Wednesday, November 24, 2010


So, I survived the weekend. It went a bit like this:

Thursday night: INSOMNIA again!! Ugh, of all the nights to lose sleep, this one is not the one. There is a lovely moment between consciousness and sleep. I don't know if you've ever felt that moment or not, but it's kind of interesting, lol. Anyway, as soon as I arrived at that moment, BAM! I was awake, eyes wide open!

Friday: I think I had about 4 hours of sleep; not enough but what can I do...I had a flight to catch. So, had a good breakfast, laughed and was in a good mood. Got a ride to Newark airport where my road manager, David, and I took a flight to Chicago! What a beautiful city - if you've never been there, you should take the trip. The winters kick butt, moreso than here in NY/NJ, but it is worth it. Treated like royalty there. Was greeted by driver, and driven in a Maserati Limousine! Wow! Very few limos make me gasp. This one made me a fan. I took pictures like a true tourist and like a person who'd taken her first limo drive, lol. The color was spectacular: a light, dusted frosted, opalescent green/silver. I have NEVER seen a color on a car like that. trunk though, lol. So Lissette Melendez, her nephew, my road manager and I shared this gorgeous limo with our luggage.

We were driven to Venuti's, the venue where we'd be performing that evening. It was a truly beautiful place! We were taken to a private room with the promoters and the owner of Venuti's, where we were served dinner - and nothing was off limits! It did feel like royalty, I cannot lie! Afterward we did a sound check and went to our hotel rooms. I took a nap. I could've slept for almost 4 hours, but that insomnia thing was determined to keep me company, and as a result, I slept for about 45 minutes. Better than nothing. The show was great! Cynthia and Lissette and I were backstage discussing how long we've been in this business, family matters, etc...honestly, I think Cynthia and Lissette look better than EVER!! After the show, Lissette and I were bombarded right in front of the Ladies' room, and even at one point had to go into the bathroom to take a few pics for women with no flashes in their cameras, lol. I couldn't hang out afterwards, I had Puerto Rico the next morning!

Saturday: So, I slept a total of an hour and a half. Feeling somewhat zombie-ish, we arrived to the airport to jump on the plane. I was EXHAUSTED. I cannot sleep on planes. It doesn't matter how much leg room I have, or if I can bring the seat back...I cannot sleep sitting up. I look at my road manager, and there he is, with his mouth gaping open, and snoring like a freaking baby. Was I hating? Better believe it! I did get to watch Dispicable Me though! LOL..I needed the laughter and I loved the movie, especially the little girl who was dying to win a stuffed unicorn toy at an amusement park. She screamed "It's so cute and FLUFFYYYY!!!" Okay, you had to be there!

We landed around 4pm, arrived to the hotel and it took almost an hour just to check in. We were staying at the Caribe Hilton...GORGEOUS! I arrived to my pretty room with my big bed, and I walked onto the balcony. And there it was. A beautiful beach flowing with palm trees, inviting sand and a hammock that said, "lie here. The breeze is perfect." Damn. I'm in the motherland, Puerto Rico, and I can't even get a chance to enjoy it! I took a photo of my view - at least I can remember it and perhaps return one day. I closed the balcony door and walked right to the bed, where I felt it. The exhaustion set in. My throat was hurting, and I had not eaten. But I wasn't hungry because the urge to sleep was by far stronger than the urge to eat. I plopped onto the bed...I had at least 3 or 4 hours to rest...did I sleep?

I do not know if I am the only performing artist who experiences this when they travel, but I felt lonely. Beautiful bed, beautiful view, but I just wish I had someone to say, "I am so tired! Can I rest my head on your chest?" or "Can you rub my feet?" Okay, it's really not so much about that...I think I was truly exhausted. Borderline delirious perhaps. And then my phone rang. And I was comforted by a friend at the right moment, when I needed it most. I was lying there, sideways, with the phone on my ear and as I listened, a single tear ran down my face onto the pillow. I hung up, and decided it was time to try to sleep again. But for the 2 1/2 hours my body laid there, my mind never stopped running. Woke up, got a Starbucks and went to the show.

