40 Days without...? Are you kidding me?!

Woke up happy.  I'm feeling quite positive today.  I realized today is Ash Wednesday.  Although I am no longer Catholic, I am still a Christian - and I still enjoy honoring Lent. I think it is a noble act to give up something you love for 40 days in honor of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  Lent gives me a BIGGER reason to get rid of a couple of bad habits.  So for the next 40 days, I will give up soda and candy...Wait, maybe just soda...no, candy...no...wait.  Ugh, okay I'll give up both.  I bet I'd lose weight just from those two things alone, lol.  I had given up soda for a while, and slowly began to creep it back into my diet.  After all, how can you go to the movies and not have soda?? 

I went to Manhattan to record a song I co-wrote with an award-winning writer who's wrtiten for Taylor Dayne, Clay Aiken and more!  I have to say I enjoy writing songs - it is another outlet to express my feelings, for which during my childhood I was either not allowed to, or to afraid to.  I never realized I have so much to talk about & now no one can shut me up!  Ha, ha!  The night I sang at Madison Square Garden, just before I went on, I was forewarned,"Now remember, Judy, NO talking!!"  LOL..yeah ok, like here I am at the world's most famous arena, and I'm not gonna say anything???  Like we say in the Bronx, "Aha...yeah, righ!"  The great thing about this writer is that I feel he gets me.  He understands I want to write about something substantial; something that has a message.  Booty shaking songs are great, don't get me wrong, but I want to be remembered...not for shaking what my mama gave me, but for being inspiring.  Don't know what will happen with the song...I must have 20 or so songs at home that literally just hang out in my wall unit, wishing for some attention.  But that is the game of the music business...one or two people decide if millions of people will ever listen to your material.  That is fine with me, I love being here...and I'll keep writing until someone says, "...and the grammy goes to...Judy Torres!!!"  YES! YES! YES!  Thank you...thank you....lol.  

I just had a morbid thought...ok, I'll share. If I died, God forbid, will those songs in my wall unit suddenly come to life?  I know, I know...it's a horrible  thought, but it popped into my head, what can I say?  Am I the only one that has strange and taboo thoughts like that?  God, forgive me for that...ok, I'm back.

Tomorrow I get the MRI for my hip and I see the lap band surgeon...hope I don't cry.  At least I'm slowly getting back on track.         

2 of 2 - Adventure with Aventura.

 Sorry about that...
Okay so they walk in 8:20pm.  Romeo has a big smile on his face; he's a lot taller than I'd imagined; quite handsome too.  Henry has a presence about him quiet but very masculine; and Lenny is adorable...cute smile.  

I test their mic levels.  My heart is POUNDING! Okay Judy...you can do this.  You prepared, you did your research, you spent three days preparing, you memorized your intruduction.  Breathe. Took a breath and pressed record.  I begin my well-rehearsed and memorized introduction...it's perfect.
"#3 on the Hot Tours List....76,000 fans...Madison Square Garden.  Welcome....Ventu...

OH S**T!  I mean, "Aventuraaaa!"  Romeo expresses, "wow, what an introduction."  I knew right there we were going to be good.  So I relaxed a little and decided to have fun.  You know what I didn't realize? I had my questions, lol, but I forgot they were actually going to ANSWER them!  I didn't anticipate what they might say, or how long of an answer they would give.

They were gracious, endearing, sincere, happy, truthful-to-themselves types of men.  I was proud to be there in that moment, thanking God that they were not difficult or conceited.  We had fun moments:  when we talked about the "f" word being used as an adjective; when I called Max "Maximo" they all laughed at me; when I asked them what it was like to sing for President Obama; and when I asked who had the biggest feet..."   You can hear the interview by clicking here . 

The interview lasted about 30 minutes...I thanked them; I hugged them; I took 2 pics with them (no time for autographs, they had to go do a video thing downstairs)...I saved the interview in the computer.  And realized I had that adrenaline headache that affirms your stress, reminds you of the magnitude of your nervousness, and releases your inner, negative fears.  It says, "You did it. It's over."  

I dimmed the lights...I walked into the hallway, and I was, well, what i always am when it's over...alone.  Alone.  But dammit, I DID IT!!!           



    

(1 of 2) Adventure of Interviewing Aventura - Uh, Are We On Latino Time?

Hardly slept last night, just knowing I had landed the chance to interview Aventura!  I tossed and turned imagining what the interview would be like in my mind. Would I remember their names?  Would I remember the statistics that have risen them to fame?  Would I stutter?  Blah, blah, blah!  Fell asleep around 3am.

"Oh, my God!  The interview!...what time is it?  Oh, lol, it's only 7:30am!"   I HATE that panicked feeling!   I did all my errands, made my cafe con leche & watched the first 20 minutes of The View.  Damn, I wish I was on that show!  Why don't they have a host who's hispanic?  Aren't we almost the majority  minority?  LOL...anyway, let me stop.

