So it was December, 2011 - just one week shy of Christmas. Things with the Quiet One were going splendidly well...and then, well, something happened to him...something that had already happened to so many of my friends and what has happend to SO many others. He told me he was laid off. The unemployment club had now included my own boyfriend. I felt devastated FOR him. The Quiet One is a very skilled man, member of a union with years of experience in his craft. When he told me about it, I did what any woman would do: I stood by my man. The Quiet One had done so much for me already - it surely is NO ONE's fault when they are unexpectedly laid off due to budget issues. I knew it would be hard, but it would be harder because it was SO close to the holidays. I was suddenly flown back to December,1999.
From 1999 - 2001, I was a member of the KTU Morning Show. My role on the show was not the major role I had hoped for. Nor did I ever honestly get used to waking up at 4am. But nonetheless, I LOVED being there every morning & I was proud to be there. I was especially proud to be on the air on that tragic day of 9/11. I was humbled & extremely moved by how humanity & love survived...and I was honored to call in & report to KTU while on site at Ground Zero. So it was December 22nd, I believe. We were on the air for four hours, and had just signed off. We, the members of the morning show, made a big deal out of the fact we were going on vacation. "Have a GREAT Christmas everyone! We'll see you next year." We had all hugged one another. We all had smiles on our faces. It would be an entire week of vacation - and we needed it. But we had no idea it would be our last broadcast.
We were literally walking out the door, when our program director (at that time), said, "Hold on...before you go, I need to see you guys." At times I tend to be quite gullible, optimistic & naive...this was one of those times. I thought he was calling us in one by one to give us a Christmas bonus -so there I sat, waiting with a stupid smile on my face - while the others stared at the wall with dread. Out of 6 of us, only 2 would remain. I was shaking when I left the office. I was grateful that I would still have a job at KTU hosting my Freestyle Free For All on Sundays - but I was SO devastated to know that it would be my last day on the morning show. And right before Christmas!!! Suddenly I panicked. I called my mother, hysterical. My mother, of course, took the it-will-be-alright-you-don't-need-that-stress attitude. All I could think of was feeling that I was not "liked" on radio anymore and that I would not be able to do that Christmas shopping I had planned to do that very day. Now that extra money would have to be saved for a many rainy day. But I did indeed survive it all...and I'm still "liked" on KTU...as I will celebrate 15 years of being on the air this summer! But I knew EXACTLY how the Quiet One was feeling.
I assured him over and over again that he would find another job. I told him that God can never give him a better job, unless He cleared him from the one he already had. But I know how men feel. Most men equate their self-worth with what living they make; they feel proud to know they can "take care" of their family, or their woman. They also need to feel that they're filling a purpose - we all need that. So, the Quiet One nodded his head and was very upset that he couldn't buy me the one BIG Christmas gift he'd planned to buy me with the pay check he was supposed to receive. I told him I didn't need a big gift. I told him that HE was my gift...that God had given me EXACTLY what I wanted: a good man who respects me, cherishes who I am, who could care less that I sing, and who would honor me and be loyal. I'd take that any day over any piece of jewelry or a Kindle (lol...he knew I wanted a Kindle badly, lol).
So on Christmas, we took a ride to my visit my mom. And I was so proud of him. He helped set the table. He played with my nieces and later when we all sang my favorite Christmas carol, Carol of the Bells, he sang along as well. He was a GREAT sport! The magical moment came later on. I could not find him at all...and then I saw it. There he was, hands flying around in animated conversation. And who was he with? All 3 brothers & one uncle...they were talking and laughing. I walked into the kitchen where they were to listen in on the convo, when he said to me, "Sorry, honey, it's a guy thing." I laughed & walked out...and I felt proud. He doesn't believe me, but to see my boyfriend hanging out with my brothers and laughing - that was the best gift I could have ever received. After dessert, we took the ride home & cuddled on the sofa watching the Good Elf, or something like that. He apologized for not being able to give that big gift...but told me my gift was in the stocking. He had given me two pairs of the softest, coziest socks and two GORGEOUS pairs of EARRINGS! What was he talkng about? It was a perfect Christmas....I FINALLY am with someone who is REAL...
