Monday, June 28, 2010


I was waiting for my father to pick me up for weekly visitation.  It was a cold and rainy Saturday afternoon.  There I was alone, because my brother was ill and couldn't come.  I stood at that stoop. He was to arrive at 3pm.  I looked at my watch, and with butterflies of excitement in my tummy, I waited with bated breath.  Each time I was always nervous, partly out of joy, partly out of fear, but no matter what, I always hoped he'd come.  It was my birthday after all...he HAS to come. I recalled other weekends he'd come over, and I'd see his HUGE Cadillac pull up from around the corner.  Papi would get out, all dressed up, with the gold jewelry flashing the message: "I AM somebody!"  He would get out of the car, and I'd kiss him nervously on the cheek,hoping he'd compliment me...but he didn't.  Didn't matter, it was my dad, and I wanted to spend time with Papi, Daddy, Dad...the man who was to be my hero and take care of his little girl.  I was nine years old.

It was my was 3:00pm...I mean 3:30...nope, 4:00pm...I refused to budge.  What if while I went back upstairs and he came by and thought I'd left?  That would be horrible. It was a time when my father was forbidden to call my house (long story, will share on another future blog). It was a time when there were no cell phones.  So I was frozen there...and I was very wet...It was 6pm when I gave up.  I was crying but no one could tell because the rain had camouflaged the tears for me.  Happy Birthday to me.  I told my mom he'd taken me out, and made me a birthday cake and sang happy birthday to me.  It was the first time in a long had happened before, but this was my birthday.  My father stood me up.

Fast forward to my early 20's.  I had a date with Vadim...a fantastic looking Russian man who had pursued me for quite some time. I'd admired him from afar and when he asked me out, I was thrilled.  We'd spoken on the phone for a whole week every single day.  Then the day of the date arrived, and he asked me, "Are you ready for a great evening? I can't wait to see you...FINALLY."  The time had come. He called, he said he was outside.  I couldn't get downstairs fast enough.  There I was all dressed up.  But he wasn't there.  Never showed up. Two days later, I found out he'd made a bet with his friend that he could get me to go out with him and he'd stand me up.  Little did I know his friend and him were down the street having a good laugh.

Fast forward to my early 30's.  One of my exes I'd dated for a year or so.  It was Valentine's Day - and my ex, will call him,  My ex planned to pick me up at 7pm.  I bought a dress - a gift for him and his daughter from his previous marriage.  I did my nails, hair, etc. 7pm came, but no word from him.  Something in my gut said something wasn't I drove an hour and a half to his home, where his mother answered the door.  "Oh, Judy!  What are you doing here?  Judas said he was with you!"  Huh?  I called him, no lie, 17 times.  And on the 17 try, Judas picked up.

"What!" he screamed!
"Judas, where the hell are you?  You said you''d come get me at 7!  What is going on?"
"Judy, I told you once and I'll tell you again...I've been telling you for three months now, I'm in love with Jahaida and you won't leave me alone."
I was stood up again, and I was betrayed beyond my wildest dreams.  I literally thought of driving my car into a wall that many times...I fantasized it.  I wanted to just die!  My mother saved my life that day by staying on the phone with me while I drove two and a half hours to  her house.  Mom made me coffee and held me while I cried in her arms...until I fell asleep.

Fast forward to today.  I'd met a man in the city...older man 37...I say older because lately it's the 20 somethings that have been asking me out, lol.  We'll call him.. Jay.  We've chatted intermittently for almost a month now, nothing really serious, but I was happy when he called me two days ago asking me out for drinks.  He's handsome, employed, and very funny...and from the South, which I thought was intriguing in a strange way.  Jay and I agreed to meet at a bar...he texted me the address.  It was agreed...we'd meet at 8pm.  He called me at 7:30 to ask if I was on my way..and he reconfirmed.  Good.  

I took a shower, did the hair, makeup, perfume know how we do it, ladies.  I drove into the city, and couldn't find the place.  Hm, strange. I called him.  "Jay, I'm on West 4th, but I can't find the bar.  Please call me." I sent a text just in case. Then I called a friend...

