening dancing, talking, sweating and smiling feeling accomplished. Oh, yea by the way, I did drink - but I did NOT get drunk...I watched people get drunk for me...it was way more fun. The music industry looks at how many views you have on youtube, how many friends you have on facebook and how many followers you have on Twitter...when you watch the video - should you find that you like it, as a personal favor to me, please post it on your pages...maybe this artist veteran of 24 years on an independent recording label could finally make it major and "STAY" in this great business of music that I SO love!!
Showing posts with label Cary Vance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cary Vance. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Promo Only in Atlantic City- Part 3 of 3
Tuesday, August 17, 2010 Evening:
It was time to get ready. I felt the tears creeping up, but I just couldn't think about that. Oh, yea, and I was still worried about my car too. But there was an important show to be done at House of Blues. I'd be ont he same bill with Mike Posner, Kelly Rowland, Kaci Battaglia, Salt N Pepa and many more!
I outdid myself as best as I could. I took my time applying my makeup, doing my hair, putting on whatever I needed to suck it in, pull it up and stick it all out, lol. Almost two hours later, I looked in the mirror. I felt good. I looked good - and the stranger (woman) in the elevator told me so, LOL. I stepped out of the elevator and was escorted by my road manager to the VIP entrance. There were cameras set up, kraft service. I went to my dressing room that I was sharing with Chris Willis and Kaci. I watched Kaci and her four dancers...just incredible looking girls with GREAT figures. Ugh. And just like that, in one instant, I felt like the ugly duckling. For every negative and insecure thought I had, I reminded myself that I am Judy Torres. The Puerto-Rican Cuban Wonder Woman who's been in this game for almost a quarter of a century! It was hard. I won't lie. I was having an ugly moment. I'm sure we all have that moment when we just feel ugly, less than...whatever. I saw Joey Fattone of Nsync. He said hello to me! He is a cool guy - REALLY!
So I'm backstage now with butterflies in my stomach. Saw Joey Fattone, Blake Lewis, Chris Willis Travie McCoy - all of them backstage. These industry gatherings, although a lot of fun, can be stressful for me. An audience full of industry peers are quite different than the audience full of true fans. They can be...well, quiet. I was scared. I watched at least 3 other acts before me - all half-naked, doing splits; just very beautiful looking people. The Insecurity Monster was laughing at me. Who do you think you are, Judy? I had a flashback of the day my manager addressed my weight. His voice, commenting on my weight echoed in my brain: "What are we going to do...finger circling around me...about this?" I was worried about my voice, but I just felt blah about myself. I wanted to do good but I secretly wondered what they were REALLY thinking about me. Just before I went on stage, my manager walked up to me.
"You okay?"
"Yeah!"
"Sure?"
"Yep."
How do I tell my manager I'm feeling insecure. I watched my manager talking with Kaci, and I admit, um, how do I say it...okay okay! I admit I was a little jealous of the attention she was getting. I felt like the "has-been" compared to her. She's 24 years old, and I wished I had a manager like the one I have now when I was 24, lol. But I know God don't like ugly, so I keep my jealousy in check, and realize it's just that I'm scared of the future of my own career. Wait. That's it! I'm scared of what the hell is going to happen to me...I'm wondering if it's ending right in front of my eyes, and I'm not even noticing it. It's like sand. I'm trying to grab it, but grain by grain it slips from my fingers and the tighter I hold on, the more sand falls. So yes. That is is. I have found the words. I am afraid of my career ending. My manager interrupts my epiphany.
"Judy just go out there and have fun. Just have fun." That was weird - he never said that to me before.
Bartel of WKTU introduced me. It was a perfect introduction. "...I have the privilege of knowing her and working with her at KTU...Judy Torres!" I walked out & did my best to have fun. It was like every half second I almost had a moment of doubt. I was fighting myself. I couldn't really hear my music at all. Damn. But I sang my heart out. When I introduced my new single, Stay, I told the story of why I recorded it and I told the industry that I hope they'll give the song a chance. And that is when I let go of my fear. I think it went over well. I ended with Faithfully, and the crowd was with me...finally. As I was exiting the stage, Cary Vance from Promo Only announced that I am the first recipient of the Legends Award...they were recognizing me for mycontributions to the music industry for the past 25 years. It was a Freestyle Legend Award. I was so surprised...and so scared. I was ECSTATIC to receive the award among my music industry peers! But I can't explain it, I was scared. It is the beginning of the end?
