Saturday, March 27, 2010

Fool Me Once? What is Your Advice...

Hey, Judy

I wanted 2 know if you can give me some word of advice. You see my girlfriend of 7 years, well on and off, just left me. And this is her 2nd time right away running into someone else’s arms. I know - I found out the hard way, but anyway, she still tells me 2 stay in the house with her. I want to because the kids (yes there are kids involved) are all hers, but I’ve been there for all of them since they were babies - so they are mine too. But I can't take the pain ‘cause I still love her, but when I work in the night she goes out to be with the other person. I should just leave right? Why suffer? What do you think?

Yours truly,

My Dear Nelson,

If you were to get your hand caught in a blender, and it cut your hand and made you bleed, would you stick your hand back in the blender over and over again? NO. So why would you allow this woman who is called your girlfriend to cut your heart for a second time? I'm sure you've heard of the cliche: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

When children are around, what people forget to realize is that YOU and the WOMAN are modeling to them what real love is about. What do you want these children to learn about love? Do you want them to grow up and believe that love means cheating on one hand, and allowing someone to betray you over and over? The answer is probably no. I do realize it makes it MUCH harder that children are in the household. I applaud you for being a gentleman, and raising these children as if they were your own. But being a gentleman also means being that gentleman to yourself. You are a good man...and your girlfriend is fooling around with someone you KNOW?! No, no. This is so dysfunctional on so many levels, my friend.

My advice is that you talk to her and you let her know she either stops this or you will leave. Of course she says you can stay, because you are a source of income most likely...that is unfair and selfish of her. And even if she still loves you, she cannot have her cake and eat it too. You can leave. Take some time to think about it. You can return if she changes and if you think she won't do this again, but you said she's done this before...she will most likely do it again. And you can still be a part of the children's just have to set some boundaries and let them know that you leaving doesn't mean you don't love them. Just let them know that things are not working out with you and mommy and that 2 people can love each other but that doesn't mean that it can work. You deserve really do.

I open this up to my readers and fans...please comment & give your advice.  Thank you!


  1. People only do 2 u what U allow them to do. Right now your not loving
    yourself so how can you love anyone else. If you really loved yourself you wouldn't allow any 1 to treat you this way. All your doing is enabling her selfishness in using you. Stand up for yourself and be a good example of a man to those children you love. Nothing this women is doing benefits you so you need to move on. At the same time you need to work out whatever it is inside of you that keeps you with a women like this because you don't want to attract the same type of female in your life again. Get your own place pick up the kids when you can and I bet if you find a good women in your life your so called girlfriend will be regreting losing a good man like you. Have some faith your a good guy shake the insecurity off and dare to live a better life. Be blessed!

  2. judy and aris gave you great advice and if financialy your unable to move out then seek out a family member and or a close friend you can stay with until you can get your own place...GOD bless

  3. My advice is the same as everyone.... Get your own place, but keep the relationship with the kids. And keep it cordial with the ex. Just keep the focus on the kids, because they are the innocent party. And they shouldn't suffer for someone else's mistakes. Don't allow anyone to disrespect you. It may be tough at first, but it'll be worth it. You're worth having a better life for yourself.