25th Anniversary of Freestyle - Part 2 of 2!

I have to let you know that the entire night, I had an ANGEL by my side; and I felt it, I knew it, and I never felt more supported or blessed or honored in my life!!! That's all I can say about that, but I need my angel to know that I was aware of it the entire time and that I am truly grateful!!!

It was so GREAT to see everyone: Cynthia, Johnny O, Debbie Deb, George Lamond, Lissette Melendez, Soave, Noel, TKA/K7, Cover Girls, Brenda K. Starr, Sal Abbatiello (booking agent, manager of Cover Girls), Sa-Fire, Corina, Coro, Carlos Berrios(producer, songwriter, movie director),Tony Moran (Latin Rascals & producer for Gloria Estefan, Luther Vandross and Barbra Streisand), Big Al (promoter) and Company B. They hysterical thing was that as the ladies of Company B were walking downstairs to the stage, one of the children of the PS 22 Chorus asked, "Are you Lady Gaga?" LOL. The girls were like, "No, we wore white wigs WAY before her!!" That is SO right!! LOL.

As I watched the show backstage, I was impressed at my peers' performances: Cynthia looked BEAUTIFUL and she sounded amazing...she looked so happy to me! Johnny O was full of excitement! Suove sounded better than he did when he first entire the freestyle arena, Corina is just as beautiful as when she first began, Brenda K. Starr, although she did not perform, was so kind and warm to me, and to me she's just a true STAR! Coro, well, he never looks or sounds bad - what a survivor he is!! Sa-Fire is just a spitfire of energy and I love her dearly as well! Watching the show was like looking through old photo albums and saying, "Wow, look how much we've grown!" I'm very proud of all of our accomplishments, and if you knew the political, ugly side of this business, you would truly admire the freestyle soldiers who fight to sing for you!

The showstopper of the night had to be during Noel's performance. You may or maynot have heard, but allow me to share. I always called Noel the Puerto-Rican James Dean of the Freestyle world!!! He never catered to anyonee's demands, and he's always been his own man. He never cared about what people thought of him, and he literally dances to his own drum. I've always loved watching him perform and I can say that as the years go on, he just gest better and better!! So, while he was performing, the screens throughout the arena captioned that Noel had not seen his twin daughters in seven years because of unfortunate circumstances, and they would be on stage to surprise him, and they'd be wearing gold. Well, you could feel the heightened anticipation, creeping with each second. People began to stand up, searching...even I, even I had to go out in the crowd to witness this reunion.

"Excuse me, ma'am," a security guard said to me, "you CANNOT stand here...this area MUST stay clear." "Please, just let me see this moment...he's my friend...he's being reunited with his daughters...just let me see this and I'll move, I promise." She gave me a dirty look and then motioned me with a "whatever" expression. And then his daughters were standing right behind him. Noel continued to sing as the audience cheered in support! And then Noel turned around, the kind of turn we all do for performance purposes, and he sang and looked at them...and there was a millisecond of silence, and he grabbed them...and like a man, a real man who hadn't seen his children in so long, he cried! He cried bravely with honesty and elation. And I cried too...yes, it was something Oprah would have done! Was it slightly exploitive? Yes...after all, it really is nonoe of our business. However, it was a real moment; a life moment that we can all relate to, and it was worth it. I hope that a lot of people called their kids when the show was over, lol...

I went backstage to change into my second outfit and redo my hair and make up. As I sat exhausted at the makeup table, someone asked me, "What are you going to do with your hair?" Hm, good question...I stared at my curling iron, and the thought of curling all the crazy hair I have seemed daunting! "I'm going to curl it..." And then I heard music to my ears from a complete stranger: "I can do your hair...I have a place in the city..besides I'm bored." Yea...joy!! And as I did my make up, he did my hair. Yes, it was a good day! LOL.

It was my turn to come onstage and well, it was a moment of joy! I was sad that the kids were gone, that my dancers had canceled on me. I didn't have a BIG amazing thing to do onstage, but I kept telling myself that I alone am enough as long as I sing my heart out! And that is what I did! I did the wop, the Roger Rabbit, and all 80s dance moves I could remember, lol. I thanked Angelo Venuto and his band, Voices to backing me...I don't know if people realized but they had been playing since 11am for everyone's sound check and then played ALL night for all of us while we were onstage!! That is pretty amazing!! My time onstage flew by and I walked off happy...that's all that mattered - that the crowd was happy. If they are happy, I am happy..but then I was asked by KTU's Cubby and Cindy to come back on stage, and I was surprised with a Lifetime Achievement Award! Cool! I was truly honored and surprised...but OUCH!!! My feet were killing me!!!