Fast forward to Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, the Quiet One STILL had not been able to find a job in his field, or even a different job altogether...and he was beginning to panic. I had to keep him calm...if we both panicked, it would make this bump in the road even worse. We kept Valentine's Day VERY simple. The Quiet One gave me a beautiful card, chocolate and he cooked my favorite dinner...I don't know what he calls it, but it's a delicious Italian dish with pasta, chicken, tomatoes and quiet ingredients, lol. He also baked me a lemon cake with a buttercream frosting, my favorite. We watched all our favorite tv shows & cuddled all night long...
Losing a job can be paralyzing, terrifying & can literally shake your foundation. But I am proud of him - he has NEVER quit. He has NEVER given up and he has NOT taken it out on me. That's what I'm most proud of him for. When people are under acute and high stress, it is easy to become quick tempererd and snap at the ones we love. Suddenly, under that type of pressure, it become easy to make the one you love a target and begin arguing about senseless things. But the Quiet One never changed. I love him for that. I am VERY proud of him. The fact is that since the job never came to him, he went to the job. Today, he has begun his own business & last week landed his first client. Last night, he landed a second! He's a good man and I have NO doubt, he will do well...and I love him. I really love him. So ladies if and when your man loses his job, or something truly meaningful to him - although you may want to get angry and panic...don't. Be his rock for a change, believe in him & his abilities, pray and then stand by your man!
Showing posts with label KTU. Show all posts
Showing posts with label KTU. Show all posts
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday, May 15, 2011
THE REALITY OF MORTALITY
My father recently told me he was going to take a very long trek with his wife so she could visit her brother in the hospital via public transportation. With my father being 79 years old, I just didn't see that happening. So I offered to drive them - about and hour and a half away. It was a Friday (first Friday I'd had off in a while) - so I sacrificed the day, lol..I had originally planned to go hiking or do a movie, but family first.
When I picked up my dad and his wife and they were preparing to enter my car, the first thing I said was, "This is MY ship. I am the captain. no one tells me how to steer my ship." I had to make the humorous disclaimer because my father's domineering disposition sometimes makes me anxious. My father's more than 30 years of experience as a tractor trailer driver for the U.S. Postal Service has definitely earned him the right to warn me, but he does it constantly...and it drives me crazy. it's like when I'm on KTU and my boss calls me criticizing me while I'm on the air - he makes me a nervous wreck & I gradually become worse on the air and stutter, making all sorts of mistakes I would never have made. Well, my father telling me how fast to go, and his commanding ways..just make me nervous. And a nervous driver makes a very bad driver.
As they walked into the car, my father sat in the back. Hm. That's weird. He never did that before. Initially I was relieved. I figured it was better he be a backseat driver than right up front. But then I had a thought. Why? Why is Papi sitting in the back? When I turned around he had his leg up.
"Papi, it's your knee again, huh?"
"Yeah, Ju-ju...it's killing me."
Wow. I need you to understand who my father is. He is SO opposite of Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch. He is more like a combination of the father in the 70s sitcoms: Archie from All in the Family and Michael Evans from Good Times. Tough. Tough as steel, hard as nails...a real force to be reckoned with. He's so tough that to this day, as a 42 year old woman, I immediately feel like that six year old girl with him towering over me. I knew his knee's been an issue for a little while. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention how stubborn he can be too...he knows he needs knee replacement and he refuses. I am empathetic to his feelings and am doing my best to respect his wishes - because after all he is 79. So we were off...after we dropped off his wife, we had some alone time, and we went to have brunch. I had a hunch to go to the passenger side as soon as I parked the car. My father began to pull himself up and he struggled. I reached out for him. "No, Judy...I got it. Watch your father. See? This is what I do." He then used the side of the car to support his weight & push himself up. My first thought was 'wow, he's very smart'...but then I became a little concerned. What if one day he goes to pull himself up against the car & hurts his shoulder? Or worse, what if he can't, and he falls. The idea of my father hurting himself is a thought I have not had before. And my heart aches at the thought of it.
I had been fantasizing about having a real deep conversation with my father. I feel like I'm running out of time, and I would really love to be much closer to him. I had a fantasy in my head about how the conversation wuold flow. Life is never how you fantasize it - sometimes better than you could imagine; sometimes worse. I felt we were making great progress, when all of a sudden he told me that he bets when he dies, I'll go sing somewhere and do a show. WHAAAATT?!! How could my own father even think that - I have been kind, respectful and loving to him and nothing less. Ugh. I hate when he does that. I assured him that family cmoes first - that if God forbid, that happened, of course I would cancel everything & be there. Wow. Done. End of conversation for me, lol.
