WIPED OUT...ALL THE WAY HOME!!

So, I survived the weekend. It went a bit like this:

Thursday night: INSOMNIA again!! Ugh, of all the nights to lose sleep, this one is not the one. There is a lovely moment between consciousness and sleep. I don't know if you've ever felt that moment or not, but it's kind of interesting, lol. Anyway, as soon as I arrived at that moment, BAM! I was awake, eyes wide open!

Friday: I think I had about 4 hours of sleep; not enough but what can I do...I had a flight to catch. So, had a good breakfast, laughed and was in a good mood. Got a ride to Newark airport where my road manager, David, and I took a flight to Chicago! What a beautiful city - if you've never been there, you should take the trip. The winters kick butt, moreso than here in NY/NJ, but it is worth it. Treated like royalty there. Was greeted by driver, and driven in a Maserati Limousine! Wow! Very few limos make me gasp. This one made me a fan. I took pictures like a true tourist and like a person who'd taken her first limo drive, lol. The color was spectacular: a light, dusted frosted, opalescent green/silver. I have NEVER seen a color on a car like that. Beautiful...no trunk though, lol. So Lissette Melendez, her nephew, my road manager and I shared this gorgeous limo with our luggage.

We were driven to Venuti's, the venue where we'd be performing that evening. It was a truly beautiful place! We were taken to a private room with the promoters and the owner of Venuti's, where we were served dinner - and nothing was off limits! It did feel like royalty, I cannot lie! Afterward we did a sound check and went to our hotel rooms. I took a nap. I could've slept for almost 4 hours, but that insomnia thing was determined to keep me company, and as a result, I slept for about 45 minutes. Better than nothing. The show was great! Cynthia and Lissette and I were backstage discussing how long we've been in this business, family matters, etc...honestly, I think Cynthia and Lissette look better than EVER!! After the show, Lissette and I were bombarded right in front of the Ladies' room, and even at one point had to go into the bathroom to take a few pics for women with no flashes in their cameras, lol. I couldn't hang out afterwards, I had Puerto Rico the next morning!

Saturday: So, I slept a total of an hour and a half. Feeling somewhat zombie-ish, we arrived to the airport to jump on the plane. I was EXHAUSTED. I cannot sleep on planes. It doesn't matter how much leg room I have, or if I can bring the seat back...I cannot sleep sitting up. I look at my road manager, and there he is, with his mouth gaping open, and snoring like a freaking baby. Was I hating? Better believe it! I did get to watch Dispicable Me though! LOL..I needed the laughter and I loved the movie, especially the little girl who was dying to win a stuffed unicorn toy at an amusement park. She screamed "It's so cute and FLUFFYYYY!!!" Okay, you had to be there!

We landed around 4pm, arrived to the hotel and it took almost an hour just to check in. We were staying at the Caribe Hilton...GORGEOUS! I arrived to my pretty room with my big bed, and I walked onto the balcony. And there it was. A beautiful beach flowing with palm trees, inviting sand and a hammock that said, "lie here. The breeze is perfect." Damn. I'm in the motherland, Puerto Rico, and I can't even get a chance to enjoy it! I took a photo of my view - at least I can remember it and perhaps return one day. I closed the balcony door and walked right to the bed, where I felt it. The exhaustion set in. My throat was hurting, and I had not eaten. But I wasn't hungry because the urge to sleep was by far stronger than the urge to eat. I plopped onto the bed...I had at least 3 or 4 hours to rest...did I sleep?

I do not know if I am the only performing artist who experiences this when they travel, but I felt lonely. Beautiful bed, beautiful view, but I just wish I had someone to say, "I am so tired! Can I rest my head on your chest?" or "Can you rub my feet?" Okay, it's really not so much about that...I think I was truly exhausted. Borderline delirious perhaps. And then my phone rang. And I was comforted by a friend at the right moment, when I needed it most. I was lying there, sideways, with the phone on my ear and as I listened, a single tear ran down my face onto the pillow. I hung up, and decided it was time to try to sleep again. But for the 2 1/2 hours my body laid there, my mind never stopped running. Woke up, got a Starbucks and went to the show.

