Digging Out My Car; Digging Up the Feelings

I woke up to find I was sicker than I'd been for the last two weeks.  I recently found out I have polyps in my sinuses, and they need to be removed.  Until then, I will have recurring sinus infections.  With my head foggy, and my skin on fire, I fought to get up. I really dreaded the thought of having to go downstairs, walk into the cold and dig my car out from the 8or so inches of snow. 

Although I was bundled up with gloves, hat, hood, scarves. Yes, I must be very sick, becausue none of them match.  God!  Thank God I'm not Lady Gaga or Jennifer Lopez; otherwise the papparazzi would have a field day.Tomorrow's Headlines would read, "Judy finally gives us a reason to cry!"  Anyway, with shovel in hand I began to dig for my treasure of a car.  So many men pass by...they see me chopping ice.  I wish one would ask if I need help.  Wishful thinking indeed - chivalry is almost dead, at least on my block, lol. 

An hour and fifteen minutes later, I walk away from my car glistening from the fresh snow removed.  I look back with pride.  But as I get to my home, I can barely walk because my chest hurts, my head is foggy, and my eyesight sees dimly from the sun looking at them for so long.  It is then I go to the bathroom and take my temperature.  Yep - fever 99.3.  I called the pharmacy and asked if they deliver.  They do, but they only accept cash.  My wallet laughs at me..."Ha, ha $7.60..."  That feeling returned again - the one I always try to push down, but somehow when I dug out the car I dug up the feeling:  "I wish I had someone."

Then I begin playing the IF GAME in my mind:  If I had a boyfriend, he could've helped me remove the snow from my car.  If I had a boyfriend, I could ask him to do me a favor and pick up my prescription.  Okay, let me stop.  So I put my coat back on with my non matching outerwear accessories, and begin walking. Block 1:   If I had a boyfriend, maybe he would make me soup.  Block 2:  If I had a boyfriend, maybe he'd demand I go lie down.  Block 3:If I had a...Aw, NO!!!  I walked three blocks, and I forgot my stupid wallet!!!  Damn...you, see?  If I had a boyfriend, etc.  My friends don't even live close by for me to ask them.  In all honesty, sometimes I just get tired of doing it all on my own.  Maybe it's a blessing and I don't even know it.  But for now...these small situations just remind me of what I push down...the occassional but profound sense of wanting someone by my side.