tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-884326161234457612024-03-13T13:00:15.997-07:00Dear JudyDearJudyTorres.com is where you can ask Judy advice on pressing questions, life's dilemmas, and love's challenges. You can also read and follow Judy's daily blog as she shares with you her own challenges in her career as a singer and radio personality, as a single woman trying to find love, and as a human learning the lessons of life. Enjoy, read and feel free to ask Judy! Email DearJudy@JudyTorres.comJudy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-8706404105948607912012-08-21T16:57:00.001-07:002012-08-21T17:11:55.989-07:00I LOVE ELLIOT LOVES & ELLIOT LOVES ME!!! <a href="http://vimeo.com/38051803"></a>
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The cast of Elliot Loves (I'm on the right - yippee!)
Thursday, August 16th - 5:30pm
Today was the day of the NYC premiere screening for Elliot Loves. I was SO excited to finally see this film. I was cast in it last year, and I have been quickly educated in the LONG amount of time it takes for an independent film to come to fruition. I was finally going to see it! I arrived at the NY International Latino Film Festival in Washington Heights - or as we say in Spanish "Gwash-eeng-tong Highz"!!! I didn't know what to expect, and I didn't even know how to dress. When I texted the director, Gary Terracino, I asked how should I dress. He texted back, "Something nice." Wow, lol, no clarification there. So when in doubt, ladies, wear a dress.
My best friend, Brenda, came with me...she knows how much this meant to me. And as soon as I parked my car, Terracino grabbed me so I could go on the red carpet and do interviews. Oh. Okay. I didn't know I was doing that. I had a very small part, so I didn't think I would be needed. The first thing the photographers asked me to do was take off my jacket. Huh? Why? I had on a very colorful long summer dress, with a cool necklace, paired with an orange jacket & small gold buttons. I HAD to be the most colorful girl there, lol...everyone else seemed to be in NYC appropriate night evening black. I couldn't, didn't want to remove my jacket. Know why? Shhh...come closer so I can whisper in your ear. Ready? The straps to the dress were too big & kept falling over. There was no time to change dresses or go back home so I kept it real & held them in the back with safety pins! LOL LOL LOL. Two things: #1 I didn't need them to see my cute silver safety pins and #2 no one needed to see my chichos. Chichos = love handles. So I kindly declined & one of the photographers heard me say they didn't need to see my chichos and he laughed out loud. It was a LOT of fun to stand there & here people say, "Judy, this way, please." It was also a lot of fun to be interviewed because you could feel the excitement in the air. One of the interviewers forgot my name, which I LOVED...it was hilarious! And because I've interviewed people on the radio - I know how hard it is to remember so much information so quickly. So I answered her questions and did what I could so she could feel comfortable. I figure if people really liked the interview they'll put two and two together. But by far, the best part was watching Terracino...He is a handsome, intelligent and extremely artistic man. He has all the makings of a fine filmmaker. One who, one day, I hope receives an academy award for best film one day!
7:35pm LATINO TIME -The movie was supposed to begin at 7pm. And I laughed inside because after all it was Dominican Night in NYC, the film was directed by a Dominican Latino, sponsored by HBO & Heineken...I just wasn't surprised they were running late. I discovered during the announcements that Elliot Loves took more than 4 years to come to life. The movie had been financially backed 4 times - and 4 times the businesses had gone out of business. And it was then I learned how DETERMINED Terracino and the producers had to be. I also recalled that while we were filming last year,they were asking for donations, etc...and I donated $1000. I also recalled that I was being paid only $100 for the day I filmed...and I didn't care. I just wanted to be part of it all. I wanted the experience, I loved the script, I loved the people and I wanted to know what being on set felt like. To this day, I have not been paid. No one knows...well, now they do, lol...but I don't want to be paid. Being in the film was a gift to me. To me, they did ME a favor, not vice-versa.
So the movie began, and I was immediately drawn in. It was the first time I saw a "gay" movie. In other words, the movie is about a boy named Elliot who happens to be gay. And while I see many reality shows with a gay character, I have never seen a movie where central character is gay - well at least, not since the movie Philadelphia. I remember the director, Terracino, telling the cast how he was "almost done with editing." But watching it all edited was a different story. I found myself relaxed and enthralled in it. I was laughing, I was FEELING, and surprisingly, at the end, I couldn't stop crying...but I'll tell you about that in a minute.
I was waiting to see where in the movie I was coming in. I noticed the scene had begun, and I nudged Brenda's knee, like 'This is it!' I was sitting next to Javier Rosa, the film's make-up artist, and his mother...they nudged me too. I was smiling. Oh! Wow! That's ME! HUGE! LOL...that's me on film...holy crap! The scene is a funny one and people were laughing out loud. And it felt damned good! I said one line and people laughed...I was glad. I only had three lines in the film...but who the hell cares!! LOL LOL. Oh, it was such a validation to feel the joy of knowing I can make people laugh & smile!
The movie goes back and forth between Elliot as a boy, and Elliot as a young man...and it goes back and forth between Elliot's flawed & dysfunctional relationship with his mother and how it affects his relationships in his search for love. The movie exceeded my expectations. It had REAL heart. It told a REAL story about what we all want: to laugh in life, to be noticed, to be validated, to be accepted and to be LOVED!! When the movie was over, I found myself overwhelmed with emotion. I was crying. Brenda was crying. We were all crying...even the Heineken and HBO people were crying. And when I got to my car & began the ride home with Brenda, I was STILL crying. And Brenda so eloquently understood my tears without my saying a word.
"Did you see that, my friend? Look, you played Madison Square Garden and now this! Did you ever think you would be in a movie? Chica, you have done AMAZING things in your life!! Don't you feel good?"
As I tried to speak through my tears, I replied, "Chica, I can't even speak! I mean, I knew the movie would be good but WOW! And to see my big face on the big screen, hahaha, it was an incredible feeling! And it just makes me want to do more! It's not that I'm not grateful, it just makes me realize that I want to do much, much more with my life! And to see my name on the credits!!!! Oh. My. God. How freaking awesome is that? Not only was my name on the credits, but I saw the credit that gave me the most pride: Judy Torres, Associate Producer!!"
Yes, that's right. I am an associate producer among many - but it was because I believed in the project, so I donated some funds - and so did SO many others! LOL. And it was a proud moment for me...not just being in the film but knowing that I invested in a movie that had substance - a film that meant something - that had life lessons intrinsic in its story!! I heard through the grapevine that HBO may be looking at the movie. I also understand that the film is being released in New York City for full viewing in October, AND will be released on Amazon.com as well in October! Elliot Loves represents the pure heart & desire for love, represents commitment & determination when people say no...you say YES! Elliot's motto in the film is "Keep it Cute, Papi!!" I really LOVE Elliot Loves!! And I hope you do too - in your life, keep it cute!
Check out the trailer
http://vimeo.com/38051803Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-56376905160803995892012-07-29T08:52:00.004-07:002012-08-01T07:45:42.048-07:0038,505 FRIENDS AIN'T BAD!..WAIT, DID YOU SAY BAD? BAD AUDITIONCome September, I will be back on the performance train, and I can't wait. In the meantime, I've been considering other things I can do to take my 25 year career and turn it into 50. So, last week, I met with my manager to talk about a strategy. I wanted him to know that in addition to performing all my hits on a regular basis, I also want to branch out into musical theater (which has always been a passion of mine since high school), acting in theater & television and possibly pursuing becoming a talk show host. For some reason, I really believe the talk show host thing could happen. I get a little tingle when I talk about it. I was sure that my manager, Gary, would be against it, and give me the whole stay-where-people-know-you speech. But when I mentioned it to him, he AGREED!! Wow. I couldn't believe it. As he began to tell me what his plan is (which is a pretty good one), he looked up my Facebook, and began to explain to me the importance of having more than 100,000 LIKES on Facebook for the industry & media to pay attention to you. He pointed out to me that I only had 38,505 likes, otherwise known as fans. I told him that every single one of the 38,505 fans is organic, REAL! Yes, my friends, you may not know it, but there are secret ways in the industry to get more likes in a more dishonest way. But I will NOT be a part of it. When I was in 8th grade, a boy I had a crush on, begged me to give him an answer during the test. To win his affections, I gave it to him...and I got caught. It was the first and last time I ever cheated. No sir, I won't do it again. So, I just need to find new & more exciting ways to gain new fans, keep the ones that are already there & get everyone talking...but I will not do something scandalous, lol..although I understand it can be interesting, lol.I like my 38,505 fans...they are real, they are wonderfully devoted & at the end of the day, they've got my back! And trust me, they have defended me & lifted me up when I was down. And at this moment today, I have 39,043 LIKES...and I enjoy it, and I'm proud of it.
I was just recently in the Off Broadway show, My Big Gay Italian Wedding. I have been an extra in a movie with Edward James Olmos & Maria Conchita Alanso. I was also cast in a movie last year called Elliot Loves, where I play Aunt Nani, which by the way, has been receiving RAVE reviews in all the film festivals in Miami, San Francisco, Pennsylvania, Italy, and this month, August 17th, debuts in the New York International Latino Festival!! And that's awesome, but it's not enough. So last week, in accordance with my desire to explore the acting bug, I decided to go to H.O.L.A. - the Hispanic Organization for Latin Actors in NYC. I met with AB Lugo, and he went over my resume and concerns with me. Such a sweetheart! He explained what the organization is all about, and it sounded very wonderful and fair to me. As I was thanking him and saying goodbye, he asked me to follow him. "Before you go...come with me." Ok.
Mr. Lugo introduces me to Veronica, the director for a new play called Black Latina. Veronica smiles, we shake hands.
"Judy, do you have a resume?"
"Yes." (Thank God, I brought extras with me that day)
"Do you have a headshot?"
"Here you go."
"Do you have a monologue?"
Darn. 2 out of three ain't bad?
"No, I'm sorry. I do not."
I suddenly realize how unprofessional that sounded. Mental note to self: work on finding a great monologue FAST!
"That's ok....would you be available to audition now?"
Ding, ding, ding!
"Yes, sure!"
I fill out some paperwork and I'm handed 2 monologues to read: one entitled Anger and the other, Empowerment. She said to me, "I'll be back to get you in a few minutes." As I read them to myself, I liked them both, but I related to the Anger one better. Now allow me to explain to you that when I originally was introduced to Tirandra, there were only two people in the room. I believed I was going back to that room to those two people as an audience. I was amazed that I didn't feel nervous. I'm ALWAYS nervous when I audition & still when I perform. But it felt right - it felt good.
About 15 minutes later, a girl who I didn't see before, came up to me. "They're ready for you now." They? Who's they? As we're walking down the corridor, the young woman smiles and says, "I'm such a fan. I love your music." "Oh, thank you so much." She opens this door. Not the same door I'd exited before. And BAM!!! I felt like the girl from the movie, Flashdance. The room was HUGE! The ceilings were incredibly HIGH, you could hear the echo in my footsteps. As soon as I walked in, there must have been at least EIGHT people sitting in front of a long table, all with pens in their hands and polite smiles. And as soon as I realized this was REAL, my heart began to pump...It pumped so hard, I suddenly wanted to run. And there it is. There's my little friend, nervousness...I can always count on her to be with me when I DON'T WANT HER TO BE!!
I asked if I could read from Anger, and I asked how they wanted it read - I could see it read two ways - one very proper and the other like the chicas in my neighborhood (think Rosie Perez - who I ADORE). Crystal, the playwright, explained the level of frustration the character feels...and I take a deep breath and remind myself, "You can do this...you've been in these situations before. You know who you are - you show them now." I began to read. "Why??? Why...." And I was outside my body. To my absolute horror, I saw my hand shaking...shaking like a person having withdrawals from drugs!! What!? My hand NEVER shakes...holy....crap. I'm reading, but even my reading is getting worse. My stomach has so many butterflies, I think the butterflies will actually come out of my mouth. I put the paper down and tell the truth like the bad contestants on American Idol: "I'm sorry...I'm really nervous."
Veronica smiles & says, "Ok. Put the paper down and can you give us some improvisation? Just tell us in your own words how you feel about being a Black Latina. (A black latina is a woman who is of hispanic descent but she also has darker skin...many of us, including myself have African and Native Indigineous blood in our heritage...a fact that many won't admit) So I take a deep breath....just tell the truth.
"Okay. Well, I find it interesting that people are always telling me how beautiful my skin tone is...how gorgeous of a tan I have. But I know that the media will cast a lighter skinned woman before a darker skinned one...the African American community has the same problem. I remember a few years ago, when the census went around, it asked us what our race was...there was white, black, Native American, etc...but no hispanic. How do I choose black or white, when I am both. Why do I have to CHOOSE to LABEL myself?! Truth is I am half Puerto Rican and half Cuban. My mom who's Puerto Rican, has light skin. My father, who's Cuban, is dark - African American dark...and look. This is how I came out: a perfect marriage of both! And then when I'm in the NY area and people ask me what I am, I say Puerto Rican - because I most likely receive a positive reaction..but when I go to Miami and I'm asked the same question, I need to say Cuban first. Ugh. What does it matter? I thought I was Latina? And what makes me laugh is that I am Puerto Rican and Cuban...while my poor boyfriend, the Quiet One, is Irish and Scottish. What's gonna happen if we decide to have children?? What are they going to check off on the census? Poor things!
They laughed. Then I was asked if I can dance. Can I dance? Sure!!! I did the running man, the roger rabbit...I felt at that moment, I just wanted to lift the tension of my bad reading. I walked out of there with sore feet, a massive headache and an almost 2 hour drive home. I told the Quiet One how bad it was but how great it was at the same time. I felt I was back in the game again. The Quiet One comforted me, "Darling, I'm sure you weren't as bad as you say you were! You're Judy, F$%*ng Torres!" LOL. He always makes me feel better. Well, guess what? I got a phone call. I got the part!! What?! Our first production meeting is this Tuesday!! YES!!! Funny, how life works...love it!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-49229380396902851832012-07-17T18:21:00.001-07:002012-07-17T18:23:14.059-07:00TESTING 1, 2, 3Now that I'm almost ready to get back in the swing of things, I felt it is time to begin working on my comeback! Last week I had a meeting with my manager,Gary, at his new office - a much larger space, that has presence. Gary showed me around, and as he closed the door for privacy, he said, "So, how are you mentally?"
"Mentally? I'm fine. Better."
I was a mental wreck, way back in February, when my doctor discovered that I had a polyp on my vocal chord that had hemorrhaged. After two failed attempts with laser treatments to remove the polyp, I became discouraged. Upon realizing that surgery was inevitable, I became panicked...and lately, well, let's say, financially challenged. But after almost 2 months of speech therapy and lots of vocal rest, I am calm and excited to get back on stage and sing in September. So, I smiled and repeated, "Better."
Before we were to get down to the nitty gritty, I had something on my mind that needed to be seriously discussed. I told Gary that from now on, no matter what, I want to have a working monitor on stage for EVERY show...or I will cancel. My manager & I went back and forth as if we were at an auction.
"Judy, you did not get a polyp from not having a monitor."
"Gary, for 25 years I've been singing at night clubs with no monitors and I cannot hear myself. As a result, I end up singing louder..and that's how I hurt myself in the first place."
"Judy, you did not get a polyp because you couldn't hear yourself."
"Gary, my speech therapist wants me to be cautious & have either an ear piece or stage monitor from now on....what's wrong with that?"
"Judy, I'm afraid you'll lose shows if you make that demand. In the 25 years, how many clubs provide you with sound."
"Gary, not too many, but that's not the point."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it isn't."
"Judy, I can take 2 smokers who've smoked for 20 years. One will have cancer and the other is running marathons with no problem. It's a matter of genetics. Your voice is probably more sensitive and prone to this condition. "
"So doesn't it make sense that if I know I'm more "sensitive" that I would be smart enough to be more CAREFUL now?"
"It doesn't have anything to do with that...it is NOT your fault this happened to you. Mick Jagger had polyps 5 times...it's what happens to singers who sing their hearts out."
I admit when he said it wasn't my fault, I almost had tears in my eyes, because the first time I found out about this, I wondered if I had done this to myself....but on with the debate.
"Gary, I'm the one up there. Not you. And every single thing I do to make money is with my voice...no voice...no money!"
"Judy,", he smirks..."I think this is a bad call."
"Gary, can you please be supportive on this. I need you to support me on this...I need you to back me up."
"Judy, haven't I backed you up now?...for how long?"
"6 years, Gary...and yes, you've backed me up. But I'm the one up there...not you. I'm up there alone. And I get hired by these people to sing my heart out...to entertain...and these people make money off of that. And the audience, my loyal fans, are expecting a great show...do you have any idea how hard it is to sing, and try to express the songs when I cannot hear a damned thing? Everyone tells me to be more like a diva. Everyone tells me that I'm too nice. For 25 years all I've asked for was a quiet room before the show, and a bottle of water. Now, I am going to be a diva and ask for a bottle of water, a quiet room and a freaking monitor on the stage so I can hear what the hell I'm singing!!!!!"
Silence.
Gary calls in his assistant.
"Make sure all the contracts on Judy's show read from now on that a working stage monitor must be made available, or the purchaser will lose their deposit and Judy will walk out. Be sure everyone initials it, and understands no monitor, no show."
"Thank you. Gary, thank you."
Done.
I have to admit, I was exhausted. Debating and/or arguing with a person to me has a fascinating element to it. I read once in a book called The Celestine Prophecy, that people are all energy. And sometimes when we are not feeling good, we need more energy. When people argue there is an exhange for energy...energy = power. And because it takes energy, it can drain you. Have you ever argued with someone so hard, and nothing came out of it, and when they leave the room, you are suddenly wiped out? That's kind of how I felt. But I felt good, because I felt my energy was still with me, I maintained my power, lol. It was tiring but I was smiling internally. I kept thinking, "Oh, so that's what it feels like to stand up for what I want!" It wasn't about winning, it was about fighting for what I need this time around...I worry too much about what people will say, think and yes, at times I've even worried about not complaining for the sake of not losing a show. I have swallowed a lot of crap. I'm not doing it anymore. A singer has the right to hear himself or herself...it's a basic need for a performer. You think Lady Gaga or Beyonce fight to be heard on stage? Nope.
Damn, that felt good. I can't wait to get back on that stage WITH A MONITOR in September...Check mic, testing...1, 2, 3...Woohooooooo!!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-82783705630566478652012-06-25T14:46:00.000-07:002012-06-25T14:46:13.776-07:00LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT - VOCAL CHORD SURGERYMay 30, 2012
4:30am.
Woke up, got dressed quickly - the Quiet One was driving me to the hospital for vocal chord surgery. Dr. Ivey would remove a polyp from the right side of my vocal chords. This little polyp has created big problems for me, my singing, my livelihood, AND my finances...so it had to go. We were almost at Columbia Presbyterian when I realized...Holy crap, I forgot my insurance card. We were already 20 minutes into the 30 minute drive. I waited for the Quiet One to reprimand me, to say, 'Really, Judy? Come on...' But I really should call the Quite One - the Patient One - the Noble One. His response to me was, "Do you really need to go back?" I nod yes. "Okay, let's go back." He wasn't upset in the least. The Quiet One dropped me off. He couldn't stay because he had just begun his new job and was required to work. I was happy for him with his new job, sad for me because he is my rock for everything. "Goodbye sweetheart, you're going to be fine! Finally you can put this behind you...I love you & I'll see you later."