Backstage I was with Lisa-Lisa, who I just adore and we were talking for a while. What I love about her is that she tells it like it is; never censors herself, and if you don't like what she has to say, oh, well, lol. It was my turn to go up onstage, and it was a little scary. Although I was in Puerto Rico, and I know the audience speaks English, the whole I-don't-speak-Spanish-fluently thing comes up and I get a bit intimidated. But I went up there, and did my Puerto Rican Wonder Woman dance step, and it was all good. I invited a young singer named Stephanie Lou Ann Bracero to come to the show. She's 18 and has a voice on her that you know is a gift from God! When I look at her I see myself - and so i've been sending her and hermother emails throughout the year, after having viewed her performances at various places. I think she's pretty amazing. So in the middle of my show, without her knowing I invited her onstage to sing something. And although she was put on the spot, she shined!! I wish I had the means to help her, but I hope that putting her up onstage would get someone's attention. Right after, I had to fly out the door because I had to be at the airport at 2:30 am for a 4:30 am flight.

Sunday: At the airport that is when it really hit me. My eyes burned, my body sluggish. I paid the extra money it cost just to get extra room...and thank God, I had the entire aisle to myself. For the first time I laid down on the aisle and closed my eyes...but NOOO!!! I can't sleep because it's freaking freezing!! I asked the attendant for a blanket: "Sure! We have pillow and blanket for $7!" Are you freaking kidding me? Forget it...I'll freeze. I do think I slept about an hour or so, which was enough to get me through. We landed in Fort Lauderdale, Flo for a connecting flight. Did I want that? Of course not, taking the flights at that time was the only way I could get into New York to make my 12 noon shift at WKTU!

The flight was delayed. Of course it was...that would be expected, lol. It was delayed by an hour, and I had to make lots of phone calls to warn everyone that I may not make it on time. In radioland, there is no such thing as being late. You simply cannot be late. We got on the plane, and I leaned against the window by my seat, praying it would transform into a comfy down pillow. I think I sort of slept. As soon as we landed we ran to the car and I drove to WKTU...I got there at 11:52am....8 minutes before my shift. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but by 5:30 I hit a wall, and I couldn't wait to be free.

All in all, the bottom line is this: you'd be amazed at what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. The mind is more powerful than your body, because when you WILL something to happen, it does happen whether your body likes it or not!!

25th Anniversary of Freestyle - Part 2 of 2!

I have to let you know that the entire night, I had an ANGEL by my side; and I felt it, I knew it, and I never felt more supported or blessed or honored in my life!!! That's all I can say about that, but I need my angel to know that I was aware of it the entire time and that I am truly grateful!!!

It was so GREAT to see everyone: Cynthia, Johnny O, Debbie Deb, George Lamond, Lissette Melendez, Soave, Noel, TKA/K7, Cover Girls, Brenda K. Starr, Sal Abbatiello (booking agent, manager of Cover Girls), Sa-Fire, Corina, Coro, Carlos Berrios(producer, songwriter, movie director),Tony Moran (Latin Rascals & producer for Gloria Estefan, Luther Vandross and Barbra Streisand), Big Al (promoter) and Company B. They hysterical thing was that as the ladies of Company B were walking downstairs to the stage, one of the children of the PS 22 Chorus asked, "Are you Lady Gaga?" LOL. The girls were like, "No, we wore white wigs WAY before her!!" That is SO right!! LOL.

As I watched the show backstage, I was impressed at my peers' performances: Cynthia looked BEAUTIFUL and she sounded amazing...she looked so happy to me! Johnny O was full of excitement! Suove sounded better than he did when he first entire the freestyle arena, Corina is just as beautiful as when she first began, Brenda K. Starr, although she did not perform, was so kind and warm to me, and to me she's just a true STAR! Coro, well, he never looks or sounds bad - what a survivor he is!! Sa-Fire is just a spitfire of energy and I love her dearly as well! Watching the show was like looking through old photo albums and saying, "Wow, look how much we've grown!" I'm very proud of all of our accomplishments, and if you knew the political, ugly side of this business, you would truly admire the freestyle soldiers who fight to sing for you!

