Thursday, September 9, 2010


So it's the beginning of September and autumn is quickly approaching. It's so evident as the sun sets faster and faster each and evey day. The change in weather's already begun, tapping us on our shoulder as an announcement to change.  Fall is a great season!  I think of the vast array of colors on the leaves, the way the clouds seem to have different pattern formations & I already feel the texture of warm snuggly sweaters.  And then I think of shorter days and odd cravings for carbohydrates. Strange, but true. 

And I think of men.

Here's the update:

Navy Guy sailed away.  Never heard from him again. Although I have a minor urge to call and ask, "Why?", I simply choose not to go there.  "There" is that place where women go when they want closure.  "There" is an empty place full of excuses that only make a woman go nuts, in determination to find the truth.  It's a hole, a void that makes her go deeper into her neediness. And well, I've been in that hole too many's dark down there.  So how do I close that chapter? I tell myself that when a man REALLY wants a woman, he goes after her.  Bottom line:  He doesn't REALLY want me; he's just not that into me.  The reasons that he doesn't want me won't change anything, and may actually have nothing to do with me.  God sometimes has a brilliant way of keeping away someone who would be bad for don't fight it.

The Lobster.. He hasn't called since the last time he offered to "get together some time." Internally, I wonder if he saw the video...don't know why I wonder, but I do.  My closure with him?  Never had it; never will.  I know deep in my heart, there's something he left out; some strange omission that would expain everything.  My closure with him is that I will never have closure. Surely chasing after the reasons will land me in a straight jacket singing Come Into My Arms off-key somewhere, on a corner pretending to be back at Roseland Ballroom.    

Chicago Guy.  He has been in touch with me on and off, always via text.  Always begins excited and then suddenly stops. LOL. He always asks when I'll be back to Chicago, and is very engaging and then....quiet.  What's he doing here?  He's attempting to keep me at an option.  PUH-LEASE! He's keeping in touch because he knows I return to Chicago in November?  That's my guess..keep me dangling there just enough so when I go to Chicago, we can "pick up" where we left off.  Oh, no my dear, you mistake me for an idiot!! LOL.

New prospects have popped up recently, but nothing that seems to stick. I've been invited to movies and a dinner - hasn't happened yet.  I've also been sort of asked out by someone, but he was drunk when he asked. He's also a "fan" and that always concerns me because it may be the "persona" of Judy Torres that he's interested in - NOT me.  There was another fan that I actually was attracted to and considered.  I finally had the nerve to give my number, to only discover (damn) that he'd already been involved with someone else. He might have mentioned that in the first place, huh?  Damn, good looking & established sexy, guy too, lol!  But I told him that I don't want ANY drama.  If/when he is COMPLETELY single & emotionally available, then I'd love to meet for coffee.

I did have a date the other evening.  I don't know what to call him. He showed up with a smile and with a horrible smelling cologne!!  Bleeagh!! It was a little too earthy, too dark, too spicy. It reminded me of the colognes I used to smell walking up and down Fordham Road in the Bronx, being sold by street vendors that were like $5.00 for three bottles, lol.  Anyway,  I'll call him Guy X. Guy X had a great smile, nice hair.  He wore a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans with sneakers. Sneakers? Not sure if that worked out okay, but hey, why judge, right?  Right?  He took me to a very nice Italian restaurant, and it was obvious that he was nervous, which I always think is quite endearing.  The food was good and conversation was slow to start, but by the end of dinner, there was a comfort and his personality began to emerge.  It was a beautiful night with a soft breeze, so we walked along the park.

