Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Two Dates in Less Than a Week!

So my date on Sunday night, I believe, was a success!  My date, I'll call him, Joe, showed up exactly 8:00pm, on the dot-good sign of general respect of people's time!  We got to the restaurant, where he showed all the signs of a gentleman:  opened the door, pulled up the chair for me, etc. The conversation was good and I noticed a bit of shyness on his part.  Eye contact is something I look for in the very first conversation.  If the windows are truly the eyes of the soul, I need to look into the soul.  If you can't show eye contact, either you are really nervous, or you are hiding something.  Everything was going great

He received a call (he did apologize and explained he had to take the call), and within 15 minutes we were joined on our first date by a co-worker.  Huh?  I didn't mind partly because I can tell a lot by the friends' company they keep and partly because we'd already had the main course and just finished dessert.  But how could the night possibly end in a romantic way? LOL.  Well, I did appreciate the conversation.  I still walked away hoping for date number two, and he had a very sweet friend.  We shall see.

My second date this week was with my gorgeous 4 year old niece, who I endearingly call my Bug-a-Boo.  I picked her up for a day with Titi Judy (Auntie Judy). We drove from upstate New York and had brunch with my friend, Lee.  Remember him?  LOL. We've surprisingly become friends and I truly enjoy his company, conversation and his unspoken charm.  Okay, yes I admit it.  I find him to be allurningly attractive.  No, nothing's happened...yet. LOL.  Okay, back to my niece.

We sang her favorite song in the car, Jai-Ho, the theme song from Slum-Dog Millionaire....Twelve times!  She thinks I am the funniest girl in the world.  We got to the house and she played with my cats, discovered that they can give you one mean scratch, and we played 3 games of Candyland.  We got into our pajamas and I read her 2 books: Dora and Fancy Nancy.  Our fun was turned into drama when at midnight, she threw up and came down with a fever of 102.9.  As I cleaned up aftter her, changed the sheets, gave her tylenol and tucked her in, this is what she said to me:  "Titi.  You are so pretty.  And I love you.  You know how much I love you, titi?"  "How much?"  I ask with a smile.  "I love you all the way to Africa, back to Puerto Rico and all the way to the heavens."  Then she kissed me and fell fast asleep.            

 It was the end of a perfect date...and that is the kind of date I'll take anyday - because with her, she thinks I'm perfect! 

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hanging on to Hopeful

So Friday night I was in Queens performing.  Was a great night because SO many people showed...and a not-so-great show because the microphone was just, well, hm...if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. LOL.  After the show there was a meet and greet, and I took pictures, signed autographs, hugged and laughed with the fans. I took a picture with a man...tall, dark, handsome, and after he walked away, I considered him attractive and thought, " that's a man! LOL", but I said nothing.  Little did I know that he had a similar reaction.  He texted a mutual friend (I didn't know they knew each other) asking if I was "available."  He told a friend and he told another, and so on and so on.  Well, long story short, we have a date...

I thought about the recent 1st dates I've had...lots of first dates - no seconds or  It makes me wonder sometimes if I'll ever land a keeper, you know, if I'll ever meet the leading man! I know it will happen...

Chemistry is a hard, quirky and unpredictable thing.  Sometimes the chemistry is there, but you have nothing in common.  And then sometimes you have so much in common, but there is no chemistry.  That's basically what's happened lately...

I also heard my friend comment that night saying, "I heard he's a good guy...he's Latino too!"  And then I got that face that everyone gives me - like, "Yea, Judy, he's a Latino, helloooo!"  My history of dating is somewhat representative of the United Nations. I've dated light-skinned, dark-skinned, Hispanics from Puerto Rico & Cuba, Portuguese, Japanese, Greek, Italian, Irish, brown eyed, blue eyed, hazel eyed, tall, short, fit, chunky and funky...oh the colors of the rainbow!  LOL...but I've been criticized for not dating enough Latinos.  I want to make this VERY clear:  I love my latino's just that I don't look at the color of the skin, or the kind of car they drive...I don't care about that. I care about what's in their heart and how they will treat me.  How they will love me!   I wonder:  will  he be a gentleman?  Is he a workaholic?  I hope not.  Is he affectionate?  Spiritual?  A good kisser?  I wonder a lot more, but I won't give it all away here, lol.   

