SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, HERE IS STAY, THE VIDEO!!!

Woke up deciding that it was going to be a great day. Yesterday was done...today is a new day to decide to be happy; to decide to have no drama; and to decide that I'm good enough to have this video release party no matter what my weight happens to be.  I do admit, once in a while, I could hear in my head..."when they see the video, all they're going to see is your weight."  But each time it buzzed into my head, I swatted the crap out of it! Dead-blood & guts all over the place!!

The entire day as about tying loose ends:  Packing to stay over my friend's house, deciding which shoes to wear, washing the car, making a last minute stop at the mall, stopping at Pearl Lounge to be sure the tv moinitors were set up, the dvd's were working & to ensure the temperature was good. It was a bit warm, but a staff member had just opened the place & promised that by the evening the place would be an ice box.  For the first time I ate at Chipotle...yum, lol. It was 4:50pm by the time I was driving to my friend's house.  Wait. What am I going to say tonight?  Okay-I had to write a small speech.  By the time I arrived to David Miskin's house and wrote the speech, it was time to dress. I took a shower, changed, hair, make-up, nerves kicking in. I was shaking inside a little bit, but I LOVED my dress! LOL. It was a deep -jeweled, teal colored Calvin Klein dress. I love it because although it's simple, it flatters.  I have NEVER bought myself a designer dress, lol...I know you don't believe me, but it's true.

It was 7:48pm when we jumped in a cab to the city. On our way over, I asked David, "Do you think we'll have a full house? Do you think people from the industry will really come? Do you think my mom will like the video?  Do you think people will react to the video when we show it?" Of course he responded with a yes on all counts.  And that's when I realized...shoot, I'm nervous.  We arrived almost at 8:30pm, and immediately the music director of KTU, Bartel was outside, along with Cary Vance from Promo Only and John Parker of Parker Recordings - three very instrumental people in the music industry. I looked to my right and my younger sister was there.  I was elated. Wait. Then my manager was walking in behind me.  I knew in a second I wasn't upset with him anymore. Hm, I thought, I look good, and don't even try to change my mind about it! LOL.

It was a FULL house. The music was going! the place was packed with people buzzing, laughing, chatting, drinking and eating.  It was also very, very HOT! Oh, my God, did we melt the ice caps of the north pole?  It was almost like stepping onto the surface of the sun. But there was not much we could do. We were told the air conditioning was turned up to the maximum.  I looked around, and immediately I had to work the room and thank every single person for coming...My friends, the production crew & their friends, people from the industry - it was a great turn out!  Even Kayel, Los and Thirteen from TKA/K7 & Swing Kids  and CNR from Trilogy showed up.  They made me feel incredibly special by being there.  The only thing I felt bad about was that I was unable to sit and speak with anyone for more than 20 seconds.  No one really had quality time with me.  We were going to begin screening around 9:15pm or so, but it was SO hot, I didn't think people would be patient enough.

So at 9:00 Luis Loca, the coordinator of the evening, introduced me.  The crowd cheered and I thanked everyone!  You should know that most of the time, one's record label would finance your video, but that's only if they are sure it's a HIT or if it is in the budget...lol..you guessed it. Nope, not in the budget.  That wasn't my story, so we all decided to work on it on our own, and my manager wanted it done.  So I explained that it was done with an incredibly small budget and financed by someone who didn't even really know me well, but believed in me wholeheartedly:  the producer, Terence Osborne.  I also explained, and you should know this too, that the majority of our production crew was made up of college students. You HAVE to allow younger people with no experience the opportunity to gain experience!! As a matter of fact, the director of photography, Erik Spink was only 20 years old..and he did a magnificent job!

"...And so...without further adieu, here it is: the video of Stay.  Roll it." We first showed the behind the scenes documentary and it was SO MUCH FUN!  The production crew had their friends there and it was wonderful hearing each and every person receive applause and acknowledgement for their work.  After that, we showed the video...and
MY HEART WAS POUNDING IN MY THROAT!!!
Would people like it?  Would my manager be right that all people would notice is my weight gain?  What about the bedroom scene..would people take me seriously or would they tell me I had no business being in bed with anyone on camera?  Would they appreciate my acting?  We only had 2 vases for the take where I break the vase in a fit of anger, and have a breakdown on screen...could I cry on cue?  All these questions were stabbing my stomach.  And for each section of the video, I heard people clapping, laughing, oohing and aahing...and I knew it was a good thing.  Whew...it was done & I could breathe again.  I gave out crystal awards to Erik Spink, director of photography; Terence Osborne, producer; Gio Alonso, stylist, Javier Rosa, make-up & hair and David Miskin, director. And of course, when I gave David's award I cried.  And, David offered me not a tissue but an entire roll of paper towels. (It's an ongoing private joke that I cry so much sometimes I need the whole roll.)  David, from day one, has believed that I'm a star, like a serious future grammy award-winning, broadway starring star! He has been a life line to me. Whenever I've wanted to give up on myself, he wouldn't let me!  It was his idea to do this video and without his determination that we would do it, and do it right, I wouldn't be writing about it now. I'm really proud of our work, and I'm really happy that with almost nothing, we created something...and it is magical...and it was God looking out for all of us.