TKA/K7 were up! What an introduction and wow, what reception they received!!! There are a few people I never tire from seeing: George Lamond and TKA/K7! The crowd was deafening! I have always admired Kayel, lead singer for TKA. He's a true friend and a classy guy - at the end of his show, he thanked EVERYONE who had been part of his career, including those who he may not have relationships with anymore. He badmouthed no one, and if you knew the dirty politics, you would not blame him if he did. But he's a gentleman...and that's why he has the success that he does! I went back up a couple of times to sing with TKA, George Lamond and for the finale!

For the finale, we all sang Don't Stop Believing with George Lamond...there was pyro, there were explosions and I looked around and realized, "Wow...this is what 25 years feels like...25 years of friendship, 25 years of freestyle music that has comforted generations, and 25 years of love and blessings!" And then at the very end, there were blasts of multi-colored confetti....and it filled the entire arena. No show had ever gone that far for one of our concerts! It felt good... it truly did. It was as if we all came full circle. But wait. As the confetti blinded me, I had fleeting thoughts: the award, the 25 years...I know, I know...for a moment, I felt a fear interfere with my joy: Is this the beginning of the end? Is that how we go out - with a big bang???

It does not matter. What matters is that this music has been acknowledged. What matters is that we have lives that other people envy. What matters is that I've spend more than 1/2 my life entertaining and truly living out my dream!!! I have been honored with thte title, Queen of Freestyle!!! I have loved, I have lost; I have been paid and there has been a cost! BUT...damn, what a GREAT RIDE!!!!! Whooohoooooo!

VIDEO SHOOT - DAY 2 Part 1: You Want Me To What?!?!?

Thursday, July 29, 2010:

I woke up dragging just a little, but still excited to complete filming...today would be about dialogue and acting.  The entire day I am acutely aware of  "The Breakdown" scene.  By far I thought that would be the most challenging...I was sort of wrong.

I arrived on set in Brooklyn to find lots and lots of film equipment scattered all over, claiming possession of the area the way a dog marks its territory.  Immediately got my make up done, and then was given my wardrobe, or shall I say lack thereof.  Wow...this is new...hm. But if I'm gonna make this video work I wear what I'm told to wear...there's a reason for everything.  Everything on film is premediated - from the wardrobe to the scenery to the script...so the show must go on.  No one seemed to gawk in horror so after a few minutes I grew comfortable with my "morning after" look.  Waseem showed up, and all were present...the  set was ready to go..it was about noon when we finally began filming the scene and suddenly it went all dim...we had a problem  with lighthing which set the filming back a bit.  By the time we were getting warmed up into the scene, I had to leave. I had to go to WKTU to moderate a live online chat with Lisa Lisa and George Lamond to discuss Beatstock, KTU's biggest summer concert of the year! I felt so guilty that I had to leave, but work first...lol.  I left at 1:30pm.

I got to KTU and saw Lisa Lisa first. I love her so much. I remember when I was 17, I was working as a cashier in a drug store in the Bronx, Star Drug.  Whenever Lisa Lisa's Can You Feel The Beat came on, I stopped what I was doing and sang it in aisle 2 with a broom in my hand!  The song made me so happy..and here I am 25 years later, hanging out with her!!  She is as real as anyone can be - she's funny, down toearth and she tells it like it is...no excuses; no apologies!  George Lamond came shortly after and as usual he always makes me laugh. Moderating the online chat was just as comfortable as hanging out with them at a coffee shop.  I said my goodbyes and rushed back to the set about 3:40pm.

Back onset, Waseem, the actor playing my husband in the video, and I ran through our scene a couple of times and I was impressed with how natural his acting was.  There was no facade, no faking...he was himself.  His natural energy made filming the scenes so much easier...We got really into the scenes and after a while, I thought, "wow. this doesn't feel like work at all!  This is FUN! I could do this all day." In between takes, Waseem and I got to talking...He spoke about his childhood, his culture (he's from Pakistan) and I was loving the fact that although we come from different religious beliefs, we agreed on so many things. What was most impressive about Waseem (pronounced Vaseem) was how he spoke about his girlfriend!  Everytime he spoke about her, his face lit up!  He smiled everytime he talked about her, and talked about her from day 1.  Let's be honest, ladies, it's not everyday we hear a man brag about his woman.  He talked about how supportive she's been and I understand she was with him the day he came in to audition...she rehearsed lines with him....that is so aweseome!! Later on, I found myself wondering, "Why haven't I met someone who feels that way about me?  Where the hell is he? And then, I was brought back to reality very quickly when the director said, "Okay, people, we're now moving on to the bedroom scene!"

Huh? 
The what??
Um, the what? 
Inside I was screaming, Noooooo!!!  But I remained silent.  I calmed down when I told myself that it probably didn't incude me...that it was probably a scene just for Waseem. After all, he's the one with the great physique...Boy was I wrong...