At the hospital, I filled out all the paperwork. I said a huge prayer. No, I prayed probably four times. And I even posted things on facebook via my cell phone just to keep myself occupied. I began to feel slightly nervous. When my name was called, I walked right in. I was given the prestigious hospital gown, and the nurse asked all the necessary questions. And then they put in an IV (intravenous line through the veins). I HATE them, they hurt, period. The anesthesiologist introduced herself to me, and asked if there was anything else she needed to know. "Yes, absolutely...please make sure I don't feel a thing...please bring me back to conscsiousness and know that in the past anesthesia makes me VERY nauseous. Whew. Now I feel it. Yep, there are the butterflies. Now I'm nervous. Dr. Ivey, my surgeon & laryngologist, came over to see how I was feeling. She has been an AMAZING doctor from day one! She not only has given me fantastic treatment, but she's also been honest & is the only doctor I've ever had who gave me her email address and cell number...she's awesome! "Judy, I just want you to know that in order to do the surgery, we will be putting a breathing tube in your throat, so you may be very sore afterward, but you'll be fine." I understood...that idea was a little scary, but the vocal chords move when you breathe, so I would assume they had to paralyze that so they could work.
7:15am
"Judy, they're ready for you." The nurse gave me the option of being wheeled in to the operating room, or to walk. I chose to walk. It made me feel healthy; made me feel empowered, made me feel strong & independent. Hey, whatever it took to feel comfortable before the surgery. The room was BRIGHT!...almost as if I was walking into the light. The room was also slightly cold and all the equipment was incredibly high tech. The surgery was set for 7:30am, so I knew it would be any minute now. The anesthesiologist said, "Okay, Judy, I'm going to give you a sedative to relax you...and then shortly after that, I will put in the medicine so you can sleep..." I looked around and saw about 4 people in the room. Dr. Ivey was in her operating apparel, and she asked, "Anything you want to say before we start? Any questions?" I looked at these strangers whom I was trusting with my life...I had this sensation that this problem was finally being corrected & I suddenly felt terrified AND grateful. So I said the two words that mattered the most, "Thank you!" And I noticed Dr. Ivey was holding my hand and smiling. Wow. What doctor does that? Her holding my hand helped so much. So I breathed in deeply and with absolute trust, I closed my eyes....
Time? What time is it?
I woke up with an expected sore throat. I was in a recovery room. It was quiet. Anesthesia is incredible!! It rids your body of a sense of time, place & feeling. I don't recall if I woke up on my own, or if someone woke me...but I have a feeling it was the latter. I didn't mind the sore throat at all - I expected that, but it was the nausea. I HATE being nauseous. I'd rather be in pain than be nauseous. A nurse approached me, she took my vitals and asked how I was feeling. Since I was not allowed to speak, thanks to my iPhone, I texted my sentences into the Notes app, and this would be my form of communication for almost a week. When she read my response, she got the doctor who immediately gave me anti-nausea meds. Thank God. I felt tire, but not as bad as I thought I'd feel. Another nurse came over and once she heard someone tell her my name, she immediately recognized me. She didn't tell me, but I could tell by her body language: the eyes suddenly gush open & there's an excitement in their arms, lol. She was as kind as could be. And she read my lips pretty well. She was kind enough to call my friend, Brenda, who was scheduled to pick me up. She wheeled me downstairs and told me it was a pleasure to "talk" to me. And I was in Brenda's car & on my way home.
11:00am...
Brenda wanted to walk me upstairs. "No, I'm fine, Chica." (Chica, to me, is what I call my closest friends). I turned the key, and was thankful the bathroom is so close to the entrance. And I ran to the sink & threw up. Darn. I hate hate hate hate hate throwing up! I took off my clothes & changed into my favorite t-shirt & sweats, and took a nap. When I woke up, I heated up soup...and then I learned quickly, that I really couldn't chew a damned thing. Oh, no...I couldn't tell what it was. When I walked over to the bathroom again. In the mirror I made a discovery: I stuck out my tongue and was horrified to see it point to the right!!! It was so swollen & puffy, but it curved so badly to the right. Dr. Ivey didn't mention that!!! So, as I ate the soup, i could chew, but I couldn't swallow...ugh, sucks! And what was even worse than that was the fact that for the next two weeks - everything I ate tasted sour! The first few chews of any food tasted genuine...and just before I would swallow, it would taste SO bitter, so acrid. When I emailed the doctor, she said, sometimes the tongue is compressed so much, the nerves atrophy and lots of things happen - change of taste can be one of the side effects. Well perhaps this side effect will be effective in being some kind of weight loss aid. Now is the hard part - the recovery - the silence for a week - the feeling of isolation from socializing...but it's done. Thank you, God, I'm alive. The polyp was removed - And one week later, this is what I saw: Vocal chords slightly swollen but NO POLYP! First photo is before. You can see the red bump that's made my life miserable. The photo underneath is one week after surgery! Hooray!
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HnCn9kHxY94/T-jbdUocvhI/AAAAAAAAANw/CAqsriPqvdg/s1600/polyp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="200" width="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HnCn9kHxY94/T-jbdUocvhI/AAAAAAAAANw/CAqsriPqvdg/s200/polyp.jpg" /></a>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-26n-uN7CyX0/T-jbdvsRnRI/AAAAAAAAAN8/F36FrNkn9aY/s1600/Post%2BOp%2BVocal%2Bchords.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="200" width="150" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-26n-uN7CyX0/T-jbdvsRnRI/AAAAAAAAAN8/F36FrNkn9aY/s200/Post%2BOp%2BVocal%2Bchords.jpg" /></a>Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-32566773477871750392012-06-14T18:58:00.000-07:002012-06-14T18:58:58.003-07:00CAYMAN ISLANDS, FAVORITE DAY 2 & HOME<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"></div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Hu2umKdAl7s/T9qWBE_TzGI/AAAAAAAAAM8/0bWfOIrfHLQ/s1600/Cayman%2BIsland%2B-%2BStingray%2B%2526%2BMe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:right; float:right; margin-left:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="150" width="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Hu2umKdAl7s/T9qWBE_TzGI/AAAAAAAAAM8/0bWfOIrfHLQ/s200/Cayman%2BIsland%2B-%2BStingray%2B%2526%2BMe.jpg" /></a><br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--LBlF67HabA/T9qWBi26NII/AAAAAAAAANI/It0dakg_poU/s1600/Cayman%2BStarfish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:right; float:right; margin-left:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="150" width="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--LBlF67HabA/T9qWBi26NII/AAAAAAAAANI/It0dakg_poU/s200/Cayman%2BStarfish.jpg" /></a><br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eysyITWycCA/T9qWoB04mkI/AAAAAAAAANU/nquJwYlstxY/s1600/Cayman%2BRooster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="150" width="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eysyITWycCA/T9qWoB04mkI/AAAAAAAAANU/nquJwYlstxY/s200/Cayman%2BRooster.jpg" /></a><br />
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I wanted to leave the details of Day 2, May 1st, at the Cayman Islands last, because I do believe it was my FAVORITE day. Although each & every day had something unique & special to talk about, Day 2 was my most memorable. <br />
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This is what was listed on our itinerary:<br />
Morning at Leisure<br />
1pm-5pm FatFish Jet Ski Adventure - bring unexpensive sunglasses...wear shorts that can get wet, etc...<br />
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The Quiet One & I discussed what we were expecting. We thought it was a long time to jet ski but then again, it would be fun. We were picked up by our tour guide. His name unfortunately escapes me, so for the blog's sake, we shall call him Aqua Man! He stopped to pick up a few other couples who were joining us, and then right in the middle of the gas station was a rooster. I made the Quiet One get out & take a photo...little did I realize they are free to roam on the islands...and for me, it made it kind of cool. <br />
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When we arrived to our destinations, we were given snorkel gear. Snorkel gear? Aqua Man explained we were going to jet ski, snorkel & a few other things. Oh, okay. Quiet One & I looked at each other & smiled. Cool. There was a jet ski for each person. Now, I had only jet skied once in my life...and it was in a lake in Florida. No waves. Sweet & calm. I did love it, but my gut told me not to drive it. So I sat behind the Quiet One, trusting him with my life. <br />
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"Okay, everybody, we are going to make a right here, and when I give the signal (his arm straight up & down), we're going to open her up!" Open her up?? Open who up? What up? Why? He continued, "Now there are no laws here on speed limit & these babies can go up to 55 mph. From here we're going to Starfish Point, then Stingray City, snorkeling among the coral reefs & lunch..." My ears stopped hearing him after I heard 55 mph. Now I'm all for adventure, but not really when it comes to water, because of the lack of my swimming skills. Mental note; must take swimming lessons real soon. So, there I was, sitting behind the Quiet One & he had the widest smile I've ever seen on him. Apparently, he's an experienced jet skier & while that reassured me, it made me a bit apprehensive because, while the Quiet One is quiet, he LOVES speed! So all of us couples drove around to the right & waited for Aqua Man to arrive and give us the cue. I was calm. Happy. And the Quiet One turned to me & asked, "You ready, baby?" "Yep." Aqua man came around the bend, standing on the jet ski like some daredevil...then he gave the signal. Holy @$#!!!<br />
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...And they're off. I was happy, smiling. Everyone once in a while I screamed like a girl & I yelped here & there too. And once the jet ski reaches a certain speed, it begins to jump. Simultaneously, I liked it and I didn't...but I'm on it now, no turning back. Some boat came by...and all I know is SPLAT...I was in the water. It happened all so fast, I don't recall even being in the air. I know I flew, but the time between the jet ski and the water was immediate. I was in the water. Don't know how deep. I just noticed how immediately quiet it is down there. I opened my eyes. Don't know why. And to my left, I saw the color red. it was almost like a smoke of red. I was impressed how clear it was underwater - I had no goggles on. But I could see so clearly. This was the conversation I had with myself:<br />
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Self: "Are you alright?"<br />
Me: "Um, what? Am I really in the water?"<br />
Self: "Yes. Now, don't panic. Remember all those tv shows you watched? You already know that panicking will not work. All people who panic, drown or die...so don't panic."<br />
Me: "Okay. I won't panic. I'll wait. Eventually someone will find me...but, Oh, my God, I'm still under water...shouldn't I be up right now?"<br />
Self: "Shhh, relax..."<br />
Me: "Shut up!!! Oh, my God, why aren't I at the top? Where is the top???"<br />
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And I slowly felt the sheer panic rise within me...and just before I lost all sense of sensiblities, I got sucked to the top as if God were vacuuming. And then I could have laughed at myself. Duh...I forgot I had a life jacket on. And there I was floating - all alone. I was relexed now...as long as I could breathe, I was okay, even though no one was in sight. And then, like a knight on a white horse, the Quiet one rode the water to me. <br />
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"Hon, you ok? All I know is I felt you holding me, and then you weren't. I'm sorry. You ok?"<br />
All I oculd do was nod, before I realized I was just a tad traumatized...feeling helpless was not fun at all. And while some may argue, 'Judy, you had a life jacket - nothing to have worried about...', the truth is I completely forgot about it, so while I was under the water, it was pretty freaking scary. Just me, the water, the silence & God. Didn't here Him but I sure hoped He was with me.<br />
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Aqua Man was practically right behind him. Reality hit. And just like that, I felt launched back into my high school days. I became "fat girl" again. I felt out of place, compared to the rest of our group. And the proof was that the other couples wer at least a 1/2 mile away from us. I could tell that the Quiet One wanted to go faster...when I previously told him, if he wanted to go faster, he could. His response to me was 'No, mami, we're together, we stay together.' And instead of being joyful with his response, for the first time I wondered if I held him back...back from having fun, back from going faster. Ugh - I hate when I'm so hard on myself. <br />
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Aqua Man asked, "You alright? No worries, it happens all the time. Now you gotta get back on the jet ski." I recalled the time I'd gone to the Bahamas & there was a small crowd that had gathered near the water - they were laughing at a girl, who was jet skiing alone, who'd fallen off & struggled for quite some time to get back on. I recall feeling very sorry for her, and while some laughed, I wondered why no one dove in to help. Well, now I was that girl, except I had help from not one, but two strong men. "Okay, Judy, with one hand you're gonna place it in the middle & push it down. With your weight you're going to bring your knee up onto the platform & then push your other knee." Sounds easy. NOT! First of all, may I just say I carry some cushioning with me, and as a woman I don't have much upper body strength. <br />
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I gave it my all. I would not be Fat Girl anymore. First time, nothing...Second time, good effort but no results. Third time, I managed to somehow get my left let up onto the jet ski, fully extended as if I was doing a split. Impressive, yes, but the Quiet One laughed a little and said, "How in the world are you going to get your other leg up?" I laughed too...it was a funny sight. Thank God, I'm not on that reality show yet, you would have all been cracking up. But after the fourth time, I was tired...and don't know how but I suddenly realized both of my knees were bleeding. Was that the "red" I saw in the water?? I didn't want to give up. I was keeping the rest of the group waiting for me. But I was TIRED now. And just as I began to shake my head in defeat, the Quiet One turned backwards on the jet ski, and asserted to me like a drill sergeant: "Judy, look at me. Right here. You WILL do this. You CAN do this, understand?" He held his hands out to me. "Grab my hands." I took hold of his strong hands & began to pull me up - he should have fallen off, but he didn't. And next thing I know Aqua Man had a hand on my butt. Hey, whatever you have to do to get my ass back on this thing, is fine with me. Victory. I'm back on. I was still traumatized, but relieved, but I also felt like, "Mommy? I need my mommy...I just want to go home." But I didn't want to ruin anything, and I told myself to suck it up & be a woman....a braver one, anyway.<br />
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We were off again...I decided to stay in the moment & not think about the fear that lingered that I might fall off again. So I looked around. Wow. Nothing but ocean. There was no land to be seen. Don't even know where we were & I wondered how these tour guides know the ocean by heart like that. But it was pretty...and I realized I may never do this again. And I held on to my Quiet One, who checked with me periodically to see if I was alright. We stopped at Starfish Point. The water was shallow *thank you, Lord!). We finally walked in the water, and Aqua Man immediately began to show us gorgeous, huge coral-colored starfish. He explained that they cannot be out of the water, but for a few seconds. He said hold it & put it back in the water so they don't die. We took pictures of them, with them...it was very cool. In the water, starfish feel soft. Out of the water, their outer skin hardens...I was intrigued. <br />
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We were back on the jet skis - this time it wasn't difficult to mount them because we were in shallow water. After a few minutes, we stopped in another area. Aqua Man told us to shut off the engines, while he tied each of them together. He pulled out a bag of something - ooh, it was squid. Why does he have squid? "Welcome to Stingray City, everyone!" Hm, initially I thought to myself I had no desire to see stingray. What for? "The rays will come right up to you." And then one, two three rays swooped by my legs. They were so soft, graceful actually. "Do not worry...they are docile & pretty friendly AND they want to be fed. Anyone want to feed them?" Ooh, ooh me - pick me, I thought. I became an instant fan of stingrays. I raised my hand. <br />
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"Okay, you're going to make a fist, thumbside up, but keep your thumb inside the rest of your fingers so it is not exposed. Hold the squid gently & they will come get it once they smell it." I was so excited. I LOVE animals...I love feeling a connection with them. I wanted this moment so bad, because I knew that I was blessed to even be in this position. Many people will go their entire lives without a chance like this...and when I'm an old lady, I want lots of cool stories to tell the kiddies, lol. So as grossed out as I was to have to hold a squid, I took it gladly in exchange to feed one. And there it was approaching, quietly, slowly, almost like it was flying. I was as giddy as a child on Christmas. And then it happened. <br />
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I had no idea that instead of "biting" they suction their food. It happened so fast it felt like a vacuum. And with my complete surprise, I opened my fist...too early apparently and my right index finger was sucked up with the squid. Now. You tell me. We feed dogs, birds, cats, etc...and they clearly use their mouth & bite onto the food - they don't SUCK it into their mouths. If your finger got sucked into something, isn't it second nature to instantly pull it out?? And that is exactly what I did. I withdrew my finger so quickly, I felt an instant...a sudden...oh, I don't know I never felt it before. All I know is that I looked at my finger as I felt a bit of pain. And it was bleeding. There were 3 distinct slices on my finger & the middle one was a bit deep. When I later googled "stingray teeth", I saw that they are not really teeth but they look like tiny accordian things. Wow...LOL....I can't believe it. Cool!!! Cool!! "Look, sweetheart! Look what the stingray did to me. It bit me." And then I hear Aqua Man add to his speech, "Okay guys, the stingray eat with suction - so if your hand gets sucked into the mouth just wait, don't pull it out." Okay. Now I know. Sure. But I was so excited to have "battle scars" from a stingray, I didn't give a darn. I felt like it was a kiss - a momento...and although the Quiet One laughed at my sillyness & goofy reaction, no one could steal my joy. Oh, I forgot to add that one of the girls in the group, was not very sociable. She was very pretty, perfect body, and she drove the jet ski like she'd been driving it since the day she was born. I wasn't hating, but I did feel like "Is ANYTHING wrong with thic chick?" And then I heard screaming, the type you hear in a horror movie. The girl was FREAKED out by the stingrays...and well, I am sorry, I couldn't help but smile internally - she's not that perfect. Was I a mean girl to think that? <br />
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We got back onto the jet skis & Aqua Man took us to another location where we were to snorkel. Wow. What a day! Snorkeling too? I had snorkeled before so I was calm about it. And in an instant, the dark, bulky, black & gray clouds leered over us. It was the only time while on the island I witnessed them. But they were there, stalking our little snorkel adventure. We got our fins and equipment on and Boom! It began to pour! It was an avalanche of rain. The rain was pounding us so hard, it literally hurt. And the waves began to shake & dance in fear...and before I could catch my breath from the sudden change of weather, I had already swallowed water. The waves hit me. "Judy, just put your head in the water, it's calmer there," the Quiet One called out to me. I had no choice. I put my head in the water, and I swore I heard the soundtrack from the Little Mermaid. "Under the Sea...under the Sea..." The sight was impressive! So many beautiful fish...gorgeous hues of yellows, violets, turquoises...and the coral was increidbile. Aqua Man dived deep down & pointed to a small cave...and as we looked closer, we realized it was a Lion Fish...the fish are beautiful...but if you touch the tips of their fins, they are very poisonous...When I finally brought my head back up the storm had passed.<br />
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We walked onto Rum Point, where we had lunch. The menus were attached to coconuts & I finally indulged in a MudSlide. I felt I deserved it. We spoke with Aqua Man, who was only 26, but he knew the island better than anyone. After an hour or so, Aqua Man instructed us to get back on the jet skis. I asked him, "So, where to now?" He replied, "We go back to where we started." "How long will that take?" "About 20 minutes." I could have cried, but I put on my warrior of water face & said, "Let's do this." The Quiet One promised me I would be okay....and he actually drove faster this time. I told myself to surrender to it. If I was going to fall off, so be it. And as we jumped through the water, I heard the Quiet One yell, "Yea baby!!!" He was enjoying himself, something I don't always see him do...and I was satisfied. When we returned to the hotel, I was genuinely tired and I was genuinely fulfilled. Now, THAT is what I call an adventure. If I were to recommend anything to you regarding the Cayman Islands, I would definitely tell you to make this part of your activities while you are here. So well worth it. And if I had to go home that day, alhtough only my second day, I would have returned with a satisfied smile on my face! <br />
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Day 7, Sunday, May 6th<br />
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And speaking of returning home, it was time to go back to reality. We were packed very early the next morning. And we dined for the last time at our little Eats Cafe. The Quiet One & I joked about how much weight we'd probably gained...we felt it was worth it...at least until we once again stepped onto a scale. We were picked up by our driver, Carole, who I tipped & thanked & hugged. She told us if we ever returned to look her up...and I will! At the airport, I HAD to buy some sort of jewelry to mark this trip. Each time I take a trip, I always buy myself something unique to remember it by. I found a silver necklace, with a stingray charm made of a stone only found in the Dominican Republic...Oh, yes, and I stopped by the Tortuga store to purchase rum cakes for all my friends & family. <br />
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We landed at JFK just 3 hours later. We went through customs, picked up the car & drove back home. Although I was sad to leave, I was glad to be home too. As I unpacked I heard something fall...it made a clanking sound...and it slipped under my bed. When I picked it up there it was. As silver & pretty as could be - it was that silver spoon I wanted to take home, but was refused by the waitress at Eats Cafe. Ha, ha, ha, ha!! Where did this come from? I looked at the Quiet One. He had a smug-I-have-no-idea look on his face. I know he did it. And while I don't condone stealing - I thought it was romantic that my boyfriend found a way to make sure I had my silly spoon. And no every morning when I have my cafe con leche, I use that spoon & every morning I am reminded of the perfect trip I took...the spring of 2012 at the Cayman Islands....ah, yes, life is good!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-883299012509530232012-06-12T19:08:00.003-07:002012-06-12T19:08:56.313-07:00CAYMAN ISLANDS - Days 3-6<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I want to tell you about Tuesday, Day 2, but as they say, leave the best for last...so I'll tell you later.