"Hi, my friend! (That's what my friends and me call each other, lol) Do you know where such and such a place is?"
He looked it up for me on the internet...used search engines...
"Nothing, my friend...I don't know."
So I drove around and around...I waited until 8:30.

I was stood up AGAIN!  UGH! DAMN!, I won't go there. So there I was 2 blocks away from the tunnel when Jay called me. I pull over.

"Hello." (with a pissed off-girl-from-the-Bronx-Puerto-Rican-Rosie-Perez-Attitude)
"Hey, Judy."
"Yea, where are you?  The place wasn't even listed."
"I had a table for us...that damned AT&T."
"Um, did you not think of calling me?  Didn;'t you see my text or hear my message?"
"Well I just got your text now.  I was waiting, but I'm at the subway now on my way home...maybe we can try to do this tomorrow"

NO!  I don't think so!  Helloooooooo!!!!  A gentleman would be worried when his date didn't show up on time.  A gentleman would call to check up on me and ask if I was okay.  A gentleman would make an effort to FIX IT!!!  and offer to see me right then and there..especially if he's from the South.  We hear so much about Southern Hospitality, blah, blah, blah...he must be from the South Side of YOU SUCK!!!!


Gentlemen, I beseech you...PLEASE, consider that when you stand a woman up, it is not only disrespectful, but you have no idea what her past is like.  For me, being stood up is TRAUMATIZING..I feel like that 9 year old left waiting in the rain again. 

I think I shall be like Queen Elizabeth.  She was so tired of being let down by love...tired of betrayal, tired of being denied true love, that she vowed she would never marry.  She is often remembered quoting that she is married to her country.  Perhaps I will resign to be only married to my career...that's that.  Done. My middle name, by the way is Elizabeth.  Next time some jerk stands me up, this queen shall use the famous quote:

"Off with his head!"  Y ya!!!  


  1. Wow Judy, guys r such dirt bags now a days!! That’s why I’m sticking with myself 4 now and reaching 4 my goal to become a child psychologist or maybe even a singer. And in a way I am just like you. My dad always use to stand me and my mother up ever since I was little cuz he lives in NY and we live in Jersey. And when I try to get to NY I would have to wait for him, I’d always be ready, but he never shows. Don’t get a call from him until SEVERAL days later. He still does it @ times til this day and I’m 20 years old!! I know your thinking why don’t I drive; the thing is my mom hates my driving after a certain incident. I know your thinking why not take the bus, well my mom doesn’t trust my dad that well for him to be waiting @ the port authority for me to take me back w/ him to White Plains. He stood us up there for a very long time back when I was little so she’s worried if he’ll do it again.

    Yes being stood up now and it’s happen to you in your past is very traumatizing. Just happened to me this past weekend. I was supposed to go shopping with my friend, who I consider my sister, but didn’t happen. She confirmed with me the day before, which was on Friday, that she was going shopping with me on Saturday. I texted her to see if she was ready, no answer, called her twice no answer. So I just texted her never mind and went by myself cuz I had a party to go to that night. When I got home I told my mom but I started to cry cuz I didn’t expect that from her. That’s something my dad would have done and that’s why it hurt me soo much. I’m going to stop now haha cuz I’m going to start crying, I had to hold it in while I was reading this blog cuz I can feel your pain. But remember those guys are some dumb idiots for treating you like that cuz you are an awesome person. It’s their lost in such a big way. As for your dad, I’m sorry he did that to you; just know that you’re not the only one that had that happen to you. Love ya chica!! Besos!

