Saturday, February 6, 2010

Life is Counting to 10...Get back up!

So here I am, 23 years as a professional recording artist, 13 years as a radio personality, and one year as an advice columnist...looks great on paper, but what no one knows is although I'm proud of what I've accomplished, I have yet to achieve my real dreams. There have been some highs: meeting amazing celebrities, receiving a standing ovation at Madison Square Garden, and hearing my songs on the radio. And...there have been some lows: a suicide attempt, getting diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and getting my heart broken in the most evil and betraying of ways. My ultimate dreams? I want to win a Grammy, own a townhouse somewhere where I can complain about the deer eating my flowers, I want to be able to financially care for my mother without worrying about it, I want to sing a duet with Michael Buble, and I want to do a world tour, have a #1 top POP song on the radio. Oh yes, and I'd like to find the true love of my life, get married and know what it's like to be loved honestly.

I was at a great meeting this past week with my manager, his assistant, and my creative director. It was exciting: new website, new photos, new single being released soon. I was watching everyone buzzing like bees, looking at materials, talking about how to take it to the next level, etc. I was excited too, but all of a sudden, BOOM! I was outside of my body, I was numb. Flat out, truth..I was SCARED! Judy, why the hell are you afraid? Helloooo! Everyone is behind you, believing in you, supporting you. Suddenly there were endless lists of things for me to do, write, say...I was nodding my head, "yes, I can do that...sure, not a problem.." But inside me, there was a whole other side of me, in an alternate reality, saying "huh?" LOL...

It's funny, and it is hard to admit this on a blog, but hey, if I'm going to write a blog, I might as well put it out there...I AM AFRAID! I am afraid to fail, I am afraid to let people down, I am afraid I don't believe in myself enough anymore to make it happen. Damn, I'm just afraid. We are all afraid of failure...but what people don't know is that success can be just as scary. Is it possibly true that we are afraid of our own power? Is it that we are used to people telling us we can't, and then when we find out we can, we get scared, knowing that if we succeed, will we leave others behind? If we succeed, will people still like us, did they like us to begin with, or do they only like us for what we can do for them? If we succeed, will we be accused of changing? I have to find out what I'm afraid of...

When I think about it, I realize, I've tasted success - it tasted PHENOMENAL! I'm talking, finger-lickin-freakin-licous good! I've known what it feels like to have a lot of money coming in, to have the phone ring off the hook, to be invited to all the parties, to not have to wait on line, to pay the bills so far in advance there are no worries...but then one day, out of the blue, it stopped. All of it. And I've been fighting, scratching, crawling just to stay somewhere on the mountain, and then life, cynical people who think they know who you are, who make false judgments, keep kicking me down. I'm a fighter. I have been punched, sucker-punched, even been knocked out. And I have always got back up... The thing gets harder to get up every time. Know what I mean? I had this same feeling with weight.

I decide to lose weight...I lose weight, 20, 30, 40 pounds or more. I work out in the gym like an animal. And then one day, an idiot says something to me like, "You're gonna have extra skin.." or "You look fine, but you still have a LOT more to go." and in an instant...FEAR is there again. Without even realizing, as if they've said some magic word, slowly, so very slowly the weight creeps back on. And then I'm knocked to the floor again, and I can't seem to get up.

Okay, back to the meeting. Just before I go, my manager says, "Judy, this is your define who you have to decide that you want this, and go after it." He is right. I loved that he said that to me...He also said, "And, Judy, you gotta get back to the gym." He didn't say it in a mean way. In fact, the way he said it was the way a father would lovingly tell his daughter- more out of concern for my health than for superficial reasons. But something inside me takes it out of context. The monster in me says, "What?! You think I'm getting fatter again, huh? You see me as a failure, huh? You don't love me the way I am?"

So today, I've been at the computer all day, doing what needs to be done in spite of this thing called fear, telling myself to get the gloves back on...because life is counting to 10, and if I don't get up soon, I'm going to lose what may be the last chance to make my career successful. I've decided to thank the people who believe in me by succeeding this time around. I hope this blog will help me therapeutically, and I hope this blog will help you see me as a human...just like you.


  1. I was a stranger passing in your were once my cardio instructor at a gym in Jersey City and I continue to have a soft spot in my heart for you. I've seen your successes and noticed when you were missing. There are many people who believe in you. Be strong and pa'lante mi'ja.
    Eileen Rivera-de la Hoz

  2. Judy - congrats on the blog. And I had to comment - having a few discussions with you back in the day reminded me how strong and resiliant you are. Your manager has only the best in mind for you and it's refreshing to see you speak with such honesty and candor. I wish you the best with this new single and if you have any blogging questions, you know I'm only an email away.

  3. My have nothing to be afraid of. All you have to do is be the best you can be and do the best you can. I love you just the way you are and appreaciate you just the way you are. No matter what you do in life. You are always going to be successful. All you need in life is FAITH! You are never a failure!


  4. Judy- I don't know if you remember me but my name is John Friia and I interviewed you for my school newspaper. I noticed you started your own blog and I just wanted to tell you that so many people came up to me and asked me if I really did talk to Judy Torres. They wanted to know how you were? All I can say is that she is one of the nice people I have every talked to. Some celebrities would make a interview for a high school newspaper short, but you talked to me for almost an hour and I learned so much from that conversation. You do have a remarkable life and you accomplished so much, I think you should even write a book. Good Luck with your blog, thank again for the interview and wish you the best of luck in your new endeavor

  5. Love the blog Judy! and I felt much of what you were saying. You and your music were very much a part of the best time of my life and all I can say is go for it! You got talent girl and with such great talent, you can never fail! I have been taking care of my mother for the past 3 years. Moved in with her even. She went to be with the Lord this past November and I am now trying to sort and pick up my life again so I know those insecurities. I can say though to ask for what you want and then go for it. He will not lead you wrong! Looking forward to hearing the new release!

  6. Thank you for letting me know you a bit better. If there was one famous person I would ever want to truly know it would be you. Your music defined a time in my life that always makes me smile. For you are IN the air that I breathe. Keep reaching for your goals and never give up. When you reach them (which you undoubtably will), make new ones. God Bless and THANK YOU

  7. Hey Judy.....I'm looking forward to more of your blog. You're off to a good start. If I may, I'd like to share some advice that I've learned over the years. I want you to replace your fear with laughter. Whenever something happens that makes you scared, laugh through it. Make fun of it. Go along with it like it's a joke. That way, when you belittle it, it's much easier to get through. Same thing for negative people and their comments. If someone says something rude or nasty to you or about you.....laugh it off with them. And if you could, laugh right in their face. Cuz you are Judy Torres! You are FIERCE. You are FABULOUS....and no one can take away anything that you've worked hard for.

    That's just my little piece of advice from my world. Not sure if it could work for you, or maybe you can make it work in your own way. To me, life is one big joke, and I don't take it too seriously. And whatever I'm doing, I try to have fun with it.

    And I can hardly believe that you are scared about your new projects! You should be anxious to get out there and give us something new. We love your older stuff, but hearing some new stuff would really be the icing on the cake.

    Love you.....Hope to see you again soon.
    Angel Love