Backstage I was with Lisa-Lisa, who I just adore and we were talking for a while. What I love about her is that she tells it like it is; never censors herself, and if you don't like what she has to say, oh, well, lol. It was my turn to go up onstage, and it was a little scary. Although I was in Puerto Rico, and I know the audience speaks English, the whole I-don't-speak-Spanish-fluently thing comes up and I get a bit intimidated. But I went up there, and did my Puerto Rican Wonder Woman dance step, and it was all good. I invited a young singer named Stephanie Lou Ann Bracero to come to the show. She's 18 and has a voice on her that you know is a gift from God! When I look at her I see myself - and so i've been sending her and hermother emails throughout the year, after having viewed her performances at various places. I think she's pretty amazing. So in the middle of my show, without her knowing I invited her onstage to sing something. And although she was put on the spot, she shined!! I wish I had the means to help her, but I hope that putting her up onstage would get someone's attention. Right after, I had to fly out the door because I had to be at the airport at 2:30 am for a 4:30 am flight.

Sunday: At the airport that is when it really hit me. My eyes burned, my body sluggish. I paid the extra money it cost just to get extra room...and thank God, I had the entire aisle to myself. For the first time I laid down on the aisle and closed my eyes...but NOOO!!! I can't sleep because it's freaking freezing!! I asked the attendant for a blanket: "Sure! We have pillow and blanket for $7!" Are you freaking kidding me? Forget it...I'll freeze. I do think I slept about an hour or so, which was enough to get me through. We landed in Fort Lauderdale, Flo for a connecting flight. Did I want that? Of course not, taking the flights at that time was the only way I could get into New York to make my 12 noon shift at WKTU!

The flight was delayed. Of course it was...that would be expected, lol. It was delayed by an hour, and I had to make lots of phone calls to warn everyone that I may not make it on time. In radioland, there is no such thing as being late. You simply cannot be late. We got on the plane, and I leaned against the window by my seat, praying it would transform into a comfy down pillow. I think I sort of slept. As soon as we landed we ran to the car and I drove to WKTU...I got there at 11:52am....8 minutes before my shift. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but by 5:30 I hit a wall, and I couldn't wait to be free.

All in all, the bottom line is this: you'd be amazed at what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. The mind is more powerful than your body, because when you WILL something to happen, it does happen whether your body likes it or not!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Met with my manager today to discuss future recordings, prospects, etc. I was feeling a bit apprehensive because our last meeting, well, left me slightly traumatized. If you missed that blog, let me sum it up for you in a few sentences. It went something like this:

Me (feeling really good about myself, on my way to a movie audtion): "Okay, anything else before I go?"

Him: "Well, yes." Then he slowly made a big circle around my body with his index finger. "What are we going to do...(in slow motion) about this?"

That one sentence sent me into a spiral of self-rejection, self-loathing and bounced me back to a conversation with my father. I can never forget that day - I was about 30 or so, and had broken up with a boyfriend, after discovering he'd cheated on me. I was at my father's house, sitting in the livingroom, and I was frankly on the verge of tears. I work very hard not to cry around my father. For some reason, I cannot be vulnerable around him because I feel he sees it as weakness and God forbid you show weakness to an old-world-Cuban man! He also always demands I stop crying. I guess I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around him. Period. Anyway, I felt the tears welling up,as my father was in the kitchen warming up dinner for us, and he just happened to see me. The conversation went down like this:

Him: "Judy, Judy...what's the matter? Come on. What's wrong?"

I was afraid to say I just shook my head.

Him: "Judy, I'm your father. Come on, you can talk to your father. Tell your father what's wrong?"

I hadn't grown up with him since I was 7 years old, and he'd make occasional cameo appearances throughout my life, but I never felt I could count on him. So I thought, adult or not, this was my chance to give him a chance to be there for me. I saw it as a divine opportunity for us to bond for once. So I took a deep breath, and he put his arm around me. Here goes nothing.

Me: "Well, So & So cheated on me! I can't believe it! And to make it worse, I found out on Valentine's Day because we had plans and he stood me up...when I called him asking what happened, he said 'Judy, I keep telling you I love What's-her-face...leave me alone!' I just can't believe it."

Him: "I never liked him, come on. What is she - Puerto Rican?"
Me: "No....Brazilian."
Him: "Ah forget it, you lost him. Brazilian woman? You can't beat that! And anyway, I'm going to tell you something you need to hear, ok? And listen to your father because your father is right."

I thought, um, hello? What does her begin Brazilian have to do with anything? But I waited on his wisdom with doe-like, innocent eyes. I thought to myself that here was what I wanted from him; the one sentence that would make me feel better - the kind of comfort only a father could give a daughter...