So I'm taking my friend's advice - JUST HAVE FUN and enjoy the company of someone new.  Wish me luck, lol!    

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Fool Me Once? What is Your Advice...

Hey, Judy

I wanted 2 know if you can give me some word of advice. You see my girlfriend of 7 years, well on and off, just left me. And this is her 2nd time right away running into someone else’s arms. I know - I found out the hard way, but anyway, she still tells me 2 stay in the house with her. I want to because the kids (yes there are kids involved) are all hers, but I’ve been there for all of them since they were babies - so they are mine too. But I can't take the pain ‘cause I still love her, but when I work in the night she goes out to be with the other person. I should just leave right? Why suffer? What do you think?

Yours truly,

My Dear Nelson,

If you were to get your hand caught in a blender, and it cut your hand and made you bleed, would you stick your hand back in the blender over and over again? NO. So why would you allow this woman who is called your girlfriend to cut your heart for a second time? I'm sure you've heard of the cliche: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

When children are around, what people forget to realize is that YOU and the WOMAN are modeling to them what real love is about. What do you want these children to learn about love? Do you want them to grow up and believe that love means cheating on one hand, and allowing someone to betray you over and over? The answer is probably no. I do realize it makes it MUCH harder that children are in the household. I applaud you for being a gentleman, and raising these children as if they were your own. But being a gentleman also means being that gentleman to yourself. You are a good man...and your girlfriend is fooling around with someone you KNOW?! No, no. This is so dysfunctional on so many levels, my friend.

My advice is that you talk to her and you let her know she either stops this or you will leave. Of course she says you can stay, because you are a source of income most likely...that is unfair and selfish of her. And even if she still loves you, she cannot have her cake and eat it too. You can leave. Take some time to think about it. You can return if she changes and if you think she won't do this again, but you said she's done this before...she will most likely do it again. And you can still be a part of the children's just have to set some boundaries and let them know that you leaving doesn't mean you don't love them. Just let them know that things are not working out with you and mommy and that 2 people can love each other but that doesn't mean that it can work. You deserve really do.

I open this up to my readers and fans...please comment & give your advice.  Thank you!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Last Friday, because a friend of mind was unable to use tickets she had to see a show, she passed them on to me.  With that small "coincidence" happening, I picked up my Mom and took her to see Joel Osteen at the Izod Center in New Jersey.  Being a Christian, and knowing how much my mom enjoys hearing a good preacher, I knew it would be a thing that she would enjoy.  So often I bring my mom to events that I would like, but today was about her...or was it?

I knew who Joel Osteen was. I'd seen him on television during his telecasts and I'd seen him on the View and on Oprah.  I'd even read one of his very good books, but I'd never seen him in person.  So, I was looking forward to it, but again, I kept thinking 'this would be good for mom.  Getting to our seats proved to be a small challenge, and I felt so bad for mom.  She is still doing her best to recover from her hip surgery, and she now walks with a cane.  The smallest things we don't think of and take for granted:  walking up or down a small staircase; stepping off a car;getting into and out of a car....those now are big hills for my mom to climb.  So, I am so proud of her determination to get into her seat.

So the choir comes out - the lights, the music...WOW!  As a singer, it is hard not to listen to a singer without trying to analyze it.  Joel Osteen stepped out...what a guy!  LOL.  He has a goodness, a gentleness about him...and I appreciate that I have so far never heard him judge others.  It seems as if his purpose in life is just to remind people that God loves us, forgives us and that we are not condemned.  It's that simple for him.  His message was a good one. I genuinely heard him.  "Don't carry yesterday's baggage into today...We will never be greater than we can imagine ourselves to be first."  Wow, I thought.  Although I'd read many books about that same principle, I hadn't heard it that way.  He stepped away for a few minutes, and this woman begins to sing. Never quite heard a voice like that in my life...and the analyzing disappeared and I just let go.