As I walked off, everyone congratulated me, and my manager gave me a look, and I knew instantly he knew about it before it was even handed to me. I did some press, took hundreds of pictures! Joey Fattone congratulated me, one of the singers from Boyz to Men congratulated me too. About two hours later, the chaos was finally over, and I had an apple martini. I dont drink often and when I do, I have one or two drinks...that's it. It was a good apple martini...so I had another. A few minutes later, I was offered a shot of Tequila. I accepted..but the shot was more like 2! LOL. Few minutes later, everything was just funny. I put on my chancletas (slippers) and laughed my butt off! I had to go to the bathroom. I looked at that entrance door that was about 20 feet away from me. And I questioned myself. Can I make it in a straight line? Will I actually make it to the bathroom? I walked, I mean stumbled a bit over to the bathroom, walked in the stall, closed the door and laughed so hard! Yes! I was officially D-R-U-N-K! Not my prettiest hour, I assure you, but I was protected by my road manager who wasn't drinking at all and it was the end of the night anyway - everyone had left. It was only the third time in my life I'd been drunk. I KNOW you don't believe me, but true...until this evening, I'd only been drunk twice in my life; once on purpose and the other by accident. I've never been drunk to the point where I hugged the toilet bowl declaring I'd never drink again. For me, this is where it got a bit scary: I don't remember how I got to my room!! But I do remember laughing in my bed and I looked over and saw there was no one next to me, and I laughed some more...when sober, I usually cry at that moment. But who is this strange woman laughing? Oh, yea, that's right...it's me.
The morning after:
"BAM, BAM, BAM!!" What the hell is that? "BAM, BAM, BAM!!" Oh, yes, it was my head!!
I woke up at 9am...had gone to bed about 4am. The headache woke up me up...It yelled, "Get up!!! NOW!" Ooh, that hurt. I went to the bathroom. Raccoon eyes. Hair stuck to one side of my head. One earring on...no wonder I'm still single! I wouldn't marry that vision either, lol. But wait...there's more. I'm gonna tell you because it's a blog..and I am sworn to the truth here...please don't think any less of me, lol...where was my top? Where are my shoes? I looked all around to find them, suddenly scared. Did I DO something that I should not have done? Oh, my God!! I had heard tales before, but I never believed them until this very moment. It's true. For the life of me, I don't remember taking my clothes off...AAAHHH!! George Carlin, the late and great comedian, has a whole skit about an imaginary place where things go when you lose them...I wondered for a second if such a place existed because I CAN'T FIND MY TOP!! I began throwing things everywhere...did I do a strip tease for myself? Where is my Top!! Oh, come on now! I admitted defeat, and decided a shower would help me wake up to find it. I swished the shower curtain open..and there it was: my shoes and top...on the bathtub floor. Whew! That was close! And thus, my friends, I shall NEVER drink like that again!!
One could argue that I was stressed...I had a car accident the night before, then my beloved kitten died, and I was questioning myself and the future of my career. One could argue that I was in a state of mild panic, sadness and needed comfort. Anyone could get drunk right? Well, not Judy Torres...I simply am very responsible. In fact, my freestyle artist friends all make fun of me that I'm the prude of the group. but I did it...I got drunk. And you now know the truth about me:
Sometimes
I am insecure
Sometimes
I am scared and here's the deep part:
I
Am
SO
HUMAN!
I live in an industry that helps people fantasize. For a while, as an artist your job is take the stress away from people, to help them believe in dreams, in the perfection of beauty. In this industry, perfection is expected. While you are on stage, you are not allowed to be sick; you are unable to bring your problems to the stage; you have to leave your worries behind...and I LOVE doing that for the people because it makes me feel good to know I help others feel good. But sometimes, well this night, I could not keep up. I tripped on my own fear, stumbled over a car accident, slipped on missing my little kitten and fell on a big pile of insecurity poop. But a person's character is not defined by how many times one falls, it is defined by how many times they get up. I'm up...I'm standing...I am still here!!
