Looks like my career may be at a crossroads for the first time in a LONG time. The next blog will most likely be called "Changes"...major changes it looks like. But I don't want to blog about it, until I have certain questions answered. If I don't have the answers, I surely will not be able to answer the ones you'll be left with as well. But...but...but...my career is GREAT nonetheless and I'm excited to see new things develop, and very curious to see how I will be proactive about things in my life!
So the Quiet One and I went out on another date. We were invited to one of his friend's barbeque. We arrived and the sun was BLAZING!! It can always be a little awkward when you go to a party not knowing a soul. The tendency is to cling on to the date who brought you there in the first place. But thankfully, I am normally a bit of a social ladybug, and I enjoy breaking the ice.
At the backyard barbeque there were about twelve people or so, and you could tell that everyone knew everyone else. I began introducing myself to everyone and gave the hostess orchids - orchids last 2-3 weeks longer than a bouquet of roses, and are exotic too...nice!! I ate right away because I hadn't eaten since the morning, and we all began to make small talk. For the most part, everyone's eyes were sincere, and I was VERY grateful that no one treated me like "Judy Torres"...but there was one young woman there who gave me a strange "vibe"' not a bad, catty one, just a vibe.
As the day progressed, I played a little psychology game that I learned in college, and I find it to be a GREAT way to have people laugh, especially in party situations. I did discover later on, that the woman who gave me the strange vibe actually has had a crush on the Quiet One for many years. I can't blame her, if I just kew him as a friend, I'd have a crush on him too. After a few hours, I began to get a headache, and I think it was due to lack of sleep and too much sun beating my brow! So, we left and when Quiet One walked me upstairs, he noticed how warm it was in my apartment - yes, he came in, lol. You naughty-minded people, it wasn't like that. Anyway, he asked me about my air conditioner.
Ah, that one little thing I had been procrastinating about. Last year I purchased an air conditioner large enough to cool off my entire home, and it took three men to install it for me. For obvious reasons, I could not possibly put it back into the window alone. He asked to see it, so I placed the air conditioner on a towel and dragged it to him. Yes, I know, I know...it is a ghetto thing to do, but hey, it was remarkably heavy and I didn't want him going into that room, lol.
So I helped him lift it to the window sill, and he told me he'd handle it from there. And handle it, he did!!! I watched him not just install it, but he was quite the perfectionist about it. It was more than heavy, and it was SO hot. The beads of sweat began to trickle down his forehead and down his back, and I watched as he meticulously placed, and pushed until it was perfectly set. He screwed it in (pun intended - just to make you smile & NO it's not what you think) - But hey, I am human...I do have my own thoughts and fantasies...a girl can dream, right? I thanked him profusely. It was wonderful and such a relief to know that I didn't have to sleep one more night in humidity.
Fastforward one week later...
The Quiet One heard me complaining about my printer. I told him I needed to get it fixed. Of course he wanted to take a look at it. And of course, I didn't fight him about it either. He was on the floor, removing parts of the printer, getting black ink on his hands...and not even 10 minutes later, he said, "Okay, print something." And I heard the musical sounds of the printer telling me it was back in business.
Yes, yes, I know...it sounds all so simple. To you, perhaps you may think 'that's what a man is SUPPOSED to do', but to me, first of all never take anything for granted, and secondly, I live alone. Anything and everything that needs to be repaired, replaced, purchased, lifted, put away, etc..is always up to me. And it has been hard. I've lived on my own since I was 19. I'm 43. You do the math...it's been a long road, lol.
Dating the Quiet One has made me rethink so many things about my life, what my ideas about dating are. Dating him has made me wonder if I've been a bit wrong about what I thought I needed versus what I really need. I've looked back and thought of the men in my past - the dazzling smiles, the suits, their charisma...yes, it was all good looking and loud...but for the most part, it was fake. It was temporary. It was only for show. It was only so they could gain what they wanted. Yes, we all put our best feet forward in relationships, but how much of it is essentially who we really are.