I cried myself a good cry.  I didn't hold it in; I didn't talk back to it. I just allowed it to happen.  It wasn't a sad cry.  It was a relief cry.  The kind of cry that I can admit was refreshing. It was as if the negative and the worry and the anxiety was let go.  It was a good release, and I needed it.  After listening to the rest of Joel's message, I soon learned that I was not there just for mom. I was there because I needed to be.  Because I needed to be reminded that all will be well; that we have to not listen to the negative chatter in our brains.  I haven't told anyone, but I've been wanting something really bad recently.  I've wanted it so bad, I've not been able to sleep.  And because of "political" things I cannot make it public, not yet anyway, lol.  But this desire is so strong, I pray for it to come to manifest every night...but I forgot in the end, what  will be will be, and I truly have to put it in God's hands.  I stood up and prayed, recommitted myself to God, and let it all go.  As I tell people:  When you feel most powerless, it is time to reach out to the most powerful.

So go ahead and have yourself a good cry.  Look in the mirror and realize you should be smiling...wipe the tears away and come to terms that we cannot control what happens to us, we can only control how we respond to it.  We are meant to do great things...we are victors, not victims!  Can I get an Amen?  LOL...         


Thursday, March 18, 2010

"...They Will Not Be Judged by the Color of Their Skin..."

I think I was in the second or third grade the first time it happened.  There I was in a Catholic school girl uniform with pigtails in my hair...I was filling something out, when I came across the question for the first time:  What is your race?  Check one box.
  •  White
  •  Black
  •  Hispanic
  •  Asian
  • Other
I raised my hand.  "Excuse me, Ms..." I asked hesitantly, "I don't know how to answer this question."  She said very quickly, "You're Hispanic, check the third one."  It was the first time I was aware I was, well, anything.  Until then I was blind, and it was the people who had a problem with color.  For the rest of my life, I was told and trained to check off "Hispanic" on any and all high school applications,college applicatons, and job applications.  I don't want the job because they have to meet a quota of how many minorities are hired!  I want to be hired because I am the BEST qualified for the job! Why do they want to know?  Why is it necessary.  While I am not against Affirmative Action in the least, and I understand that it is a way to ensure that minorities are represented, accepted and part of the work force in a respecful way, it truly irritates me that any of us at all must answer such a question.  Whenever I see that question, I cringe. I am NOT at all ashamed of my heritage, but I've always seen myself as a 100% American.  I was born here.  I am proud to be of Puerto Rican (mother's side) and of Cuban (father's) heritage...I love our language, although admittedly not fluent. I love our music. I love our dances. I love our  passion for our food, culture and I love how loud in speech and in dress we can be, lol....

I was in Fourth Grade when I asked a teacher a question, wanting to learn and understand something in class.  As I walked out of the class, I overheard the teacher say something I wasn't meant to hear.  It was something about "well these spics don't even know how to use the English language, and that's why they'll never amount to anything."  Yes, she was VERY ignorant, but it was in hearing that sentence that I've worked hard to be intelligent, to excel in my classes, to speak English properly, to write and read.  That ignorant statement fueled me to prove her wrong.  However, I don't want to spend the rest of my life "proving" people.  My character, my behavior and how I treat people should be enough. I should not HAVE to mention my race in addition to those things.

The day before yesterday, I was filling out the 2010 Census.  Just before question #8, there is a note: "NOTE:  Please answer BOTH Question 8 about Hispanic Origin and Question 9 about race.  For this census, Hispanic origins are not races."  Question 8: Is person 1 of Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish Origin?  Question 9:  What is Person 1's race?
  • White
  • Black, African Am. or Negro
  • American Indian or Alsaka Native, 
  • Etc
Huh??  So all my life, I mark Hispanic as my race, and now it is not a recognized race?  I understand that within the next 5-10 years, it is speculated that Hispanics will the leading minority in the there some unspoken fear?  And if so, why?  Thanks to my research, books I've read, and a show called Platanos & Collard Greens, I have since learned that Cubans are mixed as the Europeans brought Africans to Haiti and Cuba during the slave trade, and the same happened when Spain took over Puerto Rico...we "hispanics" are a blending of White European AND African.  What did I do?  I wrote a letter to my local Senator, Congressman and out of anger, I checked them all off AND made my own little box  marked "Hispanic."  I am everything...I am human - I cry real tears, I shed red blood, and I feel all the emotions that we all feel.  To this day Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s words STILL ring true:

"...that they wil not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."        