We discusssed what we were looking for. I told him that I'm not looking to "hook up", or have a fling. I told him I'm looking for a genuine relationship that would hopefully one day lead to marriage. He admitted that he used to be that guy who hooked up, but was tired of meeting the same type of women who played the field.  Somehow, for some reason, I wasn't really buying it.  But okay. I'll go with it for now.  He stopped me and hugged me.  It was a good hug.  Scratch that - it was a WONDERFUL hug.  And although the cologne was making my nose blees, it was nice.  In fact, I haven't had a man hug me's always a kiss. So I thought, it was a rather sweet & affectionate thing to do.  My only issue with him at the time was that I didn't find him to be focused on life. He still didn't know where he was going with career, didn't seem to have any aspirations.  Basically, he lacked passion. I don't care if I date a plumber - but I want hin to PASSIONATE about plumbing. I want him to get excited when he talks about pipes, water and repairs! ..and there's nothing wrong with not being focused, but I wonder if at this age in life, we should have some idea. 

I did get lost in the hug for a second. I actually had tears in my eyes (I didn't let him see that, of course). It had been a while since I'd been hugged by a man.  It was safe; it was comforting and assuring - it's amazing how two arms can make one feel so protected.  I really liked that feeling.  Guy X called me beautiful.  He said I was down to earth, and he really appreciated that.  He said he loved my height - I'm tall 5'9".   As we walked back to the car...he let his defenses down...way down.

We got into the car.  He began talking politics and conspiracy theories and told me to "do the research.." LOL..and then he did the unthinkable:  He dissed Ms. Oprah Winfrey!!!
Make fun of what I'm wearing, disagree with my stance on politics and religion but DON'T mess with my Oprah.  

He suddenly reclined the chair to what I call "thug seating conditions", put one hand on the wheel, licked his lips and presumed a Lil Wayne look in his eyes.  Mr. X was gone!  Yea, all of a sudden Mr. X became Mr. Gangsta!!
 "So, yo, ma, check it right...I wanna get wit chu real soon."
Uncomfortable but politically correct smile.
"So yo, Imma hitch you up tomorrow, a-ight??"
I thanked him..."Thank you for everything.  Sure, I'll, um, hit you up."

Yea, I'll hit you alright...LOL. I admit I have to laugh.  I had fun until his inner gangster surfaced.  There's nothing wrong with that at all, but it doesn't work for me.  Well, I'm confident there will be more dates to come from some mystery men...and more stories to tell. But somewhere in that mix, the ONE is there. I know he is!        


  1. Please I hope you do not take offense but I have some ideas/suggestions.

    I do not know how much time you and the potential date TALK BEFORE giving out your number?

    Maybe conduct the interviews like he is going for a job? LOL Where do you want to be in 3 years? Strengths/ Weaknesses ? LOL

    ASK POIINT BLANK "What are you (him) looking for in a LONG TERM relationship? What kind of woman are you looking for?

    Since you mention you are not sure if the men are dating Judy OR Judy Torres the singer SO ASK POINT BLANK "What do you know about ME- JUDY and NOT Judy Torres the singer?

    ASK POINT BLANK if they READ your blogs- if they say yes TEST THEM!! lol It will immediately tell you if they lie or not !!!


  2. I think you hit the nail on the head. You need to find someone who is passionate about something in their life. It means they are alive inside and have a reason to live and face each day. Because if they dont have passion in their life, they will not be exciting to be around.

    I think you need to seek help from a professional matchmaker. What do you think about that?

  3. Re: Navy Guy; His lost, his-tory is where he belongs
    Re: Lobster; I have no patience or time to try and figure out MEN, what are we? 16??? the truth is men WILL do anything to be with you when they want to so if he doesn't want you YOU should not want him, f@ck him, his-tory also, don't sweat it
    Re: Chicago Guy; guys make me laugh, do they really think they're all that? or that we're stupid or something? Find a Chicago Girl, Chicago guy to keep you company, NY girls are too smart for you, way ahead of you LOL shame on you Chicago guy!!!
    Re: Guy X; I must say Judy I give you a lot of credit for allowing a man wearing cheap cologne to hug you "ughhh! I can't" you're a trooper Miss. T, the sneakers??? hmmmm I can't hold it against him only because although I prefer dressier my husband LOVES sneakers and if it was up to him he'd be in white t-shirts, jeans and sneakers all the time and HE turned out to be amazing sneakers and all lol BUT to a nice Italian Restaurant??? NO! ;) Guy X gets NO credit from me, poorly dressed, bad cologne and bad conversation, X X X 3 strikes you're OUT buddy!!!! it's funny, if anyone ever speaks negatively about Oprah, I suddenly think differently of them lol like, are you kidding me???? there's something seriously wrong with you if you don't like Oprah "enough said" I'm with you on that one Judy ;) you are a beautiful, smart and talented woman, that scares the hell out of the average man :( the good news is that you're NOT looking for the average because you're WAY above average my friend :) WAAAAAYYYY ABOVE!!!! love ya <3