Watching the Quiet One put up my air conditioner and repair my printer has been a real eye opener. He's made me see that all I really want in a man is for him to CARE about what I NEED to be happy. And I'm not high maintenance...if I want a purse, I'll buy a purse. If I want shoes, I'll buy shoes...I need a man to LOVE me, to ADORE me, to LIFT me up...I need to feel like someone's favorite person. That's it. And so far, the Quiet One does that for me. He's got a gorgeous smile that is so freaking sincere, even if you smacked it off him, it would still be there. His eyes are genuinely sweet, his voice is soothing and he's just a real guy. I think of Sex and the City..and I think of when Carrie was dating Aiden, the furniture designer. He was handsome, sweet, sincere...he was a relationship guy. He allowed Carrie to be her ritzy self, but he never tried too hard...he just was there, ready to love her. Okay, let me stop...I feel like going to On Demand and watching a few episodes.
You know when you have something wrong with your home...something very small and because it's not major, you allow the problem to continue? You know that little stain on the carpet, or that small crack inte ceiling. Well, I have had a little problem with my bathroom door not closing all the way. Since I live alone, it's not a big deal, right? But when people come over, suddenly I remember, damn, I gotta get that fixed. Well, The Quiet One obviously noticed this and two days ago, he came over - tools and all....sexy!!...and fixed my door. I went inside and closed the door. And I had tears in my eyes. I know, I know...I'm a sensitive one, I really am, but wow...that door was an issue for a LONG time.
We've been dating just over a month now. The Quiet One has stepped into my life and put up my air conditioner, fixed my printer and repaired my door...he's also made me feel special and seems to be fixing my ideas of what I'd want in a partner. He is GREAT with his hands...watching a man fix something is very very sexy! What can I say? Oh, have I mentioned he's a great kisser. He lets me be me. The Quiet One is the first man I've worn the least amount of make up with. He says I am sexy no matter what I wear, make up or no make up. I hope he really means that because there are mornings I wake up looking like some indigenous creature raised in the jungle, Unga Unga!! So, if you're single, take a second look at what you THINK you want and ask what it is you NEED...you may find your answers VERY surprising! Hm...is there anything else I can find that needs fixing?? LOL...Thank you, Quiet One...you've been such a blessing!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
THE QUIET ONE TURNS OUT TO BE THE YOUNGER ONE
Lots of wonderful things happening in my life lately. Last week we announced the arrival of my newborn niece, Kassidy! I was offered a role in My Big Gay Italian Wedding, which I am SO excited about because theater is a secret passion of mine that not too many know about! The role literally landed on my lap, thanks to Kim Sozzi...don't know what she said, but I think she's a little angel in my life. And the song I recorded with Tony Moran, I Wanna Spend My Lifetime Loving You, is just about ready for release....and looks like the Quiet One is also a gift.
It was Memorial Day Weekend, and he asked me out on a date for Saturday. He showed up with a very pretty bouquet of flowers (that's a sweet, gentleman thing right there, and they are still alive today!) I let him know that I generally am the type of person who loves doing new things, trying new things, and I love nature. It was a gorgeous weekend...and so when he came to pick me up, we decided to drive to "my cliff". It's not really mine, but it sure feels like it. It's a small scenic view on the Palisade Parkway...but if you are willing to walk far enough, you can literally walk to the edge of a cliff...it's my favorite spot in the world. It allows me to feel like I went somewhere, even when I can't afford the time for a vacation. I love the beautiful view of the Hudson River, the height of the cliff and I love that if I go at the right time - I can see the hawks scout their last meal of the day.
So the Quiet One and I stood on the cliff and talked literally for a few hours...originally I thought we'd walk the trail, but it seemed pretty natural to stay there...and that's the most striking thing about him...he's very easy going and it feels natural to just "be" with him. We brought a couple of slices of pizza with us and found a rock because when we first arrived there was a couple there using my cliff to work out an issue in their relationship. I figured I'd let them borrow my cliff. Once they left, it was literally ours and ours alone...not one human showed up for hours, and when they did, it was just to take a photo and they were gone as quickly as they'd shown up. We talked about our past relationships, our mistakes, our desires...and he'd told me about some unfinished business in his life. Unfinished business can really make it difficult for a relationship to really have a chance. So we decided we'd take things slow...slow is always good. If you go too fast, you miss the details.