It was time to get ready. I felt the tears creeping up, but I just couldn't think about that. Oh, yea, and I was still worried about my car too. But there was an important show to be done at House of Blues. I'd be ont he same bill with Mike Posner, Kelly Rowland, Kaci Battaglia, Salt N Pepa and many more!
I outdid myself as best as I could. I took my time applying my makeup, doing my hair, putting on whatever I needed to suck it in, pull it up and stick it all out, lol. Almost two hours later, I looked in the mirror. I felt good. I looked good - and the stranger (woman) in the elevator told me so, LOL. I stepped out of the elevator and was escorted by my road manager to the VIP entrance. There were cameras set up, kraft service. I went to my dressing room that I was sharing with Chris Willis and Kaci. I watched Kaci and her four dancers...just incredible looking girls with GREAT figures. Ugh. And just like that, in one instant, I felt like the ugly duckling. For every negative and insecure thought I had, I reminded myself that I am Judy Torres. The Puerto-Rican Cuban Wonder Woman who's been in this game for almost a quarter of a century! It was hard. I won't lie. I was having an ugly moment. I'm sure we all have that moment when we just feel ugly, less than...whatever. I saw Joey Fattone of Nsync. He said hello to me! He is a cool guy - REALLY!
So I'm backstage now with butterflies in my stomach. Saw Joey Fattone, Blake Lewis, Chris Willis Travie McCoy - all of them backstage. These industry gatherings, although a lot of fun, can be stressful for me. An audience full of industry peers are quite different than the audience full of true fans. They can be...well, quiet. I was scared. I watched at least 3 other acts before me - all half-naked, doing splits; just very beautiful looking people. The Insecurity Monster was laughing at me. Who do you think you are, Judy? I had a flashback of the day my manager addressed my weight. His voice, commenting on my weight echoed in my brain: "What are we going to do...finger circling around me...about this?" I was worried about my voice, but I just felt blah about myself. I wanted to do good but I secretly wondered what they were REALLY thinking about me. Just before I went on stage, my manager walked up to me.
"You okay?"
"Yeah!"
"Sure?"
"Yep."
How do I tell my manager I'm feeling insecure. I watched my manager talking with Kaci, and I admit, um, how do I say it...okay okay! I admit I was a little jealous of the attention she was getting. I felt like the "has-been" compared to her. She's 24 years old, and I wished I had a manager like the one I have now when I was 24, lol. But I know God don't like ugly, so I keep my jealousy in check, and realize it's just that I'm scared of the future of my own career. Wait. That's it! I'm scared of what the hell is going to happen to me...I'm wondering if it's ending right in front of my eyes, and I'm not even noticing it. It's like sand. I'm trying to grab it, but grain by grain it slips from my fingers and the tighter I hold on, the more sand falls. So yes. That is is. I have found the words. I am afraid of my career ending. My manager interrupts my epiphany.
"Judy just go out there and have fun. Just have fun." That was weird - he never said that to me before.
Bartel of WKTU introduced me. It was a perfect introduction. "...I have the privilege of knowing her and working with her at KTU...Judy Torres!" I walked out & did my best to have fun. It was like every half second I almost had a moment of doubt. I was fighting myself. I couldn't really hear my music at all. Damn. But I sang my heart out. When I introduced my new single, Stay, I told the story of why I recorded it and I told the industry that I hope they'll give the song a chance. And that is when I let go of my fear. I think it went over well. I ended with Faithfully, and the crowd was with me...finally. As I was exiting the stage, Cary Vance from Promo Only announced that I am the first recipient of the Legends Award...they were recognizing me for mycontributions to the music industry for the past 25 years. It was a Freestyle Legend Award. I was so surprised...and so scared. I was ECSTATIC to receive the award among my music industry peers! But I can't explain it, I was scared. It is the beginning of the end?