  4. One more thing, you need to have an exit plan when you're on a bad date. I actually read in an interview that Brenda K Starr had a friend planted in a restaurant to watch over her when she went on a first date with a guy. And if anything went wrong, there'd be a signal to help get her out of there. In the end, it turned out that she married the guy. But I like her strategy. I always have an exit plan whenever I go out. I dont want to be held prisoner to a bad situation. I've learned my lesson a while ago.

  5. Angel, I totally agree with you. When I used to go on dates, I would have the guy pick me up around 8pm and then around 10pm my best friend would call my cell and if I said I'd call right back she'd leave me alone, if I said "oh my god are you alright?" she'd know the date sucked and I was about to pretend she broke down somewhere and I had to go rescue her somewhere lol it NEVER failed ;)

  6. Hi JUDY: MEN ARE STRANGE CREATURES!!.When I meet GOD I will ask him. Lord Forgive me for what I am about to ask you. What were you thinking when you were creating MAN??..Cause they are clueless beingings!!! Judy I know you know this but I will tell you anyway. You are a GIFT from GOD to men. These men you chose were not worthy of you. Unfortunately todays man at our age come with some form of baggage. Baggage we can or cannot deal with. Relationships don't last like when our grandparents were young. People don't take the time to communicate. Say what you need,what,and expect from a relationship. ONCE UPON A TIME Lobster man had a princess named Judy Torres. Though Lobster man loved her he FAILED as her knight in shining armour. Your love for him will remain in your heart always. But past must remain the past. Navy Guy drowned along time for me. He was an ASS. Sorry but that the truth. That night for beatstock. I was so upset with him for the way he acted. Taking pics of the Limo like he never saw one. DAAAAA!!!You wanting to hold hands in the limo and he wanting to text his friends and then leaving the gifts you gave him behind. WTF!!!..WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE. IF I were a man I would have taking full advantage of that romantic situation. Held your hand, softly caress your face, try and give you a soft,sweet tender kiss on your chick, then of course try your lips. I say again this Navy Guy was an ASS. Chicago guy I did't read too much of him expect for what you last wrote. I think you make him look good. He seem interested in Judy Torres the star not the wonderful woman you are. Guy X. X him OUT. Ok so you had a nice Dinner that night. Sneakers on the first date. OOOHHH Not impressed. Bad cologne sinus headache. Gangster in the car sounds more like ghetto in the car. No ambition, No goals in life. Nothing to proud of? Sounds like a man who needs help. Judy Torres to the rescue. NOT!!!!!. Thanks but no thanks. Judy you need a man that got himself together like George Lamond. Now that's HOT!!!. Why can't men see a good when their right in their faces. Judy These men were wrong for you. Before your next date. Maybe you can talk for a while before meeting them. This way you'll know if he's worth your time and energy. Then again it's a gamble cause men will paint a pretty pic of their life when it's really pretty shitty. They'll say anything to try and meet with you. Judy use your better judgement. Listen to your inner voice and feel it in your gut. If it doesn't feel good it isn't. Judy, I pray that you find your knight in shining armour cause you truly are a wonderful person. You deserve only the best in life. God Bless.
    Connie Ruiz