Afterward, we decided to go to the movies and saw the Hangover II. It was the first time I had heard him laugh out loud, and I loved listening. Laughing is a release, it's letting it all out...and listening to him laugh was adorably cute. I found myself laughing out loud pretty hard myself, and I realized it had been ages since I'd seen a comedy. I am a drama-suspense-Oscar Nominated-movie kind of girl, lol. We held hands the entire time, and he was stroking my knee. Normally that would irritate the crap out of me, but it was wonderful. In fact so wonderful that I had to have him stop, Too soon for those kind of feelings.
We ended the evening with dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and I have to say that the Quiet One has wonderful and intelligent things to say. He's not so quiet. I guess he was right when he said he is only quiet when first getting to know someone. I really love the tone in his voice...it's very soothing, and he's got the most innocent smile. And you know in every relationship there will always be a challenge, right? Okay here's our issue... Correction. Here's MY issue.
I asked him, "By the way, how old are you?"
"Why? How old are you?"
I told him I was 54...and he was silent for a second and then I laughed. I thought if I said 54 first and then told him the truth that I was 42, it wouldn't hurt so much, lol.
I'm older than he is.
He's younger than I am.
Ah the age old question: "Is it okay for an older woman to date a younger man?" As long as he's of legal age, the answer is simple...YES. It is just fine. However, because I'm in this wonderful music business that is forever trying to tell me that I'm old, ancient...no longer marketable, etc...my age is, well, on my mind. If a man is older than a woman, no one even thinks to say anything about it. But if it is a woman dating a younger man, well, heads will turn! And before she can even speak, she's being called a cougar. I know your question: Well how big of an age difference are we talking about here? Okay. Ready? 12 years - I am 12 years his senior. (No pun intended). 12 years older than him. I have 12 years more life experience, 624 weeks, 4,380 days older than him. So, does it bother me? If I were 35, perhaps not. But I'm 42, turning 43 on June 13th...does he realize how older I am? I just found my first gray hair on the left side of my head a few months ago, and I had NO NO NO NO idea that the pubic hair can go gray too!!! OH MY GOD!! Whyyyyyy????!!!!
We had a long discussion about it. I told him that in a few years I will be menopausal...as in hot flashes, vaginal dryness etc...I will not be able to bear children....and that eventually my boobs are going to give in to gravity...does he realize what he's signing up for? In addition to that, because I have multiple sclerosis, I would have to plan having a child if that's what we wanted to do. And then it really hit me. Holy crap!! He's the same age as my youngest brother...he could date my sister!!! Oh, I need to sit down!! What was his answer? "Your sister is not you!" The Quiet One insisted that he does not care at all about the age difference. I informed him that I don't have a problem with him being younger than me; I have a problem with me being older than him. I also told him that if this were to become serious, I'm looking for the one...not Mr. Right Now. I told him that I don't want to worry about pressure to look younger to ensure that he won't have some torrid affair with a younger woman years down the line. He just laughed at me. Yea, I'm sure I sounded pretty ridiculous, but those are my genuine concerns.
He walked me to my door. He told me that he thinks Im' beautiful, sexy. He told me he doesn't care about my age. I should mention that he is divorced with children...so in that aspect he has more life experience on me, lol. The Quiet One also told me that he feels there could be something very special here, and he's okay with the age difference. He said he wants to be with a woman who will make him happy...and he kissed me. And it was wonderful...very wonderful. Too wonderful. Whoo. Okay, stop. Good night. The Quiet One is a wonderful date...and a good kisser!! And I seem to have "Demi-Moore-itis!"
It was Memorial Day Weekend, and he asked me out on a date for Saturday. He showed up with a very pretty bouquet of flowers (that's a sweet, gentleman thing right there, and they are still alive today!) I let him know that I generally am the type of person who loves doing new things, trying new things, and I love nature. It was a gorgeous weekend...and so when he came to pick me up, we decided to drive to "my cliff". It's not really mine, but it sure feels like it. It's a small scenic view on the Palisade Parkway...but if you are willing to walk far enough, you can literally walk to the edge of a cliff...it's my favorite spot in the world. It allows me to feel like I went somewhere, even when I can't afford the time for a vacation. I love the beautiful view of the Hudson River, the height of the cliff and I love that if I go at the right time - I can see the hawks scout their last meal of the day.
