Had another date this evening...with a new man. Yes, I have decided a will do the dating game until I begin to feel a true connection with someone, and then I will be a committed girlfriend. In my past, as soon as I'd met someone, he immediately became my boyfriend, and well, because of my desire to have a boyfriend, I chose the wrong ones. This blog is beginning to become a magazine editorial called, "Single in the City!" LOL. Anyway, he is aware that I keep a blog and has given me permission to discuss the date, etc, but in respect for his privacy I am limited to what I can mention...BUT...
We will call him Wall St. Guy...older than me by 5 years. Hm, I just realized it's been a while since I've dated a man older than me. The men I date tend to me my age or younger (NOOOO I am NOT a cougar!! LOL). Wall St. Guy, well he works on Wall Street and is an entepreneur. Quite frankly, he's different. VERY different. Okay, I have to fess up here. I met him online. Yes, I know. LOL. Handsome man, tall, very athletic...runs in marathons. The second I saw him, I realized that he was "out of my league". I don't mean it in the sense that I don't deserve him or anything like that. But he basically looked like Jeff Bridges....piercing blue eyes, blond hair...but his facial expressions...all Jeff Bridges. He is highly intelligent, has an incredible vocabulary. In fact, when I got home tonight, I had to run to the dictionary to find out what "premontories" meant, lol. Wall St. Guy was a gentleman. But everything he is - I am not. From his fashion sense to some of the topics we covered, we were clearly very different...but it was nice to feel challenged, and as my friends have recently encouraged me - it was nice to explore new avenues. Wall St. Guy has NO idea who I am...that was nice too. The best thing about him? The way he treated me. He was kind, he was respectful, he was truly interested in every thing I said. And...he complimented the crap out of me! LOL...apparently, he is only attracted to BBW - Big Beautiful Women! I know people always put their best foot forward, but he was sincere...I could see that. He even admitted before he took me home, that we are on opposite sides of the spectrum...but that he would see me again in a heartbeat. We'll see where it goes...
I decided to stop at the supermarket for a couple of groceries. I chose to walk because it was a good night, and I was in the mood. It wasn't even 10:30pm...I began walking up the hill to get home, and this Hispanic man was sitting on a stoop.
"Oye, mami! Ps, Ps, Ps." he exclaimed, using a sound that I call letting-the-air-out-of-the-tires.
"Oye, mami! You need help with your bags?"
Now if you're a man, please let me explain what happens in a woman's mind:
If I am nice to him, and acknowledge him = he may think I am interested (which I am not)
If I ignore him, and pay him no mind = I'm a bitch, and now I have to pay a price by being called all sorts of things..
So what did Judy Torres do? You know me by now, I'm sure.
"No, I don't need help. Thank you." I gave him a very small and slightly dismissive smile.
I didn't think it was a big deal...men have been cat-calling since women walked by the caveman's cave. I just continued to walk home. I had about 2 blocks to go. I felt something...He was behind me. He was walking directly behind me. He was followng me.
"Hey, mami! I'm talking to you...don't be a pendeja!" (I forget what pendeja means, but you never want to be labeled with that name, lol). He was making me a little nervous...He was getting too close.
If we were to rewind this scene ten years ago, I would have walked faster, perhaps run...anything to get away from this man..
Fast forward to present.
I turned my head around so much that Linda Blair in the Exorcist would've been impressed!
I yelled in a way I had never heard myself yell. It was as if any anger I had toward being mistreated and disrespect for the last 42 years were poured on to him.
"I know you did not call me a pendeja...you asshole! Get the fuck away from me - you hear me! Don't fucking try me...I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS - you hear?"
I SO wish you were there to see his face. Wow. Even I shocked myself. He was mystified. His jaw dropped and he stopped dead in his tracks. He was in disbelief...and so was I.
I witnessed a lot of abuse as a child, and I put up with a lot of stuff...I tolerated mistreatment, disrespect, violence. I was put down, neglected, abused...and as a child I had no voice; I was powerless. I was in survival mode. Today I was in survival mode too. It could have been a bad situation...but today I am not a child. I am a woman! I do have a voice...and thank God, today for the first time, I found my power!! I have to tell you, as I walked away, as I entered my home, I smiled. It felt good...I stood up for myself. It felt good to reclaim my power, to yell because I was angry, instead of cry or cower in fear. Yea. It - felt - GOOD!