Day 3, Wednesday, May 2nd:
It proved to be a great time. We were picked up by our tour guide & went on the Cayman Safari. It was cool to be driven around the entire island in a Jeep! Our first stop was the Botanic Park, where we walked the gardens. There I saw the most BEAUTIFUL Birds of Paradise - they were HUGE & so incredibly vivid in colors I didn't even think existed! Our tour guide, Shirley, had phenomenal knowledge of all the plant life, flowers & living animals...and then we enountered the Blue Iguana - indigineous to the Cayman Islands & also an endangered animal. Then it was on to lunch, where a Caymanian 70 year old woman cooked a homemade lunch for us. I lounged on a hammock & tasted a pepper so spicy that everyone laughed at my reaction...truth be told, I could taste the heat from that pepper for almost an hour!! In the evening, we dined at Calypso Grill, where the Quiet One & I had a sweet & romantic time. And for my entree, I ordered Shrimp and Lobster Champagne - Oh, yeah baby!! It tasted even better than it sounds! Actually, I cleaned the entire plate...nope, I am not ashamed!! And for dessert? Aha! Yes, I had Sticky Toffee pudding AGAIN! Dinner was soo good, we wobbled out of there - with no regrets!
Day 4, Thursday, May 3rd:
First thing in the morning, we prepared for the airport, where a flight had been booked for us to go to Little Cayman, famous for its deep-sea diving & remote beaches. It was about a 40 minute flight in one of those small planes with little propellers on the sides...a bit intimidating for me, but a gorgeous panoramic view! When we landed we were driven to the Southern Cross Club. It is a resort consisting of only 12 ocean view bungalows, including private outdoor showers!! LOL..I'd never seen that before, but it was cool to imagine showering & looking at the beach at the same time.
We were introduced to Mike, who gave us snorkeling equipment - who also casually mentioned that we may encounter sharks while we were out there. Que que?? Huh? Our itinerary had read that we were going snorkeling "unaccompanied." Hm, don't know what that means. Well, it means EXACTLY what it said, lol. We were driven to a separate remote beach...and dropped off, being told "...be back to pick you up by noon!" Immediately we could tell this beach was so different - it was SO not commercialized - it felt like a "wild" beach. It was a HOT day for sure. As we walked into the water and looked around, we realized it. We. Were. Alone. No one in sight, except for a diving boat that had just begun to set sail again. When in life can you say you could be alone on a beach with the one you love??? Probably - never.
The Quiet One & I decided to begin snorkeling. We were told that about 100-200 yards out there was a buoy & once we reached that mark, there would be a huge drop & from there we would witness the BEST coral reefs & marine life. We couldn't wait.
There was so much Coral around...just beautiful. The Quiet One pointed here & there to show me fish and he even picked up a couple of conchs (the BIG sea-shells with the snaily things inside). We got about half way & I noticed the current was a bit stronger compared to Grand Cayman...and I'm not the best swimmer...and I only had a floatee. I know how to doggie-paddle, float & otherwise keep myself straight up in the water...but swim to save my life? Nah. So may fish, coral...colors..it truly was the best I'd ever seen & I've snorkeled a lot. And then...The Quiet One was poking my arm with enthusiasm. What? What? And then I saw it...a barracuda! I remember our tour guide had told us that if she had a choice to swim with a shark or barracuda, she would pick the shark every time. How did we sense this was a differnt type of fish? Every single fish we saw didn't care that we were there. They just swam about their business being fish. But the barracuda saw us...and never took its eyes off of us. In fact, it got a little closer..and is it got closer so did its teeth...ugly fish, that barracuda. Well, that was all I needed. To me I took it as a sign. And although he didn't say it, I believe the Quiet One felt that way too. I'm all for adventure, but I want to be safe. There was no one around & if anything had happened to him, who, how, where do I go to get help?? So the Quiet One & I sat on the beach & made out, er um, I mean, kissed like bandits..and we also forgot to reapply our sunblock. When we returned to Southern Cross Club, we toured the Honeymoon Bungalow (hint hint, lol), swam in the pool, went kyaking & ended the day on hammocks...and then we realized we were sunburnt.
In the evening, it was off to dinner at Blue Cilantro. Talk about fancy. For the record, I call fancy things "shi (shee) Shi - Foo Foo. Thank God, we dressed up...it actually felt sensual to be in a dress & heels! This place was seriously shi-shi foo-foo. GORGEOUS! The ambience was inviting, hues & hints of blue all around. (Truth be told, I wanted to steal the plates, lol.) The menu was so exotic - I KNOW we had question marks on our faces..but fake it 'til you make it, right? The manager welcomed us. And the fine dining began...we were served something on these large, white ceramic spoons...on it were these orange circle thingies. The Quiet One looked at me like the kid in the old Life commercial "I'm not gonna try it...you try it. Hey, let Mikey try..." So, I felt it was impolite not to at least taste it. I lifted it & counted to three. The second it hit my upper palate (roof of my mouth), it burst. LOL..It was a surprise..and it was good. The Quiet One followed suit & he had the same expression I did. We laughed & I have to say the food was EXCELLENT! Before we left, we were greeted by Chef Shetty, who's been a chef for 28 years & has worked at the most prestigious restaurants, including the ones in NYC! He was a wonderful & delightful man, whose passion is obviously cooking. The night was so perfect, we walked back to our hotel. It was then I asked the Quiet One: "Hey, babe...aren't you tired?" I slept GREAT every single night at the Westin.
Day 5, Friday, May 4th:
The Quiet One & I had breakfast at our favorite little spot we discovered called "Eats Cafe." It had a 50's diner feel to it, and each morning the food was so tasty! There was a spoon there...silly, I know, but I was in love with this spoon. I didn't want to steal, so I asked the waitress if I could have it as a momento. The Quiet One told me not to ask: "She's gonna say no, Judy. How much you wanna bet?" I told him, "If I ask, she'll say yes...at least I'm being honest." The waitress' answer? No, I am sorry. AWWW I HATE losing bets! Darn. I love that spoon - it had a cute little design on it, and ironically at home I have a tablespoon with the same design. I just wanted to have the teaspoon. Okay, that's trivial stuff...
We went to the Turtle Farm where we learned all about turtles: we learned how they mate, how they lay eggs. We learned that the sex of the turtle is determined by the temperature of the room, not genetics. If it's hot, it's a girl...if it's cold, it's a male...go figure! I held a turtle for the first time...and even met the oldest, meanest turtle there named Lucifer. Need I say more? There was an alligator there appropriately named Smiley. It is a wonderful place & you can even snorkel with turtles there too. They had an aviary, where I saw parrots, and I even held one that pooped the second it got on my hand. Good luck, yes? I saw ibis & more. We ate lunch at the Cracked Conch & drank the best frozen drinks! And then it was off to the Glass Bottom Boat Tour - it's perfect for anyone who wants to see the fish & coral in the water but doesn't want to actually go in the water. Our tour guide was funny, entertaining & he had an Australian accent. I admit - when we returned, I was truly wiped out. I met Ruth Myles of the Cayman Islands Department of Tourism, and discovered she was a fan. She truly spoiled us & gave us a wonderful gift....Little does she know she gave me a gift of memories that will last me a lifetime. I couldn't help but cry as I was overhwlemed with gratitude, when I thanked her. Before retiring to bed, The Quiet One & I walked around the hotel and discovered a couple having their wedding rehearsal dinner right on the beach! They were even having a bon fire...very sweet & fun. We watched from afar, but it made me wonder if we'll get married. When we got back to the room, we went onto the balcony - it was a full moon & I couldn't help but feel, I was there with the right man. The Quiet One has been a blessing to me: wise, romantic, affectionate, considerate, non-dramatic, loving & faithful.
Day 6, Saturday, May 5th:
Most of our day was free...so we went onto the beach one more time & saw schools of fish, and families; parents teaching their children how to swim...it was all so sweet. Made me wonder if I've missed out on the "having children" thing...I guess I may never know. What is meant to be, shall be, I guess.
The afternoon we went to the Cayman Carnival - Batabano!! It is their annual parade that includes stilt walkers, limbo dancers, masqueraders, floats, costumes. What I loved most was the music. The Caribbean, Cayman music was so lively, so festive, so...sooo...happy!! I loved every second of it! There were soca bands, singers...and lots & lots of food! You can drink coconut milk right out of the coconut, plantains, rice & beans...and even for the exotic & adventurous - a Cayman specialty - turtle! How could I eat turtle when I held one just the day before. I will never know what it tastes like...but I understand it's pretty good. Whew, I need a vacation from the vacation! www.caymanislands.kyJudy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-48792503390657980132012-06-11T11:27:00.000-07:002012-06-11T11:27:37.783-07:00WELCOME TO CAYMAN ISLANDS! Day 1<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sLmIwnwdPlc/T9Yz9VETWOI/AAAAAAAAAME/d7cQUuc0KJ4/s1600/Cayman%2BSunset%2BSail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sLmIwnwdPlc/T9Yz9VETWOI/AAAAAAAAAME/d7cQUuc0KJ4/s320/Cayman%2BSunset%2BSail.jpg" /></a>
There's been so much going on in my life, I never got the chance to tell you about our trip to Cayman Islands...Here's a little run down!
So, we're back from the GLORIOUS Cayman Islands!! The BEST trip of my life - and I've had some pretty good ones! I've got a deep tan that the cast of Jersey Shore would be absolutely jealous of!! I've got memories to last me a lifetime, I met the kindest people, saw the sweetesst sunsets, the most flavorful cuisine & I really felt like I experienced a true adventure! Now, I've been to the Bahamas before, about 4 times, and I did truly enjoy it. But after being at the Cayman Islands - with the clearest, calmest, bluest waters yoyu will ever see - I can honestly say that I willl definitely be coming back!! Let me give you a rundown if I can...
Monday, April 30th:
Woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 3:30am! The Quiet One and I drove to JFK where we checked in with Cayman Airways. Check in was swift. I felt like I could press the Staples button that says, "that was easy." Checked our bags in, made our way to the gate and boarded the plane. We were excited like children the morning of Christmas. It was only the second time that the Quiet One had been on a plane, so needless to say, hew was experirencing some mild anxiety. But we were up in the air, and I was served a meal & tried rum punch for the first time. Oh, yea, baby...now we're rolling!
We landed just 3 hours later, non-stop, and were immediately picked up by Carole, our driver, who took us to the Westin Casaurina Resort. Instantly I realized we really were out of the country. It was 87 degrees! Thank you! I was feeling a little dyslexic: The steering wheels were on the right, and all the cars were driving on the left of the roads. Their yield signs read "Give Way"...We arrived at the hotel and just took it all in. It was so beautiful - the palm trees, the colors, the blue water...it really was paradise, just like you see on tv. When we reached our room, we were given a welcome package along with our itinerary. I felt like a true star! I read it and showed the Quiet One and we instantly realized how MUCH there is to do here!
5:45pm: We boarded the Spirit of Calypso! It was my first time on a catamaran. It was a Sunset Sail. We sailed the ocean with other couples. There was music, cool breeze, and the open Caribbean Sea. I spoke with a couple who had been to Cayman Islands 13 times! Yep, it's that good! The Quiet One & I sat together holding hands. And he looked at me and said, "We're here, sweetheart! Welcome to the Cayman Islands!"
The Captain dropped us off on another part of the island where we did some fine dining at Hemingway's. And there it was the first time I tried conch fritters and for dessert, sticky toffee pudding! Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes! I found a new dessert that I fell in love with! It was so good, I moaned with every bite, lol...it's silly, but true! I didn't think mosquitoes lived in Cayman Island, but I was awarded 18 bites to be reminded. (yes, the mosquitoes have ALWAYS loved my blood) So if you do go there, please remember your repellent. Apparently mosquitoes aren't around all year round - only when I was there, lol.
We were off to bed early - we were a bit tired and had a BIG day for Tuesday! Goodnight, Buenas noches, bon nuit, buona note!
<a href="http://www.caymanislands.ky"></a>Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-39320353182118391622012-04-29T14:58:00.000-07:002012-04-29T14:58:09.796-07:00CAYMAN ISLANDS...HERE I COME!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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About two months ago, I received an email from KTU asking me if I'd be interested in going to the Cayman Islands, courtesy of the Cayman Islands Department of Tourism...YES! YES! YES!! It's close to the fatherland (my father is Cuban) and I had been there many years ago, but I didn't get to really experience the island because I was only there for a couple of hours (I was on a cruise.) I wanted to go back so badly because I had seen how beautiful the water was...so crystal clear you can see all the way to the bottom of the ocean!!
I had one problem...with all the issues with my voice, and all the shows I had to cancel, I didn't feel I could AFFORD the trip. Yes, lots of things are covered in these matters, but you still need to eat, you still want to shop, you need transportation to get around, etc. But thanks to my boss at KTU, Cayman Department of Tourism and God's good grace, arrangements have been made, and here I am...in less than 24 hours, I will be at the Westin Casaurina Resort & Spa at Grand Cayman!!!! (Photo on top) OH, how I can't wait to feel the 86 degree weather...oh, yes, and did I mention, they are letting me bring the Quiet One with me!!!
While I'm there, we'll be doing SO many fun things: snorkeling, jet skiing, going on Sunset Sails, Turtle Farm, Cayman Safari...it's going to be AWESOME! Thanks to technology, I will be able to post pictures, add video to facebook, twitter & I'll even be able to call KTU to report about it all during the entire week!!! I feel like a reporter...Yes! With all the stress I've been through, and the worries about my voice, it's just nice to get a break!
The Quiet One and I have been running around all week, buying all the little things that come up when you're about to go on vacation...sandals, bathing suits (thankfully the one I used last year is too big on me, lol) and tiny 3oz toiletries lol. There are plans to be made...who will water the plants, cars need to be protected (yes, even in my neighborhood), mail has to be handled...but I have WONDERFUL friends who are plant-sitting, house-sitting, car-sitting and making sure we have a home to come home to, lol.
So...please pray for us to have traveling mercies on the plane. (It's a reality we all need to worry about nowadays). Oh, forgot to mentnion we get a hot meal & rum punch on the plane for free!! (Thanks Cayman Airways) things...that is the reality of the world we live in. BUT....I'M GOING TO THE CAYMAN ISLANDS!! And we are going to the Cayman Carnival Batabano...it is their annual parade, festival, dancing...thousands of people!! I'm very happy...and I'm glad I can tell you all about it!!
For more info on how you can go to Cayman Islands: www.caymanislands.kyJudy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-9263501856755802102012-04-26T15:02:00.000-07:002012-04-26T15:02:20.449-07:00NOW I AM THE QUIET ONE!I have been driving myself crazy in silence since February 2nd of this year. It is the silence that has been torturous! It has been a spiritual silence & a forced physical one...and now I need to release the truth, however scary or painful it may be. This shocking & life-altering event has made me ask myself the question I had always hoped I would never have to ask: <i>"If I am not my voice, who am I? If I am not my voice, how can I function? If I am not my voice, will they still care...love me."
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It began on New Year's Eve, I believe. Just noticed that during my last song on stage, my voice gave out. It did not cause any alarm because when you have a demanding vocal schedule as I've had, from time to time, your voice will betray you. But it was how the new year of 2012 began. In January, I had the month off...a very much needed month off. But whenever I was on the air, it seemed I had laryngitis. Laryngitis is cute when it lasts a day or two. You get all sorts of compliments on how "sexy" your voice is sounding. But it lasted almost three weeks. In the past - 3 times to be exact - I have had nodules on my vocal chords. Nodules are like small calluses on your vocal chords, they are commonly found on those who use their voice more than normally: singers, teachers, lawyers, speakers etc. I really believed that's what was going on - and I had overcome them in the past & with lots of therapy & vocal rest, I've gotten rid of them. But just to be safe, I decided to check it out. This has been the turn of events:
FEBRUARY 2nd - Visit to my friend, Gateano Fava, who is also a speecho pathologist. He performed a stroboscopic exam. In English, he put a tube down my nose into my throat that contains a camera...they are able to see your vocal chords best that way. Diagnosis: Vocal polyp on right side. Referred to a laryngologist for futher evaluation and confirmation. Okay, I'm slightly nervous, but open-minded that this is not a big problem.
FEBRUARY 3RD - The Quiet One came with me (yes, we're still together & he's still GREAT) Emergency appointment with laryngolgoist, Dr. Ivey, Director of Laryngology at Columbia University Medical Center. Had to be numbed & stroboscope down my nose again. She had me sing on the vowel 'Eee' while it was down my throat...quite hard not to gag. Diagnosis: Vocal polyp on right side with hemorrhage...NO! A polyp is a growth...it can sometimes be cancerous, but in vocal chords, usually benign. Wow, how ironic...exactly what happend to singer, Adele! Dr. Ivey tells me I need to be on vocal rest NOW...meaning no speaking - for a week! No radio work this weekend. NO singing. But I have a show on February 11th?! PANIC - the worst I've ever felt - sets in. She puts me on oral steroids & gives me a list of do's and don'ts for the voice. Don't yell, don't cough, don't whisper, don't talk on the phone, don't sing, don't laugh, don't cry. She tells me she will get me well enough to sing on the 11th, but we have to get the blood vessels to heal quickly. Stunned, I go home and immediately email my manager to inform him of the turn of events. I have the Quiet One talk to people on my behalf...and I feel as if I'm out of body, numb.
FEBRUARY 9TH - Hadn't spoken in 6 days. Dr. Ivey takes more video footage of my vocal chords. A little bruising still there, but major swelling has gone down. Polyp is still there. She clears me to perform & tells me not to do anything too demanding, so I remove a song from my repertoire. The doctor also tells me that as soon as I sing, I must go quiet again. No talking to anyone. All I can think of is 'Does she understand that right after the show on the 11th in Chicago, the people EXPECT me to stay & take pics?" I get a few emails from management asking if I can take shows for March. I have no idea how to answer. I have become increasingly impressed with the Quiet One's unfound talent of reading my lips. All I can say is thank God for email, texts and an application on my phone that can say for me whatever I type. I feel horrible, but relieved that I have the green light to sing on the 11th.