I went into panic on overdrive!  I started freaking out internally.  I can't do this!!  No freaking way!  No one told me about this!  I felt oddly betrayed but at the same time, it presented a new challenge and I'd never been here in my life before.  I walked over to Waseem...

"Waseem, can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Sure..what's up?"
"Is your girlfriend okay with you doing this?"
"Oh, yeah! For sure..she's very supportive."

Hm, I thought...he's never had a Puerto Rican girlfriend, lol!  For the first time, I was glad I had no boyfriend to get angry with me for doing a sexy scene like this.  I wouldn't have to defend myself, and convince him that "it was nothing!"  But I was still freaking out!  Then I went there...to the ugly place..I;m going to look like a big fat whale!!  Oh, God!  Once again, I walked over to Waseem.

"You sure?"
"Yes...We're gonna do great...no worries."
Sure easy for you to say, Hercules..easy for you, you look like an actor in Spartacus!  And then I said something so stupid Istill cannot believe the words emerged from my mouth.
"You're not disguested by me?"
"No..of course not."
I did NOT feel assured.  Truth is I usually am pretty confident about my body, but not when it's so publicly done.

Next thing I know, I'm being propped up on pillows, under a sheet and in a bra...and there are like 15 people standing around.  I was in bed...I haven't been in bed like this...well let's just say it's been centuries...

Director:  "Okay, Waseem you're going to take your shirt off and lean over her."
Oh, Dear God...get me through this...This is CRAZY!!                           
    

BEFORE THERE WAS J-LO...THERE WAS J-TO!

April 24th, 2010, 8pm. The Freestyle Legends Tour at Silver Spurs Arena, in Kissimee, Florida had begun.  The line up was awesome including, Tony from Nu Image, Jayquan from Nasty Boys, CNR of Trilogy, Nyasia, Giggles, & More, Noel, myself, Lil Suzy, Angel of Cover Girls, Lissette Melendez, George Lamond, Expose and TKA.  While getting ready for the show, I had a small emergency: I forgot a brush.  The type of hair I have DEMANDS a brush.  Thanks to Lissette Melendez, my hair was worthy of a show.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, was on the top of their game.

We arrived to the arena, and was immediately told that there were already 1000 people on line, and it wasn't even close to showtime.  Wow, I thought to myself, they're not on Latino time?  Latino time means if the appointed hour is 8pm, we're really arriving at about ten minutes to nine.  About a half hour before the show, I walked out to see the stage, and there were already people seated in front.  As I was discussing what to do with my road manager, people began to recognize me and take pictures.  I was actually surprised that happened..usually I sneak to the side of the stage, and no one even notices me.  This time was different.  Then the emcee announced I was on the side of the stage, and the flashes from cameras began to dance.  I was happy, as it is always a compliment when that happens.  I knew already it was going to be a good night.

I was only functioning on 3 hours of sleep the night before, but my nerves were working overtime.  You would think that after doing this more than 20 years I would no longer feel the butterflies, but alas, butterflies are my friends.  I always take nervousness as a sign that you actually care about what you are about to do.  The adrenaline that accompanies the nervousness is the fuel that gives you the energy to make the senses more finely tuned.  I was able to watch almost everyone's performance, and everyone, I mean everyone, was on top of their game!  You could hear the excitement and applause from way in the back, beyond doors that separated the dressing rooms. 

& More was performing, and I was up next.  So, I began my ritual, the only one I have before I go on:  I pray...really hard.  I created this rule that once I say "amen", I am forbidden to feel nervous.  I must walk in faith, that all will be well. I admit to the faith part, but I break my rule everytime.  This night when I said, "amen" a field of butterflies began dancing in my gut. Ugh, horrible feeling.  I start shadow boxing to try to calm myself, and the people around me backstage begin to laugh.  My biggest concern?  What am I gonna say when I get up there?  The emcee got the crowd so riled up, and before he even mentioned my name, some people in the audience began chanting my name, "Judy, Judy, Judy..."  Wow!  What a freaking feeling - what a compliment!!

I walk on stage, and the smiles are evident, the excitement so present...the people had a calming effect on me. I was so happy to walk on and see everyone so happy, recalling all their freestyle day memories.  I began to speak:  "Before there was Rihanna - there was Cynthia.  Before there was Justin Timberlake - there was George Lamond.  Before there was NSync - there was TKA.  And before there was J-Lo...I point to myself over my head...there was J-To."  The crowd just screamed with amusement, and the butterflies began to fly away finally.  I continued. "I was born and raised in the Bronx, the oldest of 5 siblings and a single mother to care for us.  I was told I couldn't be a singer by others because I couldn't afford it.  Then I was told that I wouldn't be successful because I didn't change my last name.  (In the eighties, it was not cool to have an ethnic name as it accepted today) and finally because I am chunky but funky, I was told no one would want to sign me...this is for you, for those who are told that can't make it...because you CAN make it..."  I begin to tell the story of my first recording..."oooh, oooh...(from No Reason to Cry) the year was 1987..."  And I began to sing my heart out.  I also did a few old school dance moves, and I sometimes forget when I do these moves that I actually have to keep singing.  I have to quickly tell myself to stop and catch my breath.