I checked my facebook, myspace and found so many good luck comments, and extra interview questions that the fans and friends gave me that it ignited a happier spirit.  I looked over my notes, interview questions and decided that if I could just get the introduction down by heart, the interview would be a snap!   Here's what I came up with:  "Number 3 ont the Hot Tours list preceded only by Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears; Outselling Lady Gaga in ticket sales; 5 studio albums and their most current album entitled The Last remains at #1 on the Billboard Latin Charts for over 22 weeks; 76,000 fans, 4 sold out concert at the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden...Ladies and Gentleman:   Aventuraaaaaa...Yes Sir!!"  Confident that I had the opening, I took a 10 minute cat nap and made some business calls.

A bit later, the "romantic interest" I mentioned last night called me.  I need to give him an alias...I think for now, I'll call him Mr. Mak!  LOL.  Anyway we chatted about our career endeavors and talked once again about meeting tomorrow after I do a quick video shoot...remember how I said yesterday that it seems something k,eeps getting in the way?  Well, we hung up agreeing to meet tomorrow.  I was confident that we sealed an address and a time...and then I put the tv back on, and hear the meteorologist  ruin my day:  "All NY schools closed tomorrow. Noreaster coming sooner than we thought...12-18 inches by tomorrow."  Whaaaat???? Oh, my God...I can't win.

So I begin to get ready; rush to the station's studio.  The interview is set for 6pm - 7pm..  I get to the station at 5pm.  One hour early.  I rehearse that opening statement at least 5 times.  I  got it.  I'm good.  I'm nervous.  God, the butterflies...STOP!!  The music director says, "Ready?  Excited for 6:15?"  Huh?  Oh, okay I guess I was wrong...it's 6:15.  Okay good.  I have 15 extra minutes to prepare.  6:15 comes...no sign of Aventura:  Romeo, Lenny, Henry and Max.  We're told Max won't be coming.  Okay, I can deal with that.  
6:25
6:30
6:45  I begin hearing Jeopardy theme music in my head...
6:50.
Where are they?  Oh, I guess they're on Latino time...you know, "I'm on my way...I'll be right there..I'm looking for parking, etc."  LOL.  
Now it's 7pm...they're here.
But I can't interview them because they are scheduled to do a LIVE webcast at 7pm.  Can't let the fans down because the station has been advertising 7pm.  So I 'm told I have to wait.

I watched the female fans swarm over them like bees protecting the queen in the hive.  Cameras were atop of their. raised arms as an extenstion of themselves in hopes to catch them at the right moment.  

8:00pm...are we ready now? No. Now they have to do "drops", the liners that artists record so the djs can play them before playing their songs on air.  So I walked into the studio to watch and observe them.  I was willing to do anything as long as I could disttract myself from my nerves taking over me.  They were recording, laughing, joking. There were funny moments among them. I realized how down to earth and endearing they were and I finally relaxed. 

8:20pm -they walked in.. (To be continued tomorrow.)  I need sleep.  Goodnight. 
                 

Something new...nothing blue!!

Woke up this morning, wishing desperately to stay in bed...sometimes sleep feels so sweet. But I had things to do. Threw on sweats, put on a hat, gloves, i-pod and went to the park for some speed-walking. At first I thought I was crazy...I dont' know it was like 20 something degrees outside. But I swore to myself last night that no matter what, I was going to incorporate some form of doggone exercise, lol. Yeah, and I had my manager's voice in my head..."you gotta get back to the gym..."

Walking was good for me...it felt great. I was listening to the remix of Christina Aguilera's "Hurt", and any other fast paced music. Then I got to Gloria Estefan's "I Just Wanna Be Happy." That's when the adrenaline finally burst through...I was walking faster, felt the sun smiling on me...then it got to my favorite part of the song: "I just wanna be happy, joyous and free...happy, joyous and free!" That's when I felt that inner joy...and started running up and down the steps like Rocky. LOL (Gonna fly now!) Thirty-five minutes later I had to stop...my legs were numb and my neck was shooting out ice cubes!

Then someone whom I've been romantically interested in reached out to me today. He's handsome...tall, dark...but that's not what entices me. He's also smart, educated and street smart. He knows his slang, but also uses words like "predicated" and "geneology"...whoo, what a turn on!!! Reminds me of a movie I saw years ago, Threesome, starring one of the Baldwin brothers. All I remember was the female protagonist (lead actress, just in case) got extremely excited when her romantic interest used large words. She was on a table in the public library, and he was telling her all these large words, and she was like, "Yes! oh!" LOL...very funny! Okay, so back to the guy...it's one of those things that our schedules keep conflicting. I can't figure out if it's God's way of saying, "STAY AWAY..NO GOOD FOR YOU!" or if we are just being a little challenged. I've admittedly and dysfunctionally been attracted sometimes to men who are unattainable, so I have to watch out. Just as we were enjoying the conversation, I had to hang up...I had work to do. Tomorrow's a big day!!! I'm interviewing Aventura!!! Whooo-hooo!