Him: "Judy, no man is ever going to love you as long as you look like this."

Huh? I don't want to paint a bad picture of my father here. Just in the same way I never wanted to paint a bad picture of my manager. LOL...maybe it's a man thing. I understood what he was trying to say to me, probably what my manager was trying to say to me too. My father was trying to say to me that men are visual creatures, and this society likes their women thin. If you want success in love, want success in your career - yo'uve gotta be thin, dammit! Period. He sees it simple: lose weight, gain a man!

Anyway, back to my meeting with my manager. I sat down and waited for the word. I knew if he said something bad, I'd be devastated for another 3 weeks, and I didn't want that. The first thing he said is, "Wow, Judy, you look GREAT! How much weight did you lose?" I should have smiled, I should have been proud. Did I lose weight? fact I lost 20 pounds. I think I lost it because I, not anyone else, wanted to do it for myself. I really enjoy Zumba classes and honestly I've been VERY happy lately. I've worked hard to heal from a lot of things, and when I'm happy it shows on the outside...and when I'm sad it shows on the outside too. LOL. My manager said, "Aren't you happy? Doesn't it feel good?" I was quite ambivalent about it. He asked me, "Are you so hard on yourself? You don't give yourself credit?" "Yes, I am very hard on myself." And although that is very true, it was really about my slight resentment toward our last meeting, and I somewhat felt cornered about it. Well, we spoke of many things and before I left his office, I was given my itinerary for this weekend. Ready? It goes a little something like this:

Friday - Illonois
Saturday - Puerto Rico
Sunday - KTU from 12 noon to 6pm.

Sounds busy but not impossible, right? Hah!! What you don't know is that there will be less than four hours each night of sleep. And I'm flying from one airport but when I depart from home, I return to a different direct flight eiher, and I have to catch the red-eye Sunday morning so I can make my shift at work. I fear I will have to be carried out either on a stretcher when it's all over, or in a straight jacket!! LOL...

I will ask this of you, in all sincerity: Please pray for me to have safe travels...It's an awful lot of flying in two days!! Okay, I'm going to appreciate rest right now, I'm going to respect it, and therefore, I'm going to sleep right now!!! Good night...Buenas Noches, Buona Serra, Bon Sois!!! Blah, blah...yawn!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

25th Anniversary of Freestyle - Part 2 of 2!

I have to let you know that the entire night, I had an ANGEL by my side; and I felt it, I knew it, and I never felt more supported or blessed or honored in my life!!! That's all I can say about that, but I need my angel to know that I was aware of it the entire time and that I am truly grateful!!!

It was so GREAT to see everyone: Cynthia, Johnny O, Debbie Deb, George Lamond, Lissette Melendez, Soave, Noel, TKA/K7, Cover Girls, Brenda K. Starr, Sal Abbatiello (booking agent, manager of Cover Girls), Sa-Fire, Corina, Coro, Carlos Berrios(producer, songwriter, movie director),Tony Moran (Latin Rascals & producer for Gloria Estefan, Luther Vandross and Barbra Streisand), Big Al (promoter) and Company B. They hysterical thing was that as the ladies of Company B were walking downstairs to the stage, one of the children of the PS 22 Chorus asked, "Are you Lady Gaga?" LOL. The girls were like, "No, we wore white wigs WAY before her!!" That is SO right!! LOL.

As I watched the show backstage, I was impressed at my peers' performances: Cynthia looked BEAUTIFUL and she sounded amazing...she looked so happy to me! Johnny O was full of excitement! Suove sounded better than he did when he first entire the freestyle arena, Corina is just as beautiful as when she first began, Brenda K. Starr, although she did not perform, was so kind and warm to me, and to me she's just a true STAR! Coro, well, he never looks or sounds bad - what a survivor he is!! Sa-Fire is just a spitfire of energy and I love her dearly as well! Watching the show was like looking through old photo albums and saying, "Wow, look how much we've grown!" I'm very proud of all of our accomplishments, and if you knew the political, ugly side of this business, you would truly admire the freestyle soldiers who fight to sing for you!