So the Quiet One and I stood on the cliff and talked literally for a few hours...originally I thought we'd walk the trail, but it seemed pretty natural to stay there...and that's the most striking thing about him...he's very easy going and it feels natural to just "be" with him. We brought a couple of slices of pizza with us and found a rock because when we first arrived there was a couple there using my cliff to work out an issue in their relationship. I figured I'd let them borrow my cliff. Once they left, it was literally ours and ours alone...not one human showed up for hours, and when they did, it was just to take a photo and they were gone as quickly as they'd shown up. We talked about our past relationships, our mistakes, our desires...and he'd told me about some unfinished business in his life. Unfinished business can really make it difficult for a relationship to really have a chance. So we decided we'd take things slow...slow is always good. If you go too fast, you miss the details.
Afterward, we decided to go to the movies and saw the Hangover II. It was the first time I had heard him laugh out loud, and I loved listening. Laughing is a release, it's letting it all out...and listening to him laugh was adorably cute. I found myself laughing out loud pretty hard myself, and I realized it had been ages since I'd seen a comedy. I am a drama-suspense-Oscar Nominated-movie kind of girl, lol. We held hands the entire time, and he was stroking my knee. Normally that would irritate the crap out of me, but it was wonderful. In fact so wonderful that I had to have him stop, Too soon for those kind of feelings.
We ended the evening with dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and I have to say that the Quiet One has wonderful and intelligent things to say. He's not so quiet. I guess he was right when he said he is only quiet when first getting to know someone. I really love the tone in his voice...it's very soothing, and he's got the most innocent smile. And you know in every relationship there will always be a challenge, right? Okay here's our issue... Correction. Here's MY issue.
I asked him, "By the way, how old are you?"
"Why? How old are you?"
I told him I was 54...and he was silent for a second and then I laughed. I thought if I said 54 first and then told him the truth that I was 42, it wouldn't hurt so much, lol.
I'm older than he is.
He's younger than I am.
Ah the age old question: "Is it okay for an older woman to date a younger man?" As long as he's of legal age, the answer is simple...YES. It is just fine. However, because I'm in this wonderful music business that is forever trying to tell me that I'm old, ancient...no longer marketable, etc...my age is, well, on my mind. If a man is older than a woman, no one even thinks to say anything about it. But if it is a woman dating a younger man, well, heads will turn! And before she can even speak, she's being called a cougar. I know your question: Well how big of an age difference are we talking about here? Okay. Ready? 12 years - I am 12 years his senior. (No pun intended). 12 years older than him. I have 12 years more life experience, 624 weeks, 4,380 days older than him. So, does it bother me? If I were 35, perhaps not. But I'm 42, turning 43 on June 13th...does he realize how older I am? I just found my first gray hair on the left side of my head a few months ago, and I had NO NO NO NO idea that the pubic hair can go gray too!!! OH MY GOD!! Whyyyyyy????!!!!
We had a long discussion about it. I told him that in a few years I will be menopausal...as in hot flashes, vaginal dryness etc...I will not be able to bear children....and that eventually my boobs are going to give in to gravity...does he realize what he's signing up for? In addition to that, because I have multiple sclerosis, I would have to plan having a child if that's what we wanted to do. And then it really hit me. Holy crap!! He's the same age as my youngest brother...he could date my sister!!! Oh, I need to sit down!! What was his answer? "Your sister is not you!" The Quiet One insisted that he does not care at all about the age difference. I informed him that I don't have a problem with him being younger than me; I have a problem with me being older than him. I also told him that if this were to become serious, I'm looking for the one...not Mr. Right Now. I told him that I don't want to worry about pressure to look younger to ensure that he won't have some torrid affair with a younger woman years down the line. He just laughed at me. Yea, I'm sure I sounded pretty ridiculous, but those are my genuine concerns.
He walked me to my door. He told me that he thinks Im' beautiful, sexy. He told me he doesn't care about my age. I should mention that he is divorced with children...so in that aspect he has more life experience on me, lol. The Quiet One also told me that he feels there could be something very special here, and he's okay with the age difference. He said he wants to be with a woman who will make him happy...and he kissed me. And it was wonderful...very wonderful. Too wonderful. Whoo. Okay, stop. Good night. The Quiet One is a wonderful date...and a good kisser!! And I seem to have "Demi-Moore-itis!"
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