As I walked off, everyone congratulated me, and my manager gave me a look, and I knew instantly he knew about it before it was even handed to me. I did some press, took hundreds of pictures! Joey Fattone congratulated me, one of the singers from Boyz to Men congratulated me too. About two hours later, the chaos was finally over, and I had an apple martini. I dont drink often and when I do, I have one or two drinks...that's it. It was a good apple martini...so I had another. A few minutes later, I was offered a shot of Tequila. I accepted..but the shot was more like 2! LOL. Few minutes later, everything was just funny. I put on my chancletas (slippers) and laughed my butt off! I had to go to the bathroom. I looked at that entrance door that was about 20 feet away from me. And I questioned myself. Can I make it in a straight line? Will I actually make it to the bathroom? I walked, I mean stumbled a bit over to the bathroom, walked in the stall, closed the door and laughed so hard! Yes! I was officially D-R-U-N-K! Not my prettiest hour, I assure you, but I was protected by my road manager who wasn't drinking at all and it was the end of the night anyway - everyone had left. It was only the third time in my life I'd been drunk. I KNOW you don't believe me, but true...until this evening, I'd only been drunk twice in my life; once on purpose and the other by accident. I've never been drunk to the point where I hugged the toilet bowl declaring I'd never drink again. For me, this is where it got a bit scary: I don't remember how I got to my room!! But I do remember laughing in my bed and I looked over and saw there was no one next to me, and I laughed some more...when sober, I usually cry at that moment. But who is this strange woman laughing? Oh, yea, that's right...it's me.
The morning after:
"BAM, BAM, BAM!!" What the hell is that? "BAM, BAM, BAM!!" Oh, yes, it was my head!!
I woke up at 9am...had gone to bed about 4am. The headache woke up me up...It yelled, "Get up!!! NOW!" Ooh, that hurt. I went to the bathroom. Raccoon eyes. Hair stuck to one side of my head. One earring on...no wonder I'm still single! I wouldn't marry that vision either, lol. But wait...there's more. I'm gonna tell you because it's a blog..and I am sworn to the truth here...please don't think any less of me, lol...where was my top? Where are my shoes? I looked all around to find them, suddenly scared. Did I DO something that I should not have done? Oh, my God!! I had heard tales before, but I never believed them until this very moment. It's true. For the life of me, I don't remember taking my clothes off...AAAHHH!! George Carlin, the late and great comedian, has a whole skit about an imaginary place where things go when you lose them...I wondered for a second if such a place existed because I CAN'T FIND MY TOP!! I began throwing things everywhere...did I do a strip tease for myself? Where is my Top!! Oh, come on now! I admitted defeat, and decided a shower would help me wake up to find it. I swished the shower curtain open..and there it was: my shoes and top...on the bathtub floor. Whew! That was close! And thus, my friends, I shall NEVER drink like that again!!
One could argue that I was stressed...I had a car accident the night before, then my beloved kitten died, and I was questioning myself and the future of my career. One could argue that I was in a state of mild panic, sadness and needed comfort. Anyone could get drunk right? Well, not Judy Torres...I simply am very responsible. In fact, my freestyle artist friends all make fun of me that I'm the prude of the group. but I did it...I got drunk. And you now know the truth about me:
Sometimes
I am insecure
Sometimes
I am scared and here's the deep part:
I
Am
SO
HUMAN!
I live in an industry that helps people fantasize. For a while, as an artist your job is take the stress away from people, to help them believe in dreams, in the perfection of beauty. In this industry, perfection is expected. While you are on stage, you are not allowed to be sick; you are unable to bring your problems to the stage; you have to leave your worries behind...and I LOVE doing that for the people because it makes me feel good to know I help others feel good. But sometimes, well this night, I could not keep up. I tripped on my own fear, stumbled over a car accident, slipped on missing my little kitten and fell on a big pile of insecurity poop. But a person's character is not defined by how many times one falls, it is defined by how many times they get up. I'm up...I'm standing...I am still here!!
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