The showstopper of the night had to be during Noel's performance. You may or maynot have heard, but allow me to share. I always called Noel the Puerto-Rican James Dean of the Freestyle world!!! He never catered to anyonee's demands, and he's always been his own man. He never cared about what people thought of him, and he literally dances to his own drum. I've always loved watching him perform and I can say that as the years go on, he just gest better and better!! So, while he was performing, the screens throughout the arena captioned that Noel had not seen his twin daughters in seven years because of unfortunate circumstances, and they would be on stage to surprise him, and they'd be wearing gold. Well, you could feel the heightened anticipation, creeping with each second. People began to stand up, searching...even I, even I had to go out in the crowd to witness this reunion.

"Excuse me, ma'am," a security guard said to me, "you CANNOT stand here...this area MUST stay clear." "Please, just let me see this moment...he's my friend...he's being reunited with his daughters...just let me see this and I'll move, I promise." She gave me a dirty look and then motioned me with a "whatever" expression. And then his daughters were standing right behind him. Noel continued to sing as the audience cheered in support! And then Noel turned around, the kind of turn we all do for performance purposes, and he sang and looked at them...and there was a millisecond of silence, and he grabbed them...and like a man, a real man who hadn't seen his children in so long, he cried! He cried bravely with honesty and elation. And I cried too...yes, it was something Oprah would have done! Was it slightly exploitive? Yes...after all, it really is nonoe of our business. However, it was a real moment; a life moment that we can all relate to, and it was worth it. I hope that a lot of people called their kids when the show was over, lol...

I went backstage to change into my second outfit and redo my hair and make up. As I sat exhausted at the makeup table, someone asked me, "What are you going to do with your hair?" Hm, good question...I stared at my curling iron, and the thought of curling all the crazy hair I have seemed daunting! "I'm going to curl it..." And then I heard music to my ears from a complete stranger: "I can do your hair...I have a place in the city..besides I'm bored."!! And as I did my make up, he did my hair. Yes, it was a good day! LOL.

It was my turn to come onstage and well, it was a moment of joy! I was sad that the kids were gone, that my dancers had canceled on me. I didn't have a BIG amazing thing to do onstage, but I kept telling myself that I alone am enough as long as I sing my heart out! And that is what I did! I did the wop, the Roger Rabbit, and all 80s dance moves I could remember, lol. I thanked Angelo Venuto and his band, Voices to backing me...I don't know if people realized but they had been playing since 11am for everyone's sound check and then played ALL night for all of us while we were onstage!! That is pretty amazing!! My time onstage flew by and I walked off happy...that's all that mattered - that the crowd was happy. If they are happy, I am happy..but then I was asked by KTU's Cubby and Cindy to come back on stage, and I was surprised with a Lifetime Achievement Award! Cool! I was truly honored and surprised...but OUCH!!! My feet were killing me!!!

TKA/K7 were up! What an introduction and wow, what reception they received!!! There are a few people I never tire from seeing: George Lamond and TKA/K7! The crowd was deafening! I have always admired Kayel, lead singer for TKA. He's a true friend and a classy guy - at the end of his show, he thanked EVERYONE who had been part of his career, including those who he may not have relationships with anymore. He badmouthed no one, and if you knew the dirty politics, you would not blame him if he did. But he's a gentleman...and that's why he has the success that he does! I went back up a couple of times to sing with TKA, George Lamond and for the finale!

For the finale, we all sang Don't Stop Believing with George Lamond...there was pyro, there were explosions and I looked around and realized, "Wow...this is what 25 years feels like...25 years of friendship, 25 years of freestyle music that has comforted generations, and 25 years of love and blessings!" And then at the very end, there were blasts of multi-colored confetti....and it filled the entire arena. No show had ever gone that far for one of our concerts! It felt good... it truly did. It was as if we all came full circle. But wait. As the confetti blinded me, I had fleeting thoughts: the award, the 25 years...I know, I know...for a moment, I felt a fear interfere with my joy: Is this the beginning of the end? Is that how we go out - with a big bang???

It does not matter. What matters is that this music has been acknowledged. What matters is that we have lives that other people envy. What matters is that I've spend more than 1/2 my life entertaining and truly living out my dream!!! I have been honored with thte title, Queen of Freestyle!!! I have loved, I have lost; I have been paid and there has been a cost! BUT...damn, what a GREAT RIDE!!!!! Whooohoooooo!

