Monday, September 6, 2010


Less than one week from the release of the video for my latest single, Stay.  It's already received over 5,000 views on YouTube.  And the video has caused quite a stir.  Stay was originally recorded by country duo, Sugarland; written by it's lead singer, Jennifer Nettles in 2007.  From Wikipedia, here is the concept of how Jennifer Nettles wrote the song:

 "Stay" is a ballad of infidelity, taking the perspective of the mistress of a man who is cheating on his wife. It begins with the mistress's insistence that the man stay with her — even if his wife should call and ask where he is — because she (the mistress) is "so tired of being lonely". Although the man tells her that he will leave his wife for her, she refuses to believe him, telling him that "it's too much pain to have to bear / To love a man you have to share".

In the third verse, the mistress then changes her mind; according to Nettles, she (the woman in the song) "has her own sense of redemption and realizes she deserves more than being with someone who will never be fully hers".[2] This change is revealed in the final chorus:

Why don't you stay?
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay?

I saw Ms. Nettles sing this song on the Grammy Awards and I couldn't believe this woman's INCREDIBLE voice.  I was further moved by the amazing talent in the lyrics...for her to begin the song with the woman asking him to stay, and ending in the song telling him to stay (with the wife)..well, I was just amazed!  No one had ever written like that before.  SO I wanted to record it with a dance vibe and give it my own spin.  In her original video, (an incredible one, I might add), it is just her and the gentleman from Sugarland behind her...simple. Just her and her raw's one of MY favorite videos because it takes a brave person to expose her emotions on camera like that.  If it were up to me, I would've done the video just like that, but I didn't want to copy it.  So - we had the idea to give the new video a story line!!  Well, apparently, telling the story wasn't right. 

I've been reading people's comments & most people GET IT!  The other woman realizes she's being an idiot about her choices, and actually CHANGES her mind.  In my version of the video, I made it clear that the woman packs his stuff and locks him out of her life; she changes her mind - takes her power back, relcaims her life.  LOL...Yet there are comments accusing me of condoning this behavior. I am not doing so, but I did want to do this video for so many reasons.  I did it because I love the message of  the song, because I'm hoping the video will give women in this position the guts to leave & stop.  I also did this to prove something.  Yes, sometimes women in this situation do it on purpose.  But I believe that most of the women in this situation are complicatedly (is that a word?), lacking self-esteem.  Somewhere in their life they lack confidence; somewhere in their life  they were treated second fiddle to someone else and have "learned" that they don't deserve to be #1 in someone else's they allow themselves to be #2.  I wanted to humanize her, if just for a second...not so people could feel sorry for her, but just so that people could "see" the story through her eyes. How she got herself in the situation is not important - how she gets hersslf out is the deeper message here.

And, um, not one person spoke of the cheating husband.!!!  Remember, I don't care if the woman has a perfect body and shows up naked...the husband is in TOTAL control of how he responds to it.  By the way, lol...there are a few people who think this is my story...that Waseem Khawaja, the guy who plays my love interest, is really my boyfriend, and are telling me that they feel bad for me! LOL...he is NOT my boyfriend.  And, no, I am not in this position either, lol.  I did cry, however, in during the filming of the video, as I did think about the times in my life, where I allowed a man to treat me as a trivial option instead of a first priority.  So in that way I COMPLETELY relate.

To those of you in this position: Please let the video serve as a message to warn you that you will have nothing but heartache if you STAY. For those of you not in this situation:  heed my is when you sit in judgment of others' behavior that sometimes life will put you in a situation where others will one day judge you. You don't have to condone it - Judge not lest you be judged...Right??

Why do people STAY?  They are afraid.  They don't think they can do better.  They don't think anyone else will love them. They don't know how to be alone.  They are used to the drama.  They believe the lies they are served.  They hold on to fantasy. Please watch the video again, and leave your thoughts here.  I welcome ALL of your comments here and/or on Youtube-let's keep the conversation going!!