FEBRUARY 11tTH - The show is in Chicago. The hardest time I've ever had not speaking. You will never notice how much you take speaking for granted until you can't speak. Something as simple as ordering food at a restaurant becomes a chore. My road manager just looks at me...and says, "You sure you can do this today?" No. No. I am not sure. I have no idea what to do. I cannot cancel this show, it's Studio 63 in Chicago - an amazing place that has booked me for MANY years... but I wish I could. Many people are counting on me to sing. I spend the day in my hotel room. I try to nap, but I can't. I drink so much tea that my pee is clear. And then I turn on the tv to discover that Whitney Houston has died. And I can't even cry about that! How does Whitney die? I used her songs to audition back in '85 & '86...Saving All My Love - it's one of the songs that got me discovered. I'm devastated. Can't move. Freaking tragedy, a great loss.
Time to get ready. I get to the club, and the owner wants to know why I'm so serious. My road manager simply says I have laryngitits and I'm saving my voice. I walk onto the stage. Holy...it's packed! More people than I've ever seen. I do my best to stop obsessing about how I'm going to sound. My best friend, David M who resides in NY, surprised me by showing up at my show. Some of the fear ebbed - but not enough to take away the urge to cry. I get on stage. God is always with me, I swear, because I was able to do it. I sang the songs, and I was able to hold what I call the money-making notes! Whew. Relief. I'm quiet but I take pics & sign autographs. Thank you, Lord!!
FEBRUARY 12TH - I am at the edge of my seat watching Adele. I know that we both had polyps on the vocal chords that hemmoraghed. I know she had to cancel her American tour. I know she was not able to speak for 3 weeks,and no shows for MONTHS! And now, her first time singing in public since her surgery, she's singing on the Grammy's. Talk about pressure. I know I wasn't supposed to cry but I was truly elated for her! She was amazing!! It was as if nothing was ever wrong to begin with!
FEBRUARY 16TH - The first of two laser procedures is performed. PDL laser treatment...this procedure was to attempt to close off the blood vessels that had ruptured. There's some throat pain, but nothing I cannot handle. No speaking again for at least 48 hours. Then begin intensive speech therapy immediately thereafter. I was awake for the whole thing. The numbing that has to be done to my nose & throat was the worst part of it honestly. Just not fun. But it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. And I confess, I smelled a strange odor...oh, that's the smell of burning flesh. Yuck.
MARCH 12TH - Second laser procedure is done. Same smell. But I am VERY excited because this procedure is going to shrink the polyp or irradicate it altogether. I go home with orders not to speak for 48 hours & return to speech therapy.
MARCH 16TH - Speech therapist wants to look at my vocal chords again to see how far we can go with exercises. My nose is numbed again. UGH! I HATE it! And then he and his assistant go quiet. What? What? What is it? He excuses himself. About 10 minutes later he tells me - you have a lot of bleeding on your vocal chords & the right one is stiff...you CANNOT do your radio show this Sunday. For the SECOND time I have to call my boss at KTU and tell him I cannot come in. First time, he was concerned & completely supportive. Second time, he was surprised, concerned & supportive, but I became scared if this keeps up - could I lose my job?
MARCH 17TH - Show at Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, NJ. Doctor has cleared me to sing...but I can only sing two songs: No Reason to Cry & Love You Will You Love Me. I get onstage...freaking scared - almost scared stiff. The crowd was so excited that I felt guilty. How can I perform for these people that are expecting perfection? The entire time I sang No Reason to Cry, I couldn't stop obsessing about how I sounded. Am I ok? Is my voice loud enough? What am I going to do when the high notes come? My first attempt...voice cracked. Oh, my God! After the song, I just decided to be honest. I told the crowd about the surgery...and they were so understanding...and I was able to finish the show with a LOT more confidence. So relieved I was able to get that done!
PRESENT DAY - After several meetings with the doctor, the speech therapist and a second opinion, surgery is necessary. The polyp is keeping me from singing higher notes that are normally simple for me. The polyp is also allowing air to escape while I sing when it is not supposed to. The polyp can also hemmorhage again and/or become bigger - rendering singing extremely difficult to impossible. I have no choice. Surgery will be taking place on May 30th. No speaking at all for one week. And...NO SINGING for 3 months!! I had to go home, had to break the news to my management, my family, and KTU. To make matters worse, I had to cancel MANY shows. Lots of people begged me not to cancel - many told me to drink tea and it will be alright - they don't understand how serious this is. So I had a show on New Year's Eve, February 11th and I have one more to do on May 23rd before the surgery. This has been exhausting - especially mentally and financially. I finally finally finally broke down. I think I cried for two hours or so. And then I called my mom. I am still that little girl that when she has a boo-boo needs to call my mommy.
I am hopeful. I was told by THREE doctors that once I do this, and follow all the orders, I will be "pleasantly surprised" with my voice, and I will be singing better than ever. That's wonderful. But I am also afraid. No singing for three months. Singing is my spiritual breathing for me. What if something God forbid, went wrong? What if I could never sing again? What am I going to do? I don't have a Plan B! Singing has been my one and only vision. But I must do what I must do...either way, if I don't do this at all, I will eventually not sing. But I worry if promoters and booking agents are going to forget about me, or be angry, or think 'She's done.' I worry. If I don't have a voice to sing...who am I if I am not my voice. I have done a LOT of thinking...this polyp is a result of singing in some clubs with horrific sound systems and improperly unfunctioning microphones for the last 25 years...and because there were MANY times I was supposed to turn things down, where I took too much on my plate...and pushed myself. Because I didn't say no when I was supposed to, now I have to say no for three whole months!
For one week beginning this Monday, I will be able to put all these worries on hold. KTU is sending me & the Quiet One to the Cayman Islands - it is a job to discover what Cayman Islands are all about & report back to the listeners & record commercials. This "vacation" is a blessing. I apologize. This is the LONGEST blog I have ever written. But I have decided to tell you the TRUTH about what is happening to me. I hope that it will teach others that we are all challenged in life...and that we MUST put ourselves first. We are useless to others if we are not healthy. So please pray for me, and if people ask 'Where has Judy been?' please tell them this story & ask for their prayers too. Believe it or not, this has been harder for me than when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. This will be a LONG journey to healing...but I am taking that first step. Looks like I have become the Quiet One...as least for a little while.
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Here is a mirrored photo of the polyp. The red bump on left is the polyp that is on my right vocal chord...it's gross, I know, but for educational purposes, I wanted to share.Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-67203949333522488082012-03-23T18:35:00.000-07:002012-03-23T18:35:51.677-07:00REALITY? REALLY?The other day, I received an email from one of my agents informing me that I would be receiving a call from a producer from a VERY popular network (which shall go unnamed until I know it's happening). Why? That's when he told me that these producers have been in communication with him for some time now about putting a reality show depicting the lives of freestyle artists, both professionally & personally, and the relationships with their agents. <br />
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Deep down, I had always hoped we, the freestyle artists, could somehow document our stories because I believe you would be shocked & disturbed by what you would see. When we think of recording artists, there are immediate images in our minds: limousines, stylists, the best clothes, jewelry, gowns, concerts, getting the "star" treatment, jet-setting to different countries and finally, money. But those are the MAJOR LABEL RECORDING ARTISTS who are selling so many recordings that they go platinum. Those are the Beyonces, Lady Gagas, Rihannas, Pitbulls & Ushers of the industry. And those artists work VERY hard for their successes...so I am not putting them down. But what about other artists who are simply trying to stay in the light, simply trying to stay in the public eye? That's who I believe, sometimes we are. When I go to schools to speak to kids about making their dreams come true, I almost always get the same questions first, before getting questions that MEAN something: "Do you have a mansion? What kind of car do you drive? Do you have a pool?" Sometimes I just laugh inside, because isn't that what this society teachers us to aspire to? But sometimes, the questions sting a little. They get under my skin because my answer is 'no.' I do not have a mansion, nor do I have a pool - I can't even stretch out my legs in my own bathtub!! I have a car, (which I love) but it's not the Bentley they hope I own. <br />
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Truth is that many of us had our shining moments - at some point we were on the verge of going Pop/Top 40. Many of us like George Lamond, Sa-Fire, Lissette Melendez & especially Lisa-Lisa, did make the big leagues but it was short-lived - because of the birth of hip-hop & other "political" issues out of our control. And to this day whenever I see those artists & TKA/K7, I feel like they have been overlooked, shortchanged and denied the recognition that they should truly get & should have gotten. And so, when you go to one of our freestyle concerts, you would think there would be a lot of glamour....sometimes there is, in truth, we do see that from time to time. But what you don't see is the drama. You don't see the arguements that sometimes ensue because a promoter decides to pay us less, or not at all. You don't see the crazy chaos that sometimes occurs backstage just before you go on, or how sick one may feel at a show. You see the facade - the glamorous part - you see the finished product. <br />
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I'm not complaining by any means. I have been ABSOLUTELY BLESSED to say I have made my dream to be a singer come true - and it has lasted a quarter of a century, 25 great years. I simply think that we too, like many others, have a great story to tell.<br />
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So I spoke to the producers & had a conference call...I discovered that they are interviewing 7 freestyle artists but are only picking 5. (Shhh - it's a secret). I was asked interesting questions like: is there anyone you don't get along with? What kind of problems occur? I am not sure they were interested until I told them something that NO ONE knows about. Truth is that since February, I have been living in a bit of a silent hell - I have not been able to speak about it...I promise you that I will, but only when I know I can. But when I told them, they became very intrigued and asked me to send them some video. So, right from my iphone, I sent them a self-recorded video. They said they loved me on camera & in a few weeks, they'll be in town to finish a pilot...If the pilot is approved, we will have a reality show...and we will finally be able to show you all we do in the name of music, in the name of love for our fans, and in the name of integrity!<br />
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They explained to me that people will be in my house recording my every move...hm, then I felt sudden hesitance. Really? I mean I am no Kardashian, know what I mean? I am not in perfect clothing with a great face made up. I'm not living in some fancy penthouse...lol. And I've seen the results that reality shows have on some people. For some it's brought them fame & notoriety - and for others, it's ruined their lives. But when I think about it, it could be a great thing - to show the truth, and to teach the masses more about freestyle music - which, unless you are from NY or urban cities such as Chicago or Miami, many do not even know about the freestyle movement! So, I have prayed about it, and I know that if God thinks it's a great thing for me to do, it will happen and it will be successful. Only time will tell...hmmmm!!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-75327869400928943552012-02-26T14:43:00.000-08:002012-02-26T14:43:09.929-08:00STAND BY YOUR MANSo it was December, 2011 - just one week shy of Christmas. Things with the Quiet One were going splendidly well...and then, well, something happened to him...something that had already happened to so many of my friends and what has happend to SO many others. He told me he was laid off. The unemployment club had now included my own boyfriend. I felt devastated FOR him. The Quiet One is a very skilled man, member of a union with years of experience in his craft. When he told me about it, I did what any woman would do: I stood by my man. The Quiet One had done so much for me already - it surely is NO ONE's fault when they are unexpectedly laid off due to budget issues. I knew it would be hard, but it would be harder because it was SO close to the holidays. I was suddenly flown back to December,1999.<br />
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From 1999 - 2001, I was a member of the KTU Morning Show. My role on the show was not the major role I had hoped for. Nor did I ever honestly get used to waking up at 4am. But nonetheless, I LOVED being there every morning & I was proud to be there. I was especially proud to be on the air on that tragic day of 9/11. I was humbled & extremely moved by how humanity & love survived...and I was honored to call in & report to KTU while on site at Ground Zero. So it was December 22nd, I believe. We were on the air for four hours, and had just signed off. We, the members of the morning show, made a big deal out of the fact we were going on vacation. "Have a GREAT Christmas everyone! We'll see you next year." We had all hugged one another. We all had smiles on our faces. It would be an entire week of vacation - and we needed it. But we had no idea it would be our last broadcast.<br />
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We were literally walking out the door, when our program director (at that time), said, "Hold on...before you go, I need to see you guys." At times I tend to be quite gullible, optimistic & naive...this was one of those times. I thought he was calling us in one by one to give us a Christmas bonus -so there I sat, waiting with a stupid smile on my face - while the others stared at the wall with dread. Out of 6 of us, only 2 would remain. I was shaking when I left the office. I was grateful that I would still have a job at KTU hosting my Freestyle Free For All on Sundays - but I was SO devastated to know that it would be my last day on the morning show. And right before Christmas!!! Suddenly I panicked. I called my mother, hysterical. My mother, of course, took the it-will-be-alright-you-don't-need-that-stress attitude. All I could think of was feeling that I was not "liked" on radio anymore and that I would not be able to do that Christmas shopping I had planned to do that very day. Now that extra money would have to be saved for a many rainy day. But I did indeed survive it all...and I'm still "liked" on KTU...as I will celebrate 15 years of being on the air this summer! But I knew EXACTLY how the Quiet One was feeling.<br />
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I assured him over and over again that he would find another job. I told him that God can never give him a better job, unless He cleared him from the one he already had. But I know how men feel. Most men equate their self-worth with what living they make; they feel proud to know they can "take care" of their family, or their woman. They also need to feel that they're filling a purpose - we all need that. So, the Quiet One nodded his head and was very upset that he couldn't buy me the one BIG Christmas gift he'd planned to buy me with the pay check he was supposed to receive. I told him I didn't need a big gift. I told him that HE was my gift...that God had given me EXACTLY what I wanted: a good man who respects me, cherishes who I am, who could care less that I sing, and who would honor me and be loyal. I'd take that any day over any piece of jewelry or a Kindle (lol...he knew I wanted a Kindle badly, lol).<br />
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So on Christmas, we took a ride to my visit my mom. And I was so proud of him. He helped set the table. He played with my nieces and later when we all sang my favorite Christmas carol, Carol of the Bells, he sang along as well. He was a GREAT sport! The magical moment came later on. I could not find him at all...and then I saw it. There he was, hands flying around in animated conversation. And who was he with? All 3 brothers & one uncle...they were talking and laughing. I walked into the kitchen where they were to listen in on the convo, when he said to me, "Sorry, honey, it's a guy thing." I laughed & walked out...and I felt proud. He doesn't believe me, but to see my boyfriend hanging out with my brothers and laughing - that was the best gift I could have ever received. After dessert, we took the ride home & cuddled on the sofa watching the Good Elf, or something like that. He apologized for not being able to give that big gift...but told me my gift was in the stocking. He had given me two pairs of the softest, coziest socks and two GORGEOUS pairs of EARRINGS! What was he talkng about? It was a perfect Christmas....I FINALLY am with someone who is REAL...<br />
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Fast forward to Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, the Quiet One STILL had not been able to find a job in his field, or even a different job altogether...and he was beginning to panic. I had to keep him calm...if we both panicked, it would make this bump in the road even worse. We kept Valentine's Day VERY simple. The Quiet One gave me a beautiful card, chocolate and he cooked my favorite dinner...I don't know what he calls it, but it's a delicious Italian dish with pasta, chicken, tomatoes and quiet ingredients, lol. He also baked me a lemon cake with a buttercream frosting, my favorite. We watched all our favorite tv shows & cuddled all night long...<br />
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Losing a job can be paralyzing, terrifying & can literally shake your foundation. But I am proud of him - he has NEVER quit. He has NEVER given up and he has NOT taken it out on me. That's what I'm most proud of him for. When people are under acute and high stress, it is easy to become quick tempererd and snap at the ones we love. Suddenly, under that type of pressure, it become easy to make the one you love a target and begin arguing about senseless things. But the Quiet One never changed. I love him for that. I am VERY proud of him. The fact is that since the job never came to him, he went to the job. Today, he has begun his own business & last week landed his first client. Last night, he landed a second! He's a good man and I have NO doubt, he will do well...and I love him. I really love him. So ladies if and when your man loses his job, or something truly meaningful to him - although you may want to get angry and panic...don't. Be his rock for a change, believe in him & his abilities, pray and then stand by your man!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-44243666673988230492012-01-04T10:34:00.000-08:002012-01-04T10:34:13.478-08:00INVADED BY HECKLERS!!!Back in November, I blogged about my concern for my safety at times when I perform and I briefly mentioned that there were two specific incidents when I feared for my life. I received a few requests from some of the readers here, asking me to tell the story of such times...so here is one episode.<br />
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It was about 23 years ago or so. I had a show,Brooklyn, NY, at a club called "Club Invasion." It was a small place in Brooklyn, alongside an el by the train. I was performing on stage, doing my thing, just trying to entertain - when out of the blue some guy starts heckling me, making fun of my weight. This was a common occurence for me back then. I had grown used to it. But I had also grown quite tired of it. Thanks to Angel, original vocalist of the Cover Girls, I had learned that sometimes being a bit sassy with a heckler could pay off. She was spunky on stage, and always had a great comeback when she encountered a heckler. I had just recently used my I-may-be-chunky-but-I'm-Funky line, and it had benefited me...me and the audience had a good laugh. Ever since then, a lot of the heckling had come to a hault. Except for this time. <br />
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The heckling began, and I chose to ignore it as I had done so often in the past. And then two more men joined him and two more after that. So, I had had enough...and I counter-heckled. I don't remember what I said, but I know I said something about them being deficient in their manhood, and the crowd howled, "Ooooh..." The men immediately stopped. The bouncers grabbed them, and began to escort them out. I told the bouncers to leave them alone, but they were quickly ejected from the club. And on went the show.<br />
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When we left, I was with my first manager, George Vascones. We were sitting in the limousine, when the driver realized he had been underpaid, and went inside the club to get it taken care of. Our limo was not the only one...there were two more: one behind us, and one after us. We were in a bit of a rush, because we were planning to go to La Mirage in the Bronx to hang out a little bit. As we waited, I heard men calling my name. "Judy! Yo, Judy! Where are you?" At first, I thought it was a fan. I smiled at George, and he smiled back. Little did we know that the driver had left the limo doors open with the car running. Then suddenly, I heard someone say, "Yo! She's in here." And in an instant, two men jumped in the front and three in the back. <br />
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My eyes widened with shock. They were the same men who had heckled me and had been thrown out of the club. Their immaturity was larger than I thought - God forbid they recognize that they acted like jerks in the club. We were dealing with people unable to take responsibility for their actions - so what was going to happen now? I was in serious shock. I looked at my manager with disbelief. He was quiet. He showed no fear. He held his hand up to me as to say, "No worries, Judy. I GOT THIS!" George was a tenth degree black belt. I had faith in him. He'd never let me down before. But my heart was flyng, and the adrenaline began to pump through my veins...I was in fight or flight mode. <br />
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Fight or flight is a term in psychology: When we perceive a significant threat to us, then our bodies get ready either for a fight to the death or a desperate flight from certain defeat by a clearly superior adversary. Men and women tend to deal with stressful situations differently. Males are more likely to respond to an emergency situation with aggression (fight), while females are more likely to flee (flight), turn to others for help...<br />
