Sunday, March 13, 2011


One of my best friends was very depressed one day, and he came to see me and asked, "Judy, why am I so depressed? I don't even know why...all I know is that I'm on the verge of tears all the time." After talking with him and learning of his work schedule, and discovering that work was pretty much all he was doing, I gave him an answer. "The key to being happy is to balance out all aspects of your life: spiritual, personal, professional,family life, romantic life, health (not necessarily in that order). If you don't give each part of who you are equal attention, there becomes a deficit." And although I haven't found myself on the verge of tears, thank God, I do feel a little used up. Lately, (only in the last few weeks), I feel like a machine that everyone rents out, uses, and returns it without a second thought - person after person, but no one thinks to bring it somewhere for maintenance...I feel like a bank, Judy's Bank. People everyday continually making withdrawals...not deposits, and before you know it, there is no interest & the account becomes depleted.

Oh,yes, that's the word I was looking for: depleted. Now, I'm not talking about my average week full of shows and radio shifts and a few favors along the way. I am also not talking about anything I do for children. I would do ANYTHING for children in need of a boost...very hard to disappoint children. It's a policy of mine. Don't promise anything to a child unless you are 100% sure you can deliver. And when children need help, I have a hard time saying no. Okay, I diverted a bit. Getting back to feeling depleted.

I always do my best to put myself in other people's shoes - it's a good habit to develop - it teaches empathy & compassion...and if I put myself in other people's shoes BEFORE I talk, I find it keeps me from saying something stupid, lol. In the spirit of doing so, I put myself in so many people's shoes in the last month that I need some comfy, fluffy slippers. Here's the problem: No one thinks to put themselves in my shoes. And my shoes can be very very high heels that fit a bit too tight. And everywhere I turn someone is asking me for a favor. And there is really nothing wrong with it, but no one knows whether or not I've been sleep deprived or that I'm having difficulty with my voice because I have nodules on my vocal chords (they are like tiny callouses on the vocal chords that interfere with your singing - sometimes requiring surgery. The cure? Speech therapy can help, but it takes a LONG time...ideally a dcotor told me 'just shut up.')

I don't want to sound ugly here...I want you to know that I go out of my way to do EVERYTHING possible to help ANYONE who needs me...I believe in karma, and want to be sure that what ever comes around is a good thing. But...I am a human being...and when relatives and friends and strangers and deejays and promoters and booking agents and managers are all asking for favors - well, it's exhausting. Who do I blame? Myself. I have learned over the years to say no; and when absolutely necessary I will, but it never comes without an overwhelming sense of guilt - and sometimes I get yelled at, or hate letters because they are upset that I cannot help. Allow me to give you a taste of what it's been like of late.

I have received 8 requests to speak at schools (which I WANT to do), 11 requests to perform for fundraisers - and 14 requests for internet radio interviews all in one month!!...most of the dates falling around or on the same day. I want to be VERY clear - I am NOT complaining...I'm simply venting. To me complaining happens when you don't want to do something & venting happens when you do want to do something but don't know HOW. LOL. I was asked just yesterday to do a favor and "show up" at a party and sing one song. I couldn't do it because I had KTU from 4pm to 10pm and then a show with the band, Mirage, in memory of my friend Michelina...where, how could I make this private party? When I apologized and told the woman I couldn't make it, she proceeded to tell me I am a bitch and don't care about other people. Que que????? Whaaattt??? Although I know she spoke out of anger, she doesn't know that I gave a free concert to a school just this past Wednesday to special education students at Hungerfoot School in Staten Island. She doesn't know that I went recently to my local utility company and asked a representative there to give me the name of a random woman whose bill was not paid and I PAID it for her - complete stranger. So, Ms. Thang, don't presume to think you know me, lol. I'm acting all tough now, but last night I cried. Part of me cried out of sheer exhaustion - part because I felt hurt - part because I don't like to disappoint because I felt bad I couldn't do it all, and part because sometimes, dammit, I am NOT a machine. I am a human being. Being a performer teaches you very quickly that people don't want excuses - they paid to see you sing - You had better sing...they don't care if you're sick, or you have some family emergency, or that you're just tired. Oh, by the way, I was also asked to help a gentleman from Gaza City come to the United States because I'm a broadcaster and I can afford it, OMG!!! If I'm feeling like this, I can just imagine what Rihanna or J-Lo go through!

Well, I'm going home in a little while, I'm going to take a long bath, put on my coziest pj's and find a way to get rid of the migraine I've had since last night. On a positive note, I was asked about by one of the teachers today, lol...I said yes, but I have to check my calendar, lol. I need to figure out how to bring back balance in my life...and I have to clean my house too! LOL. Help. Someone hug me!!!!