The showstopper of the night had to be during Noel's performance. You may or maynot have heard, but allow me to share. I always called Noel the Puerto-Rican James Dean of the Freestyle world!!! He never catered to anyonee's demands, and he's always been his own man. He never cared about what people thought of him, and he literally dances to his own drum. I've always loved watching him perform and I can say that as the years go on, he just gest better and better!! So, while he was performing, the screens throughout the arena captioned that Noel had not seen his twin daughters in seven years because of unfortunate circumstances, and they would be on stage to surprise him, and they'd be wearing gold. Well, you could feel the heightened anticipation, creeping with each second. People began to stand up, searching...even I, even I had to go out in the crowd to witness this reunion.

"Excuse me, ma'am," a security guard said to me, "you CANNOT stand here...this area MUST stay clear." "Please, just let me see this moment...he's my friend...he's being reunited with his daughters...just let me see this and I'll move, I promise." She gave me a dirty look and then motioned me with a "whatever" expression. And then his daughters were standing right behind him. Noel continued to sing as the audience cheered in support! And then Noel turned around, the kind of turn we all do for performance purposes, and he sang and looked at them...and there was a millisecond of silence, and he grabbed them...and like a man, a real man who hadn't seen his children in so long, he cried! He cried bravely with honesty and elation. And I cried too...yes, it was something Oprah would have done! Was it slightly exploitive? Yes...after all, it really is nonoe of our business. However, it was a real moment; a life moment that we can all relate to, and it was worth it. I hope that a lot of people called their kids when the show was over, lol...

I went backstage to change into my second outfit and redo my hair and make up. As I sat exhausted at the makeup table, someone asked me, "What are you going to do with your hair?" Hm, good question...I stared at my curling iron, and the thought of curling all the crazy hair I have seemed daunting! "I'm going to curl it..." And then I heard music to my ears from a complete stranger: "I can do your hair...I have a place in the city..besides I'm bored." Yea...joy!! And as I did my make up, he did my hair. Yes, it was a good day! LOL.

It was my turn to come onstage and well, it was a moment of joy! I was sad that the kids were gone, that my dancers had canceled on me. I didn't have a BIG amazing thing to do onstage, but I kept telling myself that I alone am enough as long as I sing my heart out! And that is what I did! I did the wop, the Roger Rabbit, and all 80s dance moves I could remember, lol. I thanked Angelo Venuto and his band, Voices to backing me...I don't know if people realized but they had been playing since 11am for everyone's sound check and then played ALL night for all of us while we were onstage!! That is pretty amazing!! My time onstage flew by and I walked off happy...that's all that mattered - that the crowd was happy. If they are happy, I am happy..but then I was asked by KTU's Cubby and Cindy to come back on stage, and I was surprised with a Lifetime Achievement Award! Cool! I was truly honored and surprised...but OUCH!!! My feet were killing me!!!

TKA/K7 were up! What an introduction and wow, what reception they received!!! There are a few people I never tire from seeing: George Lamond and TKA/K7! The crowd was deafening! I have always admired Kayel, lead singer for TKA. He's a true friend and a classy guy - at the end of his show, he thanked EVERYONE who had been part of his career, including those who he may not have relationships with anymore. He badmouthed no one, and if you knew the dirty politics, you would not blame him if he did. But he's a gentleman...and that's why he has the success that he does! I went back up a couple of times to sing with TKA, George Lamond and for the finale!

For the finale, we all sang Don't Stop Believing with George Lamond...there was pyro, there were explosions and I looked around and realized, "Wow...this is what 25 years feels like...25 years of friendship, 25 years of freestyle music that has comforted generations, and 25 years of love and blessings!" And then at the very end, there were blasts of multi-colored confetti....and it filled the entire arena. No show had ever gone that far for one of our concerts! It felt good... it truly did. It was as if we all came full circle. But wait. As the confetti blinded me, I had fleeting thoughts: the award, the 25 years...I know, I know...for a moment, I felt a fear interfere with my joy: Is this the beginning of the end? Is that how we go out - with a big bang???

It does not matter. What matters is that this music has been acknowledged. What matters is that we have lives that other people envy. What matters is that I've spend more than 1/2 my life entertaining and truly living out my dream!!! I have been honored with thte title, Queen of Freestyle!!! I have loved, I have lost; I have been paid and there has been a cost! BUT...damn, what a GREAT RIDE!!!!! Whooohoooooo!

