When I was in high school, (Aquinas High School, Bronx, NY) I was popular, but not socially popular; I was an honor student. I excelled in Latin, pretty good with other classes, I had solos in the glee club and leads in the musicals...I worked hard. Life at home was so stressful sometimes that I liked school. It was a temporary escape, and I always told myelf that if I worked hard, I could be successful and get my mom out of the situation we were in. That was my drive - I wanted to be a singer, and I wanted to have a brain to fall back on, just in case. I was asked to sing a solo for Ring Day for my class of '85 &. It was Ring Day rehearsal after school and the entire 181 classs of 1985 was there. One of the teachers announced that before we were dismissed, there was a surprise.
"Judy, come on up. Judy Torres is going to sing a song for us."
I heard so much sucking of the teeth. I heard hissing. I heard people saying "Oh, my God...again?!"
I walked up to the podium and I was so devastated that I had practiced so much and they really didn't want to hear me, that I ran off crying. The teacher was horrified and scolded the seniors. She forced me to come back and sing, and then made everyone stay after longer as punishment. That punishment resulted in further punishment for me by a few classmates who bullied me in the last month of school. I felt so confused. Why would people do this to me? I'm nice to EVERYBODY! I'm just working hard, studying hard, rehearsing hard. I know now that it was jealousy then...it still hurt nonetheless. I confess that I am a sensitive soul and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I was just so confused. But that same confusion, that sense of injustice has recently reintroduced itself into my adult life.
For a very long time in this career, I can say that mostly everyone who's entered my life has been good to me. I have proudly been able to resolve conflicts and I've also taken pride in knowing that my reputation is solid. Until recently.
It appears that something or someone is trying to taint that reputation I work fiercely to protect and nurture to be a good one. I do my best to be kind to everyone whose path I cross, and I do my best to be honest. I try not to engage in gossip. But suddenly, I have been questioned and without reason someone(s) is attempting to taint my reputation . Suddenly, it seems a lot of things I have said have been taken out of context and I really feel, quite frankly, that I'm under attack. I am in shock. I am hurt. Who would do this to me? WHY would anyone do this to me? Out of the blue, I feel like I'm back in high school again. My manager tells me time and time again, "No one is your friend, Judy - trust NO ONE!" I don't want to live my life like that. I don't want to be paranoid, but I was suddenly questioning everything, everyone. For a while, I was hurt and I did a LOT of crying. I also had to do a lot of defending myself...nothing worse than trying to prove to someone your innocence when they've already decided you are guilty. I cried. I lost sleep. And I was pushed into silence. But then something quite different happened that did not happen in high school:
I GOT MAD!
I have decided to channel that angry energy into bringing my career to the next level. I have decided that the truth always gets revealed; that the truth will indeed set me free. I do not believe in using that kind of energy to "get even"...it is disempowering. I also realize that who ever is trying to hurt me, it's not about me. It's about them. "They" are not feeling good about themself, so they have to do something to bring me down so that they can feel elevated. But that elevation is temporary, for I will rise up...just like the Phoenix. LOL...LOL...sorry got carried away.
Today, I break that silence, determined to not let my enemies, (apparently I have one or two) get me down. Today, I release that anger, determined to forgive all of it, hoping that it will make me a stronger person.
Today, I won't feel like the Judy in high school. I won't run away crying. I'm here to stay. LOL.
One of my favorite scriptures from the Bible that gets me through stuff like this is:
Isaiah 54: 17 - "No weapon formed against me shall prosper. And every tongue which rises against me in judgment, you shall condemn..." I stand by that.
Please by all means, if you have a story in which you can relate, please share it here!
sorry i don't have a story that can relate to this but i must say i know that's right chica! you show them what you've become and that you're still going strong no matter what they say or do to you. this is why i look up to you because you show people, like me, that you can do anything you put your mind to despite what others are saying. ha i even feel a song coming to mind about this lol. just gotta love the haters because they do bring you your energy and that's how you climb to the top. unlike them, they will remain bitter and just plain, hmm how can i put this nicely, well you get the picture lol. just keep doing what you're doing mama, they'll soon give in (maybe if they have a life lol). love ya!!
ReplyDeleteWhen things get me down, I drown myself in music, yours of course!! lol Exposé, Gloria Estefan - guess I prefer women singers? lol but the point is I truly honor and respect their talent 120%!! It keep me from crying, being sad etc.
ReplyDeleteMaybe next time think of your fans? and the happy and fun postings?
Also (and I am Jewish) I heard the Christian Bible has a saying "Judge Not Lest You Be Judged" - I even believe that. Forgive me if the words are not exact but I know you get the idea.
Yes I was the outcast in high school too- low academnics, was not into boys, didn't smoke and only had 1 friend who is my friend to this day. I was not into sports/clubs etc.
The only really fun times I had up to now was going on my cruise vacations (4 wks vacation during my warehouse job of 17 yrs) and seeing my family in France years ago.