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I did the math VERY quicky. Five guys against me and my manager. I tried to not show fear. I assessed my surroundings. Damn. The car was running...George hushed me again with his hand, but all I kept thinking was 'five guys. FIVE!' And then the unthinkable happened. They took off in the car...with me and George inside!! They took the limo!! I lost it. I never screamed because I had no voice. It felt like those nightmares you have when you're trying to scream for your life, but nothing will come out. Except this was real. I wondered where would they take us? Were they just trying to scare us? What were they planning to do? Steal money from us?...rape me? That last thought spurred a knee jerk, life-saving reaction. I thought, "Oh, HELL NO! I'm not going to let anyone do that to me (again - another blog another time)...and without thinking twice, I found my courage. I pushed one of them out of the way, and jumped out of the moving car. I landed onto the cold, wet street, right under the train tracks with cars coming my way. Thankfully, they dodged me. I stood up, skinned knees, skinned hands...but I was intact, and I was alive. And then I realized my mistake. Oh, my God! I left George in the limo by himeself with those asses. I hated myself. I felt the most selfish I had ever felt in my life. I looked up...and approximately two blocks later, I saw George's body tumble out of the limo...but the belt from his trenchcoat was caught in the door, and it dragged him just a bit, but I screamed, "George...help...someone help!!" He broke free and we limped over to each other. "I TOLD you I had them..." "I'm sorry, George, I just panicked I guess." Panic will make you do stupid things...including run. We put our arms around each other...we asked each other repeatedly if we were okay. When I look back, we looked kind of hilarious, limping, bleeding...but we were together...and we were laughing at the crazy courage we had to jump out of a moving car.<br />
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We got back to the club just to find that the doors had been locked. We banged repeatedly on the door. Keep in mind, back then, there were no cell phones. After almost 10 minutes of banging on the door, they finally opened it and we told them or our dangerous tale. They let us use the phone, where we called the police who quickly came to take a report and found the limo dumped and trashed about three quarters of a mile away. The driver was astonished, very upset that he might get into trouble for leaving the car running. What was so funny was that I wasn't so upset about my knees and hands bleeding - I was more upset about he mirrors that broke in my make up bag, lol. <br />
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George and I went to La Mirage later on, despite our scare...we danced, we laughed and then we wondered if it was a set up because the club ironically had their doors locked...and they never did find the guys who stole the car. Hm. So what was the lesson? Be mindful of who you heckle back, and NEVER leave a car running if you are NOT the driver. To this day, I freak out if I'm left alone in a car that's running....and I hate being alone in any car. Oh, by the way, I was invaded at Club Invasions...Club Invasions no longer exists...but I do!!!!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-1815276059329216252011-12-18T15:25:00.000-08:002011-12-18T15:25:38.667-08:00ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS...So the Quiet One and I have been together for just over 7 months now! It's gone by so quiclky and yet there have been moments that have gone by in slow motion. <br />
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The tree at Rockerfeller Center...<br />
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If I don't see that tree every year, I feel incomplete. The tradition of that tree in the city has probably been around longer than I've been alive. Maybe I've seen too many holiday movies, or perhaps I am an even mushier romantic during Christmas, but I always had a fantasy about what going to Rockerfeller Center with a boyfriend would be like. I always imagined seeing the tree, the two of us making goo-gooly eyss at each other. Then we would embrace, kiss, and hold each other as if no one was around. I imagined us having an original New York pretzel, maybe a hot chocolate, and looking at the store front windows that are SO fantastic at Christmastime!! I just wanted a memory like that seared into my brain to take with me when I should ever go into a senior home when I turn 90...<br />
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Sure, I've gone to see the tree with past boyfriends. My fantasy was never played out. They would take me there, and they would take the "mandatory" photo of us, and next thing I knew I was on my way headed home. And they would say, "What? You saw the tree, you got the picture - what more do you want?" <br />
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Last night the Quiet One and I went to see the Tree at Rockerfeller Center...it was probably the only night we could do it together since I didn't have a show. We decided to park in a lot, because if you've never been to New York City, the parking signs are SO confusing that you will most likely receive a ticket. We walked down 49th Street and all the excitement was there - the children ooh'ing and aah'ing - taking pictures with second-hand costumed Mickey Mouses, SpongeBob's and the like! Right across the street from Radio City were the gigantic Christmas balls in red, silver and a King Kong sized display of multi-colored Christmas lights. Police were EVERYWHERE directing traffic, PEOPLE traffic, not just cars. As we got close to the tree, the Quiet One said, "You ready, baby? We're almost there!! Ready..." And there is was. As grand and as large as it can be! The happiest place in New York City is right there. Of course we could barely even walk, but it didn't matter - we were there, and he was wonderful about it! He asked to take a picture of me in front of the tree, and we took one of ourselves - after all, it's our FIRST Christmas together! And then, he stayed there. I couldn't believe, he didn't say to me, "Okay, let's get outta here - it's too crazy!" He wrapped his arms around me, and just like the movie, I exhaled. We kissed, yep, right there...no shame. Then he bought me roasted cashews & a pretzel, and we held hands..and although it was cold, I felt warm. We watched the MOST beautiful video display that is given on the side of Saks Fifth Avenue...God bless the person who thought of it. It was SO gorgeous that I cried. The Quiet One asked if I was alright,and I told him I cannot come here and not feel overwhelmed with the beauty and magic of Christmas here. He hugged me tighter, and we began walking away - one whole entire big, block away, when he asked me, "Did you want to do anything else?" I did, but I thought we'd already walked too far...that one block took us almost 10 minutes to walk because of the mass of people that had collected. So, I said, "Well, kind of, but that's okay...we're too far now." "Tell me, what did you want to do?" "Well," I confessed, "I wanted to see some of the store windows on 5th Avenue." "Okay." And without hesitation, he took my hand and to 5th Avenue we went. I thanked him...I still don't think he understands how much that meant to me. I'll cherish it forever!<br />
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Then he met my father and his wife a couple of months ago...Words that can describe my father would be: strong, opinionated, stubborn and old-world macho...so I had no idea what would happen. We were at dinner, my father telling stories of what I was like as a child, and there they were, smiling at one another. A moment that will stay with me forever was one I saw in slow motion. As my father was trying to get out of the car, I saw the Quiet One, come over, hold the door open and gently helped my father up. My father, now 80, doesn't feel 80, I'm sure...but his knees remind him, and it's painful for him to push up. The Quiet One did it in a way that was kind, but appropriate. He made my father feel good about it, not weird. I was very proud of him. My father is an EXCELLENT cook, and he made both of us flan (Spanish style custard)...but the Quiet One HATES flan! Not a good thing...it's like going to an Italian's house, and telling them you hate pasta! But the Quiet One was honest with my father, and later, my father admitted he liked his honesty. Cool. <br />
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Next test to pass: Dinner at my mother's with my three brothers, sister and three nieces. As soon as he got to my mom's house, my mom asked him to put something up for her. He was kind, eager and very helpful the entire day. Dinner at my mom's with my whole family is always a lot of fun, because there is so much laughter, chaos and friendly dysfunction. We were all sitting there...and the Quiet One is, well, sometimes, very quiet. He's a bit shy at first...but he does fine all by himself. When dinner was over, he was immediately washing dishes, collecting dishes...he's just the BEST! Later on, when I couldn't find him in the kitchen, he was playing with my nieces and they were giggling...he is a father already but he's a natural with children!!! I caught myself wondering what it would be like to be married to him, and wishing I met him so long ago!! <br />
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All I have EVER wanted for Christmas was to meet the man I'd like to spend my life with. All I have ever wanted was to feel TRULY loved, respected, and wanted. All I ever wanted was to KNOW that I can trust who I'm with - that I don't have to second guess myself...All I have ever wanted for Christmas was a REAL GOOD MAN!! It won't really matter what presents I get this year. For the first time in such a LONG time, I am H.A.P.P.Y!!! I am at peace. I realize that in the past, my past boyfriends were like a drug addiciton - not knowing if they would cheat or not, kept me awake at night. I was addicted to the drama of it...and I waited for the next high, and they would mess up, and I'd go into withdrawal. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat...<br />
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This kind of love is peaceful. It is a calm I've never experienced before. I'm not used to it, but I sleep like a baby every night. This kind of love is reassuring, it's uplifting...it makes me feel like I am a complete person, and I have more than enough to offer a man. This kind of love is a real love...it's from God, I"m sure...All I want for Christmas is the Quiet One's wonderful love!!!! I know you're sick with my corny, mushy stuff...but I swear, it's SO awesome, and SO worth it!! And for Christmas, I wish you the very same: a love that lifts you, that loves, you, that respects you, that honors you, that makes you feel worthy of everything good!!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-91664264483428633382011-11-28T14:36:00.000-08:002011-11-28T14:36:00.166-08:00FREESTYLE FREE FOR ALL & FRIENDS! NOV 5TH, 2011 - TAJ MAHAL A.C., NJI had a show in Philadelphia the night before, November 4th. It was a great show, but a long night. On my way upstairs I asked my road manager for my music that he left in the car. He didn't want to go back downstairs: "Judy, they already have the showtape for tomorrow, so you don't need it." I argued, "Yes, David, but if something goes wrong, I need back up." He didn't budge, and I admittedly was feeling too tired to argue with him. I arrived home from the show at 3am. I already knew I would be sleep deprived because I had to be up at 8:30am in order to arrive at my soundcheck on time. Walked through the door, took off my still sweaty clothes, wiped off the tons of black mascara from my eyes, threw on a t-shirt and went to bed...<br />
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Almost 10 minutes later, just as I began to have my first dream, my house phone rang. Who the heck would be calling at this ungodly hour? It was my road manager, "Yo, Judy, you gotta call the driver...call the driver..." He was ranting with incomplete sentences. "David, what happened?" "The driver left me." What do you mean 'the driver left me'?" "I mean...the driver stopped for gas, and I told him I would be right back. I went into the store, came out...and yo, he was GONE!" I immediately got on the phone, called the limo company's owner and told him what had occurred. Wow, I thought, that driver is probably almost at David's house...without David. The owner called me back, and told me, "Hey, Judy, Mike knows about David, and is on his way back to the gas station." And then it happened -<br />
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A little gurgle of laughter began to rise out from my stomach...<br />
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I could just imagine David standing there...This very large, muscular guy coming out of the store with some sort of food in his hand, and then with his mouth agape...thinking, "Oh s...t! Where's the freaking limo?" LOL. <br />
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I called David back to let him know that the driver was returning to his rescue. LOL. I began to laugh...and I didn't stop for almost ten minutes...I'm not exaggerating. I would be severely sleep deprived now, but damn, that laughter was ALL worth it! Everytime I thought of him standing there in complete disbelief that the driver was there, I lost it. Then it hit me. That's what he gets for refusing to get my music back to me. Karma is funny. <br />
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I got back to my bed. Closed my eyes. Ten minutes later - screaming coming from the park down the street. She was screaming as if she was being hurt, but then when I heard the screaming followed by her laughter, well, I didn't find it funny at all. The immature teen kept me up. It was 4:30 when I finally fell asleep. Oh, well.<br />
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I woke up, and out of sheer determination (and excitement - The Quiet One was going with me), I woke up with tons of energy. Or was it adrenaline? I arrived at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City a little early, so the Quiet One and I decided to play slots for a minute. And in about two minutes of playing with just $20, I was $60 richer. Cool. We went to the theater for soundcheck, and there was Aby, Tony & Angel, formerly of TKA, on stage doing their thing. It had been a long time since I'd seen them on stage. Afterward, I see a red-head on stage, and for a second I wondered, 'Who is this girl?' And in just 5 seconds of her first song, I was catapulted back to the 80's, and instantly realized it was 80's teen heart throb, Tiffany! She began singing, I Think We're Alone Now, and I had a smile on my face. And then The Quiet One turned to me, and innocently asked, "Who is she?" There are times when I don't realize our 12 year age difference...and then there are times like these, that I think, "Oh, my God...I am SO much older than he is!" So I briefly educated him...and she began to do her next song, "Could've Been". I cried. Yep, right there during her sound check. I cried because, to be completely honest, I have not heard a voice sound as pure as hers in my life!! Take out Could've Been if you still own it on a 45" and give it a listen one more time. Her vocal range, power and tone are simply amazing, and I just could NOT believe that I was witnessing this with my own ears, in person. Sabrina, a member of the Cover Girls, had the same look on her face, and I took comfort in knowing I wasn't alone in my sentiment.<br />
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Well, it was showtime, and I was excited...and I was tired. I honestly wasn't even sure I would have a voice to get through the show. If I don't have enough sleep, I simply don't have enough voice either. But I took a nap before the show, drank something like 3 cups of coffee and three cups of tea & sucked on lozenges like a woman dying of thirst. I got to watch Tiffany perform again, and I just felt like, 'I have to meet this girl!" I went on right after Tiffany...and I was just elated at the thought that I could say, "Yes, I peformed with Tiffany...I even went on right after her." To me, that was a highlight of my career!<br />
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Funny little story. I was truly stressing about what I would wear for this show. I ended up purchasing a leopard print, one piece jumpsuit. It was simple, but it was comfortable, and I thought it was flattering. As long as I dressed itup with a lot of cool accessories great shoes, it would work. When I was getting ready for the show, and The Quiet One saw me, he asked me something he had never asked before: "Um, is that what you're wearing for the show?" "Um, YES, why?" "Well, it kind of looks like something you would sleep with ...it looks like something you would have worn in like the 80's." I was too nervous to even take in the comment. But just before I went on, I thought it would be useful for the show.<br />
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The emcee who introduced me was AMAZING! He gave me such an incredible introduction that the crowd was on their feet!! Wow! I wish I remembered it because I would have thanked the man myself! The crowd was ON THEIR FEET and I didn't even walk on yet. It's so exciting, so exhilarating and So SCARY!!! Now, that I have them on their feet, I somehow have to keep them standing! Pressure! I walked on with a smile that no one could ever erase! When you see the people standing, looking with hope in their eyes, you have to smile! These are moments that will be ingrained and burned into my memory for the rest of my life, so it has to count! So I began to sing and the dancers of T.R.U.E. dance company came on and joined me. They are simply amazing and determinged kids, for whom dance is such a passion! One of the dancers, Gia, stole the show! I was doing my chest pump dance move, and as the dancers were clearing the stage, she remained there, tapped me on the shoulder, and totally out-danced me...and then another dancer came back on stage, and literally picked her up and took her off stage. I heard the crowd laugh and applaud, and I thought, 'yeaaaa! She did it!' The crowd cheered, applauded so loudly, I got chills!! Didn't want to get off, but there were more people to be heard, lol.<br />
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My girl, my friend, the woman I look up to, Lisa-Lisa, was up next. As I was passing her on the stairs, she appeared upset. "Lisa, you ok?" I asked her. "My voice...it's just not there today." I want to take a moment to share something with you. If you are not a singer, most people say, "Oh, just drink some tea with honey & lemon." LOL Yes, tea with honey and lemon aer helpful, but sometimes it's not the cure-all you think it is. There is nothing more depressing and anxiety inducing for a singer than knowing your voice is not up to par. And when you are performing at a HUGE venue, where people have paid LOTS of money to see you sing JUST LIKE THEY REMEMBER, you feel like a failure before you even step onto the stage. My heart broke for Lisa-Lisa. I cannot tell you how many pep talks she has gifted me with throughout the years...it was my turn to give back to her and help out. I asked her, "Would you like me to help you?" "Yea, what ever, mama!" She had such a look on her face, one I'm all too familiar with. It was that - Oh, my God-how-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-do-this - face! I asked the sound guy, "Do you have an extra microphone you could give me? She needs help." I stood backstage and anytime I thought she may need help with the higher notes, I sang along...if I could harmonize with her, I did...anything to help. When she came off stage, she thanked me, but she had tears in her eyes. To be 100% honest, she did GREAT! The crowd was with her, and I felt it in my heart that the audience sang with her, for her, to her...they just wanted to SEE her! I told her she did great...I just hope she believed it. <br />
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I eagerly watched the rest of the show, and then the Quiet One said to me, "Hey, Judy, I think that's Tiffany right next to you." I looked at him, and squinted my eyes, "Are you sure?" "Yes." I slowly turned my head as to not act like an idiot too much. And yes, that was her. I introduced myself, and she was THE BEST!!! She was totally humble, sweet in nature, and we talked a lot. I told her I had seen her on The View..and next thing I know she was asking me if I had a Facebook page. Suddenly, Slick Rick went on stage, followed by Vanilla Ice...and I really didn't care that they weren't freestyle artists...it was just nice for me to feel EXACTLY what the fans are always telling me that they feel - I was transported to an earlier time, a happier, more care-free, and innocent time!! It was a GREAT night!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-34653581111079783662011-11-21T12:57:00.000-08:002011-11-27T13:04:15.552-08:00MY KIND OF TOWN, CHICAGO IS...Anytime I perform in Chicago, I always feel a certain excitement. Next to the energy of New York City, I would say Chicago comes in second for me. Chicago is a beautiful city, and to call it the Windy City is indeed an understatement. But I woke up SO sick. Oh, my God! I couldn't move. My back was aching, and so were my joints. I woke up sweating and my throat felt as if I'd swallowed glass. How am I supposed to do a show all the way out in Chicago, and fly home the following day to sing on a ship in NYC? <br />
I took my temperature. 100.5. Yep, low grade fever. <br />
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I had to be at the airport by 9:30am. So I rushed with my road manager, David, to the doctor's office. It would be open at 8:30am. So I was there at 8:15 am, begging the doctor's assistant to see me soon so I could catch my flight. My doctor laughed when he saw me. "Ha, you're sick? What happened?" He gave me a shot and two prescriptions...I ran to Rite Aid and begged the pharmacist to assist me in leaving on time. I was in the car at 9:28 am. Excellent. There was word all over the television of a winter storm warning for New York the following day. Yeah, sure.<br />
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As soon as I got to the hotel, I slept. I slept for about 2 1/2 hours - no where near what I needed. But it would have to do. I was picked up at 11:30pm...and I was excited. On Facebook, I get a lot of, "Judy, when are you coming to Chi-town?" I can honestly say I've never had a bad show in Chicago. So when my ride picked me up to go to the show, we overheard the promoter talking about rival gang members trying to get into the club. Oh. I forgot about that. Many times when I perform in Chicago, especially in certain areas, gang activity is a given. Although, thankfully, I've never had a personal negative experience, I have done shows for example Congress Theater, where a fight will break out. Whenever I ask what's going on, I'm told in one word: gangs. <br />
<br />
Freestyle music is very much music of the Latino streets, so I am not surprised that our fan base also includes many in prison and in gangs. But it saddens me that going to a show to hear someone perform, which should be a FUN thing to do, sometimes turns into a tragic event. Music is supposed to bring people together, NOT be a preface to a battle. And so, the word was there were gang members trying to get in. Next thing I know my road manager is saying things like, "Be sure you stay close to me, and if something goes wrong, you go out this way...." In my almost 25 years of performing, I've only experienced three shows where there was extreme violence: one was a shoot out, the second was men & women with razor blades slicing each other, and the third was when my limo taken with ME in it - but that's a whole other blog.<br />
<br />
Anyway, it was time to perform and dammit, I wanted to sing in Chicago...it was a new place for me: Buzz Bomb! I have to say the second I got on stage, the welcome was, well, it gave me the warm fuzzies all over, lol. From the second I got onstage, the stage was not too stable...and when you're wearing 4 inch heels, and the there's a potential for being recorded and put on youtube the following day if you fall, well, it's not a chance I was willing to take. Enter...the chancletas. Slippers are my best friend lately...they're black and they sparkle. So cute. I summoned my slippers and the promoter brought a chair on stage. Okay, dude, it's not THAT bad. LOL..I'm not that old, not yet. And so the show continued... and in spite of singing with a sinus infection, I think everything panned out just fine.<br />
<br />
There was a man in the audience with a 12" of No Reason to Cry...he was waving the thing like a proud American would wave his flag. I asked if I could borrow it, and talked about the old days with 12 inch records and 45's and such. I gave it back to him. He was over excited - perhaps he was even drunk...and he became so rowdy that the bouncers removed him. I begged for them not to throw him out, but it was done. All I wanted to do was sign the album for him...so if anyone knows who he is, please forward me his name & address...I'd like to be sure he gets it.<br />
<br />