BEFORE THERE WAS J-LO...THERE WAS J-TO!

April 24th, 2010, 8pm. The Freestyle Legends Tour at Silver Spurs Arena, in Kissimee, Florida had begun.  The line up was awesome including, Tony from Nu Image, Jayquan from Nasty Boys, CNR of Trilogy, Nyasia, Giggles, & More, Noel, myself, Lil Suzy, Angel of Cover Girls, Lissette Melendez, George Lamond, Expose and TKA.  While getting ready for the show, I had a small emergency: I forgot a brush.  The type of hair I have DEMANDS a brush.  Thanks to Lissette Melendez, my hair was worthy of a show.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, was on the top of their game.

We arrived to the arena, and was immediately told that there were already 1000 people on line, and it wasn't even close to showtime.  Wow, I thought to myself, they're not on Latino time?  Latino time means if the appointed hour is 8pm, we're really arriving at about ten minutes to nine.  About a half hour before the show, I walked out to see the stage, and there were already people seated in front.  As I was discussing what to do with my road manager, people began to recognize me and take pictures.  I was actually surprised that happened..usually I sneak to the side of the stage, and no one even notices me.  This time was different.  Then the emcee announced I was on the side of the stage, and the flashes from cameras began to dance.  I was happy, as it is always a compliment when that happens.  I knew already it was going to be a good night.

I was only functioning on 3 hours of sleep the night before, but my nerves were working overtime.  You would think that after doing this more than 20 years I would no longer feel the butterflies, but alas, butterflies are my friends.  I always take nervousness as a sign that you actually care about what you are about to do.  The adrenaline that accompanies the nervousness is the fuel that gives you the energy to make the senses more finely tuned.  I was able to watch almost everyone's performance, and everyone, I mean everyone, was on top of their game!  You could hear the excitement and applause from way in the back, beyond doors that separated the dressing rooms. 

& More was performing, and I was up next.  So, I began my ritual, the only one I have before I go on:  I pray...really hard.  I created this rule that once I say "amen", I am forbidden to feel nervous.  I must walk in faith, that all will be well. I admit to the faith part, but I break my rule everytime.  This night when I said, "amen" a field of butterflies began dancing in my gut. Ugh, horrible feeling.  I start shadow boxing to try to calm myself, and the people around me backstage begin to laugh.  My biggest concern?  What am I gonna say when I get up there?  The emcee got the crowd so riled up, and before he even mentioned my name, some people in the audience began chanting my name, "Judy, Judy, Judy..."  Wow!  What a freaking feeling - what a compliment!!

I walk on stage, and the smiles are evident, the excitement so present...the people had a calming effect on me. I was so happy to walk on and see everyone so happy, recalling all their freestyle day memories.  I began to speak:  "Before there was Rihanna - there was Cynthia.  Before there was Justin Timberlake - there was George Lamond.  Before there was NSync - there was TKA.  And before there was J-Lo...I point to myself over my head...there was J-To."  The crowd just screamed with amusement, and the butterflies began to fly away finally.  I continued. "I was born and raised in the Bronx, the oldest of 5 siblings and a single mother to care for us.  I was told I couldn't be a singer by others because I couldn't afford it.  Then I was told that I wouldn't be successful because I didn't change my last name.  (In the eighties, it was not cool to have an ethnic name as it accepted today) and finally because I am chunky but funky, I was told no one would want to sign me...this is for you, for those who are told that can't make it...because you CAN make it..."  I begin to tell the story of my first recording..."oooh, oooh...(from No Reason to Cry) the year was 1987..."  And I began to sing my heart out.  I also did a few old school dance moves, and I sometimes forget when I do these moves that I actually have to keep singing.  I have to quickly tell myself to stop and catch my breath.