Friday, November 12, 2010


It was Saturday, November 6, 2010, the day of the 25th Anniversary of Freestyle concert at Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. I had only about 5 hours of sleep; seems that's about the average I've gotten in the last few weeks. The sleep deprivation resulted from anxiety, concern, nerves and good stressors in my life recently. But today would be the day - lots to do, lots to say, lots to sing. I arrived to Atlantic City, after getting myself lost for the first time, which robbed us of about 45 minutes of relaxation time. But I was excited - the surprise I'd been keeping locked inside would finally be revealed.

My surprise? My Trump Card? My Secret Weapon? The Chorus of PS 22 in Staten Island would be performing No Reason to Cry with me on stage, just as they had done in 2006 at their school as a surprise to me! For years I had thought about those children, and wanted to include them in a show of some sort, but I was always turned down for one reason or another.  Having children perform in big venues is a big insurance, liability risk, blah blah blah.  But somehow, by God's goodness, this year I was granted permission to ask them to sing with me at Taj Mahal.  I had a month to make this happen,  First, I had to get the producer's permission.  The next step was to write a proposal letter to the principal and get permission from the Board of Education. I did all the necessary things in less than three days but it took about three weeks for it to happen!!!

First I was told to wait for an answer. Then I was granted a yes, Then a no.  Then a yes.  Then I was overjoyed!!  Then two days before the show, "Judy, we have a problem."  NOOOOOO, what could it be NOW??? Turns out that I was scheduled to go onstage at 10:25p.m. - PS 22 Chorus would sing with me first.  The problem was the 10 year old children had to be back at the school by midnight the latest.  The teacher explained to me that the students had a curfew of midnight - no later - no exceptions! They had even performed for the President of the United States, and had to be back by midnight.  So if they didn't make an exception for him, I would not be any different.  Hm.  So NOW what would we do??

So the producer, Vito Bruno, and I put our heads together and came up with the idea that since I'd hosted the KTU Freestyle Free For All for 12 1/2 years, I could open the show with the children...and say "There's No Reason to Cry because Freestyle will never die!!"  Corny,  yes, but we'd have to make it work.

I arrived to soundcheck, and saw all of PS 22 Chorus filling in the first two rows of the audience. I said hello to them all, and in an instant you could hear the genuine joy and excitement in their voices.  I high-fived them, asked them if they were excited, if they were ready....and in unison they cried, "Yesssss!"  Kids are the best!  The biggest challenge at soundcheck was to ensure they would all be heard. I said it over and over again to the sound engineers, "It's not about me...I'm fine, I'll be fine, but if those children are not heard, it will be useless."  Their amazing teacher, Mr. Breinberg, looked at me with the same concern I had...but by the third try, they could be heard.  Thank goodness....our dream was going to happen in less than 3 hours!

Not much time to do too much. I swallowed dinner and rushed to get ready. I met with the students of the PS 22 Chorus in the green room, and wished them luck.  They had nothing but compliments:  "Ooh Judy, you look so pretty!" And then from a boy, "Judy, you look beautiful!"  And then of course, most likely from a future fashion designer: "Judy, NICE shoes!!"  LOL. They were so adorable with their smiling faces...and it was their faces that I remembered as I walked to the stage.  I was nervous -actually I had severe dry mouth, lol.  But it was those faces full of hope, excitement and joy that I brought with me.  The chorus began to form onstage, and I watched from the screens backstage. They were holding their hands up high, waving to the audience. It was a great moment.

I walked out onto the stage, and I just felt so supported.  I'm used to being on stage alone.  And sometimes, it can be lonely.  Although I can handle it, it was just great to have people on stage with the very same intention:  to please the crowd!  And then the music began. I started softly...if you begin singing too loudly you have no where to go. That was a valuable lesson my high school music teacher, Mr. Frank Roman, had taught me, and I never forgot anything he said to me.  So I began singing and as soon as I heard the children behind me, I was just full of love.  I was so happy with how it was sounding, and then when I introduced them, I heard the crowd TRULY support their presence and I almost cried. In spite of my dry mouth, which sucked, I sang the words:  "...'Cause, darling, it was meant for you..."  and I heard the crowd roar!  Great feeling...nothing describes it.  And then I heard the children, "There's no reason to cry..." and I knew we were all performing something I'd never forget.