What's my favorite thing about performing in the Windy City? The people. The people in Chicago, those who come to see me perform, are the MOST affectionate people I've met. Every single person tells me a story, hugs me, and I feel their sincerity. That kind of affection from your fans is quite unique. I stayed afterward to take pics and sign autographs - an hour and a half later, I was ready to return home...my flight to return home was so early that as soon as we returned to the hotel, it was time to pack my bag and head to the airport.<br />
<br />
My flight was at 7am. I had to return & I wanted an early flight because I had a show that night on a ship in NYC. WE took off, we landed, (Thank you, God, for a safe flight)...and we arrived to rain. The Quiet One picked me up and had a cup of coffee ready for me (he's thoughtful that way :) ) and next thing I knew it was snowing...HARD!!! For the first time, New York was far colder than Chicago...Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-52228555468164368062011-11-14T07:15:00.000-08:002011-11-14T07:15:01.110-08:00WELCOME TO MIAMI...BIENVENIDO A MIAMIIn less than two weeks I performed in three cities: Miami, Chicago and Atlantic City. My schedule beginning at end of October into November is BRUTAL...and it all began when I went to Miami. I'm sure people think it's all very cool to jet set all over the country - and it is a blessing, don't get me wrong, but allow me to give you an example of what it can be like. <br />
<br />
First, I fly coach. LOL. I don't do first class. It would be nice, but let's face it; I'm not Lady Gaga. And I was sitting in the middle to two large men...and I'm a big girl too. I admit it must have been a funny sight. I land in Fort Lauderdale, a half hour away from Miami. We drive to the hotel, and I'm already sleep deprived from the day before because when I know I have a flight, I become anxious that I'll miss the alarm clock when it fires. So I take a nap...about an hour and a half. I wake to several messages and emails about the upcoming show in Atlantic City. I get picked up for the show around 11:30pm. I go onstage at 1:30am. <br />
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The Club at the Renaissance was the venue. The crowd was a good one. Scratch that. They were GREAT! I don't do Miami too often so I know the people who showed up really came to see me. AS I performed there were three men in the audience who were starry eyed. I rarely ever see men look at me that way. But something was different about them. Couldn't put my finger on it. As I performed, with each and every song, the energy from the audience expanded, and then I felt it. Euphoria. It's true happiness. And it is SO contagious. I feel it. The people feel it. And it is just the best natural high a person could have. When I sing, Please Stay Tonight, there is a small segment of the song where I move my hips right, left and as I do that, I lower my body. And then boom. I spring back up. Then I usually make a little joke about it. I say something like, "Ah, you didn't think I could get myself back up, huh?" Then the audience laughs, and so do I. So, there I was lowering my body....wait...um, hello? Oh, shoot!! I can't get up! LOL LOL LOL. Oh, my God! Seriously, I'm stuck. It may have been the shoes that were higher than usual, but for some reason, my legs just didn't have the oomph to pull myself up. So there I am, just squatting there. I have to sing in like 3 seconds. So, I did what we all have to do sometimes in life: I reached out for help. And two of the three men with starry eyes helped me up. I received great applause - I really had fun onstage!<br />
<br />
Now it's about 2:15am. I have a flight at 7:40am. I need to get back to the hotel and get sleep. But I can't because there are people just outside the door of the dressing room, waiting for pictures. I firmly believe in meeting the fans, taking pictures and chatting with them. They deserve that. If they took the time to get dressed up to come see the show, if they take the time to wait on line to meet me, the least I can do is give them that time. Besides, I confess, I LOVE people. I love that we all come in different shapes, sizes, colors, attitudes, races, creeds...and I love to try to connect with each person - even if for a second. And so, I take a moment...get a couple of sips of water, and the door is opened. By now, my feet are usually hurting...but I put on my chancletas (slippers) and just keep going. There are always a few people who challenge me: "Judy, you don't remember me, do you?" Um. Hm. <br />
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When I'm in a good mood and I'm not too tired, my response will be, "No, I'm so sorry. Where did we meet?" or "How do we know each other?" <br />
<br />
When I'm in a bad mood, or exhausted to the point I may cry, my response is, "No, I'm sorry." Period. What else can I say? But in my mind, I'm thinking, 'Um, hello, if I remembered you, you probably wouldn't have to have asked me.' But I know how rude that sounds in my mind, so it never gets released from my mouth. <br />
<br />
But I won't lie. I won't make believe I remember that person. About 20 years ago, someone asked me, "Judy, you don't remember me, do you?" I didn't remember him, but I felt SO horrible because he had this hopeful look in his eye. So, I lied to please him, "Yeah, how are ?" He challenged me: "Oh, yeah, you remember me? What's my name? Where did I meet you?" I stood there like an idiot. I swore I would never lie again. Truth be told, sometimes I do remember a person's face, but not the name. It's hard. In the span of ONE evening, I am easily introduced to at least fifty people. It's really hard. <br />
<br />
Okay, I got off the subject. Sorry. So, after a show there are always a few drunk ones. It used to bother me, but now I just find it funny that the next day, they will probably remember nothing. So as I was taking pictures the three men with the starry eyes came in. They took pictures with me and seemed tickled pink. I felt honored to take the pictures with them. There was something special about them. And then one of them, asked me in Spanish what my nationality was. I told him that my mother is Puerto Rican, and my father is Cuban. Their eyes lit up...as if they couldn't light up any further. He announced to me that they were all from Cuba and had been in the country for just a year. I asked them what city...they were from Havana, the very city my father was born in. <br />
<br />
My father speaks of Cuba frequently. He tells me of the white sandy beaches, the amazing music and the impeccable dancing that occurs there. My father came to this country when he was shy of 18 years old. I understand from his stories that it was a hazardous trip, and that when he got here in the winter time, the only word he knew in English was hamburger. I admire my father for his courage. To come to a land where you don't speak the language, or know the culture...to not even have a home or know of a friend or a relative who can get you started - that takes guts. And my father created a wonderful life for himself here...and later in life, he had his sister and mother join him here as well. It is a common story for many of our relatives, but it is always admirable..this country is built on immigrants. I sure wouldn't be here today if my parents had not come into this country.<br />
<br />
And so, the three starry-eyed gentlemen began to tell me about how they would climb to the roof of their homes with antennae to desperately try and catch Power 96, a big radio station in Miami. They told me they could barely hear No Reason To Cry but they knew they loved it. Wow. Their story, told with so much passion, simply brought tears to my eyes. The idea that they could have been in trouble if they had been caught, but they risked it anyway, truly moved me. They had looked forward to this day, hoping they could finally hear me in person, meet me. So cool. I gave them pictures, I took more pictures with them and I hugged them...really, really hard. Wow. Now, that's what I call Freestyle Freaks!! Yo quiero mi Cuba libre!!! (I want my Cuba to be free)Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-2262843772152935542011-11-08T15:00:00.000-08:002011-11-08T15:00:55.762-08:00HEY HON, WANNA GO TO THE CLIFF???<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V77MJJVJZjE/Trm0jYhaitI/AAAAAAAAAK0/xOarw7QpsxE/s1600/The%2BCliff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V77MJJVJZjE/Trm0jYhaitI/AAAAAAAAAK0/xOarw7QpsxE/s320/The%2BCliff.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Because of my career, many men have been under the impression that in order to make me happy, in order to impress me, in order to win me over, they need to wine me and dine me. Now, I admit, like any other woman, I love getting dressed up, going to a great restaurant with fine ambiance, and enjoying good conversation...but I don't need that all the time. Truth is, my best dates have been doing things unexpectedly and as long as it's new to me, and I have fun, I love it.<br />
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So, I got a phone call from the Quiet One. <br />
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"Hey, hon. It's a really beautiful day! How about we go to the cliff?"<br />
"Really?"<br />
<br />
I talk about the cliff to many people in my life, and I've even blogged about what I call My Cliff. I am happiest whenever I am around nature. There is something therapeutic about hearing the leaves being kissed by the breeze; seeing all the green all around; noticing the trees that have been in existence for almost an eternity; and the idea of a possibility of seeing the forest's creatures. All these things turn me into a little kid. I did indeed take the Quiet One to the cliff in the beginning of our relationship...all we did was stand there and talk. The Quiet One remembered. He remembered how much this little place means to me. The idea that he spontaneously suggested it thrilled me. So he picked me up, and there we were. I showed him the trails that are there - there are two. One marked with red on the trees and the other marked with blue. He spotted a turkey vulture. I looked up, waiting to see it soar. But he pointed straight ahead, and there it was walking along the woods. Cool. Turkey vultures are not exactly the most beautiful of birds, but I LOVE birds of prey. Just the mere sight of any bird of prey fills me with adrenalin. We began to walk the trail marked in red, but we quickly realized we were not wearing the appropriate clothing, or type of shoes for the rocky landscape. He suggested that the next time we came to the cliff, we should make a day of it; pack a bag, blanket and snacks, and go.<br />
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So the following week, The Quiet One picked me up. That particular day, for some reason, I wasn't really in the mood. But the sun was calling out, reminding me that soon it would be further away. Soon it would be too cold to visit the cliff...this was the day. So, he drove me there - knapsack, blanket, snacks, water and all. We had our hiking shoes on too. We chose the trail with the red on the trees. Last summer I had attempted that trail, but I was forceed to stop dead in my tracks because there was so much brush growth, it completely denied me access. But on this day, with the Quiet One, it was completely free. There was a sign posted: 440 Foot Descent. I don't know what the hell that means - 440 feet? I just know I was determined to do it. And so was the Quiet One. And so we began to walk down. <br />
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It was wonderful because for two hours we were completely alone, almost as if no one else existed. As we walked, sometimes in complete silence, we saw chipmunks, more chipmunks...and more chipmunks. We found a large rock that to me, looked like a love seat. We sat for a moment and took in the awesomeness of the forest. And then we continued to walk down, even passing the area where I was stopped last year. Finally, at the very bottom, we had reached the river. It was GREAT! It was so quiet, so private and extremely peaceful. We found a large tree and sat for a while. It was perfect. It was even romantic. And all I kept thinking was how sweet he was to do this for me. Although he's never told me, I get the feeling that nature is not really his thing. But he entertained me with something that I love, and it makes me love him that much more.<br />
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It was time to go back. Oh. I forgot. The entire return trip would be entirely uphill. Uphill onto rocky terrain, over broken trees and sometimes unsteady footing. The Quiet One was so manly - he sometimes walked in front of me to be sure I wouldn't step on something unsteady. He sometimes walked behind me, claiming he just wanted to see my butt, lol. Silly. Either way, half way up, I was huffing and puffing...and sweating. Excuse me, I mean I was glistening. He was not. Damn, I really need to get into better shape. Perhaps Zumba isn't enough. Three quarters of the way, I HAD to STOP. I needed a little break. We rested about a minute and proceeded. "We're almost there, honey...you got this!!" Aw, he's so supportive. LOL...in my mind, I was thinking, "Yeah, that's easy for you to say, Tarzan!"<br />
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Just before we reached the end, the Quiet One pointed out the cutest deer. I love deer. Some people see them as nuisances on the highway, or creatures harboring lyme-disease carrying ticks, but I see them as sweet, docile creatures. In Native American folklore, they are considered to represent innocence and child-like naivete. Either way, the Quiet One saw something that he knows I love...<br />
<br />
Looks like the Quiet One is the Good One too. I have to tell you that so far, I have nothing bad to report. As we ge to know one another, I have learned that he is easy-going, attentive, romantic, affectionate...and he can be quirky too. One of his quirks, my favorite so far, is that when he really likes a song, he will sing it passionately, but a split second faster than the tempo of the song. As a singer, it used to make me cringe, but now it makes me smile!!!! It was nice to see for once where the trail led to...it was nice to finish what we started...it was simply - very - nice.Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-61584110991701421712011-10-02T15:29:00.000-07:002011-10-02T15:31:01.132-07:00DID GOD JUST POKE ME???With all my recent health issues, I've been on top of everything. I've been current with all my doctors, tests, etc. So far, other than the darn chest pains, I've been doing great! <br />
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So this past Thursday evening around 5:45pm or so, I was watching television, preparing to go out, when...OW! OW! What the hell was that?! I felt like I was stabbed in my lower right side of my body. The Quiet One was with me. "What is it?" We both kind of laughed because I jumped up as if someone invisible hit me. I thought nothing of it...until about an hour later, when I began to feel throbbing, and some cramping. But there was no blood, so I just thought maybe something I'd eaten simply didn't agree with me. When I got home, the Quiet One wanted to stay with me. He knew I was in pain, and as much as I acted like I wasn't, he knew. He wanted to take me to the hospital, but I wanted to wait it out until morning. I never woke him, but I tossed and turned all night...the pain was intense enough to keep me wide awake. He made me promise to go to the doctor first thing in the morning. And that's what I did.<br />
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Friday morning. <br />
My doctor's office opened at 11am, and I was the first one there. I was also the only one there. Apparently he was on vacation. I almost cried when his assistant, Iris, informed me. I've been a patient of his for almost 20 years now and Iris is the BEST! She immediately asked me what was wrong. I told her of my symptoms, and I also mentioned that I had an early show that evening and two shows on Saturday..this needed to be taken care of TODAY! I saw her rapidly get on the phone and call in a "favor". Next thing I know she gave me a prescription to get an ultra sound. I had 45 minutes to drink at least eight glasses of water. When having an ultra sound, apparently they want to see you with a full bladder. So I arrived at 1:30 for my appointment, anxious and REALLY needing to pee. I don't mean the typical, "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now...Pee-Pee Dance" It was beyond difficult to hold it any longer. So I filled out all the necessary paperwork, handed them my insurance card (thank you, KTU) and waited. Five minutes...15...20....Oh, my God, if my bladder blows up, we'll have a new problem all together. Finally, I spoke up and told them I had to be called or I was gonna die. The woman at the desk was kind enough to say, "Okay, go to the bathroom and just let a little out." Huh? A little?! Don't she know I gotta go? Asking me to urinate just a little was like asking me to hold a door to a dam that had broken. I had visions of Niagara Falls, running water faucets - big time! Then finally, my name was called.<br />
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The ultrasound technician seemed short with me; not mean, but borderline rude. When people are that way, I remind myself that it's possible it's been a hard day for them. It doesn't mean it makes it okay, it just keeps me calm enough to not say the wrong thing. She was pressing down on my stomach with the instrument, reminding me how badly I still needed to go. Then she began to huff and puff. Then she got quiet. Uh, oh. Something is wrong. I know it. She asked me to empty my bladder and return. So I did, and once again she seemed irritated but it was different. "I have to get the doctor to look at this." So the doctor came over, and they both began to deliberate and describe all the things they thought it could be. Um, hello, I'm right here. Talk to me!!<br />
<br />
"Ms. Torres, it is?"<br />
"Yes."<br />
"It looks as if you have a rupture in your ovary. It could be a ruptured ovary, an ectopic pregnancy, a ruptured cyst, or a tumor. But you have too much fluid & a little blood in your pelvis, so we can't really see well enough to determine."<br />
"So I guess I won't be doing any show tonight, huh?" (always keep a sense of humor in times like these)<br />
"No. There will be no shows tonight. I'm sending you to the hospital right now for a CAT scan. You may need emergency surgery."<br />
I thanked them, and hugged the ultrasound technician...first time I saw her smile all day. Maybe that's exactly what she needed a hug, showing appreciation from someone! <br />
<br />
As I dressed and returned to the waiting room, I began to make the slew of phone calls that would have a domino effect on so many people. I HATE canceling shows. I hate it. I end up letting down so many people. In a regular office job, you can call your boss, and tell him/her you're sick. A few people at work may have to work a little harder to make up for your absence, but it's okay. In the past, with my job, when I called out sick, I got threats for law suits. Calling out sick in this career, disappoints the managers, the road managers, the promoters, the clubs and most importantly- the fans. It's a big loss money-wise, and I can do nothing about it. The doctor gave me the proper paperwork, and I began to walk to the hospital a block away. I called my road manager and began to call my family, the Quiet One, and anyone else I could think of that I knew would be affected. Iris, from my doctor's office, called my cell phone to tell me she had notified the doctor on call at the hospital. I am so grateful to her. If she had not done that favor for me, and got me to take that ultra sound, I have to confess I know I would've waited until Monday so I could do my shows. <br />
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At the hospital, I had a deja-vu. Last time I was in this emergency room, I had optic neuritis, went blind in my right eye, and spent a week in the hospital before finally being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I prayed so hard, "Lord, thank you for putting me in the right hands. Thank you that we now know something is wrong, and whatever we need to do to fix it, will be done. But please, I don't want surgery. Please." The feeling of uncertainty was just too familiar in that moment. The Quiet One was rushing to get to the hospital, and my relatives kept calling to see if I was okay. In the meantime, I did what everyone does in the emergency room: wait, wait, wait all the while in pain, pain, pain. <br />
<br />
I was called into a room where my vitals were taken. My blood pressure was through the roof - something that had NEVER happened before. No fever. And I was brought immediately to a room and asked to undress & put on a gown. The room was freaking freezing, with an enormous spotlight hanging from the ceiling. All sorts of unknown instruments were sitting on the table, and it was a bit scary. After almost 20 minutes a nurse walked in, set up an i-v & took urine and blood samples. Ten minutes later a doctor came in and did a quick pelvic exam and told me we were going to set up for a CAT scan. <br />
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Twenty minutes later, I'm transferred to a different room, where I'm given a nasty orange concoction, and told I have to drink the entire thing. "You have to have a full bladder when you go for the scan." AGAIN? I have to hold it AGAIN?! Ughhhhhhh!!!! But I nodded my head. The Quiet One arrived, looking so handsome. I wonder if he knows how great it was to see him. I hope I made it clear. He's a good man. Here it is, Friday night...he could be anywhere but in the hospital. He is so supportive, kind, considerate and he makes me feel tremendously loved. About 10 minutes later, a gentleman came to let me know he'd be coming to get me for the scan in ten minutes....an hour and fifteen minutes later, I was desperately searching for someone to permit me to use the bathroom. I finally found a nurse, who gave me a look with major attitude, "Oh, no you're NOT using the bathroom!" I looked at her like, "Oh yeah? Watch me!" I won. She laughed and said, "Okay. But I didn't give you permission." I was finally brought to the CAT scan room, where I was asked to drink more Ghetto-Chemical-Tang again! Hey, you have to do what you have to do. <br />
<br />
I was brought into a room that gives the Alaskan temperature competition. I was injected with iodine, contrast, I had been asked to drink chemicals that probably made me glow in the dark. I had been poked and prodded, I felt like an animal...just about. But I have to say that everyone was kind to me. Forty-five minutes later, the doctor came to let me know that the good news was I won't need surgery. He told me I had a ruptured ovarian cyst, and because it had already ruptured there was nothing left to do but bear the pain (he gave me meds) and allow my body to heal itself. <br />
<br />
It was raining outside. It was close to eleven at night. I was in the hospital for about eight hours! The Quiet One brought me home. My stomach was throbbing, and my insides were distended... or should I say it appeared extended out to the next corner. So, a small ovarian cyst came into my life, ruptured, and made my life for the last 72 hours painful, uncertain and scary. The Quiet One said that God poked me, and is trying to tell me to slow down. Hm. Now there's a thought. God poking me. LOL. He poked a bit too hard, I think. But perhaps he's right. I've been running around taking care of everyone, worried about everything and neglecting my well-being. So, thank God! I didn't need surgery. Thank God the promoters were not angry and the fans understood. Thank God it wasn't more serious. Thank God I have a wonderful family, the Quiet One, and great friends who were all ready to do whatever necessary to be by my side. Thank you, Lord, for poking me...did you have to poke so hard? A ruptured cyst...who would've thunk it? Wow...a small thing gave me a big pain in the...<br />
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The lesson, ladies and genlemen, is that when you have pain, listen to your body. That small pain that pokes, prods, throbs, stings, whatever...is trying to tell you that something is simply not right. Listen to it, and don't make God poke you!!! LOL. Heres' a link in case you'd like to know the symptoms for future reference: http://www.medicinenet.com/ovarian_cysts/article.htmJudy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-91219719947616946182011-09-25T16:14:00.000-07:002011-09-25T16:50:22.670-07:00A PHONE CALL CHANGES EVERYHINGA few months ago, I received a call I never thought I would. It was the Lobster's ex-wife. She wanted to know if I would tell her why I had broken up with the Lobster. <br />