  1. Judy I PERSONALLY have been in a few short term (less than 3 months LOL) relationships MANY YEARS AGO lol where the guy was dating another woman at the same time. That is based on the very few relationships I've had lol. However, I have seen/heard about SOOOOOO MANY MEN cheating on girlfriends it is almost sickening and most women do know men CANNOT commit compared to women ready to commit. That is only MY observation. I could be wrong. Yes I do know women cheat also but I PERSONALLY have known over the many years more men cheating than women cheating.

    And don't people realize that is the MAIN reason for divorce?? I think in the 1970s and part of the 1980s there were a lot of divorces. When I went to Fashion Inst.of Technology from 1998-2000I knew a LOT of students whose parents were divorced.

  2. I think it's just simply a self esteem issue. If you value yourself, then you will not allow others to mistreat you. My friend who has been single a very long time has the perfect phrase..."I'd rather be alone than in bad company." She is very picky when it comes to a boyfriend, and that's because she sees a lot of bad men out there. She even recently discovered that her brother cheated on his wife for years and had a mistress! My personal view is that if you are not happy in a relationship or situation, then do something about it....get up and leave. It may not be easy, but it's the best thing to do for yourself. And once you are free from the drama and negativity in your life, your life is now open to receive the good things you were meant for.

  3. remember when we spoke the other night and i said flat out that i'm noticing more and more in this and around this video each and every day as i watch it... minus my unhealthy addiction to it (LOL) you clarification of jennifers take on the last verse totally brings the whole concept and theme of the video full circle and together by the end of the video showing the empowerment of "the other woman" finally realizing ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Once that point is realized and the video is watched knowing that piece of information, it totally changes the entire perspective and message driven behind the whole video. I honestly thought originally at the end of the video the first time I saw it, that she still wanted him to stay with her (meaning the other woman) and was thinking to myself, "why would she want to have this guy around when he isn't even true to his own wife?" But than when I learned what you stated in the blog, by the end of the video after watching it with a new take i realized shes telling him "why dont you stay with your wife... im up off my knees (meaning, i'm no longer weak and brought down to the lowest point) go and get out of my life." Which means in life, we really cannot expect to have our cake and eat it too. I personally feel this video is a great depiction of the words FEELINGS and EMOTIONS. When situations in real life come up like this, peoples emotions and feelings are at stake, and sometimes "the bastard" doesn't realize what he is doing to the feelings and mental stability of a woman. This video and story has taught me to never, ever to even consider succumbing to the temptation of another woman when i will be involved with "my special someone." I've said it before I DON'T LIKE TO SEE MY FRIEND CRY, but than again shes a brilliant actress and displayed truth. Do i think Judy is condoning adultery in this video ABSOLUTELY NOT! If anyone even gets that message from this, theres totally something wrong with that persons opinion, in my opinion. LOL. To me this excellent video, shows a thing or two from both perspectives. 1. The guy lives a double life. We often feel sorry for the wife being cheated on, but what about the mistress who is just longing to be loved and her emotions, maybe not even knowing the full extent of his other life. and 2. The mistress isnt always a bad woman with bad intent. Whose to say she isnt a devout christian, in church etc... and thinking she found her true happiness. So what it comes down to is lol us men are SCUM! LOLOLOL All kidding aside, i think its a great video, great song, great concept, and anything that can cause this much attention means one thing.... ITS A HIT JUDY!!!! IM PROUD AND I LOVE YOU! Continued success and Gods Blessings with this entire ride, wherever it may lead you. xoxoxoxox

  4. I think in real life 90% of women and men have cheated - no matter how much one wants to deny it. Just look at the divorce stats from the 80s and 90s. People lack communication in partnerships and being BLUNT and HONEST. I wish men (to a woman) would say "I am interested in dating you but I am also dating someone else" OR"I am interested in dating you but I am MARRIED but not sure I still love her" but we ladies KNOW that will NEVER happen!!

  5. To continue the discussion....I've been in a wonderful relationship with my partner for 13 years. And we are both very happy with each other. My secret to not cheating on him is that my heart is simply NOT OPEN to that option. I know that I'm in a great relationship. I've found everything I've been looking for and I do not have an urge to step out of our relationship to look for anything further. People cheat because they are unhappy with their relationship and are seeking something more satisfying. And in doing so they are creating unnecessary hurt for so many people.