  2. Wow but not surprized you see were talking about people.Both genders are capable of standing someone up. first I once heard, men are like melons to find a good one a 100 you must try! first it was best that you didnt meet these men who stood you up they would'va wasted your time. So it was best not been more involved than you was .What is it that your looking for in a man? what is your critirea,see I have a friend who likes them tall dark and handsome yet she's alone.picky for a GQ man.See when men and woman get pass GQ or FASHION MODEL and start getting to know someone for substance what there about. when you go out on a date forget the make up,hair,pedicure,manicure you can't cover up who you are. See personelly I'm not impressed with outer appearances I have no high expectations and please don't misunderstand see I don't know the oppossite sex not until we meet and get to know each other,I'm not throwing on a suit or flashy anything I'm gonna try to be me if you like me then I'll dress up on later dates. empress me with who you are not what you are. JUDY life is hard your going to meet good people and people who will disappoint you, please don't become cynical towards men cause some have jerks let you down. As for your dad, my father who I only went out twice with got drunk both times one of those times walked thru rain and mud in P.R I still reflect on that and say what was my dad thinking about what was on his mind I say that to tell you think aboutwhat might have been going thru his mind at that time and what was troubling him that he did'nt show up.Judy hope is a good thing and I hope to one day have coffee or lunch with you maybe in little italy in the Bronx I'll be early I'll leave the day before LOL and make sure my phone battery is fully charged lol...

  3. I'm so sorry to see that some jerk at the end of a long line of jerks stood you up. I'm trying really hard to recall if I ever got stood up. I'm sure I did, but I have a knack for blocking certain memories out. But I do have what I call a 15 minute rule. If we plan to meet at a certain time and you are not there on time, then I will only wait an additional 15 minutes before I move on without you. Because I will only allow someone to make a fool out of me for only 15 minutes. It's a good rule, and I've put it to use many times. Whatever it is I planned to do with someone, I can do on my own as well. Whether it's the movies, dinner, dancing......I can do bad all by myself.

    I also related to the story of you crying and the rain hiding your tears. That happened to me once. I walked home in the rain crying when I was 18. I was going through some personal drama about my life, and who I was. I never forgot that day and what it meant to me.

    You are strong and fabulous. Dont let anyone make you wait more than 15 minutes girl!

    You also gotta laugh in their face too next time they call. That'll get 'em!

  4. HELLO JUDY I wanted to say something in reference to your dad. My moms told me once my step father told her when he was young his father would beat him with a thin tree branch he also said he wanted to know where his father was buried so he could piss on his grave when my mom's told me this a sadness came over me and all of my anger towards my stepfather left me I wondered how does it feel when your dad beats you like that susposedly was often my stepfather is a cold person but I don't hold against him anymore cause I understand just sorry he did'nt over come that hurt and so I say to you exclude your dad from these other men try to see him in a different light why was he the way he was what was his childhood like it will be easier to understand when we know a little more about someone, it's the same with my mom she tells me stories about my dad but she also mentions some goodness in him. Well take care and God bless

  5. I just remembered YEARS ago waiting for a guy for 2 HOURS!!lol how dumb I was!!.. I agree with the person who posted before me said first dates should be dressed casual - then if something clicks THEN a more formal dress up type date. I am actually dealing with someone who keeps calling me from time to time and getting STRONG vibes he is only into me for one thing -ex co worker from former job.. ugh - just glad he does NOT know my last name or my landline phone lol

  6. Wow Judy Im sorry that you had to go through all of this sometimes guys be the only jerks ! I remember when I got stood up i was 16 years old. I was going out with an older guy and we agreed to meet at 8 am at the train station. So I waited and waited and waited until 2 hours and I exited the train station. When I exited i cross the street I saw him standing in front McDonalds. I was like Wtf i was waiting for you he was like Oh Im sorry I have to do something for my mom. Then he answered the phone and it was girl which I heard him say I will see you later. I was soooo embarrassed and pissed off I walk off and went to school late. From that day on I never wait more than 15 minutes to meet a person.

  7. Judy I can't imagine doing that to you or anyone else. I say to myself all the time that if I was not married I would love to take a chance on you. You seem like such a genuine gal. Funny, caring,big hearted, and down to earth. I been out of dating scene for a while. But I would be looking for someone like you. Are men stupid this days..Hang in there mami, I know you will find true love.

  8. Wow, you write so gracefully. You should really write a book...I love it! (BTW, my middle name is Elizabeth too) just had to add that in there lol.

    Its crazy how the events in our lives mold us and shape us to react to things and we become numb to it after a while. I went through some similar situations, and finally I made a list of what I will accept and only accepted to accept those things. I finally found the most amazing man ever. 4 yrs together...and two children later we are so extremely happy.
    Women are loving open creatures to begin with and sometimes we need to shield ourselves more :)
    Can't wait to read more!