Monday, March 15, 2010

"I May Be Chunky But I'm Funky" - Message to Gabourey Sidieb

Fresh out of high school, I recall deciding I'd pursue being a professional singer.  Although I had good times thus far, I'd also been secretly depressed.  It was a side of me I never showed, or rather never came out until I was in my mid-twenties.  And it was this depression that actually gave me the drive and hunger to sing, because I noticed early on that when I sang, that black cloud was absent.  I felt like I could do anything when I sang. I felt happy, I felt loved and although I was an obese adolescent, I felt  for the first time in my life - unjudged. 

When I first met my manager and other "instrumental" people in the business, I was told, "Judy, if you want to be a singer, you can't be one will want to sign you.  No one will want to take pictures of you, nor will anyone do a video of you."  It was the first time I was told I was limited. My mother always told me that if I want to be a singer, I should just go out there and get myself heard.  And that's exactly what I did.  Fat and depressed and suffering from acne, I STILL went after it.  A year after graduating from high school, I met my first manager. And a year after that, I had my first single, No Reason to Cry.  I would go on stage and I could hear the whispers, the giggles.  And within a year, the audience got louder in their opinion and would chant, "Go, golda, go golda!" which is a not so kind way of saying, "Go, fatso, go fatso!"  People would tell me it was in jest, "de carino", but having to lock myself in a bathroom and cry was not funny at all.

One day, after a show at Flushing Meadow Park, I was on a park bench crying because the chanting had followed me to almost every show.  A man passed by and said to me, "Yea, baby!  That's how I like 'em: nice and thick!  I like 'em chunky but funky."  I was furious!  Did he not see me crying there?  I was so freaking pissed off, I almost considered quitting my dream of singing.  I wanted to be a singer..I wasn't trying to be a supermodel.  If you have a voice and you can entertain, do you have to be perfect in looks?  Isn't what comes out of my mouth more important than what I put in it?  LOL.  A few weeks later, I was booked to sing at the Palladium in New York City.  It was a HOT 103 concert (before it became HOT 97) and it was an award night.  I had been nominated for best female performer.  I was performing Come Into My Arms that night for the first time.  There I was on that big and famous stage, so many people...and my mother and father were in the audience.  I was so scared. I almost cried before I went on, and thanks to Nayobe, a fellow diva who can sing like nobody's business, she gave me the courage to go on. "Somebody, get her some water, " she demanded.  She looked at me, with her hands on my shoulders, "You listen to me, mama!  You go up there!  This is YOUR night...go do your thing!"  To this day, I still love her always for that gift of courage she gave me.  The lights went down, the song began, I threw my hands out to the side, and before I sang one note, the crowd chanted, "Go Golda, Go, Go Golda!"  I was mortified!  It was bad enough that I had to tolerate it; I didn't want my parents to hear it, God, how embarrassing!!!  I thought of that man, that stranger, who spoke to me in the park.  I asked them to stop the music.

"I wake up every morning, and I look in the mirror and see exactly what you see. I don't try to lie to myself.  I know I'm fat. No one has to tell me. I deal with it every day.  But I'll tell you this:  I MAY BE CHUNKY...(pause)...BUT  I'M FUNKY!!!"  The crowd literally went wild!  I won the award, but I won something else:  the ability to talk to the crowd and take my power back.  The truth was becaue I didn't accept myself, the crowd sensed that weakness and just put it in my face. I had to become my own #1 fan! The next day the deejays were talking about it all day on the air, and to this day it's become my most famous quote, helping me represent plus-size women everywhere!  And from time to time, I will say it and it still gets a great response!