I ended the evening dancing, talking, sweating and smiling feeling accomplished.  Oh, yea by the way, I did drink - but I did NOT get drunk...I watched people get drunk for me...it was way more fun.  The music industry looks at how many views you have on youtube, how many friends you have on facebook and how many followers you have on Twitter...when you watch the video - should you find that you like it, as a personal favor to me, please post it on your pages...maybe this artist veteran of 24 years on an independent recording label could finally make it major and "STAY" in this great business of music that I SO love!!

Ahoy, Beatstock! Bye, Bye, Navy Guy! (Part 2 of 2)

August 7, 2010 - KTU's BEATSTOCK at PNC Bank Arts Center, NJ

Woke up and instantly began running around. There was a lot to do, a lot to prepare for and as soon as I began running around the phone began ringing off the hook.  I was grateful that I had already decided on what I would be wearing...that saved at least an hour off the clock!  Navy Guy showed up and was excited, but could see how busy I was, and he was understandably patient and stayed "out of the way" during the frenzy.  I was told I would only get a town car, so I had prepared him with the information. But at 3pm, a HUGE limousine showed up...I could've fit most of my family in it, and his eyes lit up.  We went downstairs, when I realized I'd forgotten something and had to go bak upstairs.  When I came down, Navy Guy had already taken several photos of the limo. LOL...it reminded me how special it is to get a limo pick me up...I am a very lucky and blessed girl, and I appreciate it all...never take it for granted.

He asked me, "Here." he handed me his camera, "take a picture."  So I did...The driver, realizing what was happening, said, "Give me the camera, I'll take a picture of both of you."  Navy Guy declined. Huh? In my attempt to not act like "a girl", and be clingy,I didn't complain, but I thought it was odd. What's wrong with taking a picture of me?  On the ride over, at first, we barely spoke...hm. Not the picture I had in my mind.  We did eventually warm up.  Before you know it, we arrived at PNC.  I introduced him to a few people, and Navy Guy was cool with everyone.  He asked me if I needed water, and he really balanced well between keeping me company and giving me space to do what I needed to do.  It was time to change.  But wait...oh, my God!  It's Charice!  The girl who was on Oprah, who was signed by David Foster!!!! I begged and I got a picture with her!  So cool!  What a HUGE voice coming out of her tiny and petite little body!  It was an awesome moment!

I was beginning to feel nervous...it happens every year. But I was excited. I wore a pink lace corset with black leggings, a black lace cover and the boots that I almost didn't have to pay for, lol..(I wrote about it in a previous blog, What Would You Do?).  I have to admit, I felt pretty great about what I was wearing. Yes, Iit was brave for a girl of my size, but it made me feel sexy.  I came out of the dressing room and people around me began to compliment me.  Good, whew, I look okay.  I was asked to take photos for Versace, one of the sponsors for Beatstock...it was fun. I even took some photos with Chris Willis, who I LOVE!!   

Time to go on stage.  I was waiting...I was to go on after Kim English.  It was a gorgeous day; a perfect day for the concert.  I heard my name.  "And now...Judy Torres." A heard a rush of the people...it was a mixture of applause and believe it or not, it felt like JOY!  I was honored, I was taken ababck with shock...I didn't expect such a great response. And I thought to myself, you better do good...but it was wonderful. It is so unbelieveably overwhelming to be able to sing and feel every moment, hit every high note...and hear people resond!! Oh, what a moment!!  There were so many celebrities, and all I secretly thought was, "People won't even remember I was here...once they see Enrique, Pitbull...there's no way they even care that I'm here."  But I have to say, upon hearing the applause and response, I felt in for the short amount of time I was onstage, they cared.       
     
I walked off, and was given high fives, asked to take pictures and was bombarded with requests...that always feels good I won't lie to you.  It is very validating as a human being, to have people react  to you in such a way is a compliment.  I walked over to Navy Guy, and he said, "When you went on a lot of seats thqt had been empty filled up..."  That was it. Was that a compliment?  I think so., sort of, kind of.  I should be grateful, but I wanted to hear, "Good job, baby!"  Then it hit me...that's what the Lobster would've probably said! It's not good to compare.  Comparisons aside, Judy herself would've liked to receive a compliment from a guy she's interested in.

The ride back home was QUIET. Navy Guy was on the phone, texting. His hand was just sitting there, and I reached out for it.  He pulled it away to text..but never replaced it back to my hand.  Whatever.  I had given him a t-shirt with my name & Stay on it, along with my business card as a joke...He had some other memorabilia he'd collected from Beatstock that day.  We had kown he was leaving to head back to the port inthe morning because he had duty on Monday morning, britght and early. I had asked him what he would tell people when he posted the pics of the limo, etc. onto the internet, and he said, "I'll tell them I went to Beatstock." No mention of me.  He said goodnight and kissed me lightly, thanked me & was gone. He said, "I'll be visiting family in a couple of weeks, and I'll pass by to visit, ok?"  I sat back in the limo, looked down and there it was.  He'd taken his photos, his souveneirs, but he'd left things behind - the tshirt that bore my name and my business card. It was as if, he'd purposely left behind any "evidence" that he was with me at all.  No pictures and nothing with my name. I can gesture that it was a mistake; that he simply forgot it..but those items were on top of all the other ones.  It was psychologically sending me a LOUD message.  And you know what? Although I was sadly disappointed, I have to confess, I had reached a point where it didn't even matter to me.  That was it.  We had said goodbye to one another without actually saying it.