The Nose Knows

May 4th, 9:30 am. Enter - Anesthesiologist. 
"Helo, Judy!  I'm Dr....I'll be putting you under this morning."
"Oh, so you're the important one huh?" I respond.
"Yep, that's me.- So how was your weekend?"

Next thing I know...
"Ms. Torres, I'm the nurse."

And that was it.  A whole hour of my life lost - I had finally had the sinus surgery done.  I had put it off for a small time.  Recurring sinus infections had become too mainstream in my life, and its presence was NOT appreciated.  As a singer, experiencing constant post nasal drip was not a good thing.  After a false alarm when my primary doctor thought I had polyps in my sinuses, I finally went to see a specialist.  The ENT, Dr. Jeffrey LeBenger, told me that once he did the surgery, cleared the clogged passages and straightened out the deviated septum, I would not only breathe better but no longer expererience the infections as much.

I stood up, and my friend, Brenda, assisted me.  My only anxiety about having the surgery done was simple:  How much pain would I be in?  PLENTY!  I can simply describe it as getting hit by a truck doing 90 mph, getting up and getting decked right on by a gorilla.  As a result the nose lands flat in back of the skull and just when I"m seeing birds dancing around my brain, the ENT came along and sucked my nose back into place with a big vacuum cleaner. 

My friend took care of me at her house for 4 days.  She said, "I'll drop you off at my house and pick up your prescription.  I may have been stunned into agony but I was well enough to communicate. And may we just take a moment of silence to honor those who invented these pain meds...I know people abuse them, but for those of us who are in that kind of pain, these medications keep us from jumping off a roof.

"Um, Brenda?...can we just go get the drugs?  NOW??"  And she was a GREAT nurse to me the entrire time.  If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have known what to expect and would have been far more scared with all the sensations I felt.  What did I have to deal with?  Drainage, blood, pain., the inability to breathe through my nose...sleeping on my back which I've never been able to do, pain in the throat, nose, head, teeth...I didn't know the nose could throb that way.  I lost my sense of smell, my sense of taste...oh I missed that the most.

My whole life was literally put on hold recovering from this....no shows, I canceled meetings, songwriting sessions...I watched way too much tv.  But hey, sometimes you just have to submit and acknkowledge that healing is first priority.  So after Brenda's house, I went to see Mom, who helped me through the rest of it.  I'm still not out of the woods yet, but I can now smell again.  I miss my cats,Sedona and Frenchie...but I had to give them away as I have not been home enough and to be honest, I was secretly wondering if I was allergic to them too - another reason for the sinus infections?  Hm...don't know. 

The lessson here was to learn that without your health, you can't really live life to the fullest.  You sometimes have to submit to doing nothing...and it can be okay to do that.  Appreciate your senses...every single one of them...it is one of beauties of being a human being...to smell flowers, coffee brewing, the smell of garlic oin a pan with olive oil...to taste the soup or to be able to discern whether you're eating cheese or chicken...these are the simple joys of life.  And I love them all!!!  Once I am 100% I intend to smell the heck out of everything, write more songs, sing louder, walk more, dance more, laugh more and begin to take even better care of this wonderful machine the Good Lord Gave me called:  my body.!!!

Digging Out My Car; Digging Up the Feelings

I woke up to find I was sicker than I'd been for the last two weeks.  I recently found out I have polyps in my sinuses, and they need to be removed.  Until then, I will have recurring sinus infections.  With my head foggy, and my skin on fire, I fought to get up. I really dreaded the thought of having to go downstairs, walk into the cold and dig my car out from the 8or so inches of snow. 

Although I was bundled up with gloves, hat, hood, scarves. Yes, I must be very sick, becausue none of them match.  God!  Thank God I'm not Lady Gaga or Jennifer Lopez; otherwise the papparazzi would have a field day.Tomorrow's Headlines would read, "Judy finally gives us a reason to cry!"  Anyway, with shovel in hand I began to dig for my treasure of a car.  So many men pass by...they see me chopping ice.  I wish one would ask if I need help.  Wishful thinking indeed - chivalry is almost dead, at least on my block, lol. 

An hour and fifteen minutes later, I walk away from my car glistening from the fresh snow removed.  I look back with pride.  But as I get to my home, I can barely walk because my chest hurts, my head is foggy, and my eyesight sees dimly from the sun looking at them for so long.  It is then I go to the bathroom and take my temperature.  Yep - fever 99.3.  I called the pharmacy and asked if they deliver.  They do, but they only accept cash.  My wallet laughs at me..."Ha, ha $7.60..."  That feeling returned again - the one I always try to push down, but somehow when I dug out the car I dug up the feeling:  "I wish I had someone."

Then I begin playing the IF GAME in my mind:  If I had a boyfriend, he could've helped me remove the snow from my car.  If I had a boyfriend, I could ask him to do me a favor and pick up my prescription.  Okay, let me stop.  So I put my coat back on with my non matching outerwear accessories, and begin walking. Block 1:   If I had a boyfriend, maybe he would make me soup.  Block 2:  If I had a boyfriend, maybe he'd demand I go lie down.  Block 3:If I had a...Aw, NO!!!  I walked three blocks, and I forgot my stupid wallet!!!  Damn...you, see?  If I had a boyfriend, etc.  My friends don't even live close by for me to ask them.  In all honesty, sometimes I just get tired of doing it all on my own.  Maybe it's a blessing and I don't even know it.  But for now...these small situations just remind me of what I push down...the occassional but profound sense of wanting someone by my side.