So, I'd like to address this blog to Hollywood and the critics on Gabourey Sidibe's back - claiming she will never make it if she doesn't lose weight:  Everyone has a monkey on their back they have to deal with.  For some it is alcohol, for some it is drugs, for some it is sex, and for some it is food...I think these "critics" are people who feel so lousy about themselves, they cannot wait to find fault with people and purposely try to steal their spotlight.  Give Sidibe a break!  Get off her back!....if you don't want to support her, DON'T...don't hire her, don't go to her movies, but SHAME ON YOU, for judging her...she's so young for God's sake!! Are you trying to break her spirit??  Did you not see her performance in Precious!!!  She deserved to be nominated, and she deserves to pursue more acting...all my life I was hoping to see a plus size woman be THE star in a movie, and not only has it happened, she was brilliant!

Gabourey, I pray my blog gets to you...know how many of us are praying for you, are routing for you and your success.  I pray that you don't allow these ugly people to take you down, don't let them get you, girl!  You do you!  You want to lose weight, go for it...but do it for you.  And if you don't want to, don't. Never, never lose weight for anyone! No matter what, I see your beauty...I see your beauty the way I hoped someone saw mine when I was 16!  I love you, and I SEE YOU!  Go prove them all wrong...and if you don't make it, you are now and always be a hero to me.

PS:  I'm still a plus sized woman.  And although I have never won a grammy, I have had two albums, countless singles, I've had MANY pictures and videos taken of me, I was a plus size model, and I still am a recording artist of TWENTY-THREE gorgeous years, and a radio personality in NYC for THIRTEEN years!  I am still here.....Que Viva Chunky but Funky women everywhere!  We are all deserving of love.  Okay, I'll shut up now.                              

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Can Do "Stupid" All By Myself!

So I'm at the station today, and for some reason, like any other human being I was just having a rough time. I made silly errors. First mistake:  A song was ending, and all I have to do is hit the button to play the next song.  I hit the button hard, but I missed and broke a nail at the skin!  OUCH!  Now the song was one or two seconds late, which according to Radioland is NOT good.  Second mistake:  I studdered more than once.  Everyone trips over their words, but a radio DJ?  It is not considered cool.  A good radio personality speaks with conviction, quickly and concisely...That was the LEAST of my problems, ready?

I complete my shift, and get outside to where it seems the rain refuses to die.  I start the car, place my purse on the side, put my cell phone in its holder, pop the trunk to put my headphones away, and I get out of the car. 

Here's where I did "Stupid" all by myself:  I leave the door wide open, and the wind thinks to itself, "You know what would be funny?" The wind blows hard.  So hard, my door closes shut!  The door is locked with the car running, the keys inside with my purse and cell phone...all without ME!!  


I try opening the car several times, willing it open, thinking if I just keep trying it will magically open.  It's just like when we lose something...George Carlin, the late great comedian, said in his act that when we lose things we keep searching the same spot over and over again, as if it will magically reappear.

I would LOVE to call for help, but my cell phone is inside my car! Thank God for the security guard who made a call for me.  Thirty minutes later, after what was supposed to have been 10 minutes, the locksmith appears in an Hungarian accent.  He smiles, and before he opens the car...he KNOWS he has the power.  He tells me:  "Miss, this gonna be $75."  Sure, that's not a problem, but wait, there's more!!! "Miss, and another $125 to open it."  WHAAAT?!  Then he turns the knife into my back even harder:  "Miss, we take cash's weekend, we charge double."  Yeah..right...I'm sure.  He's lucky I was wet and cold - otherwise I would've truly gone Bronx Puerto Rican on him, if you know what I mean.  In other words, he would've been giving me $200 in cash when I was done with him.

Well, I'm home now.  I guess that's all that counts!  We all do it.  We leave the iron on...we can't remember if we locked the door...and yes, we even lock ourselves out. It's not a life-altering blog today, people, just wanted to check in and reassure you how human I am!!!



I'm sorry... Did I do something wrong in a past life?  Did I rub someone the wrong way centuries ago?  Was I a player in another era of humankind??  Read on.

So I'm at a wedding I was invited too, and I was having a great time. I was dancing to Pitbull, "...we got the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn..." I had finished singing a few minutes beforehand, my gift to the couple.  Although I was told I didn't have to sing, I can see it in their eyes; they're secretly hoping, willing it to happen anyway.  When on stage I commented, "Although I was told to just be a guest, that I didn't have to sing, that's like inviting the Pope to the ceremony and telling him he doesn't have to give a blessing, lol!"  Okay, so back to the dancing...