On our way back to take them home, I looked over and saw my father sleeping. It may sound strange, but I have NEVER seen my father sleep. I saw him there - he seemed so gentle - kind of like a lion when it sleeps, lol. And for the first time, I genuinely worried about what will happen to my father. I sincerely saw him as vulnerable - so strange - so surreal to feel that way. I love my father. So much more than he could ever imagine.
One week later...
I worked at KTU until 8pm on Mother's Day, and drove straight to mom's house to see her. I promised I'd take her shopping the next day. That Monday morning, my mom said, "Judy...excuse me, ok? But I'm going to cry now. Just let me cry." Talk about having your heart break. I am the first person to comfort anyone when they cry, but she almost said it as if she didn't want to be bothered. I let her cry for about 10 seconds or so...but I HAD to put my arms around her. She began to express her frustration about everything in her life...I know that feeling, and I'm sure we all do. It's those times in our lives that we feel like life is eating us up and not the other way around.
I let her cry. Sometimes you need a good cry - it releases toxins, stress & sometimes it just cleans the slate of your mind. When she was finally ready to talk, she expressed how hard it has been to be in pain all the time. Her hip still bothers her. My father's knee - my mom's hip. Ouch. I remember when I was first diagnosed with multiple sclerosis - the pain in my head and eye that lasted for 6 weeks was unbearable. I became depressed and I was totally understanding why sometimes people ask to be euthanized...so I don't judge people in pain. The more she talked about it, the more surprised I became. Either I have been blind, or she has hid her pain well. She was upset about so many things...some I knew, others I didn't...I guess you could say according to what I observed, I'd say she was in crisis mode. But in our lives there are no victims allowed.
"Mom, why haven't you said anything?"
"What's the use? I'm always in pain - can't sleep, can't stand, can't do what I want to do & it's so frustrating."
Finally after a few minutes, I convinced her to call her doctor to find out her optons for pain management. It is very hard for me to see my mom change recently. I know she's older, but my mom has always been a go-getter and I just feel like she's in the prime of her life. She should be doing things for her happiness. She raised 5 of us all on her own, and I just want to see her get the joy & fulfillment I know she deserves. I gave her as many sources for help as I could think of, but ultimately, she needs to decide that she's worth it. She needs to love herself enough to pick up the phone & be proactive. She needs to love herself much more...and I tell her that all the time. I just don't know if I've reached her. She's been a GREAT mom, and she has planted seeds of positivity that flow from my spirit every day. And I just want to see her live the life she taught me.
So, I am sure these things are normal. I'm sure it's normal to question life - I'm sure it's normal that our parents get older. I'm sure it's all natural the flow and ebb of life. Birth. Life. Death. I'm at an age now where I have many friends who've lost their parents. I know it will be my turn to be a part of that club one day, but I'm not ready. I don't know if one is EVER ready. But I can feel the fear brewing from the pit of my stomach. And I am faced with wondering the following: How will they pass, when will they pass, will I be able to be there for them. My heart literally feels pain and my eyes fill with water when I begin to even fathom these things...I guess I am beginning to feel the reality of their mortality. Yes, I am holding every moment with them as precious jewels now.
When I picked up my dad and his wife and they were preparing to enter my car, the first thing I said was, "This is MY ship. I am the captain. no one tells me how to steer my ship." I had to make the humorous disclaimer because my father's domineering disposition sometimes makes me anxious. My father's more than 30 years of experience as a tractor trailer driver for the U.S. Postal Service has definitely earned him the right to warn me, but he does it constantly...and it drives me crazy. it's like when I'm on KTU and my boss calls me criticizing me while I'm on the air - he makes me a nervous wreck & I gradually become worse on the air and stutter, making all sorts of mistakes I would never have made. Well, my father telling me how fast to go, and his commanding ways..just make me nervous. And a nervous driver makes a very bad driver.
As they walked into the car, my father sat in the back. Hm. That's weird. He never did that before. Initially I was relieved. I figured it was better he be a backseat driver than right up front. But then I had a thought. Why? Why is Papi sitting in the back? When I turned around he had his leg up.