Afterward, I walked upstair to congratulate them:  "WE DID IT!"  And the PS 22 Chorus screamed with the exhilaration that only children can, and I was just so grateful.  Working with them made me miss the one year that I was a music teacher at St. Dominic's in the Bronx - I taught Kindgergarten through 8th grade, and although I loved them all, I have to confess it was the 4th and 5th grades that were my favorite!  I wanted to take these kids home forever! I told them, "I have no children, but today I do!" And Mr. Breinberg interjected, "You have 65 now!"  I also gave them a little pep talk:  "How many of you want to be a professional singer when you grow up?"  Many enthusiastic hands went up.  "Well, let me tell you, you see how smal this room is?  You see there is nothing fancy here?  This is the reality of being a professional singer: the lights and glamour are on stage, NOT back stage. It is very important to remember where you come from.  It won't always be fancy.  If you are wanting to become a singer only to be famous, you are wasting your time.  Be a singer because you want to make people feel good, help them forget their problems, NOT because you want fame.  I love you all & I will never forget what you did for me today!"  I walked away, feeling happy, but feeling sad.  I know in some way, I am meant to work with children. Actually, it's been in the back of my mind for a few years now, that I'd like to start an afterschool mentoring program called, DreamCatchers!  It would be an afterschool program for underprivileged children that would support them in self-esteem and performance arts.  It will be something I do one day, for sure, but I had to release that thought for a moment because I had to go back on stage in a while...time to change...the show must go on!         

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


With less than 3 days remaining before the 25th Anniversary of Freestyle Concert appears on the stage of Taj Mahal, I feel great about the whole thing!!!  I also feel a little, just a little stress.  There was so much to be done:  get a showtape done, find out what to wear - outfit, shoes, ,jewelry, rehearse with the band, and prepare fo the BIG surprise I have planned for the audience...I cannot say just yet what it is, because well, it's a surprise isn't it? LOL. 

I have had this surprise on my mind for a few years now actually...but because it seemed like such a big task, I shrank away from it whenever it popped into my head.  But this time, we're talking about 25 YEARS of FREESTYLE!!  For this show, I had to do something different.  I know that the fans have seen me perform about 78 times by now, lol, and when you do a show like this, you need to find a way to reinvent the show.  What can I do differently that I have never done before?  What's the wow factor?  No matter what I tried to do my idea for the surprise kept nagging and nagging at me: "Come on JUDY!!  Let's do it!!"  So, I took a deep breath and met with the executive producer of the show.  When I first told him my idea, he kind of smirked.  Then he was quiet...Have you ever tried to sell someone an idea?  Have you ever had only 5 minutes to convince someone that you're not delirious?  The bottom line is: the key is to believe in your vision; believe in it SO hard, that you use all your passion to explain it, and when you're done, your heart is pounding right out of your chest.  That's exactly what I did.  And then...he said, "Okay, Judy, let's do it...but you will have to do this, that, thensome, and call, and write and get permission, etc...."  No problem, I said...and then the work began.

So it took almost 3 weeks to convince EVERYONE involved that my idea was worthy of the stage. There were letters written, phone calls made, proposals put out, texts, lawyers....whew!!  And then I was told YES!!  And within 3 hours I was told NO...with the producer's help and my experience of having been a legal secretary...we were told YES again!!!


I have been walking on clouds about this idea. This surprise was my Trump card - the thing that would separate this show from any other.  I've been so excited, that when I was sharing the news with a friend, he accused me of sounding like I was having an orgasm!!! LMAO...Wow!!  So I guess you can see or hear how excited I was about it all!!  I was running to Brooklyn today to try on my outfit for Saturday...then I went home to finally rest. And the phone rang"

"Judy, it's Vito and xyz!"
"Hey, how are you guys??" 
"There's a problem."

And as I heard the words, my spirit was in disbelief. NO, this cannot be happening!!  My Trump card folded right before my eyes....

Now what do I do...???

We all took a deep breath, and tried to come up with plan B...but I don't want Plan B for an A Show.  This is when one must practice the art of surrender.  Did I do my best? Yes. Did I exhaust all the possibilities? Yes.  Do I have any control over the situation?  No...So I have no choice than to execute plan B, and surrender to the situation. The more I fight it, the more stressful I will be.  So, I put it in God's hands now - that what is meant to be will happen.  And I hope with all my heart that it will be good enough...that my voice and my performance will still speak volumes!!  God, you think you can intercede here?

I think this blog was actually me that is okay too from time to time!!!  Thanks for reading!