I'd be remiss to say that I haven't heard from the man I refer to as "Navy Guy." If you're in the dark about who he is, allow me to recap. It was sometime back in the fall that I was performing in a club, and I asked the audience if there was anyone there that had never seen me perform before. He was one of the 3 hands that was raised in the air, and he was the one that just stuck out. After the show, he came up to take a picture and it was then, that his cousin informed me that he'd just returned from his last deployment of over a year and half.
We began talking and I discovered he was in the Navy, thus receiving the name, Navy Guy! I asked him to dance with me, and it was hard at times because some wonderful women were rude and just kept trying to dance with him without even any regard to the fact that this chunky but funky girl was finally getting some attention, lol! He politely denied the women, telling the last one, "I'm sorry, I'm with Judy tonight." That comment won him points, and while in the middle of a song, I kissed him. He was only in town for the weekend, but every weekend, he reappeared to take me out. And a relationship was born. I never allowed myself to fall in love with him because he'd made it clear that he had a lot of emotional stuff to work through, that he was not in a place to have a serious relationship because he was being deployed again in January. To make a very long story a little bit shorter, we went up and down: one moment feeling like this was something real and would grow - he said things like I have feelings for you, I miss you, etc. and the next moment with him reminding me, "look, like I said I got my wall up...not going there." So just before he left for his deployment, I told him we should cut the "ties" and just be friends...I told him I don't kiss my friends, nor am I a booty call. I was not built to be a booty call...to me a booty call makes me feel like a make a cameo appearance - and I want to be the leading lady.
So, as we both had promised since he left for deployment in January, we've been in contact...not too often, but from time to time a friendly email. One of the last emails he sent, he admitted he's missed me and would like to talk when he gets back about possibly being a "couple." Oh, the mixed feelings. I felt joy, excitement, nervousness, and I also felt doubt, confusion and an urge to protect myself - protect my heart. Since he's been gone, I've dated here and there, and for a moment, I even thought my ex was going to be back in my life. I was excited about that prospect, but once again, he didn't back up his actions with his words. And so I am open...open to what God brings me...open to the love of my life that I know is out there somewhere.
Today, I received an email from him...I caved a little and told him in the last email that I've thought of him, his smile, his great moves when he dances...and today he emails me, (he calls me Julie because he'd never heard of Judy Torres when we met, and thought my name was Julie Torres, lol) he says in his emial: "Julie, you had me at hello..." So, here I am, not sure what he's doing...maybe he's just been at sea for way too long. After all, 3 months at sea, arriving at no port would make any man delirious, and nostalgic for life at home. Or on the other hand, 3 months at sea could force a man to reassess his life and what' important to him.
I vowed to myself I would not "wait" around...so I'm not. But I do have fond memories, and have to admit, I think it would be nice to see him again. I'd be a liar if I said I don't want to see him. He was a joy during the time I knew him...he always did what he said he'd do, and I laughed much more than I cried. What do you think I should do? Hmm...wondering.