So I have just the right amount of perspiration glistening down my back, and I sit to eat.  I cut the first piece of salmon, and just as my salivary glands are activated, "Judy, don't mean to bother you, but can you please take a picture with me?"  I will never say no, so the salmon will have to wait.  I'm taking picture after picture, and suddenly...

There's a man! With a pulse!!!

A good looking, mature, well-dressed (I know it's a wedding), handsome, well-spoken man right behind me, and to my surprise he initiates contact.  At first I thought he was being a fan, but as the conversation progressed, I sensed something else.  He had intense eyes, a lovely voice, and a presence to kill for.  Intense.  Yes, that's the word. He complimented me, "You are a beautiful woman...why never married?...stunning..." More words were exchanged so I said, "Umm...are you flattering me? " "Yes," he smiled.  "Are you flirting with me?'  "Absolutely," he added.  Oh s*&^t!!  Wow.  He was around my age, and yet he had a vibrant youth to him...yep, I'm drawn - I'm attracted.  And then I look down.


So I had another show that same night, where I bumped into a handsome man whom I have been atrracted to for years, but never confessed it.  We'll call him Lee. Lee and I somewhat flirted mildly, and then he admitted to me that he'd shown interest in the past before, but I didn't entertain it.  Hm, as I thought about it, I realized it was because I was in a relationship at the tiime.  Anyway, long story short, we spent almost 3 hours in deep conversation, and it was a GREAT conversation.  I'm not just talking about the type of conversation where you both know you're attracted, so you're not really're just wondering if he'll kiss you or not.  Not that type.  It was a conversation full of a variety of intelligent topics, seasoned with laughter and sweet smiles.  Just as I ask him, "So, since you value honesty...what's your story?"  "Meaning?" he asks.  "Meaning, do you have a girlfriend?"  And then he responds in a  silent pause...Yep, he has a girlfriend!  I hate those bittersweet feelings of what-ifs, and darn, if only, etc.  I can honestly say she's a damned lucky girl, and I hope she notices!  LOL

You may think it a random occurence, however, I have to be honest and say this happens to me a LOT!!!  Is there a sign on my back that says,"Stupid...Married men, taken men, come hither?"  I mean, really!!!

So, let's turn the lemons into lemonade:  Two men were interested in one night - my ego was mildly stroked.  I had a chance to discuss politics, religion and there was no blood shed.  I talked about reading, books, life, relationships and I didn't have to fight octopus hands.  I found a friend, I think, with whom I exhanged sincere smiles. I got to bring the salmon home.  I laughed in the ferocious rain, AND I felt my first blush of spring...on my cheeks!

So if there is such a thing as a past life, and I did indeed really hurt a lot of people, I now, duly apologize.  I'm sorry, Lo siento!!  LOL...ah, what can you do?  


Monday, March 8, 2010

Taking A Step Back - Retreat! My Affection For Native American Anything

I have a kind of lifestyle that demands action from me all the time.  It suggests that wasted time produces regrets, loss of opportunities, loss of even if there's nothing to do, there is always something to do.  But when I woke up today, something felt off; something felt different; something felt wrong.  I went to a doctor's appointment, but when I got home, I couldn't move.  I felt down.  Don't really know why.  I also felt like something's missing, and although I could've written a hit song, or practiced voice, I was stopped in my tracks with a sadness. 

Disgusted, I put my sneakers on, and thank God, it was a GREAT Spring-like day outside.  So I took advantage, and went speed-walking with my trusty i-pod.  I walked rapidly, hoping the endorphins would kick in so I could feel some relief.  It took 35 minutes, before the "joy" kicked in, but it did.  I went home, drank a glass of water.  Oprah was on.  I love Oprah, just love her, but wasn't in the mood...what's wrong with me??  Ugh!!