All I can say is I stopped midway to talk to the crowd.  I'm old school - I grew up watching Sammy Davis, Jr., Barbra Streisand and Liza Minnelli...the one thing they all had in common was they sought to find a connection with their audiences, and I really admired that about them.  They were story tellers, and it really taught me that the time you are onstage, you are creating an intimate relationship with your fans.  They're not just people who love your music; they are people who have had a hard day, they are burdened with life's issues and they come to you to feel better.  It is your job as an entertainer to "heal", to make them feel good, to have a real relationship with them, to be vulnerable in front of them, to be honest about what you are singing about...those things are important to me...just as important as singing the songs.  I have been criticized in the past for talking too much, lol, but it is part of who I am.  I want to get to know the people, and I want them to have an idea at least of who I am too.

Well, suddenly, they began chanting again and the entire audience at one point was standing up...the lights on the cell phones and video cameras were all on..it was a stunning sight.  I could hear everyone just cheering.  It was a cheer that was so loud and in unanimous agreement of pleasure that it penetrated my spirit.  I couldn't handle it...the love was too much!!! I wish you could be onstage and see what I see:  collective love!  What an overwhelming sensation.  Uh, oh...I felt the tears welling up.  "Thank you...thank you, please don't make me cry because then I can't sing."  And the volume of their cheers accelerated...and I just let the tears fall...it was almost what Oprah calls the ugly cry, but I let it go because I was grateful.  What a lot of people don't know about me is that sometimes I question myself...I question if perhaps I should live out Plan B somewhere and become a therapist.  I told the audience the truth..."It's hard sometimes...I asked Lisa-Lisa once if she ever wonders if it will be over...as long as you come to our shows, we will be here for you."  It was a moment I allowed the crowd to see my vulnerability and fear that one day this may be over for me, and the crowd opened up their arms to me & with their applause they reassured me that this isn't over just yet.

I began to sing Come Into My Arms, and suddenly, the words weren't a tale of a broken heart, but rather words of appreciation to the crowd: "You, you showed me how love can be...you showed me how much you mean.  You've always been by my side."  I began to cry again, but I was just so grateful to experience that moment; to experience that kind of communal spirit.  I completed the song holding out a note as long as could, which wasn't too long at all because I was just too emotional...but I gave my all.  The crowd was again on their feet, and everywhere I looked I saw such happy faces.  I said thank you, God bless you...and regrettably walked off.  From the second I reached the bottom of the stairs to the long walk back to the dressing room, I just cried.  I don't even know what I was crying about, but it felt like something was being let go...like unspoken pain was being released out of my body.  Backstage, my very happy and proud road manager, sang the praises, lol.  He had family with him and they asked me if I was okay since I hadn't been able to stop crying.  I told them, "Do you have any idea how that feels? Oh, my God..it is unbelieveable..to receive that much love in one moment from so many people?"  I was truly humbled because once agian, I caught myself thinking, 'I'm not all that special at all...'

During intermission I walked to the vending area where drinks were sold, and took as many pictures with people as was requested.  Again, it just felt like it was all love, nothing else, just love.  I also paid a visit to my very good friends, TKA, in their dressing room.  Anytime I'm in their presence, I feel like I'm with my brothers and I am always guaranteed a good laugh and words of wisdom from Kayel.  I told them how great it is that all of the freestyle artists get along so well and how we have become a real family. 
George Lamond went on stage...he is just a class act. He never gives a bad show, and quite frankly, I envy his voice.  He is warm and charasmatic and cute too, lol.  He began to sing, "Don't Stop Believing", when to my surprise, he said, "Judy Torres come on up here!"  Holy crap!!!  He called my name...he wants me to go up?  It was like I hit the lottery and at the same time Bob Barker said, "Judy Torres, come on downnn!!!"  I had my slippers on...no time to put the shoes on and look cute.  I ran and bumped into these black things, pulled a curtain aside to find it blocked by more black things and finally ran upstairs.  I joined him and all I could say was I felt pure joy...pure elation. I was so honored and flattered and we sang our butts off!  I harmonized and did whatever I thought I could do to help him and reminded myself that this was his show...but the audience freaked out!  They were so excited!  What a way to end it!  Wow.

I got back to my hotel room, and I just didn't want to go to sleep...why?  Because once your head is placed on the pillow it is the beginning of the end of that day.  Tomorrow makes it just a memory, but I will take that feeling that I felt on stagewith me for the rest of my life.  Do you kow what it felt like?  The crowd's love was as closest as I'll get to being hugged by God on this planet...and damn, did it feel good!!!