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It's been three years since I broke up with Lobster. It was an almost six year relationship full of high highs and humiliating low lows. After almost six years of extremes and hollow promises of marriage and a future family, I had had enough, and I stopped the nonsense. So when his ex-wife called me, I was actually happy about it. I had wanted to speak to her for years, but Lobster had pretty much villianized her, and had me believing she didn't even want to speak to me. Okay, so we began to talk, and I told her EVERYTHING I could remember, anything I could think of and I asked her a few questions myself. And in one flash, it all came together. Boom. Bam. Pow. I felt like I was watching 20/20 with Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer. I could imagine the female voice over in my head: "...They were together almost six years. They met, they fell in love. There was talk of marriage, and then a sudden move and she was excluded from it all. But why?...and in one phone call it all made sense." The Lobster's ex-wife and I were able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together, and we discovered together that almost the entire duration of my relationship with the Lobster, he was with her. And that's when the female voice over says: "...and he was leading a successful double life." <br />
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Although I broke up with him three years ago, and although I had been over him for a long time, I always KNEW there was someting WRONG in my gut about him. I recall he had gone with me to a counseling session, where I had told the therapist, I KNOW there's a big secret he's holding onto because nothing makes sense. Nothing. He swore on his life he had no secrets, and I was just insecure. Take this as a lesson: when your gut tells you something is "off", you don't need further proof. You need no proof. Your gut just knows. Period. <br />
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And so, she and I had a very long overdue conversation. We learned that we were both taken for fools, both used, both good women who simply believed in someone we loved. We wished each other well...and I hung up, feeling relieved, feeling like I finally got the closure I was looking for, and feeling f#$ng pissed off!! And then my chest began hurting...and it hurt every single time I had an "Oh, so that's why he..." moment. So I did what I thought I needed to do. If I was having a chest pain, I figured it made sense that I needed to get something off my chest. And so I picked up the phone and called him. "Lobster (I wanted to call him all sorts of names but I held my tongue) by now you know that I've spoken with your ex. All I can say is that karma is a REAL BITCH and I hope you know what you're doing, because it will all come back to you. So, God bless you when that time comes. In the meantime, I thought you were the love of my life, but you were the LIE of my life." And I hung up. I could do no more, because the truth is you cannot vent to someone like that. It would be wasted breath to say everything, when I knew he would deep down have a smug smirk on his face. He's just not worth it. Really, and truly.<br />
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I'm so glad I moved on. I told the Quiet One all about it, and he surprisingly was VERY supportive. He listened to me bitch, cry, question, and the whole time, he held me, and told me it would be alright. He actually told me somethings that made me feel healed from it all. Any man would easily say, "That's your past, forget about him. It's us now." And any man would be right to do that. But the Quiet One, I believe, understood this incomplete issue in my life, and he was kind enough to entertain it for amoment, but he wouldn't allow me to feel sorry for myself. He showed me how all these events happened for a reason. And the best thing was that he said, "I'm glad it didn't work out, otherwise, I wouldn't have met you now. I'm so happy he's in my life. I'm happy. I feel that God has rewarded me for no longer tolerating crap in my life....The Quiet One is also the Noble One, the Good One, the Honest One! He's quickly become the love and light of my life.<br />
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Fast forward to last week. I have had to see a cardiologist because the chest pains have never left. They happen now for no reason at all. I shouldn't say it's pain as much as it feels like someone is sitting on me and won't get up. I've had an xray, an ekg, an echo-cardiogram, and a stress test..all normal. My doctor says anxiety is a diagnosis of exclusion. In other words, before he says the chest thing is due to anxiety, he has to rule out everything else first. Now the chest discomfort comes for no reason at all. I could be sitting, resting, thinking about nothing at all, and it comes on suddenly. Sometimes it sits with me for days, sometimes it drives me crazy. I was talking to a friend and I told her that I don't think it's unfinished business because I forgave him a long time ago. I won't allow the jerk to rule my life like that...no power to him, hell no. And then she said the most profound thing. She said, "Judy, I know that you forgave him already. But have you forgiven yourself?" And wow. I was stoppped in my tracks. I could't refute it, I couldn't argue, debate...she was right. I haven't forgiven myself. I haven't forgiven myself for having been so stupid to believe his lies, to not pick up on the clues, for allowing myself to be mistreated, neglected, to be second...ugh. How do I do that? I have forgiven EVERYONE for EVERYTHING that has ever been done to me...but how do I do that when I wasn't even aware that I was mad at myself? It's a great thought. I have to chew on that for a while...Oh, by the way, if you ever find the Lobster, you have my blessing to throw him back in the ocean, or just simply broil it.Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-22945896152145759512011-09-22T03:34:00.000-07:002011-09-22T07:39:28.968-07:00PERFORMING AT THE HOBOKEN FESTIVAL? JERSEYLICIOUS!!I was so looking forward to performing at the Hoboken Italian Festival, Friday, September 9, 2011! I love singing outdoors at free concerts...there is just a different vibe of joy in the air. Maybe because it's free? No. Because people love to gather and celebrate with music. I was specifically looking forward to it because some of the cast ot the Style Network's Jerseylicious were hosting the show: Anthony - hairstylist & "everybody's uncle", Tracy - beautiful hairstylist and Olivia's nemesis. I wish they would just stop fighting, but I admit it's somewhat entertaining to see them just hate each other. (Psychologically, I think they see in each other what they despise within themselves, but that's a whole other blog), Gigi -the most adorable hairstylist whom everyone just loves, and Doria, make up artist and part of my Chunky but Funky club..she sees things as they are. She celebrates her curves and I love it! I am a deeply intellectual woman who loves dramas, documentaries and anything pertaining to the spirit, however, watching Jerseylicious is my absolute guilty pleasure - I'm so hooked! <br />
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The Quiet One (who's still in the picture - we just celebrated our four month-iversary!) was going to come to the show, but he'd gotten back from work too late so he passed. But I was expecting some of my classmates from Zumba class, including our instructor, Jeannine Severino. As soon as I got there, the fierce enemy of all women's hair began it's attack on me: the Humidity Beast! It began its full-fledged attack on my hair a soon as I walked out of the limo. I immediately saw Cynthia, George Lamond and Fascination. Performing with them is like performing with family. I always know it's going to be a good show because we're in good company. I saw a man who looked familiar. "Heyyyyyy!! How are ya? What's going on? You look good," I yelled out to him. Then I realized, I feel like I know this man, but from where? Duh. Duh. It was Anthony from Jerseylicious, lol. That deja vu feeling was from seeing him on the show. I felt like an idiot calling out to him as if we were best buddies, but he took it like a champ. Anthony proceeded to tell me how much he loves my music and how excited he was to introduce me on stage. We took a couple of pictures together, and then I was introduced to Tracy, but I didn't see Gigi...I know I sound like a stalker, but it's all good. I have no shame. Tracy was very graceful, actually, she was far kinder than she appears on the show. I secretly wished she would fix my hair as I began to look more and more like Chaka Khan as the night grew.<br />
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...and so Anthony introduced me and there I was, frizzy hair and all. I brought my 80's goodie bag to show the audience. The bag was filled with Aqua Net, Drakkar Cologne, a Sony walkman, a cassette tape along with a no.2 pencil and of course, the prehistoric 12" record. The crowd loved it and I continued to sing. It was SO hot and humid on stage that I was distracted. All I kept thinking was, 'Oh, my God, it's so freakin' hot! Ugh, I can't even breathe, I can't hear myself either.' And then I could bear it no longer and removed my light jacket. The crowd howled - don't know why. I guess they enjoy seeing the wings of fat under my arms or the cute little love handles across my back, lol. Either way, it was a fun show. <br />
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Afterward I was invited by Jeannine & my zumba friends to go have a drink. I could have attended the afterparty,but honestly, my feet were killing me and I just wanted to sit. On our way to find a bar, a fan asked me to sing Stay to her. I was in a good mood, so I sang it to her, and she was so appreciative. It was a very sweet moment. And then I heard a very loud voice, "Judyyyy!! Girlfriend, you better not leave without saying hello." To my surprise, it was Doria from Jerseylicious, my chunky but funky new friend! She was SO cool. We talked about being plus sized and the challenges that come with it. And then she said, "Girl we need to get together and talk. You know that new show called Big Sexy? We need to get our own show, hello!!!" She was smart, sassy and I really liked her - we exchanged numbers and texted each other for an hour. Very cool. So then my zumba friends and I searched different places in Hoboken and finally ended up at Texas Arizona, a local Hoboken bar. There were about 6 women and 2 men from class and we all were talking. At one point, I looked around and we were all laughing. I just felt a real sense that I had made new friends. I love my close circle of friends, but it is always good to step outside of your comfort zone. <br />
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My one-drink-promise with them had been made, I was tired and I needed to get home. I had called the Quiet One to tell him I was stopping for a drink with my zumba friends and that I'd call him when I got home. A ride home was offered to me by one of the guys from class - he lives nearby me so I said okay. While he was driving me home, he asked me if my boyfriend would mind a man driving me home. And I said, "No, he would be fine with it...he's not the jealous type." At least that's what the Quiet One told me. When I got home, I called the Quiet One - it was almost 2 in the morning. I told him of my adventures and he listened half awake. The next day, when he was more alert, I told him everything, including the guy driving me home. He was fine. He was fine with it all. He told me, "I trust you, Judy. I will only get jealous if you give me a reason. you have the right to your friends, to have fun, to hang out with them, and you shouldn't have worried about getting home late. It's fine. We all need that sometimes." Wow. I realized that I have grown accustomed to the "Where the hell were you? Who were you with? Why didn't you ask me if he could drive you home? Why did you get home so late?". I realized almost once a week that I'm still shedding myself of my old baggage. I just remember laying my head down with a smile on my face. Life is good.Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-69481537357180273182011-08-30T07:17:00.000-07:002011-08-30T07:27:32.486-07:00WHEN IT'S REAL LOVE, WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE?Because of a wonderful woman named Irene, I cannot blog about how GREAT it was to perform my last show in My Big Gay Italian Wedding, with Lainie Kazan & Nikki Blonsky. I'll never again have hair 3 feet high, or be able to "tawk" with the accent. I was just getting comfortable with the character, and Ms. Irene came along and blew it away. Hurricane Irene ruined everything, but when I see that I made out without losing power; that I had no flooding; that I experienced no damage or loss, I realize I have NOTHING to complain about. Hurricane Irene did give me one interesting thing though: an entire weekend with the Quiet One. It's been over due, but I guess I've wanted to be sure this was real, and not some summertime fling that we all read about. <br />
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It appears the Quiet One has quietly come into my life to teach me so many things about myself. And especially to "unteach" me about some of the concepts I had learned as a young girl. The Quiet One has me thinking a lot about the things I was raised to believe and about what I REALLY believe about myself.<br />
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When real love shows up, what the hell is it supposed to look like? What does it feel like? And if it does show up, what the hell do you do with it? I know you're thinking, 'girl, if real love showed up at my door, I'd be ALL over that!' But I can tell you firsthand, that when your youth is full of drama, you are indirectly instructed...and I've paid a LOT of money in therapy (yes, surprise I was in therapy, lol, many years ago) to learn and understand my childhood.<br />
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When you come from an alcoholic and abusive home life, you are mistaught things. You learn that you do what you have to in order to survive. And that means being "a good girl" no matter what, blaming yourself for things that are not even your fault. You learn that you have to walk on eggshells. When you have witnessed your mother being horrifically, unspeakably abused - right in front of your eyes - and she repeatedly takes the stepfather back, you are taught the wrong thing. You are taught that if you want love, it's supposed to hurt. You are taught that you are not a queen that is adored - you are a peasant, a slave, to be walked on. AND, when you grow up in that environment, you learn that no matter how bad he treats you, you grow up believing that if you wait a little longer, he just might change...so you HAVE to take him back. Oh, I learned so much about dysfunction - I'm almost an expert! My mother eventually did have the courage to leave, she apologized to us for all we'd gone through - for that I admire her tremendously, but years of seeing that stays with you for a long time...the pictures, memories, sounds of screaming and such are etched forever into your brain - and so that's what I learned. <br />
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With my father, because our relationship was on and off, throughout the years and I really felt that my father favored my brother over me, I worked very hard to try for his attention and his affection. And what that taught me was that with men...I was not first...I was second. If I wanted love, I had to fight for it and I didn't need to be a priority as long as I was in the picture at all. So what did I end up with? Dysfunctional men who never put me first, who were abusive, neglectful and quite frankly, really messed up. <br />
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Oh, the horrors I allowed myself to endure with love. The men who've stepped on my heart. And though I was never physically abused (I made sure to promise myself that NO man will EVER hit me), I was indeed emotionally abused, neglected, cheated on, yelled at, forgotten about, stood up etc....<br />
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So I did all the work in therapy to learn all of the above. I have prayed to God for EXACTLY what I wanted from a man emotionally. It is important to me at 43 now, not to make too many more major mistakes. I have cried myself to sleep, yearning, aching to have a man by my side who loves me, adores me, needs me, enhances my life...who treats me with respect, who honors who I am and what I stand for....so when it shows up, what does it look like? I don't know...because as a child I never really saw my father or my stepfather LOVE my mother, show her affection or tell her how pretty she was...I didn't have an EXAMPLE to follow.<br />
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So the Quiet One walks into my life - a different nationality, 11 years my junior. He was so quiet...he's not quiet anymore, by the way, lol. But here he is, quietly loving me, talking to me, listening - truly listening to what I say. He does things for me before I need to ask. He repairs things, he cleans for me, he cooks for me...he may not be rich, but he makes me feel like royalty!!! Here is the word that best describes him: genuine. He's genuine - he's the real deal. He's already met the family & 2 of my 3 brothers have requested him on Facebook, lol. He has rubbed my feet, even if I don't ask. He is affectionate, considerate, and he was a PRINCE to me when Grace died. His number one question to me was, "What can I do for you?" One time I was upset with him about something, and I brought it to his attention (I no longer stay silent and say 'nothing'). With my exes, they probably would've said, "Oh, my God..here we go! Then he would've told me I was overreacting and we would argue. What was Quiet One's reaction? "I'm sorry, hon, tell me what I need to do to make it right." Que, que??? What? I almost fell - I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. LOL. Now perhaps men would criticize him but he's not a wimp at all. I've seen him when he's assertive & aggressive, and I can promise you, he's all man, lol!<br />
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So now I have all I want in a man, and I don't know how to accept it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It sounds strange, but I'm so used to being second, being mistreated, etc...now I have it...and it feels great, but EXTREMELY scary. It's like when I'd lost 63 pounds - I was SO excited...for the first time I almost weighed less than 200 lbs. And then this extreme panic set in, I still don't know why, and before I knew it, I self-sabotaged myself and gained some of the weight back. I won't do that here...no way. The Quiet One and I have reached a new level in our relationship, and well, I'm struggling with whether or not I should give it a shot or not. <br />
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So when love, real love, comes around...what does it look like?<br />
Could you handle it?<br />
Would you know when it comes around?<br />
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My mom used tells me all the time, "Real love doesn't hurt...real love isn't difficult...real love doesn't have drama." And here I am with real love. No hurt, easy, no drama. I really hope this is it...that he's the one. I don't want to get hurt again...and that is what scares me most...to give myself & my heart to someone who, God forbid, won't cherish it properly. Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-89585869025822481212011-08-16T08:26:00.000-07:002011-08-16T08:26:04.803-07:00MY BIG CHANCE IN MY BIG GAY ITALIAN WEDDINGIt all began with an email from my friend, Kim Sozzi, telling me all about her role as Aunt Toniann in the highly acclaimed off Broadway show, in its second year, My Big Gay Italian Wedding. I responded to Kim in an email, praising her for such a great accomplishment! I know how hard it is to stay visible in this very challenging music industry...you go, girl! Next thing I know, thanks to Kim and whatever she may have said about me, I received an email from the playwright, Anthony J. Wilkinson, asking me if I'd like to fill in for Kim as Aunt Toniann in the following three weeks. OH MY GOD!!!! YES!!! I am a firm believer that all our experiences in our lives prepare us for new ones later on...and I was immediately brought back to my high school & college days, when I lived and breathed musical theater. I LOVE musical theater, always did. Always will. It's been more than 10 years since I've done any musical theater, but dammit, I want this.<br />
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With less than two weeks to prepare, I went to see ths show, and while I laughed out loud with tears in my eyes, I left the show in a panic. Lots of lines to learn, two songs and two dances...how the hell am I going to do all that?? When I heard from the stage manager, I would have one musical rehearsal, one dance rehearsal and one stage rehearsal - I felt even more unsure. Wow. But I kept convincing myself that God wouldn't give me more than I could handle...I HAD to handle this right. The most challenging thing for me would be learning the NY Brooklyn Italian accent. I learned quickly, thanks to my many Italian friends. Oh, my Gawd!! Finally, I was able to have a friend over to go over my lines with me...my first time rehearsing at all, and I received the call from my sister, Gina, that my sister Grace was in the hospital...and it was that day, that my beloved sister, Grace, passed away.<br />
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There was a lot to do to prepare for my sister's memorial service. There was a lot of drama going on in my family, and I desperately played the role of mediator and comforter, and it was impossible to focus on the show. But the day after my sister's memorial service, I had no choice but to work on the show...so I didn't really get an honest opportunity to grieve her. In a very strange way, I would cry at the strangest times: parked in my car in the supermarket parking lot, in the elevator, and right in front of the theater before the show. There are no such things as accidents...and I believe God gave me this show as a distraction so I would be forced to look forward. Besides, I know my sister would have been angry with me if I just sat at home. And as they say, the show must go on...and it did.<br />
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My two rehearsals were CRAZY!! Thank God for my friends who helped me with my lines because the rehearsals were quick, they were blunt..not too much explanation, and well, it left me feeling just so unprepared. I wanted to complain. LOL. If this were MY production, oh hell no, I would demand two 5 hour rehearssals at least. But it's not my production, and I'm damned lucky to be in the show at all...especially this one. So it's best to eat humble pie in these matters. Shut up, buckle up & drive. So everytime I began to get upset, I just nodded my head and smiled. The cast reassured me that everything would be okay, and no one would let me fail...<br />
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It was July 15th. I woke up so nervous. Oh, I know most of you are probably wondering about the Quiet One! Duh. I'm sorry. LOL..He's GREAT!! He has really been my rock during my sister's passing. He's hugged me, cooked for me, massaged my feet, reassured me, and read my lines with me over and over and over again. In spite of it all, I was still excited and terrified all at the same time. I had butterflies from the second the Quiet One asked me, "You ready for today?" I went over my songs and my lines one more time. And then I was off to the theater. They allowed me to practice my songs once more on stage, which helped. I walked into the dressing room where my castmates were extremely supportive, promising me it would be fun and great. I began to put on my costume for the first act; I applied my make up, and prayed VERY VERY hard. And then, the stylist put my 3 feet high wig on (thanks, Kim), and just like that, in an instant, I laughed so hard. The butterflies went away, and I got it. I understood exactly who Toniann is, and what I needed to do. I received flowers, a mass card someone sent to me in honor of my sister, and an attorney I used to work for sent me an envelope backstage saying, "I'm here...break a leg." It was all so exciting..."FIVE MINUTES EVERYONE...PLACES!!!" <br />
