Last year's Birthday

Last year, I was reflecting back on my life, and made a very impulsive decision to treat myself to something on my birthday.  So, I looked at my vision board.  Vision boards are boards that you create, filling it with pictures and things of dreams you have for your life. The idea is that you draw them to you via the Law of Attraction, something I truly believe in.  I made this board almost two years ago, and looked at it...on my board are things like Grammy Awards, a home of my dreams, a new car, a woman with a great body and all sorts of places I dream of visiting, including Italy, Spain, Ireland, Alaska (yea, Alaska!) and Sedona, Arizona - otherwise known as Red Rock Country. Because the mountains and landscape are so rich in iron, they are red in color, with the intensity of red like bricks!  Everytime I looked at the picture on my board, I thought to myself:  there's no way in the world something so beautiful could be here. 

I got tired of dreaming and wondering...so a couple of weeks before my birthday, I looked on the internet, bravely booked a flight to Phoenix, reserved a rental car...and days before my 41st birthday, I took myself on a three day vacation.  BY MYSELF!!!  I knew the second I clicked "book flight" it was the right thing.  Three days before my birthday, there I was on a flight to Phoenix...I was seated in the middle and the man to my left and woman to my right told me all about Sedona and what to do, where to go.

I landed in Phoenix - 95 degrees!  Woohoo...rented a gorgeous car, in red of course, and drove an hour and a half from Phoenix to Sedona.  Thanks to my GPS, it was so easy.  The weather was truly gorgeous..no humidity and the sun just shining.  The speed limit on the highway was 75mph!  Yes!!  I put my ipod in the car, and played the soundtrack to Slumdog Millionaire - the song, Jai Ho...my favorite. It means Victory!!!  I went up the mountains, and the view was incredible.  I sang, I thought about how just a few hours ago, I was in New Jersey...lol.  Oh hour and 25 min later, I was wondering where this Red Rock place was...I was sad I hadn't seen it.  And just as I was thinking it was not existent, I saw it.  Turned the corner...RED ROCKS, no - RED MOUNTAINS!  Everywhere!!  It was beautiful. I wanted to pull over, but there were signs everywhere stating, pulling over not allowed.  Guess I wasn't the first person.

In those 3 days, I went to the BEST restaurant in my lifetime, took a hiking trip with a medicine woman, saw hawks, went hiking, saw a church that will bring tears to anyone's eyes, bought lots of Native American stuff (my favorite things next to angels), went for a spiritual reading, even went karaoke singing (I know, you think it's cheating but I sang "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood & "Falling by Alicia Keys", and never wanted to come home. 

When I returned on my birthday, my mother threw me an intimate party with my family and that evening, my friends mustered up the courage to take me to a country western bar, Colorado Cafe, and tood me line dancing...even rode a mechanical bull!  It was truly the BEST!  Why?  Because I didn't cry, "poor me, no one will take me anywhere..." I took charge and was daring.  Also because I tried something new, and when I tell you we laughed so hard we cried, it was all worth it.  I got on  that mechanical bull first...and I was so proud of myself. It gave me a sense of courage and I don't regret it at all.

So this Sunday is my birthday...I have to work so I am a bit limited to what I can do...but I will make my birthday the day I have a bit more free time, lol.  This year, I think I want to go on a hot air balloon ride OR make out with a man with an English accent !!!!   Okay, okay, I'll do the hot air balloon ride!  I notice I am happiest when I am a little daring, not stupid, just daring.  So if you have any ideas, let me know...'cause to be honest, I am a little sad about turning 42. Nothing wrong with it, and I surely dont' feel old, but my God, everyone in this busineess, seems to think so.  Ladies, Gentlemen, here's to not being afraid of trying something different. Here's to trying something new!! Screw 42!! LOL                

Taking A Step Back - Retreat! My Affection For Native American Anything

I have a kind of lifestyle that demands action from me all the time.  It suggests that wasted time produces regrets, loss of opportunities, loss of profit...so even if there's nothing to do, there is always something to do.  But when I woke up today, something felt off; something felt different; something felt wrong.  I went to a doctor's appointment, but when I got home, I couldn't move.  I felt down.  Don't really know why.  I also felt like something's missing, and although I could've written a hit song, or practiced voice, I was stopped in my tracks with a sadness. 

Disgusted, I put my sneakers on, and thank God, it was a GREAT Spring-like day outside.  So I took advantage, and went speed-walking with my trusty i-pod.  I walked rapidly, hoping the endorphins would kick in so I could feel some relief.  It took 35 minutes, before the "joy" kicked in, but it did.  I went home, drank a glass of water.  Oprah was on.  I love Oprah, just love her, but wasn't in the mood...what's wrong with me??  Ugh!!

That's when I put on some Native American music - aha - that's something a lot of people don't know about me:  I love Native American EVERYTHING.  I love the music, the clothes, the white sage, the jewelry, the wisdom, their spiritualtiy and especially their respect for all living things and how they never take anything for granted.  Native American tradition demands a demeanor of gratitude and prayer.  I feel a strange affinity to them.  I am angry that they were forced out of their own homeland, forced to walk miles where their own children died.  The early settlers here tried to annihilate their religion, their language, their traditions...they forced them onto what is known today as reservations.  But all in all, they are still here.  I admire them...and if there is such a thing as a past life, I was definitely one of them!  I think I was with the braids and everything, lol.  I think I may have been a medicine woman...hey, what can I say! I have an awesome imagination.

Anyway, I played the music, lit some candles, did what is called smudging...that's when you take herbs (I personally like white sage) and light it in a shell and it acts as an incense.  Native Americans believe it is cleansing and releases anything negative...I love how it smells and it strangely has a calming effect on me.  I began to pray, pray and pray some more.  There were tears, for I've been worried about what may happen to my career one day...I know people reading will feel I have no reason to worry, but trust me, lol, this career has no 401K plan, or medical insurance, or any guaranteed of a pension.  Although I have already made financial preparations for that day when and if it comes, I still don't want to do anything other than sing and be a personality on NY radio!  So, I just let it out...I allowed myself to stop and cry.  Whenever you hold back tears, tears have a weird way of duplicating faster and they fight you to make an appearance...so let them out.  And I did.

Then after 20 minutes or so of prayer, calm...I took a mini retreat.  I didn't go anywhere, but I took a retreat from within.  I stopped the inner chatter, and then I felt an urge to just lie down.  So I did, face up, and did nothing, but meditate.  When I was done, I felt like the message was "Just trust that I'm taking care of you.  Stop worrying about the future, I got your back.  Great things will come for you, if you just ask and believe and then you have to be wiling to do the work and pay it forward..."  I may have lost fans who read this, lol, thinking, what the hell is up with Judy?   LOL...but it is the truth.  This is how I keep from losing my mind.  I pray.  I also thought about going back to Sedona, Arizona.  I went there alone last year for my birthday, and it proved to be the best gift I'd ever given myself.  I want to go back and see the red rock landscape, breathe that clean air, climb the canyons, taste their food...oh, it is literally bliss.  Yea, I have to go back very soon!

So sometimes to feel better, you just have to take a step back, and retreat.  Retreat doesn't mean defeat - it means simply that you need to regenerate, recouperate and refill your own fuel...You can't give what you do not have. And by the way, I did finally see Oprah!  And it was great!