That's when I put on some Native American music - aha - that's something a lot of people don't know about me:  I love Native American EVERYTHING.  I love the music, the clothes, the white sage, the jewelry, the wisdom, their spiritualtiy and especially their respect for all living things and how they never take anything for granted.  Native American tradition demands a demeanor of gratitude and prayer.  I feel a strange affinity to them.  I am angry that they were forced out of their own homeland, forced to walk miles where their own children died.  The early settlers here tried to annihilate their religion, their language, their traditions...they forced them onto what is known today as reservations.  But all in all, they are still here.  I admire them...and if there is such a thing as a past life, I was definitely one of them!  I think I was with the braids and everything, lol.  I think I may have been a medicine woman...hey, what can I say! I have an awesome imagination.

Anyway, I played the music, lit some candles, did what is called smudging...that's when you take herbs (I personally like white sage) and light it in a shell and it acts as an incense.  Native Americans believe it is cleansing and releases anything negative...I love how it smells and it strangely has a calming effect on me.  I began to pray, pray and pray some more.  There were tears, for I've been worried about what may happen to my career one day...I know people reading will feel I have no reason to worry, but trust me, lol, this career has no 401K plan, or medical insurance, or any guaranteed of a pension.  Although I have already made financial preparations for that day when and if it comes, I still don't want to do anything other than sing and be a personality on NY radio!  So, I just let it out...I allowed myself to stop and cry.  Whenever you hold back tears, tears have a weird way of duplicating faster and they fight you to make an let them out.  And I did.

Then after 20 minutes or so of prayer, calm...I took a mini retreat.  I didn't go anywhere, but I took a retreat from within.  I stopped the inner chatter, and then I felt an urge to just lie down.  So I did, face up, and did nothing, but meditate.  When I was done, I felt like the message was "Just trust that I'm taking care of you.  Stop worrying about the future, I got your back.  Great things will come for you, if you just ask and believe and then you have to be wiling to do the work and pay it forward..."  I may have lost fans who read this, lol, thinking, what the hell is up with Judy?   LOL...but it is the truth.  This is how I keep from losing my mind.  I pray.  I also thought about going back to Sedona, Arizona.  I went there alone last year for my birthday, and it proved to be the best gift I'd ever given myself.  I want to go back and see the red rock landscape, breathe that clean air, climb the canyons, taste their food...oh, it is literally bliss.  Yea, I have to go back very soon!

So sometimes to feel better, you just have to take a step back, and retreat.  Retreat doesn't mean defeat - it means simply that you need to regenerate, recouperate and refill your own fuel...You can't give what you do not have. And by the way, I did finally see Oprah!  And it was great!                  

Sunday, March 7, 2010

And The Oscar Goes To?

It's going to be an exciting Oscar night.  I'm sure it will be full of are my picks, you may or may not agree:

Best Picture:  AVATAR, because, my God, it was just visually stunning.  It took 5 years to complete...that's what I call having a vision and seeing it through!!!  James Cameron beat his own record for the hightest grossing movie of all time!  It is also a movie that involved many issues including how we treat the environment, romance outside of our own race, spirituality, forgiveness and recognizes that throughout history we have "invaded" other's countries and destroyed life along the way!  If Avatar does not win, my second pick is PRECIOUS!

Best Supporting Actor:  Stanley Tucci.  Someone PLEEEASSE recognize what a GREAT actor he is.  He has an uncanny talent of transforming into always different and unique characters in all his movies. Most of the time it takes a minute before you catch yourself saying, "Oh!  That's Stanley Tucci??  Wow!"  I saw him both in Julie and Julia and The Lovely Bones..come on....just give it to the guy!!  My second pick is Woody Harrelson, another unrecognized great actor.

Best Supporting Actress:  Um, Hellooooo!  Mo'Nique.  She won the oscar at her first line in Precious!  She is a survivor, a fighter, and she's been through so much.  No, no one should win becuase they've overcome obstacles, but did you see her raw talent?  Not anyone could have pulled off the angst of a dysfunctional abusor and find the truth withihn that kind of soul.  My second pick is Penelope Cruz. She just lights up the screen everytime.