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There I was, stage right, waiting for my cue...and I walked out with my first line..."Oh, my Gawd!! The traffic ta-day. Angela, ya got any cawfee perkin??"...and that was it. I was acting. And I was welcomed with applause...and it felt wonderful. There was a lot of impromptu improvisation with the actors, and I'm happy to say that I was able to keep up...and I even got my own applause after making up some insult to my brother-in-law in the show. During the second act, I was overwhelmed & had a hard time remembering where I was supposed to stand, lol. One of the girls walked over to me saying, "Toniann, how are ya?" Then she whispered in my ear...'you belong on the other side.' LOL...The cast was right, they supported me and I was extremely grateful. The show was over, with thunderous applause, and I was EXHAUSTED!!! I had so much make up on I looked hilarious...it took me a day and a half to entirely get that lipstick off, but it was so worth it. I did the show again the next day, and realized I was bit by the acting bug again. THIS is what I want to do with my life...<br />
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There was an intimate cast party afterward, and I stayed for a drink. All my friends had shown up to take me out to dinner so I couldn't stay long. I thanked Anthony, the playwright, and I even made new friends (Hey, Chad!! LOL). I walked away secretly wishing it wouldn't be over.<br />
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That Monday, I received a call from Anthony asking me if I could do THREE more dates, including one in Atlantic City where I'd be on stage with Nikki Blonsky and the legendary Lanie Kazan!! Holy (bleep)!! I said yes right away, called my management with the dates and begged them to be sure I had no conflicts in my schedule. It all worked out...If you haven't seen the show yet, I'll be on this Friday & Saturday, August 19th & 20th in NYC & the 27th in Atlantic City...I hope you'll come. It is a great way to laugh out loud & celebrate family, life, love & marriage equality!! LOL!! You know what I always say: "The Hiya the hair, the closa to Gawd!!"<br />
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<a href="http://www.biggayitalianwedding.com/cast.html"></a> Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-45653139120319531142011-08-07T16:07:00.000-07:002011-08-07T16:25:09.613-07:00GOODBYE, GRACE, HOW AMAZING YOU REALLY ARE!!!So it's been over a month now since my last blog, and by now, most of you know why...<br />
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It was July 6th...<br />
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It was my oldest brother's, Pete's, birthday. I called him, left him my annual personal birthday song on his machine, and wished him well.<br />
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And then for the first time I was going to rehearse my lines with a friend...I was to make my debut as Aunt Toniann, in the successful, Off Broadway play, My Big Gay Italian Wedding on July 15 & 16th. I had a lot to do: memorize my lines, learn 3 dances and 2 songs...all in a week!!<br />
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It was a beautiful afternoon...I was indoors practicing my lines, and the sun was shining brightly, reminding me that it would be so sweet to allow the sun to beam on my face. My friend came over as promised, and we rehearsed for about an hour, when I got a phone call from my older sister, Gina. "Judy, Grace is in the hospital...she was having trouble breathing...I don't know what's going on..." Since I'm in New Jersey and it would take a little time to get there, I suggested to her that she call me when she got to the hospital and let me know what's going on. I hung up the phone...and then I called back. "Gina, if it's serious, let me know and I'll drop everything and go to the hospital...either way I'll be there tonight." I hung up and continued going over the songs and my lines. Gina called back. "Oh, my God, Judy...get here quick...they had to revive her and they said it doesn't look good." <br />
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I threw whatever on, and ran out the door. Got in my car. When you know it's serious for some reason it seems everything and everyone is moving so slowly. I was speeding down the turnpike, telling myself not to drive too fast so I wouldn't get into an accident or get a ticket. And two exits before the George Washington Bridge, I got a feeling in my gut. She's gone. I know it. I knew it. How does a person know these things? I'd heard the stories on tv before, but I swear I felt her gone. And my cell phone rang. It was Gina, my sister. "Judy. She's gone. She's gone. She's dead." <br />
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I wanted to pull over, but I kept driving. Oh, my God...did I hear her right? Grace is gone? One moment she was here...bam, she's gone - just like that in the span of 2 phone calls. Holy...I just kept thinking, 'Grace is gone?' There was so much to do. Oh my God...I have to call my brother and tell him on his own birthday that Grace is no longer with us?! I called him, I told him, and ironically, he said he knew it too...he got the same feeling I did. He was recovering from hip surgery so he couldn't even get to the hospital. And then I had to make a very difficult phone call. I had to call my father. I had to tell him that his first born child was dead. How? He was just shy of 80 years old...<br />
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For reasons I cannot understand or even explain to you, the one detail that made it most difficult to tell him was that he and Grace had not spoken in YEARS!!! I have struggled with telling you this big detail because it is very personal, because I don't want anyone in my family feeling like I am exploiting them, and because I don't want my sister's memory tarnished in any way. We have different mothers, Grace and I, and I don't want her mother upset either. BUT. But, I feel very strongly about people learning from others' circumstances, and if I can help people make up with relatives through this story, then so be it.<br />
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"Papi, how are you? I don't know how to tell you this, but I have very bad news. Gina called me a few minutes ago, and told me that Grace has passed away."<br />
Silence.<br />
More silence.<br />
"Who?" "Gina?"<br />
"No, Papi, Grace."<br />
Silence.<br />
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My heart was in my throat and my stomach was killing me. <br />
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"What happeneed? Should I come to the hospital? Where is she?"<br />
And I heard a vulnerability in my father that I never knew existed. It was the voice of a father who wished he could hold his daughter. I told him I was on my way to the hospital. I asked him for time. I told him once I had all the information I would tell him. And I hung up and got to the hospital. <br />
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I had guilt. I wondered if I should have just tried to get to the hospital sooner. She died alone...none of us got to her in time. Ironically, it was just like her - she was indeed a loner. Don't know why, but she was a woman of solitude. And then I went through my memories with her. They were all good ones. I just wish we'd been closer. she was a bit of a loner, but she was tough as nails, stronger than any heroine in a novel I'd read about. I loved her. I love her. <br />
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I got to the hospital. I hugged Gina and my nephew, Joshua (Grace's son left behind) and then we went to see her & say goodbye. I have to admit, I cannot stand seeing someone who's passed. I'm sure no one does actually, but to me, the person is NOT there anymore. Why even look at the body if the soul is no longer there to bring it light? But for some reason, I touched her hair, and it was so soft. Rest, Grace. Rest, sister...no more pain for you, no more torment, no more grief, no more drama, no more sickness, no more disappointment...just light, God's light, God's love..and that gave me comfort. But I cried...I cried.<br />
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I had to pick up my father and his wife, and by the time we reached the hospital, her body had already been moved to the morgue. No one should see anyone in a morgue...it's just so clinical, so impersonal...it was not good. But he wanted to see her, and I felt he had that right. I warned him, but he didn't care..he wanted to see her, to touch her. And I won't say more...I want to respect my family's privacy, but the thing that bothered me was that there was an odor that was with me all night: in the hospital, in the car, on my clothes. It wasn't the smell of death - it was the smell of a whole bunch of stuff that tries to mask that there is death and I think it was just as bad.<br />
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After the storm, the sun will ALWAYS follow.<br />
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It's been a month and one day since Grace's death. Her memorial service was beautiful - we released purple balloons for her & I gave a little speech. You see, we aer not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience. And while we are in this school called Earth, we are tested, we have trial and tribulations...and when we pass, we graduate. I explained that we should see Grace's death as her graduation back home to heaven with God. And then we released those balloons and I felt hope. We all did. <br />
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I'm happy to report that my father and my siblings have all reunited...mutual apologies have been made...so Grace didn't die in vain at all. In fact it was through her passing, that there was some healing in my family. I am so proud of them, and Grace, I love you always!! <br />
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Time is SO short, it really is. I know we say it so much, we are immune to the words. But oh, my God, really, in one phone call...life changes, and suddenly someone is no longer here on this earth. So please, if there is someone who you are not speaking with...the anger is nothing compared to the guilt you may feel if you don't fix it NOW. Don't allow pride to keep you angry. It doesn't have to be perfect again...but try. You can apologize...so what? Just do it. Please. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound! I love you, Grace! Watch over us, please, we really need it!!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-30762166082818622682011-07-05T10:11:00.000-07:002011-07-05T10:11:00.973-07:00CH...CH...CCCHHHAAANNGGGEEE!!The only constant in life, the only thing that will never change, is change. Change is inevitable. One day it's sunny, the next day it's cloudy. One day you're rich, the next day you're saving every penny as if it's your last. One day you're safe, stable, sure of where you are and what you are doing....and the next day you're on shaky ground. <br />
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Today, I am that: unsure, shaky, unstable...my future completely unknown. No one really knows their future for sure, however, I usually have a clue in which direction I am headed. Not this time. I feel a bit weird - a bit homeless. For 24 years now, I have sung to crowds of thousands in arenas, nightclubs, stadiums and have had songs on the radio. I've worked on a radio station for 14 years...feeling rather invincible. But today, I don't feel that way at all. If anything, I feel like Superman exposed to kryptonite..weak and unsure. What happened?<br />
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Today I signed a legal document. I picked up the pen that felt like lead. I signed my name, remembering that most of the times, when I sign my name on any dotted line, it's usually to celebrate good news. For almost the entire span of my career, I have been signed to a label. First I was signed to Jackie Jack, an independent label that existed for just a few months...but that label signed me for my first song, No Reason to Cry - a success! Then I was signed to Profile Records, a major independent label that signed artists such as Rob Base and Run DMC! On that label I had GREAT success - 2 albums, 1 video and 5 singles all receiving national radio play - No Reason to Cry, Come Into My Arms, Love You Will You Love Me, Please Stay Tonight, Love Story. In the interim between then and now, I recorded a few indpendent works where I was not signed officially to any label. And most recently for the last 6 years or so, I was signed to Robbins Entertainment, another independent label, but the most successful in the country! Ironically the president of Robbins Entertainment was also the president of Profile Records...and it has always made me feel like he believed in me from day one. And it was on Robbins Entertainment, that I had success with my remake single, Faithfully. For the first time in 16 years, I had a song on the radio again...and I felt like I made a comeback! But as LL Cool J says, "Don't call it a comeback!"<br />
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...and so today, I signed this legal document, releasing me from the record label. And that means that when I am introduced, I am no longer, "Robbins Entertainment Recording Artist, Judyyyyy Torrrrressss!"...I'm well, just Judy Torres.<br />
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There are benefits to being signed to a label. One of the most important benefits of being on a label is knowing that you are financially backed by a label. It costs money to record, pay for a studio, pay a producer, pay for photos, promotional materials, videos, etc...it can put a HUGE hole in your pocket. Now, if you're on the outside looking in, it appears the record label pays for it all, and all you have to do is be talented and show up for the recording. Not true. A record label (and I mean this in the kindest way) is a fancy alias sometimes for a loan shark. Truthfully, the label will give you all sorts of thousands of dollars in advance money. But when the song/album is released, you had BETTER make all that money back, and then some...or you pay it ALL back. That's right...you pay them all back! So if you don't have all the funds it takes to get heard, it is virtually impossible to get your music heard. Nowadays, however, thanks to the internet, there are other ways. Everything is political nonetheless...I think you know that.<br />
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My point is that we all need to feel like we belong. We know what country we are from, our family name, what company we work for...we associate our value with who we belong to...and although I have a GREAT and LOYAL fan base, wow..I feel like I'm out at sea with no life vest. I'm not drowning. I have excellent management, and I have talents to do other things, lol, but not belonging to a label makes me feel unwanted, undesireable and old. It's not like there are labels banging down my door. You probably would like to know why I signed the release to begin with...the answer is simple. I just don't think we fit each other...what they want, and what I want I believe is different. So rather constantly not being able to mutually agree on things, I just asked for a release. There was no drama, no fight. It felt a little like when you break up with someone....you don't REALLY want to break up, but you're not happy. So you tell them it's over, and you secretly hope they will beg you to stay. But there was no begging. <br />
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Being unsigned to anyone may be a blessing in disguise. I am an eternal optimist...so I believe it is God's way of clearing a new path for me. I have to believe that God has a plan for me, that I would not otherwise be able to explore if I was still signed to this label. So now, either I go label shopping, or I decide to dive into something completely new. I know I love writing, songwriting, acting, offering advice, etc...I'm sure there will be new opportunities coming. I just have to remain open-minded to receive them. And who knows - with my role as Aunt Toniann in My Big Gay Italian Wedding (a VERY successful off-Broadway show here in New York) - the door of acting may be reopened to me. Musical theater has always been a love of mine. And being cast in this show has earned me an Equity card - the union for Broadway actors...which means I can now audition for REAL Broadway!! A dream of mine since I've been in high school!! <br />
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So although I am sad, and feeling a bit off, a bit afraid, a bit unstable, a bit lost...I know that one day, I'll write to you how this decision ultimately made me happy, very ON, braveer, stabler and found again! Change is inevitable...but how I react, how I respond to the change is what defines me. We'll see.Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88432616123445761.post-67797731630566719882011-06-24T07:30:00.000-07:002011-06-24T07:30:15.679-07:00HE'S GOOD WITH HIS HANDS TOO? Oh, my!!! (Blushing)Looks like my career may be at a crossroads for the first time in a LONG time. The next blog will most likely be called "Changes"...major changes it looks like. But I don't want to blog about it, until I have certain questions answered. If I don't have the answers, I surely will not be able to answer the ones you'll be left with as well. But...but...but...my career is GREAT nonetheless and I'm excited to see new things develop, and very curious to see how I will be proactive about things in my life!<br />
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So the Quiet One and I went out on another date. We were invited to one of his friend's barbeque. We arrived and the sun was BLAZING!! It can always be a little awkward when you go to a party not knowing a soul. The tendency is to cling on to the date who brought you there in the first place. But thankfully, I am normally a bit of a social ladybug, and I enjoy breaking the ice. <br />
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At the backyard barbeque there were about twelve people or so, and you could tell that everyone knew everyone else. I began introducing myself to everyone and gave the hostess orchids - orchids last 2-3 weeks longer than a bouquet of roses, and are exotic too...nice!! I ate right away because I hadn't eaten since the morning, and we all began to make small talk. For the most part, everyone's eyes were sincere, and I was VERY grateful that no one treated me like "Judy Torres"...but there was one young woman there who gave me a strange "vibe"' not a bad, catty one, just a vibe. <br />
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As the day progressed, I played a little psychology game that I learned in college, and I find it to be a GREAT way to have people laugh, especially in party situations. I did discover later on, that the woman who gave me the strange vibe actually has had a crush on the Quiet One for many years. I can't blame her, if I just kew him as a friend, I'd have a crush on him too. After a few hours, I began to get a headache, and I think it was due to lack of sleep and too much sun beating my brow! So, we left and when Quiet One walked me upstairs, he noticed how warm it was in my apartment - yes, he came in, lol. You naughty-minded people, it wasn't like that. Anyway, he asked me about my air conditioner. <br />
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Ah, that one little thing I had been procrastinating about. Last year I purchased an air conditioner large enough to cool off my entire home, and it took three men to install it for me. For obvious reasons, I could not possibly put it back into the window alone. He asked to see it, so I placed the air conditioner on a towel and dragged it to him. Yes, I know, I know...it is a ghetto thing to do, but hey, it was remarkably heavy and I didn't want him going into that room, lol. <br />
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So I helped him lift it to the window sill, and he told me he'd handle it from there. And handle it, he did!!! I watched him not just install it, but he was quite the perfectionist about it. It was more than heavy, and it was SO hot. The beads of sweat began to trickle down his forehead and down his back, and I watched as he meticulously placed, and pushed until it was perfectly set. He screwed it in (pun intended - just to make you smile & NO it's not what you think) - But hey, I am human...I do have my own thoughts and fantasies...a girl can dream, right? I thanked him profusely. It was wonderful and such a relief to know that I didn't have to sleep one more night in humidity.<br />
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Fastforward one week later...<br />
The Quiet One heard me complaining about my printer. I told him I needed to get it fixed. Of course he wanted to take a look at it. And of course, I didn't fight him about it either. He was on the floor, removing parts of the printer, getting black ink on his hands...and not even 10 minutes later, he said, "Okay, print something." And I heard the musical sounds of the printer telling me it was back in business. <br />
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Yes, yes, I know...it sounds all so simple. To you, perhaps you may think 'that's what a man is SUPPOSED to do', but to me, first of all never take anything for granted, and secondly, I live alone. Anything and everything that needs to be repaired, replaced, purchased, lifted, put away, etc..is always up to me. And it has been hard. I've lived on my own since I was 19. I'm 43. You do the math...it's been a long road, lol. <br />
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Dating the Quiet One has made me rethink so many things about my life, what my ideas about dating are. Dating him has made me wonder if I've been a bit wrong about what I thought I needed versus what I really need. I've looked back and thought of the men in my past - the dazzling smiles, the suits, their charisma...yes, it was all good looking and loud...but for the most part, it was fake. It was temporary. It was only for show. It was only so they could gain what they wanted. Yes, we all put our best feet forward in relationships, but how much of it is essentially who we really are. <br />
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Watching the Quiet One put up my air conditioner and repair my printer has been a real eye opener. He's made me see that all I really want in a man is for him to CARE about what I NEED to be happy. And I'm not high maintenance...if I want a purse, I'll buy a purse. If I want shoes, I'll buy shoes...I need a man to LOVE me, to ADORE me, to LIFT me up...I need to feel like someone's favorite person. That's it. And so far, the Quiet One does that for me. He's got a gorgeous smile that is so freaking sincere, even if you smacked it off him, it would still be there. His eyes are genuinely sweet, his voice is soothing and he's just a real guy. I think of Sex and the City..and I think of when Carrie was dating Aiden, the furniture designer. He was handsome, sweet, sincere...he was a relationship guy. He allowed Carrie to be her ritzy self, but he never tried too hard...he just was there, ready to love her. Okay, let me stop...I feel like going to On Demand and watching a few episodes. <br />
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You know when you have something wrong with your home...something very small and because it's not major, you allow the problem to continue? You know that little stain on the carpet, or that small crack inte ceiling. Well, I have had a little problem with my bathroom door not closing all the way. Since I live alone, it's not a big deal, right? But when people come over, suddenly I remember, damn, I gotta get that fixed. Well, The Quiet One obviously noticed this and two days ago, he came over - tools and all....sexy!!...and fixed my door. I went inside and closed the door. And I had tears in my eyes. I know, I know...I'm a sensitive one, I really am, but wow...that door was an issue for a LONG time. <br />
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We've been dating just over a month now. The Quiet One has stepped into my life and put up my air conditioner, fixed my printer and repaired my door...he's also made me feel special and seems to be fixing my ideas of what I'd want in a partner. He is GREAT with his hands...watching a man fix something is very very sexy! What can I say? Oh, have I mentioned he's a great kisser. He lets me be me. The Quiet One is the first man I've worn the least amount of make up with. He says I am sexy no matter what I wear, make up or no make up. I hope he really means that because there are mornings I wake up looking like some indigenous creature raised in the jungle, Unga Unga!! So, if you're single, take a second look at what you THINK you want and ask what it is you NEED...you may find your answers VERY surprising! Hm...is there anything else I can find that needs fixing?? LOL...Thank you, Quiet One...you've been such a blessing!!Judy Torreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01959100310748356791noreply@blogger.com8