"Papi, it's your knee again, huh?"
"Yeah, Ju-ju...it's killing me."
Wow. I need you to understand who my father is. He is SO opposite of Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch. He is more like a combination of the father in the 70s sitcoms: Archie from All in the Family and Michael Evans from Good Times. Tough. Tough as steel, hard as nails...a real force to be reckoned with. He's so tough that to this day, as a 42 year old woman, I immediately feel like that six year old girl with him towering over me. I knew his knee's been an issue for a little while. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention how stubborn he can be too...he knows he needs knee replacement and he refuses. I am empathetic to his feelings and am doing my best to respect his wishes - because after all he is 79. So we were off...after we dropped off his wife, we had some alone time, and we went to have brunch. I had a hunch to go to the passenger side as soon as I parked the car. My father began to pull himself up and he struggled. I reached out for him. "No, Judy...I got it. Watch your father. See? This is what I do." He then used the side of the car to support his weight & push himself up. My first thought was 'wow, he's very smart'...but then I became a little concerned. What if one day he goes to pull himself up against the car & hurts his shoulder? Or worse, what if he can't, and he falls. The idea of my father hurting himself is a thought I have not had before. And my heart aches at the thought of it.
I had been fantasizing about having a real deep conversation with my father. I feel like I'm running out of time, and I would really love to be much closer to him. I had a fantasy in my head about how the conversation wuold flow. Life is never how you fantasize it - sometimes better than you could imagine; sometimes worse. I felt we were making great progress, when all of a sudden he told me that he bets when he dies, I'll go sing somewhere and do a show. WHAAAATT?!! How could my own father even think that - I have been kind, respectful and loving to him and nothing less. Ugh. I hate when he does that. I assured him that family cmoes first - that if God forbid, that happened, of course I would cancel everything & be there. Wow. Done. End of conversation for me, lol.
On our way back to take them home, I looked over and saw my father sleeping. It may sound strange, but I have NEVER seen my father sleep. I saw him there - he seemed so gentle - kind of like a lion when it sleeps, lol. And for the first time, I genuinely worried about what will happen to my father. I sincerely saw him as vulnerable - so strange - so surreal to feel that way. I love my father. So much more than he could ever imagine.
One week later...
I worked at KTU until 8pm on Mother's Day, and drove straight to mom's house to see her. I promised I'd take her shopping the next day. That Monday morning, my mom said, "Judy...excuse me, ok? But I'm going to cry now. Just let me cry." Talk about having your heart break. I am the first person to comfort anyone when they cry, but she almost said it as if she didn't want to be bothered. I let her cry for about 10 seconds or so...but I HAD to put my arms around her. She began to express her frustration about everything in her life...I know that feeling, and I'm sure we all do. It's those times in our lives that we feel like life is eating us up and not the other way around.
I let her cry. Sometimes you need a good cry - it releases toxins, stress & sometimes it just cleans the slate of your mind. When she was finally ready to talk, she expressed how hard it has been to be in pain all the time. Her hip still bothers her. My father's knee - my mom's hip. Ouch. I remember when I was first diagnosed with multiple sclerosis - the pain in my head and eye that lasted for 6 weeks was unbearable. I became depressed and I was totally understanding why sometimes people ask to be euthanized...so I don't judge people in pain. The more she talked about it, the more surprised I became. Either I have been blind, or she has hid her pain well. She was upset about so many things...some I knew, others I didn't...I guess you could say according to what I observed, I'd say she was in crisis mode. But in our lives there are no victims allowed.
"Mom, why haven't you said anything?"
"What's the use? I'm always in pain - can't sleep, can't stand, can't do what I want to do & it's so frustrating."
Finally after a few minutes, I convinced her to call her doctor to find out her optons for pain management. It is very hard for me to see my mom change recently. I know she's older, but my mom has always been a go-getter and I just feel like she's in the prime of her life. She should be doing things for her happiness. She raised 5 of us all on her own, and I just want to see her get the joy & fulfillment I know she deserves. I gave her as many sources for help as I could think of, but ultimately, she needs to decide that she's worth it. She needs to love herself enough to pick up the phone & be proactive. She needs to love herself much more...and I tell her that all the time. I just don't know if I've reached her. She's been a GREAT mom, and she has planted seeds of positivity that flow from my spirit every day. And I just want to see her live the life she taught me.