Even now some family members are wondering whats wrong with me- why I have been without a job for so long, why I am not married, or have a significant other etc (cousins/ uncle, extended family). And those family members are very uppity / high income /only talk to people in high income brackets etc- you get the idea lol. Just glad I have my mom- yes she wants me to get a job but she does NOT JUDGE me nor does my neice or nephew. Even my 2nd cousins in France don't judge me!! And my sister works at Staples for 12+ yrs - she has a decent salary but that job is not for me- already did that for 3 yrs.
love ALWAYS,
Leslie XOXOXOXOX
Dear Judy
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a personal story. You are and will always be such an amazing inspiration for me. I truly think you are an incredible person with so much light, prosperity and potential for real life change with empowerment not only for yourself, your family but for all of your fans. We look up to you because you are real. You are not only a powerful musical force but truly an Icon. I know I cannot speak for everyone but I truly believe I do not stand alone in my perception of you.
Personally, I feel life is hard. I feel life is meant to teach us lesson of which we will trip over again and again until we learn that lesson well. There are enemies and road blocks that will come along our way just to test your will. To test your strength.. Call it the negative force...the narrow road, and if you are Catholic, Christian or a person of faith.. the more you try to do it right.. the harder your road will be. Negativity in the form of fans, managers, producers, so called friends, family memembers, lovers or how ever it came at you does come from a place of ENVY, a place of that person unresolved issues and the Lord uses it as a test to see where your true Love, Soul and Heart rest.
Rest assured my dear Judy...You are right where you should be, if this has made you stronger, taught you to forgive, let go and let God, and has propelled you to further yourself in your life, personally and professionally...then let the blessings in.. YOU DESERVE THEM.
I, as always wish you much love, success, happiness, and true Soul Strengh to face this and anything that can stand in your way of becoming that which you dream of the most.
For now, know you are love by more than those who don't..
Love You Mamma..
Heidy Q.
heidyq@gmail.com
786-262-8237
I'm so sorry to hear that someone is trying to dim your light. I am here to tell you to take comfort in the fact knowing that you are a true and honest person. And anyone who knows you already sees that. Others can try real hard to diminish you, but it won't work. I'm not sure what I can say to make you feel better. So I'm sending you a hug, and a musical message from Mariah Carey's song, "Can't Take That Away".
ReplyDeleteThey can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down, but I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me.
And they can try hard to make me feel that I don't matter at all.
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my dreams.
Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly.
They can try, but they can't take that away from me.
This song is so amazing and gives me strength. I'm sure you will find it very helpful too.
xoxoxo
angel love
Wow sorry to hear that I'm not sure were to start I've never been popular even thou now at work a lot of people seem to think I am a great guy a friend but what doe's that all mean? I'm condered the corner stone of all my friends contact I seem to be the one they all gravitae to but what does that mean? let me go back to when I was young I was bullied and on ocassions jumped robbed as I got older as a teen I gave my life to CHRIST in 1978 but even before then JESUS as been my best friend thru out my life my mom and aunt were christian ladies.Right around 17 or 18 I made up my mind I will no longer be afraid of anyone in the end I will die just like them and of the so called friends who may put you down to elevate themselfs I will not tolerate negativety from them.I'LL live my life without fear and the negative people who want to make me feel inferior I will confront situations head on with courage and some sense, death awaits all of us in the end so why should I be unhappy at the expense of some creep as far as loyalty and friendship, trust over the course of our lifetime we will encounter friendships betrayal, heartbreaks will look back and reflect on what we did and did'nt do. I think you even made mention of this to me a while back about my failed marriage learning from what I did'nt do..yes I took things for granted but if I go down that road again I'll be a better man, you being popular or talented has nothing to do with peoples insecurities and expectations your going to encounter that even in your business that they'll attempt to sabotage your career cause they don't have one and you have to rid yourself of that disease but you move forward I would tell you from your experiences you have to develope a sense of who's sincere and who's not in their words and actions for instance the words or letters I,ME, used before the other for instance I and my friend or me and my friend the focus is on self which indicates a selfishness nature if used excessively whats the other persons motive for being so nice to you or are they hinting at borring money so the statement don't trust anyone holds true until you can establish a friendship but at any point that any friends loyalty starts to become quietionable you have to address immediately..For instance my brother and sisters are big fans of yours and freestyle music when they were playing freestyle I loved it and so I started purchasing the music when I went to see the first freestyle concert at lehman college when you were gonna perform and told your story about the guy who you were dating and had invited to thks giving dinner and he did'nt show up it brought tears to my sister and mine eyes I felt more love for you then so I say that to say mines sincere but yet how do you determine that? I've lost focus sorry but I've never written this much until I encountered you beautiful woman lol I want to say don't let anyone interfere in your happiness business and internal affairs unless you've allowed them in, like in this forum...and unless you've requested advice from a close friend who you believe will be brutally honest and your prepared for the response don't entertain any negativevity I don't tolerate it anymore but it's taken a lifetime and on that note let me give you unwanted advice lol I have met beautiful woman who've had ugly evilness in them filthy mouths and I've met women who are not the most attractive yet are beautiful cause they've brought down that,which blinds us from that inner beauty in all of us give the average joe a chance he might not look GQ or have six pack abs but he might have something much more valuable to offer take care wish you the best GOD BLESS...
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