August 7, 2010 - KTU's BEATSTOCK at PNC Bank Arts Center, NJ
Woke up and instantly began running around. There was a lot to do, a lot to prepare for and as soon as I began running around the phone began ringing off the hook. I was grateful that I had already decided on what I would be wearing...that saved at least an hour off the clock! Navy Guy showed up and was excited, but could see how busy I was, and he was understandably patient and stayed "out of the way" during the frenzy. I was told I would only get a town car, so I had prepared him with the information. But at 3pm, a HUGE limousine showed up...I could've fit most of my family in it, and his eyes lit up. We went downstairs, when I realized I'd forgotten something and had to go bak upstairs. When I came down, Navy Guy had already taken several photos of the limo. LOL...it reminded me how special it is to get a limo pick me up...I am a very lucky and blessed girl, and I appreciate it all...never take it for granted.
He asked me, "Here." he handed me his camera, "take a picture." So I did...The driver, realizing what was happening, said, "Give me the camera, I'll take a picture of both of you." Navy Guy declined. Huh? In my attempt to not act like "a girl", and be clingy,I didn't complain, but I thought it was odd. What's wrong with taking a picture of me? On the ride over, at first, we barely spoke...hm. Not the picture I had in my mind. We did eventually warm up. Before you know it, we arrived at PNC. I introduced him to a few people, and Navy Guy was cool with everyone. He asked me if I needed water, and he really balanced well between keeping me company and giving me space to do what I needed to do. It was time to change. But wait...oh, my God! It's Charice! The girl who was on Oprah, who was signed by David Foster!!!! I begged and I got a picture with her! So cool! What a HUGE voice coming out of her tiny and petite little body! It was an awesome moment!
I was beginning to feel nervous...it happens every year. But I was excited. I wore a pink lace corset with black leggings, a black lace cover and the boots that I almost didn't have to pay for, lol..(I wrote about it in a previous blog, What Would You Do?). I have to admit, I felt pretty great about what I was wearing. Yes, Iit was brave for a girl of my size, but it made me feel sexy. I came out of the dressing room and people around me began to compliment me. Good, whew, I look okay. I was asked to take photos for Versace, one of the sponsors for Beatstock...it was fun. I even took some photos with Chris Willis, who I LOVE!!
Time to go on stage. I was waiting...I was to go on after Kim English. It was a gorgeous day; a perfect day for the concert. I heard my name. "And now...Judy Torres." A heard a rush of the people...it was a mixture of applause and believe it or not, it felt like JOY! I was honored, I was taken ababck with shock...I didn't expect such a great response. And I thought to myself, you better do good...but it was wonderful. It is so unbelieveably overwhelming to be able to sing and feel every moment, hit every high note...and hear people resond!! Oh, what a moment!! There were so many celebrities, and all I secretly thought was, "People won't even remember I was here...once they see Enrique, Pitbull...there's no way they even care that I'm here." But I have to say, upon hearing the applause and response, I felt in for the short amount of time I was onstage, they cared.
I walked off, and was given high fives, asked to take pictures and was bombarded with requests...that always feels good I won't lie to you. It is very validating as a human being, to have people react to you in such a way is a compliment. I walked over to Navy Guy, and he said, "When you went on a lot of seats thqt had been empty filled up..." That was it. Was that a compliment? I think so., sort of, kind of. I should be grateful, but I wanted to hear, "Good job, baby!" Then it hit me...that's what the Lobster would've probably said! It's not good to compare. Comparisons aside, Judy herself would've liked to receive a compliment from a guy she's interested in.
The ride back home was QUIET. Navy Guy was on the phone, texting. His hand was just sitting there, and I reached out for it. He pulled it away to text..but never replaced it back to my hand. Whatever. I had given him a t-shirt with my name & Stay on it, along with my business card as a joke...He had some other memorabilia he'd collected from Beatstock that day. We had kown he was leaving to head back to the port inthe morning because he had duty on Monday morning, britght and early. I had asked him what he would tell people when he posted the pics of the limo, etc. onto the internet, and he said, "I'll tell them I went to Beatstock." No mention of me. He said goodnight and kissed me lightly, thanked me & was gone. He said, "I'll be visiting family in a couple of weeks, and I'll pass by to visit, ok?" I sat back in the limo, looked down and there it was. He'd taken his photos, his souveneirs, but he'd left things behind - the tshirt that bore my name and my business card. It was as if, he'd purposely left behind any "evidence" that he was with me at all. No pictures and nothing with my name. I can gesture that it was a mistake; that he simply forgot it..but those items were on top of all the other ones. It was psychologically sending me a LOUD message. And you know what? Although I was sadly disappointed, I have to confess, I had reached a point where it didn't even matter to me. That was it. We had said goodbye to one another without actually saying it.