  2. OMG… You are more famous and popular than you thought!! THAT IS GREAT!!! But yes you need to take a little bit more time FOR YOURSELF!! You can collapse some day and NO ONE wants to see that- heaven forbid!! Sending you HUGE HUGE hugs XOXOOXO I am still looking forward to seeing you soon I hope!!! Lord knows I miss you!!!!!!!! I will gladly help you clean your house- 2 bodies are better than one!!!

  3. OMG!! I have no words! BIG HUG FOR YOU!!!

  4. omg mama i am sending you hugs like there's no tomorrow!! yes you are a human being and not a metal object we call a machine. and that lady went a tad bit over the line with that anger but I don't want to get into that because i can understand she was upset, but home girl was bout to have the ghetto come out of me for you lol. anyway, listen you can not beat yourself up because you can't do everything that people want. like you said you are HUMAN, and humans gotta take it one step at a time. be strong chica, well you're already strong to me, but go be strong and relax lol. no more overwhelming yourself. love ya lots!! xoxo

  5. BIG HUGS TO YOU AS ALWAYS JUDY ... Please for me and all your TRUE real FANS take care of yourself and spend some time relaxing ... I posted a comment on your FB wall about your Migraine Please read it when you get a moment it will help out alot ...

    P.S. I am the BEST house cleaner around LOL ... I use to help my X clean her 2 bedroom apt all the time ( and I enjoyed doing so for her )

    Feek better sweety ... Besos ... LOVE TA XoXoXo

  6. Dear Judy: Beinging Famous has it's ups and downs. Being wonderful and compassionate as a famous person isn't. But you Ms.Judy are. I'm so happy that your so busy. That's a blessing. Beinging an actor/singer is hard work and very demanding. But you have to take time out for U. Sometimes you have to say NO. Family will always need U. Friends will need you to but if you can help you will and if you can't then they'll just have to understand. YOU ARE ONLY ONE PERSON AND YES YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN!!!!!!... I understand how hard it is to say NO, but it is what it is. There's only one Judy Torres and she's a wonderful,compassionate,strong,amazing woman with a big heart. That woman you couldn't go to her party will have to get over it. I'm sure you would have if you could have. Your true fan adore you and will help you in any way we can. You need me tp help cleaning her house, girl I'll be right their. You need a shoulder to cry on use mine. You need an ear for someone to listen to you, I'm only a phone call away. I really really mean it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and picture yourself on a tropical island sipping on your favorite cocktail. Put cold water on a towel over your forehead to help with the migraine. I will pray that you feel better. Your my IDOL Lady.
    Have a wonderful day.
    Love you,

  7. The nerve of that woman! Give me her number and I'll set her straight for you! But seriously, if you're receiving all of these offers and requests, what is your manager doing? Shouldnt he be the one prioritizing these and then presenting them to you? Maybe I'm naive about these things, but it sounds like someone needs to protect you from the unnecessary stress and drama. If they wanna call you a bitch, so what? We can put on that title and show them how! Right?! LOL!

  8. Wow Judy,the nerve of some people. That's all I can say,without cussing LMAO!! I think that you do plenty for others and WOULD do anything and everything for anyone,that's just the kind of person you are ~ Amazing! But you do need to look after YOU first and foremost. Being depleted is defo not a good thing to be. I hope you get on track and get all your stuff sorted and get laid..I mean get a date/boyfriend that works out HAHAHA
    As always,Judy...HUGZ and much love to you! Take care chica xx

  9. Dear Judy, it's been a while since I was able to sit down and read your blog, and ironically you write about the same exact reason that's prevented me from reading it lol TOO MUCH on your plate TOO LITTLE time. Sometimes I say to myself, God if only I had 26 hrs a day instead of only 24 I could squeeze just a few more things to get done, but if God granted us 26 hrs we'd be asking for 28 or 30 lol The truth is that good people have a problem saying "no" to others, we want to not just please people, we want to feel like we're helping someone and making a difference in their lives and the world, I personally always help someone out with the hopes that maybe one day someone will have a nice gesture with ME or my loved ones or that the person I just helped learns and remembers how good it felt to get my help and will want to one day "help someone else" Lead by example and treat the world the way you want to be treated, unfortunately it's hard to please the world. I think, as long as we're doing the right thing, and in our hearts we know our limits we are ok. Feeling overwhelmed once in a while is only human, it happens to the best of us ;) I'll have you know that reading your blogs helps me relax! so keep venting my friend, I'll keep ready and trying to cheer you up......whenever I get the chance xoxo

  10. Hello, Judy. Would you like to be the official world-wide spokeswoman for what we are doing per ?

    Warmest regards, Jackie and Yale Landsberg Charlottesville VA