WHY "STAY"?

Less than one week from the release of the video for my latest single, Stay.  It's already received over 5,000 views on YouTube.  And the video has caused quite a stir.  Stay was originally recorded by country duo, Sugarland; written by it's lead singer, Jennifer Nettles in 2007.  From Wikipedia, here is the concept of how Jennifer Nettles wrote the song:

 "Stay" is a ballad of infidelity, taking the perspective of the mistress of a man who is cheating on his wife. It begins with the mistress's insistence that the man stay with her — even if his wife should call and ask where he is — because she (the mistress) is "so tired of being lonely". Although the man tells her that he will leave his wife for her, she refuses to believe him, telling him that "it's too much pain to have to bear / To love a man you have to share".

In the third verse, the mistress then changes her mind; according to Nettles, she (the woman in the song) "has her own sense of redemption and realizes she deserves more than being with someone who will never be fully hers".[2] This change is revealed in the final chorus:

Why don't you stay?
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay?

I saw Ms. Nettles sing this song on the Grammy Awards and I couldn't believe this woman's INCREDIBLE voice.  I was further moved by the amazing talent in the lyrics...for her to begin the song with the woman asking him to stay, and ending in the song telling him to stay (with the wife)..well, I was just amazed!  No one had ever written like that before.  SO I wanted to record it with a dance vibe and give it my own spin.  In her original video, (an incredible one, I might add), it is just her and the gentleman from Sugarland behind her...simple. Just her and her raw emotions...it's one of MY favorite videos because it takes a brave person to expose her emotions on camera like that.  If it were up to me, I would've done the video just like that, but I didn't want to copy it.  So - we had the idea to give the new video a story line!!  Well, apparently, telling the story wasn't right. 

I've been reading people's comments & most people GET IT!  The other woman realizes she's being an idiot about her choices, and actually CHANGES her mind.  In my version of the video, I made it clear that the woman packs his stuff and locks him out of her life; she changes her mind - takes her power back, relcaims her life.  LOL...Yet there are comments accusing me of condoning this behavior. I am not doing so, but I did want to do this video for so many reasons.  I did it because I love the message of  the song, because I'm hoping the video will give women in this position the guts to leave & stop.  I also did this to prove something.  Yes, sometimes women in this situation do it on purpose.  But I believe that most of the women in this situation are complicatedly (is that a word?), lacking self-esteem.  Somewhere in their life they lack confidence; somewhere in their life  they were treated second fiddle to someone else and have "learned" that they don't deserve to be #1 in someone else's life...so they allow themselves to be #2.  I wanted to humanize her, if just for a second...not so people could feel sorry for her, but just so that people could "see" the story through her eyes. How she got herself in the situation is not important - how she gets hersslf out is the deeper message here.

And, um, not one person spoke of the cheating husband.!!!  Remember, I don't care if the woman has a perfect body and shows up naked...the husband is in TOTAL control of how he responds to it.  By the way, lol...there are a few people who think this is my story...that Waseem Khawaja, the guy who plays my love interest, is really my boyfriend, and are telling me that they feel bad for me! LOL...he is NOT my boyfriend.  And, no, I am not in this position either, lol.  I did cry, however, in during the filming of the video, as I did think about the times in my life, where I allowed a man to treat me as a trivial option instead of a first priority.  So in that way I COMPLETELY relate.

To those of you in this position: Please let the video serve as a message to warn you that you will have nothing but heartache if you STAY. For those of you not in this situation:  heed my words...it is when you sit in judgment of others' behavior that sometimes life will put you in a situation where others will one day judge you. You don't have to condone it - Judge not lest you be judged...Right??

Why do people STAY?  They are afraid.  They don't think they can do better.  They don't think anyone else will love them. They don't know how to be alone.  They are used to the drama.  They believe the lies they are served.  They hold on to fantasy. Please watch the video again, and leave your thoughts here.  I welcome ALL of your comments here and/or on Youtube-let's keep the conversation going!!
                      

40 Days without...? Are you kidding me?!

Woke up happy.  I'm feeling quite positive today.  I realized today is Ash Wednesday.  Although I am no longer Catholic, I am still a Christian - and I still enjoy honoring Lent. I think it is a noble act to give up something you love for 40 days in honor of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  Lent gives me a BIGGER reason to get rid of a couple of bad habits.  So for the next 40 days, I will give up soda and candy...Wait, maybe just soda...no, candy...no...wait.  Ugh, okay I'll give up both.  I bet I'd lose weight just from those two things alone, lol.  I had given up soda for a while, and slowly began to creep it back into my diet.  After all, how can you go to the movies and not have soda?? 