All I can say is I stopped midway to talk to the crowd.  I'm old school - I grew up watching Sammy Davis, Jr., Barbra Streisand and Liza Minnelli...the one thing they all had in common was they sought to find a connection with their audiences, and I really admired that about them.  They were story tellers, and it really taught me that the time you are onstage, you are creating an intimate relationship with your fans.  They're not just people who love your music; they are people who have had a hard day, they are burdened with life's issues and they come to you to feel better.  It is your job as an entertainer to "heal", to make them feel good, to have a real relationship with them, to be vulnerable in front of them, to be honest about what you are singing about...those things are important to me...just as important as singing the songs.  I have been criticized in the past for talking too much, lol, but it is part of who I am.  I want to get to know the people, and I want them to have an idea at least of who I am too.

Well, suddenly, they began chanting again and the entire audience at one point was standing up...the lights on the cell phones and video cameras were all on..it was a stunning sight.  I could hear everyone just cheering.  It was a cheer that was so loud and in unanimous agreement of pleasure that it penetrated my spirit.  I couldn't handle it...the love was too much!!! I wish you could be onstage and see what I see:  collective love!  What an overwhelming sensation.  Uh, oh...I felt the tears welling up.  "Thank you...thank you, please don't make me cry because then I can't sing."  And the volume of their cheers accelerated...and I just let the tears fall...it was almost what Oprah calls the ugly cry, but I let it go because I was grateful.  What a lot of people don't know about me is that sometimes I question myself...I question if perhaps I should live out Plan B somewhere and become a therapist.  I told the audience the truth..."It's hard sometimes...I asked Lisa-Lisa once if she ever wonders if it will be over...as long as you come to our shows, we will be here for you."  It was a moment I allowed the crowd to see my vulnerability and fear that one day this may be over for me, and the crowd opened up their arms to me & with their applause they reassured me that this isn't over just yet.

I began to sing Come Into My Arms, and suddenly, the words weren't a tale of a broken heart, but rather words of appreciation to the crowd: "You, you showed me how love can be...you showed me how much you mean.  You've always been by my side."  I began to cry again, but I was just so grateful to experience that moment; to experience that kind of communal spirit.  I completed the song holding out a note as long as could, which wasn't too long at all because I was just too emotional...but I gave my all.  The crowd was again on their feet, and everywhere I looked I saw such happy faces.  I said thank you, God bless you...and regrettably walked off.  From the second I reached the bottom of the stairs to the long walk back to the dressing room, I just cried.  I don't even know what I was crying about, but it felt like something was being let go...like unspoken pain was being released out of my body.  Backstage, my very happy and proud road manager, sang the praises, lol.  He had family with him and they asked me if I was okay since I hadn't been able to stop crying.  I told them, "Do you have any idea how that feels? Oh, my God..it is unbelieveable..to receive that much love in one moment from so many people?"  I was truly humbled because once agian, I caught myself thinking, 'I'm not all that special at all...'

During intermission I walked to the vending area where drinks were sold, and took as many pictures with people as was requested.  Again, it just felt like it was all love, nothing else, just love.  I also paid a visit to my very good friends, TKA, in their dressing room.  Anytime I'm in their presence, I feel like I'm with my brothers and I am always guaranteed a good laugh and words of wisdom from Kayel.  I told them how great it is that all of the freestyle artists get along so well and how we have become a real family. 
George Lamond went on stage...he is just a class act. He never gives a bad show, and quite frankly, I envy his voice.  He is warm and charasmatic and cute too, lol.  He began to sing, "Don't Stop Believing", when to my surprise, he said, "Judy Torres come on up here!"  Holy crap!!!  He called my name...he wants me to go up?  It was like I hit the lottery and at the same time Bob Barker said, "Judy Torres, come on downnn!!!"  I had my slippers on...no time to put the shoes on and look cute.  I ran and bumped into these black things, pulled a curtain aside to find it blocked by more black things and finally ran upstairs.  I joined him and all I could say was I felt pure joy...pure elation. I was so honored and flattered and we sang our butts off!  I harmonized and did whatever I thought I could do to help him and reminded myself that this was his show...but the audience freaked out!  They were so excited!  What a way to end it!  Wow.

I got back to my hotel room, and I just didn't want to go to sleep...why?  Because once your head is placed on the pillow it is the beginning of the end of that day.  Tomorrow makes it just a memory, but I will take that feeling that I felt on stagewith me for the rest of my life.  Do you kow what it felt like?  The crowd's love was as closest as I'll get to being hugged by God on this planet...and damn, did it feel good!!!