So there I was at my desk, with my cute multi-colored index cards, trying to be all professional. When you want to write something, you know the hardest part? The hardest part is staring at blank paper. In my case it was the index cards. It took about 10 minutes of staring to get the nerve to begin writing, but I picked up the pen and let it flow. I decided to divide the questions in two parts: formal questions about their career highlights (in blue) and informal and fun questions that I feel the fans would want to know (in pink). Blue card question 1: 76,000 fans, 4 sold out concerts at Madison Square Garden, a #1 album on the Billboard Latino charts for over 22 weeks, and #3 on the Hot Tours just behind Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus..."What does that feel like, did you ever imagine you'd experience this in your lifetime?" Pink card question 1: Of the four of you, which one has the biggest feet?" Hm, maybe I shouldn't ask that, but perhaps it will break the ice and ease my nerves a bit.

So I have 8 blue cards and 12 pink cards filled with what i hope are great thought-provoking questions. I hope I ask the right questions that the fans truly want answered; I hope my boss at the station loves the work I do; I hope this gives me a chance to do more with my radio career; and I hope, especially I don't mess up their names! Please, Lord.

Before signing off, I'm thrilled to have received my first advice question! It was so exciting, and since he/she has asked me to keep it private, I will honor it. I hope I get a good night's sleep...tomorrow is an important day!!!

Life is Counting to 10...Get back up!

So here I am, 23 years as a professional recording artist, 13 years as a radio personality, and one year as an advice columnist...looks great on paper, but what no one knows is although I'm proud of what I've accomplished, I have yet to achieve my real dreams. There have been some highs: meeting amazing celebrities, receiving a standing ovation at Madison Square Garden, and hearing my songs on the radio. And...there have been some lows: a suicide attempt, getting diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and getting my heart broken in the most evil and betraying of ways. My ultimate dreams? I want to win a Grammy, own a townhouse somewhere where I can complain about the deer eating my flowers, I want to be able to financially care for my mother without worrying about it, I want to sing a duet with Michael Buble, and I want to do a world tour, have a #1 top POP song on the radio. Oh yes, and I'd like to find the true love of my life, get married and know what it's like to be loved honestly.

I was at a great meeting this past week with my manager, his assistant, and my creative director. It was exciting: new website, new photos, new single being released soon. I was watching everyone buzzing like bees, looking at materials, talking about how to take it to the next level, etc. I was excited too, but all of a sudden, BOOM! I was outside of my body, I was numb. Flat out, truth..I was SCARED! Judy, why the hell are you afraid? Helloooo! Everyone is behind you, believing in you, supporting you. Suddenly there were endless lists of things for me to do, write, say...I was nodding my head, "yes, I can do that...sure, not a problem.." But inside me, there was a whole other side of me, in an alternate reality, saying "huh?" LOL...

It's funny, and it is hard to admit this on a blog, but hey, if I'm going to write a blog, I might as well put it out there...I AM AFRAID! I am afraid to fail, I am afraid to let people down, I am afraid I don't believe in myself enough anymore to make it happen. Damn, I'm just afraid. We are all afraid of failure...but what people don't know is that success can be just as scary. Is it possibly true that we are afraid of our own power? Is it that we are used to people telling us we can't, and then when we find out we can, we get scared, knowing that if we succeed, will we leave others behind? If we succeed, will people still like us, did they like us to begin with, or do they only like us for what we can do for them? If we succeed, will we be accused of changing? I have to find out what I'm afraid of...

When I think about it, I realize, I've tasted success - it tasted PHENOMENAL! I'm talking, finger-lickin-freakin-licous good! I've known what it feels like to have a lot of money coming in, to have the phone ring off the hook, to be invited to all the parties, to not have to wait on line, to pay the bills so far in advance there are no worries...but then one day, out of the blue, it stopped. All of it. And I've been fighting, scratching, crawling just to stay somewhere on the mountain, and then life, cynical people who think they know who you are, who make false judgments, keep kicking me down. I'm a fighter. I have been punched, sucker-punched, even been knocked out. And I have always got back up... The thing is...it gets harder to get up every time. Know what I mean? I had this same feeling with weight.

I decide to lose weight...I lose weight, 20, 30, 40 pounds or more. I work out in the gym like an animal. And then one day, an idiot says something to me like, "You're gonna have extra skin.." or "You look fine, but you still have a LOT more to go." and in an instant...FEAR is there again. Without even realizing, as if they've said some magic word, slowly, so very slowly the weight creeps back on. And then I'm knocked to the floor again, and I can't seem to get up.

Okay, back to the meeting. Just before I go, my manager says, "Judy, this is your life...you define who you are...you have to decide that you want this, and go after it." He is right. I loved that he said that to me...He also said, "And, Judy, you gotta get back to the gym." He didn't say it in a mean way. In fact, the way he said it was the way a father would lovingly tell his daughter- more out of concern for my health than for superficial reasons. But something inside me takes it out of context. The monster in me says, "What?! You think I'm getting fatter again, huh? You see me as a failure, huh? You don't love me the way I am?"

So today, I've been at the computer all day, doing what needs to be done in spite of this thing called fear, telling myself to get the gloves back on...because life is counting to 10, and if I don't get up soon, I'm going to lose what may be the last chance to make my career successful. I've decided to thank the people who believe in me by succeeding this time around. I hope this blog will help me therapeutically, and I hope this blog will help you see me as a human...just like you.