Insomnia, Atlanta and Hope!

Chris Willis & Me - Day he offered to write with me! 

Rough night last night. Can't lie. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop hurting - yes I was feeling so sore. Couldn't stop thinking. Was thinking about the quiet. Normally, I love silence, but last night it was too loud. And then I cried. I cried for myself - I felt bad, didn't want to cry, but it had to happen. Maybe it's PMS...either way, if you're a woman and ever had pms, you know it feels as real to you as anything else - even if you feel like a psycho while you're in the midst of it. So I cried. I have been lonely. As long as I'm singing, working, on the air, writing, reading, I am okay. But when I am alone. Ugh. Just wish I had someone to wish me goodnight; to kiss me goodnight. The dating is scene is so rough - and I've been single now for over two years. I tell myself that there is a reason; that God is preparing a good man for me, or that I have something great coming up that if I had been with someone I wouldn't be able to do. But I cried. And then, only then, I fell asleep.

I was in my car this morning listening to the Gayle King Show on XM, and discovered that today is International Gratitude Day. Hm. Now I felt like crap for crying last night. It is just so true: if you find things to be grateful for, if you are in a spirit of thanks, there is no way you can be unhappy. So, my spirits were instantly lifted because I have SO much to be thankful for. I have a new thing to be thankful for. Tomorrow I am flying to Atlanta, Georgia, to record a new song that I wrote with Chris Willis!!

Chris Willis is an international pop star! And he is one of the few people in this cruel and fun industry whom I truly admire. A former gospel recording artist, his voice is just incredible. His vocal range NEVER goes out, and I have NEVER heard him sing a bad note. I've heard him sing at night after doing a stint of four shows in one night; and I have heard him sing first thing in the morning, just after arriving from Brazil hours before and STILL sound GREAT! His song, Love Is Gone, is a song that I still dance to and listen to in my ipod! When I first heard it, I wondered who this man is...and then, and THEN, when I discovered we had the same management - H E L L O!!! I HAD to meet him. He is not only an amazing vocalist, but he is also a most gracious human being. He has been nothing but kind to me, and when I had my sinus surgery last year, he was the ONLY one to send me anything!

One day after a sweet sixteen we were both booked for, I mentioned an idea to him for a song. He called me a few days later and told me he wanted to write something with me. Chris has a new song now that he did with David Guetta, Fergie and LMFAO, called No Getting Over You. And it is a top 40 hit - something that all recording artists strive to do! I thought that now with his fame and frenzied schedule I would have to put the whole idea of writing with him off. But I was wrong. He was truly a man of his word, and the song he wrote with me is so great! I am excited - the theme of the song is about a new encounter and feeling like he might be the one! Hopefully what I sing about will attract exactly that to me!

So now I'm nervous. I know you don't think I should be. But I am. It's the same as you being an actor and Merryl Streep invited you to do a scene with her. My biggest concern is my voice. I ho[e to have a great voice tomorrow and deliver what is expected of me. I am now in a new and higher caliber of talent, and if I perform and record well, it is possible that some of that wonderful talent, great blessings & a little bit of luck will rub off me! There will be no tears tonight - just a lot of hope and prayer!!

And The Oscar Goes To?

It's going to be an exciting Oscar night.  I'm sure it will be full of surprises...here are my picks, you may or may not agree:

Best Picture:  AVATAR, because, my God, it was just visually stunning.  It took 5 years to complete...that's what I call having a vision and seeing it through!!!  James Cameron beat his own record for the hightest grossing movie of all time!  It is also a movie that involved many issues including how we treat the environment, romance outside of our own race, spirituality, forgiveness and recognizes that throughout history we have "invaded" other's countries and destroyed life along the way!  If Avatar does not win, my second pick is PRECIOUS!

Best Supporting Actor:  Stanley Tucci.  Someone PLEEEASSE recognize what a GREAT actor he is.  He has an uncanny talent of transforming into always different and unique characters in all his movies. Most of the time it takes a minute before you catch yourself saying, "Oh!  That's Stanley Tucci??  Wow!"  I saw him both in Julie and Julia and The Lovely Bones..come on....just give it to the guy!!  My second pick is Woody Harrelson, another unrecognized great actor.

Best Supporting Actress:  Um, Hellooooo!  Mo'Nique.  She won the oscar at her first line in Precious!  She is a survivor, a fighter, and she's been through so much.  No, no one should win becuase they've overcome obstacles, but did you see her raw talent?  Not anyone could have pulled off the angst of a dysfunctional abusor and find the truth withihn that kind of soul.  My second pick is Penelope Cruz. She just lights up the screen everytime.

Best Actor:  Ooh, this is a hard one.I'm almost certain Jeff Bridges will get it, and that won't bother me.  I know he's been in the game, unrecognized, for a long time. I would choose Colin Firth, as this is a stretch for him, so unlike all his other roles, but give it to Jeff...he sings in it too?!  Can you blame me?  LOL

And here's what everyone is talking about:
Best Actress:  There is a part of me that hopes Sandra Bullock gets it. Must every "best actress"  have mascara bleeding down her face? Must they all be scared and in the midst of heightened stress?  Maybe not. Sandra is so natural and sometimes because of that she is underestimated.  But I have to admit, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Merryl Streep!  She was phenomenal in Julie and Julia - just literally transformed herself.  Then there is brand-spanking new to the acting world, Gabony Sidibe in Precious!  Wow...what a performance for someone so young.  This movie was absolutely difficult to watch.  You could FEEL her pain right through the screen.  It is not easy to portray someone who's had such an ongoing history of incest and abuse.  She gave a voice to all those young ladies who don't have one.  Besides, she's chunky and funky just like me...I gotta have my girl's back! And Helen Mirren - I see all of her movies!  I just love her....that simple.  Oh!  My pick?  LOL...I have no idea...I'll be happy for any of these four!  But if you twist my arm, I'll route for Sandra...I hate all the negative press she's getting; calling her untalented...I hate haters!

I know everyone cares about what they're wearing and who's designed the gowns, but I just care about who holds the award and that they have that one surreal moment that changes their careers forever!  Good luck to all!