Best Actor:  Ooh, this is a hard one.I'm almost certain Jeff Bridges will get it, and that won't bother me.  I know he's been in the game, unrecognized, for a long time. I would choose Colin Firth, as this is a stretch for him, so unlike all his other roles, but give it to Jeff...he sings in it too?!  Can you blame me?  LOL

And here's what everyone is talking about:
Best Actress:  There is a part of me that hopes Sandra Bullock gets it. Must every "best actress"  have mascara bleeding down her face? Must they all be scared and in the midst of heightened stress?  Maybe not. Sandra is so natural and sometimes because of that she is underestimated.  But I have to admit, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Merryl Streep!  She was phenomenal in Julie and Julia - just literally transformed herself.  Then there is brand-spanking new to the acting world, Gabony Sidibe in Precious!  Wow...what a performance for someone so young.  This movie was absolutely difficult to watch.  You could FEEL her pain right through the screen.  It is not easy to portray someone who's had such an ongoing history of incest and abuse.  She gave a voice to all those young ladies who don't have one.  Besides, she's chunky and funky just like me...I gotta have my girl's back! And Helen Mirren - I see all of her movies!  I just love her....that simple.  Oh!  My pick?  LOL...I have no idea...I'll be happy for any of these four!  But if you twist my arm, I'll route for Sandra...I hate all the negative press she's getting; calling her untalented...I hate haters!

I know everyone cares about what they're wearing and who's designed the gowns, but I just care about who holds the award and that they have that one surreal moment that changes their careers forever!  Good luck to all!           

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Bachelor - DANGER OR SAFETY?

So I confess.  I was one of the many who watched the finale of The Bachelor.  Call it a guilty pleasure or an absolute mind-numbing event to escape reality, but I watched it.  Truth is, of all The Bachelors, Jake has been my favorite.  It's not just his looks...I don't think I've ever dated a blonde pilot, who rides a motorcycle with washboard abs, lol, but he has what I haven't seen on reality in a long time:  integrity.  And I want to reveal this:  I loved a man named Jake once myself.  It didn't last very long, but he was a GOOD man with integrity, character and charisma.  I wonder from time to time where he may be.  I wonder if he's found happiness, or if he finally married and has a gorgeous kid now.  But enough...I passed him up once.  I wasn't ready at the time, as I met him when I was still grieving a breakup.  Didn't want him to be the rebound guy. I knew he deserved better than that.  There I go, drifting again.  LOL

So Jake needed to choose between Tenley and Vienna.  Tenley is beautiful, well-grounded, polite, attentive, expressive, and she got along with Jake's family...Tenley - safe!  Vienna is beautiful, well-grounded, polite, attentive, a little less secure, a little guarded with Jake's family...Vienna - dangerous!  Who did Jake choose?  Vienna!  Normally we women get accused of choosing the "bad" boy, but here the tables are turned.  Jake is a good guy.  He chose the girl everyone disliked.  He chose to go against the current of what was popular. But although I really thought Tenley was a more stable choice, I am unable to judge Jake's decision.

Whether Jake's family accepted Vienna as easily as they did Tenley is not the issue.  Yes, life is easier when your family approves of your mate, however, it is Jake's ultimate decision.  Although Vienna is quite young, and at times comes across quite innocent and naive, I believe her feelings for him are genuine.  At the end of the day, they felt something that Jake did not feel with Tenley - CHEMISTRY.  Who knows what is is that ultimately makes us choose who we do, but it's either there or not.  Chemistry is the mystery.  We love mystery.  I think at the end of the day, some dark secret part of our soul needs to learn lessons about ourselves.  We can only really learn that when someone in our life challenges us.  And I think Vienna will somehow bring passion, chemistry and challenge to him.  I also think that Vienna's slight, demure insecurity brought about an innocence that stirred up in Jake what all men want to feel. 

All men need to feel like a real man - they need to feel a woman NEEDS them to PROTECT them.  That is what was missing with Tenley. Oh, yes, and I seem to be leaving out the obvious:  Men are visual, they MUST feel the sexual energy and Jake and Vienna had that from the word GO.  Agree?  Disagree?  Let me know .

I trust Jake's judgment.  What will be will be, and tonight I pray for Tenley as in my life, I've been a "Tenley" and was not chosen because some cute girl did not have my same strength, lol lol.  Good luck to all!  Congtatulations, Jake!  LOL...did I really watch The Bachelor...Again???