So, I am sure these things are normal. I'm sure it's normal to question life - I'm sure it's normal that our parents get older. I'm sure it's all natural the flow and ebb of life. Birth. Life. Death. I'm at an age now where I have many friends who've lost their parents. I know it will be my turn to be a part of that club one day, but I'm not ready. I don't know if one is EVER ready. But I can feel the fear brewing from the pit of my stomach. And I am faced with wondering the following: How will they pass, when will they pass, will I be able to be there for them. My heart literally feels pain and my eyes fill with water when I begin to even fathom these things...I guess I am beginning to feel the reality of their mortality. Yes, I am holding every moment with them as precious jewels now.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO....
Every year I cannot wait to watch the Oscars. I love the glamour, just like the eveyone else & I love the idea that someone's hard work truly pays off. Once an actor wins an Oscar, their career skyrockets, and their names shall forever be preceded with "Academy-Award-Winning..." and what an honor that is! But this year is a little different...
If you recall, the 5th graders of Staten Island's PS 22 Chorus peformed No Reason to Cry with me back in November for the 25th Anniversary of Freestyle Concert at Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. (I'm sorry, was that a run-on sentence? Sorry Ms. Parisi!) Well, during their own Christmas concert, Anne Hathaway, this year's co-host for the Oscars, surprised them with the news that they would perform with her at this year's 83rd annual Academny Awards!! The children burst into so much excitement that they completely drowned out Anne Hathaway and she had a microphone, lol. Their music teacher, Mr. Gregg Breinberg, is just the most inspiring human being and teacher I've met in a LONG time! He deserves SO much, and is a shining example of what being a good teacher is all about. So it is with great anticipation that I will be racing to my friend's house for an Oscar party as soon as I'm done with my shift at KTU.
Okay, so let's get down to it. Just about one billion people will be watching thet Oscars tonight...and we each have our own favorites. I had to confess that I didn't see ALL the movies nominated (first year I was unable to because this was the first time that TEN movies were nominated), but I did see the following:
Black Swan
Inception
Social Network
The Fighter
The Kids Are Alright
The King's Speech
Toy Story 3
Hey 7 out of 10 ain't bad! Okay, so my vote for Best Picture is The King's Speech or The Fighter. Inception was incredible, no doubt about it, but let's face it, stories based on factual events and people are more compelling, and Colin Firth's acting was AMAZING
So now you know my pick for best actor,lol! By the way, Mark Wahlberg was completely overlooked for best actor...when will they finally realize what a wonderful actor he is. I think he's such a natural that it's easy to underestimate his talent. My vote for best actress, hello...duh...Natalie Portman. She acts with a certain sense of desperation and vulnerability that is truly captivating. And the poor thing lost 20 pounds for the role...bendito, she was hungry!!!! But her portrayal of a prima ballerina wss magnificent. She's come a long way, and I think tonight, she will be honored...we'll have to wait and see.
For best supporting actor my pick is Christian Bale in the Fighter. First of all, he pulled of a Boston accent and he's not even from America...secondly, playing a strung-out-almost-made-it-to-the-top who was addicted to crack is a VERY difficult thing to pull off. And when you see the movie, you cannot take your eyes off of him. He was just on e of the most believable actors I've seen in a LONG time...and if he doesn't win, I'll be kind of angry. If not him, then I believe it will be Geoffrey Rush in The King's Speech. He really is a phenomenal actor and he usually outshines everyone in all his movies. For best supporting actress, it MUST be, HAS to be Melissa Leo from the fighter!! She was brilliant as a dysfunctional, "trashy", mother who although loves her sons, she stands in their way too, She was loud, she rambunctious and flamboyant...but she was also a mom...a mom of 9. I just recall watching the movie and thinking, "WHO is this woman? Where did she come from and why haven't I heard of her before?" I hope she gets it.
Well that'll do it for me. I don't pretend to be a film critic - just a yong woman who appreciates the cinema and ALL the work that goes into it...after all, I was cast with a minor role in a film called Elliot Loves, scheduled to be released in the summer. I only had three lines and it took almost 18 hours to get 2 scenes done, so I can imagine the time-consuming, stressful and hard work that goes into film-making. Thank you, film makers, for begin brave enough to put your ideas on film so we can be entertained and inspired!!!
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