I woke up to find I was sicker than I'd been for the last two weeks. I recently found out I have polyps in my sinuses, and they need to be removed. Until then, I will have recurring sinus infections. With my head foggy, and my skin on fire, I fought to get up. I really dreaded the thought of having to go downstairs, walk into the cold and dig my car out from the 8or so inches of snow.
Although I was bundled up with gloves, hat, hood, scarves. Yes, I must be very sick, becausue none of them match. God! Thank God I'm not Lady Gaga or Jennifer Lopez; otherwise the papparazzi would have a field day.Tomorrow's Headlines would read, "Judy finally gives us a reason to cry!" Anyway, with shovel in hand I began to dig for my treasure of a car. So many men pass by...they see me chopping ice. I wish one would ask if I need help. Wishful thinking indeed - chivalry is almost dead, at least on my block, lol.
An hour and fifteen minutes later, I walk away from my car glistening from the fresh snow removed. I look back with pride. But as I get to my home, I can barely walk because my chest hurts, my head is foggy, and my eyesight sees dimly from the sun looking at them for so long. It is then I go to the bathroom and take my temperature. Yep - fever 99.3. I called the pharmacy and asked if they deliver. They do, but they only accept cash. My wallet laughs at me..."Ha, ha $7.60..." That feeling returned again - the one I always try to push down, but somehow when I dug out the car I dug up the feeling: "I wish I had someone."
Then I begin playing the IF GAME in my mind: If I had a boyfriend, he could've helped me remove the snow from my car. If I had a boyfriend, I could ask him to do me a favor and pick up my prescription. Okay, let me stop. So I put my coat back on with my non matching outerwear accessories, and begin walking. Block 1: If I had a boyfriend, maybe he would make me soup. Block 2: If I had a boyfriend, maybe he'd demand I go lie down. Block 3:If I had a...Aw, NO!!! I walked three blocks, and I forgot my stupid wallet!!! Damn...you, see? If I had a boyfriend, etc. My friends don't even live close by for me to ask them. In all honesty, sometimes I just get tired of doing it all on my own. Maybe it's a blessing and I don't even know it. But for now...these small situations just remind me of what I push down...the occassional but profound sense of wanting someone by my side.