I went to Manhattan to record a song I co-wrote with an award-winning writer who's wrtiten for Taylor Dayne, Clay Aiken and more!  I have to say I enjoy writing songs - it is another outlet to express my feelings, for which during my childhood I was either not allowed to, or to afraid to.  I never realized I have so much to talk about & now no one can shut me up!  Ha, ha!  The night I sang at Madison Square Garden, just before I went on, I was forewarned,"Now remember, Judy, NO talking!!"  LOL..yeah ok, like here I am at the world's most famous arena, and I'm not gonna say anything???  Like we say in the Bronx, "Aha...yeah, righ!"  The great thing about this writer is that I feel he gets me.  He understands I want to write about something substantial; something that has a message.  Booty shaking songs are great, don't get me wrong, but I want to be remembered...not for shaking what my mama gave me, but for being inspiring.  Don't know what will happen with the song...I must have 20 or so songs at home that literally just hang out in my wall unit, wishing for some attention.  But that is the game of the music business...one or two people decide if millions of people will ever listen to your material.  That is fine with me, I love being here...and I'll keep writing until someone says, "...and the grammy goes to...Judy Torres!!!"  YES! YES! YES!  Thank you...thank you....lol.  

I just had a morbid thought...ok, I'll share. If I died, God forbid, will those songs in my wall unit suddenly come to life?  I know, I know...it's a horrible  thought, but it popped into my head, what can I say?  Am I the only one that has strange and taboo thoughts like that?  God, forgive me for that...ok, I'm back.

Tomorrow I get the MRI for my hip and I see the lap band surgeon...hope I don't cry.  At least I'm slowly getting back on track.         

Life is Counting to 10...Get back up!

So here I am, 23 years as a professional recording artist, 13 years as a radio personality, and one year as an advice columnist...looks great on paper, but what no one knows is although I'm proud of what I've accomplished, I have yet to achieve my real dreams. There have been some highs: meeting amazing celebrities, receiving a standing ovation at Madison Square Garden, and hearing my songs on the radio. And...there have been some lows: a suicide attempt, getting diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and getting my heart broken in the most evil and betraying of ways. My ultimate dreams? I want to win a Grammy, own a townhouse somewhere where I can complain about the deer eating my flowers, I want to be able to financially care for my mother without worrying about it, I want to sing a duet with Michael Buble, and I want to do a world tour, have a #1 top POP song on the radio. Oh yes, and I'd like to find the true love of my life, get married and know what it's like to be loved honestly.

I was at a great meeting this past week with my manager, his assistant, and my creative director. It was exciting: new website, new photos, new single being released soon. I was watching everyone buzzing like bees, looking at materials, talking about how to take it to the next level, etc. I was excited too, but all of a sudden, BOOM! I was outside of my body, I was numb. Flat out, truth..I was SCARED! Judy, why the hell are you afraid? Helloooo! Everyone is behind you, believing in you, supporting you. Suddenly there were endless lists of things for me to do, write, say...I was nodding my head, "yes, I can do that...sure, not a problem.." But inside me, there was a whole other side of me, in an alternate reality, saying "huh?" LOL...

It's funny, and it is hard to admit this on a blog, but hey, if I'm going to write a blog, I might as well put it out there...I AM AFRAID! I am afraid to fail, I am afraid to let people down, I am afraid I don't believe in myself enough anymore to make it happen. Damn, I'm just afraid. We are all afraid of failure...but what people don't know is that success can be just as scary. Is it possibly true that we are afraid of our own power? Is it that we are used to people telling us we can't, and then when we find out we can, we get scared, knowing that if we succeed, will we leave others behind? If we succeed, will people still like us, did they like us to begin with, or do they only like us for what we can do for them? If we succeed, will we be accused of changing? I have to find out what I'm afraid of...

When I think about it, I realize, I've tasted success - it tasted PHENOMENAL! I'm talking, finger-lickin-freakin-licous good! I've known what it feels like to have a lot of money coming in, to have the phone ring off the hook, to be invited to all the parties, to not have to wait on line, to pay the bills so far in advance there are no worries...but then one day, out of the blue, it stopped. All of it. And I've been fighting, scratching, crawling just to stay somewhere on the mountain, and then life, cynical people who think they know who you are, who make false judgments, keep kicking me down. I'm a fighter. I have been punched, sucker-punched, even been knocked out. And I have always got back up... The thing is...it gets harder to get up every time. Know what I mean? I had this same feeling with weight.

I decide to lose weight...I lose weight, 20, 30, 40 pounds or more. I work out in the gym like an animal. And then one day, an idiot says something to me like, "You're gonna have extra skin.." or "You look fine, but you still have a LOT more to go." and in an instant...FEAR is there again. Without even realizing, as if they've said some magic word, slowly, so very slowly the weight creeps back on. And then I'm knocked to the floor again, and I can't seem to get up.

Okay, back to the meeting. Just before I go, my manager says, "Judy, this is your life...you define who you are...you have to decide that you want this, and go after it." He is right. I loved that he said that to me...He also said, "And, Judy, you gotta get back to the gym." He didn't say it in a mean way. In fact, the way he said it was the way a father would lovingly tell his daughter- more out of concern for my health than for superficial reasons. But something inside me takes it out of context. The monster in me says, "What?! You think I'm getting fatter again, huh? You see me as a failure, huh? You don't love me the way I am?"

So today, I've been at the computer all day, doing what needs to be done in spite of this thing called fear, telling myself to get the gloves back on...because life is counting to 10, and if I don't get up soon, I'm going to lose what may be the last chance to make my career successful. I've decided to thank the people who believe in me by succeeding this time around. I hope this blog will help me therapeutically, and I hope this blog will help you see me as a human...just like you.